Back To You (16 page)

“I came here to
apologize,” I said through the lump in my throat.

“Okay.”

“I don’t want to
lose you, E. You’re my family. I’m lost without you.”

She looked less
angry than she had a moment before. I could only offer her the truth at this
point. She was the most important thing in my life. I could fully admit to
myself that I was in love with her. There was no denying it when being this
close to her set my blood on fire. But my reservations about not being able to
give her what she wanted were still there. Now, after the cheating thing, I
could also add my history of infidelity to the list of reasons I wasn’t good
enough for her. In fact, if I was actually a good guy, I wouldn’t be sitting
here right now trying to get her to forgive me and let me back into her life.
It was a selfish thing to do. So, I guess my selfish nature could be added to
the list, too.

“Why didn’t you
tell your parents what happened?” I asked when she didn’t say anything.

She scoffed. “Tell
them
what
? That we dry-humped against
a wall when I visited you at MCT, thought we were a couple after that, only to
have you screw a couple of random girls and then tell me all the details?”

Each word was like
a separate dagger to my chest, and hearing her cheapen what happened between us
was awful. She deserved an explanation. But the same sarcastic voice that just
came out of her was now in my head. “
I’m
sorry I freaked out about how much I love you and got drunk and ruined it. I
just knew that it would end in some terrible way eventually, so I figured I’d
speed up the process.”
It was the most pathetic excuse I’d ever heard, if I
do say so myself.

“I’m sorry.” It
was all I had to give.

Ellie blew out a
long breath and finally met my gaze. “I didn’t tell my parents because I know
how much they mean to you. After everything with your mom, and the way your dad
is, I just didn’t want you to lose them. I figured if they knew, you wouldn’t
ever be the same ‘sweet boy’ to my mom that she thinks you are. I guess what
she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. But at least I know now, and my dad always
says that if you have low expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.”

Even though it was
still painful to hear, I actually felt a tiny hint of hope. First of all, if
she didn’t expect anything from me, she’d be even happier when I prove to be
better than she thought I was. And if she was worried about me losing her
parents, then she obviously still cared about me at least a little. She was
willing to lie to her parents, hug me when she obviously didn’t want to, and
maybe even sit through a family meal with me sometime soon, just so that I
wouldn’t lose what little family I had left.

While it made me
feel better about us fixing our friendship, the fact that she was so selfless
cemented my reasons to not take it any further than that. It was clear that she
was willing to sacrifice what she wanted in order to make me happy. I could
tell, because I was doing the same thing for her.
 
If I admitted to her that the reason we
couldn’t be together was because I didn’t want her to give up her
white-picket-fence dreams, she would probably try to convince me that she
didn’t want it that bad in the first place. She would try to compromise. She
might even go so far as to say that she was okay with not having kids. I would
never let her go through with any of that, so it was pointless to start down
that road only to get stopped later.

“Ellie,” I reached
out and took her hand. The charge that shot through my fingers was a painful
reminder of the connection we shared. “Thank you for not telling your parents.
It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Can we be
friends, please?”

She squeezed my
hand. “I don’t completely forgive what you did, and I might never.”

“That’s okay. I’ll
make it up to you somehow. But I’ll never try to take this any further than
friendship again.”

I couldn’t read
the expression that I saw in her eyes. I knew her so well, but this time I had
no idea what she was going to say or how she felt. I let out a breath that I
didn’t realize I was holding when she gave me a small smile. Things were not
going to go back to normal right away, but I would spend the rest of my life
trying to make that happen if I had to.

“I guess you
should go.” She pulled her hand from mine and stood from the swing. I followed
her back through the house to the spot in the living room where my bags were
piled.

“I’ll see you
soon?” It was more of a question than a statement, and I was relieved when she
nodded. I heaved the sea bag onto my back and gathered up the garment bag and
war bag. She walked me to the door.

When I was safely
in the driveway, I turned and risked a look at her. She was the most beautiful
thing that I’d ever seen. I’d wasted a long time just being her “slutty best
friend” and not trying to grow up to be the kind of man she deserved. I gave
her a crooked smile and watched as she closed the door.

For the second
time that afternoon I found myself weighed down by my gear and standing alone
in her driveway. I realized that I’d be walking home, and that nothing would
ever be the same again.

Chapter
Seventeen

Ellie

“Yes, Elizabeth?”
Eric’s pleasant voice came through the receiver, and I could tell by the slight
echo that he had answered the call with the “speaker” button. I wasn’t sure who
might be in his office, so I tried to play the part of the detached
receptionist as best as I could.

“You have a
package waiting up here and it’s marked urgent.”

