Back To You (11 page)

She looked at me
seriously. “You’re not just some other guy, Spence.”

My cocky attitude
vanished instantly and I swallowed. It was one thing for me to be pining after
her in my own fucked up way. I didn’t need her saying things that made me think
she might have feelings too. My eyes shifted above her head again, scanning the
room for a single girl. I needed to get Ellie out of my arms as soon as
possible. I couldn’t believe how out of control this was getting.

A striking
brunette wearing daisy dukes and cowboy boots was eyeing me from the edge of
the dance floor. I nodded at her, and then leaned down to Ellie. “I’m
gonna
go get that chick. You should go talk to Tim.”

She narrowed her
eyes at me a little and then looked to where I had pointed to the brunette. Her
brows lifted in that distinctly female way when they assess one another, and it
made me even more anxious to let her go. I wheeled her to where Tim was
standing and deposited her into his arms. Without looking back, I made a
beeline for Daisy Duke.

“Hey, beautiful,”
I said, resting my hand on the wall next to her head. I felt a little off my
game, but it was like riding a bike. “
Wanna
dance?”

Her red lips
parted, revealing a million-dollar smile. “Sure, you seem like you have some
skill.”

“You have no
idea,” I purred in her ear as I led her into the crowd.

I could tell that
she was impressed with my moves as I kept up with the fast pace of the song.
She seemed like she knew what she was doing, too. A lot of girls try to be that
adorable klutz that needed to be taught, when I could tell that they actually
didn’t. This girl was brimming with confidence and style. She was prattling on
about herself as we danced, so I said the usual stuff to make her think I was
interested. I couldn’t help but glance in Ellie’s direction once in a while to
make sure that she was patching things up with Tim. Her having a boyfriend was
the only thing that was keeping me from ruining everything.

After a few more
circles with the hot brunette, I saw Ellie haul off and slap Tim across the
face. I stilled immediately. She shoved through the crowd to the door with Tim
following close behind her. Without a word to the girl in my arms, I took off
after them. Mills called to me on the way and I pointed to the front door,
giving him the signal that I was going outside.

I reached the
parking lot and Tim immediately turned on me. “Stay out of this Hawkins! Your
‘knight-in-shining-armor’ services aren’t needed right now.”

I bristled.
“Someone needs to have her back since her own fucking boyfriend never does.”

“Oh, is that what
you call it? ‘Having her back’?” Tim got right up in my face, his eyes on fire.
“Are you sure it’s not having her
on
her
back?”

I pulled my arm
back to hit him, when Ellie screamed out, “Spence!”

It only made me
hesitate for a moment, but that was long enough for Mills to appear behind me
and pull me back. I didn’t try to fight him off, knowing that if it weren’t for
Mills, Tim would be within an inch of his life in a second.

“Let it go, Hawk.”
Mills pulled me further away from Tim.

“How could you say
that after what you did?” Ellie asked, tears coloring her voice.

I froze,
connecting the dots. “You
cheated
on
her?”

Tim didn’t turn
around, but that was enough confirmation for me. I looked at Ellie and she
nodded shakily. Olivia immediately walked past me, stepping carefully around
Tim. She put her hand in Ellie’s in a show of solidarity. Seeing the hurt on
Ellie’s face made me step toward Tim again, but Mills tightened his grip. I
allowed him to pull me back once more. I knew that I could get away from Mills
if I really wanted to, but I didn’t. Ellie looked upset enough already. She
didn’t need to witness me kick the shit out of Tim, too.

“Tim,” Ellie took
an unsteady breath and waited for him to look at her. “You should go.”

He actually had
the nerve to look surprised. “I should go?”

“Yes.”

“It’s your car. I
live an hour away.” He argued.

I glanced at Mills
to let him know that I was fine. He didn’t try to stop me when I stepped
forward. I tucked a twenty in the front pocket of Tim’s dress shirt and smiled
cruelly. “There’s my contribution to your cab fare.”

