Beautiful Goodbye (25 page)

Walking into
the bathroom we were thankful to find it empty. Sadie looked
apologetic and said "I had no idea if he would actually be here, I
swear if I had known I would have warned you."

"Sadie, this
isn't your fault. I got myself in this mess nothing I can do about
it now. Larkin must have a damn magic stick to get me pregnant.
Stupid man and his stupid magic stick! UGH!" I gripped the edge of
the sink so hard my knuckles were turning white.

Sadie rubbed
my back. "Just take a few deep breaths and calm down, this isn't
good for our little lady. You have to relax."

After a few
minutes I had regained my composure and nodded to Sadie saying,
"Phew. Ok. I'm good to go. Oh fuck! What the hell am I going to do
when I have to waddle out on stage with Gage? Won't it be kind of
odd if his future wife doesn't get up there with him to
celebrate?"

"Shit. You
have to go up there, you’re right. Maybe hide behind his brother or
as soon as you’re at his side pull his jersey over in front of
you?" It came out more of a question than an answer.

"Damn. Damn.
Damn. I will walk up by Dylan then when I get up there I will have
him hold the jersey in front of us. I think that will work." Well
that didn't come out as confident as I wanted. It would have to
work, no other choices.

Sadie hugged
me around our bellies before walking us back out to the
chaos.

"Babe, you ok?
You look like your about to vomit," Gage asked and was at my side
as soon as we were back in the hall.

I didn't want
Gage worried or stressed on his big night, so I plastered on a fake
smile I hoped looked sincere, kissing his cheek I said, "Just a
little hot, a lot of people. But everything is ok now. Let's go
find our seats before this place gets crazier."

Gage studied
my eyes a minute then sighed, he didn't buy my fake smile. I should
have known he wouldn't. He knew me better than I knew myself, but
he let me off the hook and grabbed my hand. "Ok, let's
go."

CHAPTER 27

After finding
our seats Gage introduced me to his agent, Tim Conner. He was a
nice guy and for an older man he looked pretty good. As the others
took their seats the program got underway as cameras zoomed around,
focusing on those men who would be fulfilling their dreams
tonight.

A tall guy
with thinning brown hair took the stage and stepped up to the
podium. He rattled on about football, teams, draft picks blah blah
blah. I mean I like to watch football but to sit and listen to some
middle aged man droan on...not so much. Finally he called the New
York Jets to the stage and the giant clock on the screen started
ticking. My stomach was twisting and butterflies were fluttering
around in my belly. This was Gage's moment. I had to relax, for
him. Let him enjoy this. Grabbing his hand I said, "Love you. I'm
so proud of you."

Gage smiled
down at me. 'Love you too, babe."

"...New York
Jets select Gage Tucker, quarterback. Ohio State
University."

The room
erupted in cheers as a camera was thrust in our faces and Gage
leaned over to kiss me. And hard. And good. On camera, where
everyone in America, ok maybe not everyone but all those who were
watching, could see. Gage turned from me to hug his mom who was in
tears, his dad, Dylan, my parents, Tyler and Sadie, then Jinx. He
went to hug Trent but their bromance won out and Trent kissed him,
a loud slobbery smack on the cheek. Trent and Gage shared a brief
man-hug before he came back to me one more time and lifted me,
actually lifted my chubby butt from the chair and twirled me
around. I had never seen Gage so happy. I couldn't help but giggle
as all those around us cheered. Standing me back on my feet I
leaned up and kissed him again before he made his way to the
stage.

He walked past
some guy who handed him a Jets hat then continued on to his spot
center stage. He took the jersey and held it in front of him for
picture after picture. Finally we all made our way onto the stage.
I made sure to stay tucked behind Dylan until I was next to Gage
and grabbed for his jersey, pulling it in front of my belly. We
posed for more pictures, they seemed endless. Finally after the
madness ensued I ducked behind Dylan again as we made our way off
the stage and back to our seats to watch Tyler, Trent, and
Jinx.