I could hear the
smile in his voice when he replied. “Are you seriously calling me up to the
front desk by saying that I have a
package?
”

Hearing the way it
sounded when he repeated it back to me, I clapped my hand over my mouth.
Instead of responding, I just put the receiver back on the cradle and buried my
face in my hands. I had called him up to the front desk using a sexual
innuendo. And now I was blushing like a fool. I guessed he didn’t have anyone
else in his office after all, thankfully.

I heard him clear
his throat impatiently and I snapped my head up, sure that the color on my
cheeks matched my crimson dress perfectly. His eyes were twinkling with humor,
but I was still mortified.

“I was going to
ask for the
package
in a very serious
voice, but then I realized that this whole thing was starting to seem like a
really bad porno.”

I giggled
nervously. “If it was, wouldn’t
I
be
the one asking for the package?”

His mouth popped
open slightly, reflecting his shock over my bold response. It was kind of in my
nature to use humor to cover up extreme emotions, embarrassment being one of
them. I also had a tendency to ramble when I was nervous. I kept my jaws
clamped shut, just in case.

“Anyway,” Eric
adjusted his deep blue tie, “what did you call me up here for?”

“Honestly, if I
tell you now, it’s going to seem kind of ridiculous.”

He smiled. “Why’s
that?”

“Because my attempt
to seem professional just in case you had someone in your office with you
backfired and turned into this big, awkward porn thing!” When he didn’t say
anything, just stood there and smiled at me, I continued. “I was going to ask
you to dinner.”

The look of shock
was back on his face. “Elizabeth, that’s the second time you’ve surprised me in
the last five minutes.”

I put my hands up
and shrugged in a “what can I say?” gesture.

“Did you figure
everything out between you and your friend?”

“Yes, a few days
ago. He’s in town for the holidays and we talked everything out. I think it’s
probably going to take some time before our friendship is back to normal, but
he made it very clear that he wasn’t going to try to make it anything other
than platonic ever again.”

Eric nodded
contemplatively. “Well, that’s good.”

“Yeah. So I guess
I just figured I’d see if you wanted to go out again, since I got my closure.”

He was leaning
against the ledge, arms crossed casually in front of him. “No.”

It was my turn to
be shocked. “No?”

“No. Thank you for
the offer, though.” Without any other explanation, he rapped his knuckles once
on the top of the ledge and headed back down the hall.

I sat there
silently for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. When I had
asked him out last time, he seemed flattered, so I knew he was at least mildly
interested. Then, our date had gone really well until he told me that I needed
to get closure with Spencer before we would go out again. Ever since that
night, we’d been flirting non-stop at work, so I thought he was probably still
interested. Maybe he didn’t think I would ever get closure with Spencer so he
just told me that as an easy way to let me down? Was he worried that I was just
going to dump him like that other girl did and get back with my ex?

Before I got too
far down the rabbit hole, he came strolling back up to the front. He looked
casual as ever, even taking it so far as to whistle.
What the hell was going on?

“Elizabeth,” he
said cheerily, resuming his signature position against the ledge. “Have you
worked out your issues with the friend?”

I nodded slowly.
He was the most confusing man on the planet. Had I dreamed the last five
minutes? That might be a good thing, considering the embarrassing way in which
it all started.

“Good. Would you
like to have dinner on Friday night?”

I nodded again,
still baffled.

“I’ve got too much
pride to let a girl ask me out twice in a row. It was my turn.” And with a
wink, he was gone.

***

“He sounds like a
character in a romantic comedy, Ells.” Olivia laughed after I told her about
the day’s events. We were on our way to pick up Matt and Spencer for a movie.
“But he was right, you really couldn’t come up with anything better to say than
that he had a
package
waiting?”

I felt my face
flush again and playfully swatted at her arm. “I know, I know. It was the
stupidest thing I could have come up with it. It’s just that with Eric, one
minute I feel classy and more mature around him, and the next I’m like a
bumbling idiot!”

Olivia shook her
head wryly. “Well, I have to say that you haven’t seemed this happy since
before the disaster with Spencer.”

I swallowed over a
sudden lump that appeared out of nowhere. I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so
I just nodded and looked out the window.

“You’re sure that
you’re okay with Spencer coming tonight?” Olivia asked, cautiously. “Matt said
that he felt bad not inviting him once he found out we were going.”

“Of course,” I
smiled at her. “We need to do normal things like this or else things will never
get back to the way they were.”

I couldn’t tell if
she wanted me to hear it or not, but Olivia mumbled, “If that’s even possible.”