He sneered at me
and turned back to Ellie. “I hope you’re happy with this Jarhead piece of
shit.”

I turned to Mills
for permission, and he nodded. Tim didn’t see my swing coming.

***

After Mills got
Tim into a cab, a wad of paper towels pressed against his broken nose, I sat on
the curb with Ellie. She was staring straight ahead, worrying her hands. She
didn’t say anything, but I could see her wheels spinning a mile a minute. Olivia
offered to sit outside with Ellie to talk, but thankfully Mills had suggested
that they give us a minute alone.

“Ellie,” I began,
my head in my hands. I couldn’t look at her yet. I felt like an asshole for
wishing she and Tim would break up. It was never my intention for her to get
hurt. Our friendship had changed so much over the last few months and it was my
fault. What was worse, she didn’t even know it.

“It’s okay,
Spence,” she mumbled.

“No, it’s not. I’m
sorry.”

She turned to me
then, lifting my head with her hands so I would face her. “What are you sorry
for? Hitting him? He deserved it.”

I stared into her
eyes. “I’m not sorry I hurt him. I’m sorry he
hurt you
.
”

She released me
and took a deep breath. I watched as she stared out into the dark parking lot
with a thoughtful look on her face. “I’m really not that hurt. It was a shock,
don’t get me wrong, but somehow I think I knew that it was never going to work
between Tim and me.”

“What are you
talking about?” I asked, incredulous. She had always defended her relationship
with Tim and acted like she was going to marry the guy someday. She’d gushed
about his plans to be a doctor and what an amazing guy he was. I was completely
confused.

“I went to dinner
with Olivia a couple of weeks ago and she asked me if I missed Tim. She said
that sometimes she thought she was going to lose her mind over missing Matt. I
realized then that there must be something wrong with us because I didn’t feel
that way about Tim at all. I mean, sure, I missed him. But Olivia always looks
like she’s lit up from the inside when she talks about Matt.”

When she stopped
speaking, she looked at me. I looked away.

“So, yeah,” she
continued. “I think my pride is hurt more than anything else.”

She just found out
that her boyfriend of more than a year had cheated on her. I stared at her,
awestruck. She was holding it together. I, on the other hand, was unraveling.

***

 
“I’m glad I’m sober.” Ellie plopped down
on one of the beds. Mills and Olivia were in the shower together, leaving Ellie
and I alone again.

I sat next to her.
“Yeah, me too. I didn’t really get that drunk before we left, and your
boyfriend was a bit of a buzz kill.”

She laughed softly
when I nudged her. “Ex-boyfriend.”

“Right.” I got up
and took the spare blanket off the chair to make my bed on the floor. I wasn’t
sure what else to say after everything that had happened. I wasn’t thinking
about my feelings for her, I was just concerned with how she was doing. That
should have made me feel
more
comfortable because that was how a best friend was supposed to feel. Instead, I
felt like a schizophrenic.

“You don’t have to
sleep on the floor, you know,” Ellie whispered from behind me.

I cringed. That
was the last thing I needed to hear right then. I swiped a pillow from the bed
and tossed it on top of the blanket, not looking at her. “It’s no problem,
really. I’ve been sleeping in dirt holes for the last month. This floor looks
great.”

“Spencer.”

Something in her
tone made me turn around. She was standing now, her eyes welling up with tears.
She just looked so
vulnerable.
I
crossed to her in two quick strides, folding her into my arms. She didn’t cry.
She just sniffled quietly with uneasy breaths. Her fingers curled into my shirt
and I smoothed my hands down her back, trying to be comforting. She tilted her
head up to look at me.

As I gazed into
her eyes, my stomach turned like crazy. Warning bells clattered in my head, but
holding her like that was definitely testing my resolve. She licked her lips. I
swear I stopped breathing in that moment. Just when I thought I couldn’t take
it anymore, her eyes raked down to my mouth and back up again.
Twice
.

