Beautiful Goodbye (21 page)

"Mom, you know
how I feel about doctors. I'm actually starting to feel
better."

"This isn't
just about you being sick, Gage told me about that boy,
Larkin."

I rolled my
eyes. "I'm not sure what he told you, there isn't anything to tell.
We dated for a while then I ended it."

"Not exactly
what Gage told me."

"Mom, don't.
Ok? I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok, honey.
When you’re ready, I'm here."

Forcing a
smile I said through clinched teeth, “Mom, drop it. There is
nothing to tell.”

“
If you say so sweetie, just promise me you will see the
doctor if you’re not better by Monday,” my mom spoke through a half
smile.

The rest of
the day was spent curled up on the couch with Dollie, my family,
and Gage’s family watching football.

When Saturday
rolled around I was feeling pretty good, well health wise anyway. I
really didn’t want to see Larkin or have to watch the entire game
looking for the number twenty-one.

There was a
knock on the door before Sadie, Libby, and Megan busted through and
Sadie was yelling, “Let’s go hoe.”

Leave it to
Sadie to put a smile on my face. “Ready.”

Walking into
the stadium and seeing Larkin’s jersey everywhere made me want to
turn and run but I couldn’t do that to Gage. This was the biggest
game of the year and I wanted to support him. Taking a deep breath
I plastered on a smile and followed the girls to our seats. Of
course we were right behind the boys and wouldn’t you know it,
Larkin was standing directly in front of me. God dammit to hell!
Attempting to look everywhere but at him I glanced around the
stadium then looked for Gage, Trent, Jinx, and Tyler. When Gage and
I made eye contact I gave him a thumbs up, earning me a
smile.

When the game
started I didn’t want to cheer for Larkin but by the second quarter
I found myself screaming and yelling for him. I told myself it was
ok since it was the Ohio State, Michigan game but I knew I was
yelling because I wanted him to do good, because I loved him.
Dammit.

CHAPTER 22

Classes had
resumed and I was still not feeling great on some days. I shoved it
aside and was determined to finish the semester. Since Gage was
already talking serious with the New York Jets I was looking into
switching schools and going to NYU. New York was the perfect mecca
of what I wanted to do. I always wanted to be in advertising, what
better place than New York City?

I only saw
Larkin a few times and luckily I saw him before he saw me. I was
afraid if he saw me he would try to talk to me and I wasn't ready
for that. I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready for that. Every
time I saw him my heart would race and my stomach would twist, but
I would just turn and walk away. Larkin didn't try to contact me
and as far as I knew he wasn't asking about me. I knew that
shouldn't bother me but it was killing me. Then one night Gage,
Trent, and Jinx were in the living room talking, obviously not
realizing I could hear everything they were saying. Trent mentioned
Larkin had random girls at their apartment numerous nights that
week and how he was getting tired of it. My heart sank.

When December
came around I was slowly feeling better and just in time for my
twentieth birthday. Sadie had made plans for everyone, except
Larkin, to go out for my birthday. She had just found out she was
thirteen weeks pregnant and agreed to be the DD for the night. I
was so excited to get out and start living my life again. I wanted
to put Larkin in my past and go back to having fun.

"Libby, can I
borrow your Lucky jeans, the ones with the lace and rips?" Libby
and I were the same size, only she was a few inches taller which
was perfect for all my heels.

"Of course,
anything for the birthday girl." Libby walked into her closet and
brought her jeans out tossing them at me.

I pulled my
sweatpants down and pulled her jeans up, they wouldn't button. What
the hell? "Lib, are these size four?"

Libby turned
around facing me and said, "Yes, why?"

I had been
wearing sweatpants for weeks and not eating so how the hell had I
gained weight? "These don't fit!"

Libby, Sadie,
and Megan looked around at each other. Sadie was the one who spoke
up, "We didn't want to say anything but judging by my symptoms we
kinda think you’re pregnant."

My face paled,
I knew for a fact there was no way I was pregnant. "No, trust me.
No way in hell."

"Jenna, what
you went through is exactly what I did," Sadie said grabbing my
hand. "I have an extra test that I never took, why don't you take
it just to be sure."

I couldn't
tell them why I knew for a fact that I wasn't pregnant, so I agreed
to pee on the damn stick to shut them up. I stalked into the
bathroom and Sadie rummaged through the bathroom closet before
handing me the test. I felt the lump forming in my throat but I
refused to cry. I would never be pregnant and peeing on this stick
was just a tease but this was my only way to get out of telling
everyone my darkest secret.

Grabbing the
stick from Sadie I shoved it between my legs and let my pee fall. I
sat the stick on the side of the sink and pulled my sweatpants up.
I walked out of the room not wanting to see the negative pop up. I
flung myself onto Libby's bed and waited for Sadie to walk out and
inform me that I would not be a mother.

There was a
loud screeching sound and Sadie running into the room, "Oh my God!
Oh my God! Oh my God! Jenna you’re having a baby! We can be mommies
together!"

I jerked
upright and screeched, "W-what? There is no way!"

Sadie shoved
the test in my face and squealed, "What the hell does that say? It
says positive!"

I grabbed the
test from her and stared at it, I couldn't believe what I was
seeing. How...how could I be pregnant? Shaking my head, I felt my
tears slowly falling, "I um, I think I need to call Gage. I'm not
really sure what to do."

Megan wrapped
her arms around me. "We are all here for you. Larkin's the dad,
isn't he?"

I nodded and
felt more tears spilling over before saying, "I don't want him to
know. This has to stay between us!"

All the girls
agreed to keep my secret, thankfully. I pulled my phone out to text
Gage.

Me:
Need u know! At Libs

Gage: Be there in a few

Gage found me
curled up in Libby's bed twenty minutes later, "Babe, what's
wrong?"

