Back To You (15 page)

Chapter
Sixteen

Spencer

I reached up to
release the tray table in front of me and pulled out the sub sandwich that I
hadn’t had time to finish before the flight. If I was being honest with myself,
it wasn’t really that I hadn’t had
time
to
finish it. The truth was that I hadn’t had the stomach for it. School would be
closed for two weeks over the holidays, so Mills and I were heading home to San
Diego. If I’d been given a choice, I would have been perfectly content holed up
in my room over the break and let everyone else go home to their families. I
wasn’t going home to anything I was ready to face.

Mills, on the
other hand, was brimming with nervous energy. He and Olivia were planning to
get married while he was back in town, and I was genuinely happy for him. The
last couple of weeks had been really rough between Mills and me, and I was glad
that things were back to normal. He was really pissed off about the way things
went down with Ellie. I couldn’t say that I blamed him though. There was
nothing about that situation that I was proud of.

“So, what’s your
plan?” Mills elbowed me in the arm as I raised the sandwich to my lips. “Are
you going to go see her?”

I took a huge bite
of the sub to stall him. We talked at all since that night. Not a single word. I
had no idea what I was going to do about Ellie. I had thought that by the time
I was actually on my way to San Diego I would have it figured out, but
apparently not even weeks of obsessing over it was enough. Finally, I swallowed
the last bit of bread and cheese and realized that I had to answer his
question. My mouth felt dry and I peered up and down the aisle for any sign of
the drink cart.

“Well?” Mills
prompted.

“I don’t know yet.”

He raised his
eyebrows. “That’s the best you can do? You’ve been all broody and stuck in your
head every minute since you fucked up, and you
still
haven’t made a plan?”

I shrugged, taking
another bite.

“Okay,” Mills
said, opening the issue of
Sports Illustrated
that he had purchased for the flight. I hoped that meant that the
conversation was over, but before I could relax, he shut the magazine again
with a huff. “You must have some idea of what you’re going to do.”

“I guess I’ll just
go see her and try to clear things up.” Saying it out loud made it seem all the
more terrifying.

“Uh, ‘you guess?’
That doesn’t sound like it’s going to have a very good outcome, man. Are you
going to try to be with her again?”

I shook my head.
“Absolutely not. I think we’ve all seen how good of an idea that would be. I
just want my best friend back.”

“Honestly, I don’t
think it’s going to be that easy. Olivia said she was really hurt by what you
did.”

“I know. It was a
fucked up thing to do, but that’s why I’m not trying to get her to give me
another chance at being her boyfriend.”

Mills opened the
magazine again, so I began to eat the rest of my sandwich. Not surprisingly,
Mills wasn’t done yet. He snapped the magazine shut once more and stared out
the window, then back at me. I didn’t look directly at him because I knew that
he was trying to figure out if he should say something. I wasn’t quite sure if
I wanted to hear whatever it was.

“Hawk, you know
you brought this on yourself. I can tell that you know that. But my question
is,
why?
If you cared about your
‘best friend’ so much, why would you start something with her only to turn
around and cheat on her?”

I took another
bite, still not looking at him. Yeah, I was right. I definitely didn’t want to
hear it.

***

We grabbed our
olive green sea bags from the conveyor belt and slung them onto our backs. I
shifted, trying to adjust my
camo
-printed garment bag
and matching “war” bag. My boots and extra civilian shoes weighed down the
small duffle. I readjusted my grip and tossed the garment bag over my shoulder,
pausing to wait while Mills gathered everything he needed.

When we got to the
curb of waiting cars, Mills and I scanned the area for any sight of Olivia.
After a few minutes, she pulled into a vacant spot and got out. She immediately
flung herself into Mills’ arms; almost toppling him when added to the weight he
was already carrying. I hesitantly edged toward her car. A big part of me knew
that Ellie wouldn’t be there, but I tried for casual as I peered through the
tinted glass of the car. It was empty.

I heard the happy
couple coming up behind me so I abruptly straightened. I didn’t want them to
see how much I wished that Ellie’s small frame had been sitting in one of those
seats. Olivia popped the trunk and Mills threw in his bags. She stood with one
hand on her hip and one hand on the lid of the trunk. When it was my turn to
put my bags in, I half expected her to slam it on my head, judging by her
facial expression.