In an instant, I
placed a hand on each side of her face and brought her lips to mine. She
responded to my kiss immediately. Her hands gripped my shirt and she stood on
her toes, pulling me to her. She was just as greedy for this as I was. Our
mouths moved together in a way that was so familiar, it was almost as if we’d
practiced it a hundred times.

My fingers tangled
in her hair and I brought one hand down to rest on her lower back. I pressed
her against my body, not quite sure how to handle the fire running through my
veins. It was more than simply lust. It was more than anything I’d ever felt.
It scared the hell out of me, and I wanted more.

With a silent
curse, I steadied myself. I could absolutely devour her, but I also felt the
need to savor this moment while it lasted. As if on cue, I felt her palms press
flat against my chest and she pushed me back. Regretfully, I broke the kiss and
rested my forehead to hers. I didn’t take my hands off of her though. I
couldn’t.

“Wait,” she whispered,
breathing hard.

I closed my eyes,
inhaling her scent as I waited for her to tell me to let go. After a moment,
she didn’t pull away. I felt my heartbeat start to even out.

“Spencer, I’m a
mess,” she murmured, her breath mingling with mine. “I don’t want to ruin
things between us. I don’t want you to kiss me because you feel bad for me or
something.”

My eyes snapped
open. I pulled my forehead back and stared at her, bewildered. “I’m not.”

“I don’t want to
make a mistake just because of what happened tonight.”

I brought my hand
to her cheek again and smoothed my thumb over her soft skin. Her lashes
fluttered at my touch. She felt perfect in my arms, and for once it wasn’t
about what I could or couldn’t offer her. I just needed to keep feeling this
way. As selfish as that was, something changed in that moment that neither one
of us would ever be able to take back.

“You can’t be my
rebound, Spence.”

“I’m not.”

She glared at me
with a touch of humor in her eyes. “Is that all you can say?”

“Tell me this
feels wrong.”

I watched her face
as the seconds ticked by. If she said it was wrong, I would let her go. It
would be wrong to force her to feel something more for me than she did. I’d
wondered many times over the last four months if she would ever feel this way
about me, and eventually decided that I didn’t care. I couldn’t take back my
feelings, but I could respect hers. If she said she didn’t want me, I’d back
off. I wasn’t sure what that would mean for our friendship though. Could we go
back to being ‘just friends’ after this?

Ellie shook her
head, and that was all I needed. I pulled her to me again, slanting my mouth
over hers. She let out a gentle moan that almost brought me to my knees. I
grabbed her hips with my hands and lifted her so that her legs wrapped around
my waist. Carrying her to the wall in front of me, I pressed hard against her.
My mind was on overdrive as I ran a hand over her soft curves.

The water from the
shower turned off, and Ellie wriggled out of my grasp. Her boots touched the
floor and she quickly ducked under my arm. I stood, frozen, with my hands
braced against the wall for support. Blood pounded in my ears with pent up
tension and I needed a moment to get a hold of myself.

“They’ll be out
any second,” she said quietly.

I turned around
and saw that she was bundling up her pajamas and digging through her toiletry
bag. “You
gonna
take a shower next?”

“Yeah,” she
nodded. “A cold one.”

I smiled wryly at
her. “I left my bag in the car. I’m
gonna
go down and
get it.”

She sighed,
looking flushed and absolutely gorgeous. I heard Mills and Olivia talking in
the bathroom, so I grabbed Ellie’s car keys from the nightstand before they
came out and saw me looking like a frantic idiot. I stepped out into the
hallway and closed the door behind me. Letting out a shaky breath, I leaned
against it and stared at the ceiling. No going back now.

Chapter
Eleven

Ellie

I woke up to find
Spencer’s arm around me. We were lying in the bed, my back curled tightly into
his chest. It was so comfortable being held by him that you would think we did
this kind of thing all the time. I was facing Matt and Olivia’s bed, but they
weren’t in it. I wondered where they were and what they would have thought
seeing us snuggled up like this together. Had we slept like this all night? I
couldn’t remember ever having such a good night’s sleep, and I smiled thinking
that he was the cause of that.