More tears
fell as I choked out, "Gage, I'm pregnant."

"What? But the
doctor told you that you would never be able to have a
baby."

"I know. What
the hell am I going to do? I don't want Larkin to have anything to
do with this baby."

"Jenna, I am
here. I will always be here. I love you and I will love your baby.
We can get through this, I’m not going anywhere." Gage rubbed my
back until I fell asleep.

**********

I called
Saturday morning to make an appointment with the same OB/GYN as
Sadie. I only had to wait three days to hear from the doctor that I
was indeed having a baby and my appointment was the same day as my
birthday, December twelfth. I asked Gage to go with me so I
wouldn't be alone.

My parents
called me Tuesday morning to wish me a happy birthday. I was
waiting until winter break to tell them I was pregnant. I knew they
would support me but telling them over the phone just didn’t seem
right.

Gage and I
went to my appointment and were waiting in the exam room for the
doctor when he asked, "Nervous?"

My hands were
shaking as I looked into Gage's eyes. "Yep."

Gage walked up
beside me and wrapped his arms around me as my tears fell, that’s
how the doctor found us a few minutes later when she
entered.

"Hello, I'm
Dr. Kamp." She shook my hand then Gage's.

"I just looked
at your urine sample you left, and you are pregnant. I am going to
examine you then we will do an ultrasound to see how far along you
are." She looked to Gage then back to me before saying, "Are you ok
with dad being here for the exam?"

I looked to
Gage who shrugged and said, "That's fine."

"Ok honey,
just lay back and put your legs in the stirrups for me."

After the exam
I sat up and Dr. Kamp smiled at me when she said, "You seem to be
around eleven weeks. When was your last period?"

"Honestly, I
don't know. I'm not regular and I was told years ago that I would
never be able to have a baby because of my history."

Dr. Kamp
pulled her eyebrows together and asked, "What happened?"

I told her
about my attack and what I had been told. Dr. Kamp looked through
her papers. "We will want to run more tests and you will be
considered high risk so you will have more appointments than the
average pregnancy but this is something we can monitor. I will also
have your records sent to us so I can read through them and set up
a plan. How about we get an ultrasound now and see your little
baby?"

I let out a
breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Sounds good."

Dr. Kamp
turned the lights off then squeezed cold goo onto my belly and
rubbed around until she found what she was looking for.

Gage was at my
side and holding my hand, he bent over and kissed my temple. "Love
you, babe."

Dr. Kamp broke
in, "Ok, if you look you can see that dark spot in the center, that
is your baby. You’re measuring at eleven weeks, six days. Giving
you the due date of July tenth. And everything looks great, would
you like to hear the heartbeat?"

Gage beat me
to it, "Hell, yes!"

Dr. Kamp
laughed just before the room was filled with a fast paced swooshing
sound. Gage looked down at me with the biggest smile I had ever
seen and said, "That’s our baby."

"Ours," I
nodded.

Dr. Kamp
printed off pictures of my little peanut before we left. I made an
appointment to see her again in two weeks just before we left for
winter break.

When we got
back home all the girls were waiting. I was showing them all my
ultrasounds when Trent, Tyler, and Jinx came in. I tried to hide
them before the guys saw but I wasn't fast enough. Trent
saw.

"Jenna?" Trent
asked in a tight voice.

"Trent
please," I pleaded.

Jinx and Tyler
looked at him when he asked, "What the hell is going on?" Trent was
boring holes in me, "Jenna, is that what I think it is?"

Sadie stood
and demanded, "Trent! Leave her alone and keep your damn mouth
shut!"

Tyler looked
to his girlfriend and asked, "Can someone please tell me what the
fuck is going on?"

I dropped my
head, they were going to find out eventually so I should be the one
to tell them. "I'm pregnant."

The room was
silent as Gage walked in from his room. "Hey guys."

No one looked
at him, all eyes were on me. It didn't take Gage long to figure out
why, he came over and wrapped his arms around me and asked, "You
told them?"

I barely
nodded before Jinx spoke, "Does he know, Jenna?"

I snapped my
eyes to him and bit out, "Fuck no!"

Jinx took a
step back, I had never yelled at him and instantly felt bad. "Look,
I'm sorry but I can't let him back into my life. I have had enough
bad shit in my life. I don't need him adding more. So please, can
you keep this to yourselves?"

Jinx hugged me
and said, "Jenna, you’re like a sister to me and I don’t agree with
this but my mouth is shut. This isn’t my secret to
tell."

"I should have
listened to you from the beginning and never messed with him, but
then I wouldn't have my peanut so I guess it was all worth
it."

Tyler, of
course agreed to keep his mouth shut, adding that Larkin was hardly
around anymore, anyway.

Trent was the
one who had remained quiet. I looked to him, begging him with my
eyes. He let out a long sigh before saying, "You know your secrets
safe with me. Mums the word."

**********

Two weeks
later I was at my appointment with Gage at my side. All the blood
tests had come back normal and another ultrasound confirmed my
peanut was growing like he or she should. I told Dr. Kamp of my
plans to go home for winter break and she told me I needed to see
my old OB/GYN. I was to see my Dr. every two weeks while I was
home. When Gage and I got back to our apartment I called and made
my appointment to see Dr. Faizer.

I was packing
the last of my clothes that still fit when my phone went off
alerting me of a text. Reaching over I ran my thumb across the
screen to unlock it and a text from Larkin popped up.

Larkin: hope you have a safe flight home.

Staring at it
for a moment I felt my heart tightening in my chest. Clinching my
eyes shut I took a few deep breaths before opening them to look at
my phone. I deleted the text then deleted his number. I wanted him
out of my life, for good.