After a few
other picks Jinx was called for the Green Bay Packers and Trent
went to the New Orleans Saints. I was sad to see them go so far
away from where I would be, but I was happy they would be doing
what they loved. I was still hugging Trent as he sat down after his
pick when he leaned into my ear whispering, "Thank you J. No matter
what your special to me and I love you. I'm so glad you’re here
tonight, I wouldn't want anyone else. Even if you’re not my date
just having you by my side is enough."

I leaned back
to see Trent was being serious and I said, "Trent, you are
extremely special to me. I don't know what I would have done these
past few years without you. I have some awesome memories thanks to
you." I kissed his cheek and leaned into him again saying, "Love
you..."

My voice
trailed off as I heard another name being announced, "The San Diego
Chargers pick Larkin Nayler, wide receiver. Ohio State
University."

My head slowly
turned as I saw Larkin's face flashing on the large screen. Trent
had heard too and had his hand on my shoulder. "J, you need to
breathe. Just breathe."

I struggled a
breath before I saw Larkin grabbing his brunette babe's head and
kissing her or should I say molesting her face. Did they forget
they were on national television? I couldn't pry my eyes from the
screen and soon Jinx was pulling Larkin away to hug him. I'm not
sure what Jinx said to Larkin but when Jinx pulled back Larkin's
face paled. Before it was noticeable to most he had his smile back
in place and was walking down the aisle to the stage. I wanted to
leave but I didn't want to miss Tyler’s moment.

"J, babe. You
need to calm down, your starting to sweat," Trent's voice brought
me back to reality.

"Hm? Sorry,
Trent. I um, I need a minute, ok?"

I laid my head
on the table and took a few deep breaths before looking up. I found
Gage, Trent, Tyler, and Sadie all staring at me. I smiled and
shrugged. Tthey knew what this was doing to me, seeing Larkin’s
dreams come true, watching him suck face with some beautiful
brunette who no doubt would make Larkin a lucky man tonight. Just
being in the same room as Larkin hurt, but I was too late. There
was nothing I could do.

Gage leaned
down in front of me. "Babe, we can leave. Tyler
understands."

"No, we are
not going anywhere. I want to be here for Ty, I'm proud of him and
I don't want to miss his moment."

Gage wrapped
his arms around me. "Jenna, look at me," Gage demanded.

I brought my
eyes to meet his. "Jenna, I love you and I wish I could take this
hurt away but I can't. I know what he means to you and I know you
will probably always love him but just know that I'm here. I will
always be here no matter what."

I placed my
hands on the sides of his face and said, "Gage, thank you. So much.
I love you and I wouldn't want life any other way than you standing
beside me."

Gage kissed
the tip of my nose and I leaned up with a smile on my face that
quickly faded when I glanced towards the stage and saw Larkin
staring at me. I wasn't sure what to do, so naturally I panicked
and clambered to my feet and tried to make a getaway. Hello
dumbass, baby bump highly visible. I couldn't get anywhere. To one
side there was a wall, and the last time I checked I don't have
ghost status and I can't Casper it through the wall. To my other
side a wall of giant men, no getting through there. I couldn't go
up or down. This damn place had me trapped and Larkin's eyes were
on me, no more importantly on my belly. I was caught.

Shitmotherfuckerdamnfuckingmotherfuckinghell!!!

Maybe Larkin
would carry on as if he saw nothing and go back to brunette Barbie
and ride her into the night. I glanced up again, no such luck. Just
like my life, I was screwed, no wait that’s how I got to this
point. Now what?

As Larkin got
closer I felt Sadie's hand on my elbow and pulling me to follow her
as she said, "Scoot it sister unless you want a throw down here in
NYC."

Being pulled
through the crowd I heard Sadie asking in her sweet southern voice
for all the big guys to "please allow us pretty pregnant ladies
through, we need to pee." Of course the men moved, who could resist
Sadie, even pregnant she was a knock out.

Making it
safely to the bathroom, once again I felt my face heating and my
tears falling. I couldn't hold it in anymore as I sank to the
floor. Sadie wrapped me in her arms. I'm not sure how long we sat
there before Sadie's phone went off, grabbing it she unlocked the
screen and read it. Looking between her phone and me I knew Ty or
one of the guys had texted her telling her he was up.