Spencer stirred
behind me, so I rolled over to face him. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” he
smiled sleepily.

I didn’t know what
to say. Was he replaying last night’s kiss in his mind like I was? What did he
think about it all?

“How did you
sleep?” he asked.

“Great, thanks.”

“Do you regret
last night?”

I chuckled. “Wow,
getting straight to the point, huh?”

“Might as well.”

His face was blank
as he waited for my answer. It was like a mask, and it made me uneasy that I
couldn’t tell how he felt. He had seemed so sure of himself when he kissed me
last night. Even when I told him that I was worried about making a mistake, his
confidence had calmed me.

The truth was, I
didn’t regret kissing him. It was definitely a shock, even more so than finding
out Tim had cheated on me. But I couldn’t deny that it was better than any kiss
I’d ever had. Though I guessed that made sense, given Spencer’s experience with
kissing. Even though it was amazing, I couldn’t be sure where that left us. I’d
never thought of Spencer that way before and I was surprised to find that he
felt something like that for me. My confusion must have shown on my face,
because he frowned.

“Do you feel like
I took advantage of you?”

I shook my head.
“No, I don’t. Though, I doubt it would have happened if it weren’t for my crazy
emotions at the time. But that’s not your fault.”

He
quirked his brow.
“Does that mean you wouldn’t have kissed me unless you
were at your wits end or something?”

“I honestly don’t
know.”

“So, how are you
feeling right now?”

“I feel like I
probably
should
feel worse than I do.
After all, I found out my boyfriend of over a year cheated on me, and then we
had a dramatic and public break up, and then I made out with my best friend. I
should definitely feel worse.”

Spencer stared at
me for a long moment. “I think you summed it up just fine when we were sitting
on the curb afterwards. You were so emotional last night because it was such a
shock. Your pride was hurt. You’re not as upset now because he wasn’t meant for
you in the first place.”

He had a point.
Everything that I had told him in the parking lot last night had been true. I
just didn’t expect to move on so fast. I especially didn’t expect to wind up
kissing Spencer, and wake up in his arms.

“I see your wheels
turning.”

“I was just
thinking about what you said.” I smiled at his impatience. “You’re right.
That’s probably why I feel fine now.”

His arm shifted
from where it rested on my waist, and I held my breath as he trailed his
fingers up my side. I watched his hand until it curled into my hair. Sighing, I
looked into his bright blue eyes. I couldn’t believe the emotion I saw there,
and I wondered if there was any way I could get him to talk about his feelings
without ruining this moment. I had never noticed how stunning his eyes were.
But maybe it was just the way he was looking at me that had me so captivated.

“Let me just
clarify something,” he started, his face serious. “Last night, you were an
emotional wreck, and you think that might have been the only reason you kissed
me.”

“Sounds about
right,” I confirmed.

“This morning,
after a good night’s sleep, you feel better.”

I nodded.

“Good.”

He shifted closer
on the pillow and lightly touched his lips to mine. He was much gentler than he
had been last night. I had time to actually register the softness of his lips,
and the way he held my face like I was breakable. He pulled my bottom lip
between his and sucked slightly. The sigh that escaped from my open mouth
prompted him to use his tongue to intensify the kiss. Our bodies seemed to
gravitate closer to one another. I could feel that he was hard as he pressed
against me, and I loved the way he went rigid in my arms when I rubbed my body
against him. Just when I was about to completely lose my senses, he kissed me
once more and pulled back to look at me. His eyes looked as fierce as they had
last night
..

“Well?”

My brows pulled
together. “Well what?”

“Did you need to be
in emotional turmoil for that to feel right?”

I stifled a laugh.
I was in emotional turmoil, all right. “No, it felt just as right as the first
time.”

“I agree.”

