An Unbroken Heart (18 page)

“But you're not free. You're not able to date or remarry—”

“And I'm fine with that. God has given me peace about what happened with
yer daed
.
I'm glad Andrew hasn't let his anger keep him from falling in love.” She tilted her
head, a partial smile on her lips. “God will bring love to you too.”

“I wasn't really thinking about that,” she lied, her cheeks heating a bit.

“Weren't you?” Her mother's smile widened, her eyes softening with understanding.
“You'll be surprised how God puts a couple together.”

“Like he did for you?” Irene hoped her words didn't cause her mother pain, but she
had to ask.

The kettle started to whistle, and
Mamm
quickly rose from her chair. She turned off
the burner. “I loved
yer vatter
. I still do.”

That was something Irene never understood. In all the years since he'd left,
Mamm
hadn't said an ill word about
Daed
. She never talked about him at all. “How can you
love him after he left us?”

Mamm
turned to her, her hazel eyes moist behind her glasses. “How can I stop?”

“He did.” Irene crossed her arms, the taste of bitter bile coating her mouth. She
thought she'd dealt with this. Now she was upset on her mother's behalf.

Mamm
folded her lips inward.

Irene went to her, regretting that she'd brought up the topic. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have said that.”

“It's okay.”
Mamm
poured the hot water into a ceramic pitcher before dropping several
tea bags inside. Curls of steam rose from the pitcher's opening. “I've come to terms
with what happened to
yer vatter
.” She looked at Irene. “I hope you and Andrew eventually
will too.”

Irene wasn't so sure. How could children truly forgive a father who cast them aside,
who hadn't even tried to make contact for over a decade?
He never even said good-bye.
One morning she and Andrew woke up and
Mamm
told them their father was gone. Later,
when they were teenagers, she said he'd left them for another life. Andrew had always
said it was another woman, although
Mamm
had never confirmed it. Irene didn't dare
ask details. Someday she would find out what really happened. But that wouldn't be
today.

For her mother's sake, she dropped the subject, and neither one of them talked about
it further. But as she ate her lunch, she vowed that her future husband—if she had
one—would have integrity, a strong faith, and devotion to his family. That man wouldn't
be like her father.
And he won't be Sol Troyer
. She'd find someone else, even if
she had to leave Birch Creek to do so. The only alternative was being alone—and unlike
her mother, the thought of that kind of future did not give her peace.

Lack of sleep was taking its toll on Joanna. While she'd taken a decent nap Sunday
afternoon—and didn't remember Andrew bringing her home or putting her in bed, which
apparently he did according to Sadie—on Monday night she could barely keep her eyes
open as she washed the supper dishes. She'd had another nightmare Sunday night and
hadn't been able to fall back asleep. Like the other ones, it had been vague but
terrifying. Since she was so tired tonight, she prayed she would have a couple of
hours of dreamless sleep—if she didn't conk out at the kitchen sink first.

Abigail was gone, having left for Joel's before supper. Joanna rinsed off a plate
as she recalled the smile on her sister's face after Joel stopped by the store earlier
in the day and invited her over. “Finally we're going to have some time together,”
she'd said. When she left, her round cheeks had been rosy with excitement. Joanna
smiled as she put the dish in the drainer, happy that her sister was going to see
the man she loved.

Sadie came up behind Joanna. Without asking she grabbed a towel and started drying
the dishes. Aden was doing a little more work on the beehives while there was still
some daylight left. Joanna had never met anyone who was so singularly devoted to
his work. It also made him happy, and that was the important thing. Homer was under
the kitchen table sniffing for leftover crumbs. He was another happy camper in the
Schrock household.

“I can finish the rest of the dishes,” Sadie said. “You seem tired.”

Joanna was about to take her sister up on her offer without arguing for once. She
started to nod her agreement when Abigail
burst into the kitchen. Both Joanna and
Sadie whirled around in surprise. That surprise turned to concern when Joanna saw
tears streaming down their sister's cheeks.

“Abigail?” Sadie dropped the towel and rushed to her. “What's wrong?”

She didn't reply, only sat down at the table. She stared straight ahead, as if in
shock.

Forgetting her own fatigue, Joanna limped to her. She sat down on the other side
of Abigail. “What happened?” she asked, putting her hand on her sister's arm.

Abigail's beautiful eyes swam with tears. “Joel broke up with me.”

The kitchen door opened again. Abigail didn't turn around when Aden walked in. He
met Sadie's gaze with a troubled one of his own, then whistled to Homer and took
the dog outside.

“I can't believe I was so stupid.” Abigail wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.

“You're not stupid,” Sadie said.

Joanna got up for a dry kitchen towel, handed it to Abigail, and sat back down. Her
sister took it and blew her nose. “
Ya
, I am,” Abigail said. “I thought he invited
me over to ask me to marry him. Instead, he dumped me.”