“Cat got your
tongue, Olivia?” I asked, as I tried to fit my bags into the small trunk as
efficiently as if I was actually playing Tetris.

She sneered at me.
“Sorry that Ellie couldn’t make it to pick you up, Spence. She was busy. I’m
sure there once was a time when nothing could have stopped her from being here,
though.”

I could see Mills
looking worriedly back and forth between his girl and me. What did he think I
was going to do? Hit her for mouthing off? How the mighty appear to have
fallen.

“Wow.” I chuckled.
“You and Ellie must be really good friends now. I’d recognize that protective
tone of voice anywhere. Well done.”

Her hand was still
on the lid of the open trunk even though my bags were all loaded, so I closed
it for her. She was standing there and looking at me with what I almost thought
was a flicker of appreciation in her eyes. I rounded the car and slipped into
the back seat, pulling out my headphones.

It was surprising
how grateful I was that Olivia had been such a bitch to me right then. No one
actually wants to be treated poorly, but that meant that she truly cared about
Ellie. I was the bad guy for hurting her. She was only being loyal to her
friend by being rude to me. That made me respect Olivia immensely since I would
have been the same exact way. The only thing that would make me hate her was if
she tried to stand in the way of my fixing things with Ellie. They may be best
friends now, but she’d always be mine.

I ripped the ear
buds from my ears with a snap. “Olivia, turn right!”

Olivia quickly
flicked on her blinker and made a sharp right at the street I had indicated.

“Where are we
going? This isn’t the way to your house.” Mills was scanning the buildings we
passed, looking for a clue.

I glanced up at
the rearview mirror and Olivia met my eyes. I could tell she realized where the
change of direction would eventually lead. “Damn it, Spencer. I’m turning
around.”

“No, don’t.” I put
my hand on her shoulder. I hoped that my eyes conveyed my intentions when she
flicked her gaze back to mine in the mirror. “I just need to apologize.”

Olivia sighed deeply
and her grip got tighter on the steering wheel. She didn’t say anything, but
she didn’t turn around either. Mills had obviously figured out that we were
headed to Ellie’s house, because he was awkwardly trying to make conversation
to fill the silence. I could barely hear a word he was saying. The closer we
got to Ellie’s, the louder my pulse drummed in my ears. I had never been
nervous about seeing a girl before. It was obnoxious.

When we got to
Ellie’s house, I thanked Olivia and Mills for the ride and hopped out of the
car. Mills got out to help me get my bags, but he just stood there with his
hands in his pockets and shifting his weight. He was clearly trying to tell me
that he wished me luck or something, so I just clapped him on the shoulder as I
passed.

About halfway up
the driveway, I stopped. The sound of Mills calling out a goodbye and getting
back in the car barely registered with me as I stared at the familiar house in
front of me. Then they drove away, and I was alone. Finally, I realized that I
was just standing in their driveway like a moron, so I headed to the door.
Before I could even knock, the door flew open to reveal a brightly smiling
face. Ellie’s mom beckoned me inside with a warm and affection tone, shocking
the hell out me.

“How have you
been? It’s been too long, Spencer, honey!” She turned her back to me briefly as
she called up the stairs. “Ellie, Steve, we have a visitor!”

I was too
surprised by her reaction to me to answer her question about how I was doing.
At the moment, I wasn’t exactly sure. Judging by the way Olivia reacted to me,
I had fully expected Ellie’s own mother to be at least a little bit cold. Had
she not told her parents about what I did?

As if I needed any
more confirmation, Steve lit up with a grin when he saw me from the top of the
stairs. He looked nothing like a man who was about to punch some jerk for
hurting his daughter. On the contrary, he and his wife seemed just as happy to
see me as they were on any other visit. Perhaps even more so this time, since it
had been months.

My social skills
finally kicked in again when Steve made it to the bottom of the stairs and
offered to help me with my bags. We brought them into the living room and I was
immediately wrapped in Carol’s arms. She had been so much of a mother to me
after mine died that a hug from her was like a security blanket.