Just as he was
about to move in for another kiss, we heard the electronic beep of a key card
being used on the door. We sprang apart and tried to act natural as Matt and
Olivia came in. They were carrying bags from the bagel shop just outside of the
base. I could see Spencer adjusting himself out of the corner of my eye. My
stomach tightened at the thought of his arousal.

“We come bearing
gifts!” Olivia announced cheerfully. She set the drink container she was
holding on the coffee table and removed a travel cup. “We brought coffee. I
wasn’t about to drink the crap they serve here.”

Matt rolled his
eyes and laughed. “Yes, even though there is a free continental breakfast and
coffee in the lobby, my princess needed to go off base.”

“Hope you don’t
mind that we took your car, Ellie.” Olivia brought me a cup from the drink
holder and I waved a hand in dismissal.

I watched as
Spencer rose from the bed and stretched. He had slept in a tight fitting green
shirt and basketball shorts. I knew from the years we’d been friends that he
usually liked to sleep in his boxers, but I was glad he’d avoided doing that
last night. Not that he would with Olivia in the room, I hoped. He thanked Matt
for the food and proceed to dig through the bags, leaning across the table to
reach for his own cup of coffee.

“
Here.
” Spencer came over to my side of the bed with a
coffee stirrer, a handful of sugar packets, and creamer.

“Thanks.”
Why did I suddenly feel so shy?

I doctored my
coffee. Spencer practically inhaled his food, and then announced that he was
going to take a shower. I breathed deep through my nose remembering my brief
contact with his hard-on through our clothes only moments before. I
uncharacteristically wished I could follow him into the bathroom and finish
what we started. How had I not noticed how hot he was until now?

“Ellie?”

“What?” I cringed.
“Sorry.” Olivia had been trying to get my attention and I was sitting here
daydreaming about being in the shower with Spencer. Hopefully I wasn’t
drooling.

Matt laughed. “We
were just saying that we wanted to go to the beach today if you guys are down.”

Olivia stared at me
suspiciously. Leave it to another girl to recognize when there was something
juicy to talk about. “Yeah, that sounds great. It’s
gonna
be pretty chilly in the water though.”

“A few of the guys
from our platoon said they were going there to play football. It’ll be sunny
out, no big deal.”

“I just want to
tan, anyway.” Olivia agreed.

I frowned. “Damn.
I just realized I didn’t bring a suit.”

“I brought two,”
Olivia offered with a shrug. When Matt and I both looked at her curiously, she
laughed. “What? I’m an over-packet.”

***

I rubbed the
tanning lotion into my legs and stared out at the ocean. Matt was attempting to
get Olivia to go in by force. She was dodging him as he tried to make a grab
for her and toss her in the water. They were laughing and kicking the frigid
water at one another. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched them. It was so
obvious that they were in love.

My eyes traveled
to Spencer. He was tossing a football around with the other guys from his
platoon. His shirt was off, and the sweat on his back in the bright sunlight
made him look like an Abercrombie model. That wasn’t usually my type. I was
more into bookish guys that were only a few inches taller than me, with more
brains than brawn, and usually had glasses. Guys like Tim. But as I sat here
looking at Spencer’s muscles flex when he caught and then threw the ball, I
started to understand the appeal.

“Hey, hot stuff,”
Olivia greeted me as she sat down on the towel next to mine. “I think that leg
has enough lotion.”

I flushed. “Oops.”

“Yeah, oops. Too
busy starting at the shirtless Marines playing football?”

“Something
like
that.”

Olivia patted my
arm. “Are you doing okay? We haven’t had a chance to talk alone after the whole
Tim fiasco last night.”

I wondered if
Olivia would think it was strange that I was perfectly fine after the break up.
She knew we had been together for more than a year, yet here I was about to
tell her that I was okay. Would that make me seem callous in her eyes? Can I
tell her about the thing with Spencer, or would that make me seem even worse?
Honestly was the best policy. I definitely wanted my friendship with Olivia to
grow, and it could only do that if I was able to confide in her.