I picked
myself up off the floor and walked to look in the mirror.
Surprisingly, I didn't look too bad, my makeup still looked good.
My eyes were slightly pink, nothing a little Visine wouldn't clear
up. Thankfully I had thrown it in my purse last minute in case I
became emotional when Gage was picked, so I didn't look like some
cracked out whore in the pictures with big puffy blood shot eyes. A
few drops in each eye and I turned to see Sadie watching
me.

"We can't miss
this, this is Ty's time and I will not take that away. Let's go
watch your baby daddy own that stage and hope to God my baby daddy
left." I tried to laugh but it came out more like a broken
cackle.

Sadie sighed
before checking herself in the mirror then placing her hand in
mine, "Ready?"

I smiled sadly
to her and asked, "What other choice do I have, let's
go."

Sadie walked
in front of me and stopping just before we got back to our seats,
she looked around then nodded. "I don't see him, I guess he
left."

I wasn't sure
how I felt about that. On one side I was relieved, I didn't have to
face him but on the other my heart sank. I loved Larkin and a part
of me knew I always would. Hell, even Gage knew I would always love
Larkin, but he was my past. I needed to let him go not just for me
but for Gage and my little peanut. Gage deserved more, so much more
than I had been offering. I needed to focus on my life now, my new
to-be family. Gage deserved all my love and I was going to give
that to him. Or at least try.

Hearing Sadie
yelling and giggling I was pulled out of my little pity party and
back to earth. Tyler was hugging Sadie close and planted a big kiss
on her lips. She pulled back and I saw her tell him she loved him.
I was jealous. I didn't get to do that. Wait? What? Yes I did, I
got that with Gage, my best friend and future husband. I have what
Sadie has, why should I be jealous. I had the perfect man on my
side. Just keep telling yourself that, Jenna. Tyler grabbed me into
a big hug and kissed my cheek, hugging him back I had to yell so he
could hear me. "Proud of you Ty, now get your ass on stage and show
them what a sexy linebacker looks like." Tyler just laughed as he
kissed Sadie again before walking off.

I decided I
needed to get a little air and walked out of the main room and into
the hallway, where I saw Larkin. Before I could advert my eyes his
dark brown ones found mine. In just four strides he was directly in
front of me.

"Jenna. Why
didn't you tell me?"

I looked away,
crossing my arms over my belly. "Tell you what, Larkin?"

He placed his
hand on my stomach and I reached up smacking it away I said, "Not
yours, Larkin. I'm with Gage if you hadn't noticed. He is the
father so you have nothing to worry about." The look that came
across Larkin's face almost made me crack. Almost. But I held my
ground.

"Jenna, I'm
not stupid. I know this baby is mine. If you want me to walk away
so you can have your happy family with Gage then I will do that,
for you and my child. I don't want either of you to hate me for
ruining your lives."

I felt the
tears burning but forced them away and said, "Larkin, you didn't
ruin my life. You will always be my favorite 'what if' but I can't.
Maybe we did have the right love just at the wrong time. Gage is my
forever. He is the best guy for me. He will be a wonderful daddy to
my little girl, he will make sure we’re happy."

Larkin wiped
the single tear that escaped from my cheek. "Jenna, I will always
love you. I am walking away because I love you and I want you to be
happy. Gage is lucky to have you." He leaned down kissing my cheek
then the corner of my mouth, God I missed his touch. "Goodbye,
Jenna."

My eyes were
still closed when I felt Larkin drop his hand and walk away. When I
finally got the nerve to open my eyes the hallway was empty. I let
out a sigh and sunk down onto the floor. What the hell had I done?
I loved Larkin, but I knew I could never let him in, never give him
what he needed emotionally. I loved Gage but not like I should, not
the way a woman loved her future husband. Having Gage always by my
side I knew I was safe, but did that make me happy enough anymore?
Could I really marry Gage and have a family just because Larkin
scared the hell out of me?