“Let me look at
you,” she said as she pulled back and put a hand on either side of my face. I
had been taller than her for many years, and now her arms were completely
straight as she reached up. “You seem older, Spencer.”

“I think I am.”

“Oh, leave the boy
alone, Carrie.” Steve waved a hand at his wife. “How was your flight?”

I shrugged. “Not
too bad, thanks. I slept through most of it.”

“Oh, I could never
sleep on airplanes. Not unless there was a lot of turbulence.” Carol took a
seat on the couch, so Steve and I followed suit.

“You can only
sleep if there’s turbulence?” I asked.

She nodded.
“That’s right. When I was first starting out I had a job downtown with really
early hours. I used to catch a few extra
z’s
on the
bus on the way in. The ride was so bumpy that I got used to it. So if I’m on a
plane and there’s turbulence, it’s a lot more soothing to me.”

I snickered.
“You’re probably the only one that thinks of turbulence as a lullaby, Carol.”

Just as I started
to get comfortable, I heard Ellie’s feet padding down the stairs. I stood, not
sure what to expect when she came around the corner and into my line of sight. My
heart stopped. It had been too long since I’d last seen her, or touched her,
and my hands instinctively twitched with the need to reach for her. But then I
read the hurt and confusion that played across her face before she covered it
up with a blinding smile.

“Spencer!” She
crossed quickly over to me, feigning excitement.

Her steps faltered
ever so slightly when she got within arms reach. It looked like she was trying
to decide if she wanted to hug me. Hell, if she was going to put on a show for
her parents, I was going to reap the benefits. I pulled her into my arms,
burying my face in her hair. I inhaled deeply, knowing that much too soon I
would be releasing her.

After just long
enough to torture me, she pulled away. The fake smile never left her face.
“What are you doing here?”

“What?” Carol
asked, oblivious. “You didn’t know he was coming in?”

Steve raised his
eyebrows with a conspirator’s smile. “Must have been a surprise then, huh?”

I nodded, not
taking my eyes from Ellie. I was trying really hard to keep my face relaxed and
normal, but I had no idea if I was pulling it off or not.

“Oh, you two are
just adorable.” Carol beamed. “It’s great to see you together again, like old
times.”

Ellie made a small
“humph” sound and I cringed.

Unaware of our
quickly crumbling façade, Carol squeezed her husband’s hand and rose from the
couch. “Alright, I guess we’ll let you guys get caught up. Spencer, will you be
staying for dinner?”

I smiled at Carol
and glanced hopefully at Ellie.

“No, mom. I’m sure
Spencer has plans to see his dad.”

Her words were
like a swift kick to the groin. A very well deserved kick to the groin, of
course. I nodded to confirm Ellie’s lie. “Yeah, thank you anyway, Carol. I’ll
have to take a rain check.”

Carol nodded
good-naturedly. “Just as well, if you give me more notice I can make your
favorite meat sauce and spaghetti. See you kids later.”

I saw Ellie roll
her eyes as her parents left the room. This was going to be the most difficult
conversation of my life. If only Steve and Carol had hung around longer, I
might have been able to talk and laugh with Ellie as if nothing had happened. I
knew she was only faking it for them, and God knew why, but it felt great
anyway.

“Do you want to go
outside?” She didn’t wait for a response before turning toward the back door.

I followed her
onto the patio and then out to the swings. Part of me didn’t want to talk
there, because if this conversation went badly it would only ruin every good
memory that we’d ever made hanging out on those swings. I glanced over to the
flowerpot on the porch, but there was no sign of the half-empty pack of
cigarettes I had stashed there a long time ago. I hadn’t smoked a cigarette in
forever, but now was just as good a time as any.

“Say what you came
here to say, Spence.”

Her words were
cold as ice. I thought that I understood just how bad I had fucked things up,
but apparently I didn’t even know the half of it. Seeing the betrayal in her
eyes was almost more than I could stand. I would give anything to go back to
that Friday night and stay with Mills like he had suggested. Hurting Ellie was
the biggest mistake I’d ever made.