I cleared my
throat. “Surprisingly, I’m good.”

“I thought you
might be.”

“What do you
mean?”

Olivia sighed
heavily and made a face like she was searching for the right words. “I hate it
when a girl breaks up with a guy and her friends are like, ‘I knew there was
something wrong with him,’ or ‘I didn’t think you guys would last anyway.’ It just
seems so fake and not helpful at all. But, there was something about the way
you and Tim acted around each other that kind of made me want you to break up.
It just seemed like you could do a lot better and maybe you weren’t as happy as
you could be. I’m sorry if I’m overstepping. I know we haven’t been friends for
very long, so this might be inappropriate for me to say.”

If I really had
loved Tim, Olivia’s words would have probably offended me. But she was right.
“No, it’s okay. I had a similar talk with Spencer about how I think I’m okay
because some part of me knew it wasn’t going to last with Tim. It’s weird to
hear that you got that impression just from watching us together. It kind of
makes me feel dumb that I dragged it on as long as I did.”

“Hey, this stuff
is confusing. If it was easy, there wouldn’t be any truly great love stories.”
Olivia smiled at me reassuringly and lay back on her towel. “By the way,
whenever you want to tell me what happened between you and Spencer, feel free.”

I swung my head to
look at her. “You know?”

“I’m not stupid!
You guys have been acting like total
weirdos
around
each other since we got back to the room last night. Spill!”

“I’m not really
sure what it means yet. But we kissed.”

Olivia propped
herself up on her elbows. “Shut up! Did he kiss you or the other way around?”

“He kissed me.
Last night. You guys were in the shower. And then again this morning before you
got back with breakfast.”

“Awe! Was it
amazing? I bet he’s a great kisser.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

I glanced over at
him and couldn’t help the grin that spread over my face. I’d never talked about
stuff like this before, but that was probably because I’d never had a first
kiss that was worth talking about. I’m sure it didn’t help that Spencer had
been my only real best friend since before puberty. I filled Olivia in on as
many of the juicy details as I dared, laughing and blushing all the while. It
felt good to be excited about a guy. I had been kidding myself with Tim for far
too long.

“The only problem
is, I’m worried that I’m treating him like a rebound. I was with Tim for a long
time. I’ve obviously got chemistry with Spencer, but that could be just because
we know each other so well.”

Olivia cocked her
head as she considered. “I see what you mean. But I don’t think this is a
rebound. If you didn’t want this so bad I doubt you would have risked your
friendship for it, would you?”

“No,” I confirmed.
“That’s the last thing I want to do. I tried to think about it rationally to
make sure I wasn’t making a mistake, but every time he looks at me I get
butterflies.”

Olivia made a face
like she was going to throw up and we both laughed. I knew I sounded
ridiculous, but I had never felt this giddy and excited over a guy before. What
was even more shocking, it wasn’t just any guy. It was Spencer. My Spencer. The
question was… how did he feel about it?

“Did he tell you
how he felt or just kiss you whenever we weren’t around?” Olivia asked, almost
as if she had plucked the question right from my brain.

Before I could respond,
Olivia let out a small squeal. She ducked her head between her knees and
shielded herself with her arms. I turned just in time to see Spencer diving
through the air, trying to catch the football that was careening toward my
head. One of his long arms snaked out just far enough to catch it before
skidding through the sand and colliding with me. His rough landing had tossed
sand all over us. I tried to brush it off, but the tanning lotion acted as an
adhesive on our skin.

The impressive
catch had Spencer panting. He abruptly rolled to the balls of his feet and
crouched over me. Before I could say a word, he grabbed me by the back of the
neck and crushed my mouth to his. It was as brief as it was surprising, and in
the blink of an eye he was gone. I watched, stunned, as he jogged back to his
laughing football buddies. Matt’s face was absolutely dumbfounded by what he
had just seen, and Spencer just slapped him on the shoulder as he ran by.