I rolled my eyes
at my friend. She seemed to be more upset over this whole thing than I was. I
tried to tell her that we talked it out, but she was still holding on to this
anger towards Spencer. She would have to get over it eventually. When Spencer
came to my house that day and I saw him standing in the living room with my
family, I knew that he was a permanent fixture there. It may have been a huge
mistake to try to make it more than friendship, but he was right about us being
family. And the truth was, I was just as lost without him as he was without me.

“By the way, what
did you mean when you told Eric that Spencer had ‘made it clear that he would
keep it platonic?’”

I let one shoulder
rise and fall slightly. “When he was at my house and we talked, he swore that
he would never do anything to take this further than just friends again. He
made it pretty obvious that he thought it was a mistake to have done it in the
first place.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.
“That one stung a bit.”

“Look, we both
know how you felt about Spencer. I don’t know if you still feel that way or
not, but I think this thing you’ve got going with Eric could be really good for
you. Especially now that I know that Spencer saw you two hooking up as a
mistake.”

Her words hurt but
I knew that she was right.
 
The
problem was, I didn’t want to let myself think about how I felt about Spencer.
I know that when we were together that weekend, I couldn’t have been happier.
Being with him had felt like coming home. But now, after the way he hurt me, I
couldn’t trust him with my heart ever again. Resuming a platonic friendship was
the only option if I still wanted him in my life.

“Hey! You should
invite Eric to join us tonight.”

I cocked an
eyebrow at her. “You don’t think that would be weird?”

“I think it will
definitely be weird!” Olivia laughed. “But I also think that Spencer needs to
see that you’ve moved on. I’m sure it will do wonders for your friendship if he
can see that you’re with the right kind of guy.”

I shook my head
sardonically when I caught sight of the wicked grin plastered on Olivia’s lips.
“I’m in.”

***

“Okay, there’s a
showing in about ten minutes, and another one an hour after that,” Matt
reported as he rejoined our group. “The lady at the ticket counter said this
one is almost sold out but the next one isn’t too full.”

“I’m fine with
waiting, babe. We can go over to that coffee shop and chat for a bit.” Olivia
was smiling that devilish smile again, and I couldn’t help but think that she
was only saying that because she wanted to watch Spencer and Eric interact.

Seeing the two of
them standing next to one another gave me really conflicting feelings. Even
though Spencer and I had put any kind of romantic thing between us in the past,
it was still hard not to notice how attractive he was. Now that I knew what it
was like to kiss his lips, they seemed fuller and more appealing than before.
And now that I knew just how hard his chest was under my fingertips, the more I
wanted to reach out and touch him. I noticed that he was wearing his favorite
jeans, and he had also been wearing them the night he had pressed me against
the wall of that hotel room. There was something willful about him that was
insanely attractive.

I shook my head,
feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. On the other hand, Eric was equally
attractive in his own way. Where Spencer had on simply jeans and a navy blue
polo shirt, Eric was wearing a black blazer over a maroon V-neck tee and fancy
Italian shoes with his jeans. There was a level of class in how he carried
himself that I found to be sexy beyond belief. It was completely different, but
just as tempting. He seemed like the kind of guy that would wine and dine you,
but actually know a thing or two about the wine or the food. And while I had no
idea what it was like to kiss his lips, I definitely wasn’t opposed to finding
out.

“Ellie?” Spencer’s
voice broke through my lust-filled daydreaming.

“What? Sorry.”

“Are you cool with
getting coffee until the next showing?” He repeated.

“Yeah, that’s
fine.”

Apparently, I was
the only one that had yet to agree to this plan because as soon as I said yes,
we all made our way over to the coffee shop. Eric and Spencer had an awkward
standoff at the door over who was supposed to hold it open and who was supposed
to go first. I knew from listening to my dad talk about business psychology,
one of his biggest interests, that they were doing a sub-conscious dance over
who was more dominant. The theory went that if you held the door for everyone
and were the last one inside, you were the most powerful person in the group.
My dad always said that these things are funny to watch because the people were
usually completely unaware of what they were doing. Since I knew perfectly well
what the little show meant, I turned away before I could see which one of them
“won” and got to be the last one inside. I didn’t need to think about who was
more dominant out of the two of them.

After we all got
our coffees and were comfortably seated on the plush armchairs by the
fireplace, I watched contentedly as Eric entertained my friends. He told story
after story, and seemed to be making quite an impression. I’d known people in
the past that thought they needed to embellish their stories in order to be
impressive, and everyone knew it, but that wasn’t the case with Eric. They all
seemed genuinely interested in what he was saying. Not only that, but I could
tell they all really liked him. Including Spencer, to my surprise.