Joanna gaped. Joel had broken up with Abigail? That didn't seem possible. At a loss
for words, she rubbed Abigail's arm. “I'm sure you two will work it out.”

“
Nee
, we won't. He's seeing someone else.” She tossed the towel on the table. “While
I was in Middlefield, he started dating Rebecca Chupp and didn't tell me. Then tonight
he had the nerve to say we were never that serious to begin with.” Her head fell
forward. “I thought he loved me like I loved him.”

Sadie's lips pressed tightly together, and Joanna understood her anger. Abigail didn't
deserve such treatment. After being at Joanna's bedside for weeks, thinking her boyfriend
was being faithful to her? Joanna couldn't understand how Joel could be so cruel.
She never would have suspected it, either. He seemed like such a nice guy, always
polite, always willing to lend someone a hand if they needed him.
How could he break
Abigail's heart like this?

Abigail continued to sniffle. Joanna was almost in tears herself. Then she remembered
the
wedding.
Her eyes grew round. She couldn't possibly get married now, not while
her
sister
was so miserable. “I'll postpone the wedding.”

“Nee!”
Abigail and Sadie said at the same time.

“You're not going to postpone anything.” Abigail gave her a stern look. “I'm not
going to let my problems—
nee
, I'm not going to let
Joel
ruin
yer
important
daag
.”
She stood, her eyes now dry. “I'll handle this myself. I just need to be alone for
a little while.”

Sadie started to get up. “Maybe that's not such a
gut
idea.”

“Don't,” Abigail said, holding up her hand and backing away. “I just need . . .”
She turned and ran out of the kitchen.

Sadie leaned back in the chair. “I feel so bad for her.”

“Did you have any idea he was seeing anyone else?”

Sadie shook her head. “While you and Abigail were gone, I was trying to piece everything
back together here. Then Aden and I got married . . . I should have paid more attention.
Then again, he probably kept his relationship with Rebecca a secret.” She scowled.
“I have half a notion to give him a piece of
mei
mind. But I doubt Abigail would
want that.”

“
Nee
, she wouldn't.”

Sadie stood. “I should tell Aden it's okay to come inside now.”

As Sadie went outside to find Aden, Joanna drummed her fingers against the table,
her heart aching for her sister. If Abigail hadn't been in Middlefield with Joanna,
maybe she and Joel would still be together. Despite Abigail's insistence that the
wedding continue, Joanna still wanted to cancel. She couldn't see how she could
be happy while her sister's heart was broken.

Or was she looking for another excuse?

She rose from the table and finished the dishes, her fatigue compounded with worry,
but
not
only for Abigail. For more than a fleeting moment, she'd been willing to
use
her
sister's pain to postpone her wedding to Andrew. She assumed she had her
seesawing
emotions
under control. She thought she was over her doubts about the wedding.
But
every
time she thought she was in command of her life, something knocked her
back—usually
her
own qualms.

As much as she tried to tell herself she was healing, that after she and Andrew were
married their relationship would be back to normal, she didn't truly believe it.
But what other choice did she have? It was too late to back out now. And all her
prayers for help and understanding were going unanswered. As the date of the wedding
neared, the distance between her and God became greater. She didn't understand any
of it.

After the kitchen was clean, Joanna took up her crutches and went to her room. Sadie
and Aden had stayed outside, probably discussing Abigail and Joel. Her exhaustion
had increased over the past hour, but when she turned out her light and lay in her
bed, her eyes remained wide open. She couldn't sleep while Abigail was hurting, or
when she was racked with uncertainty about marriage, or when she was afraid that
when she closed her eyes
she'd have another nightmare.
Be strong and courageous.
A verse from Deuteronomy . . . or was it Joshua? She could never seem to remember
whole scripture verses, only snippets and pieces. Hopefully it was enough for her
prayers.
Be strong and courageous . . . Be strong and courageous . . .

“Abigail? Sadie?” Joanna found herself in the middle of the kitchen. How did she
get here? She looked down at her dress. She was fully clothed, as if she'd never
gone to bed. She waited for one of her sisters to answer her. When she didn't hear
anything, she continued to call their names. “Sadie? Abigail?”

She searched downstairs, then upstairs, then downstairs again. She went outside.
The store was closed for the night. When she called for Aden, he didn't answer either.
Homer also wasn't around. Where did everyone go?

Joanna walked back into the kitchen, barely aware that she wasn't using her crutches.
Her family had to be here somewhere. She searched for a note, some kind of clue to
where they would have gone. She found nothing.

Then she heard the lock on the kitchen door click. She whirled around, frightened
by the sound. “Sadie?” She went to the door and tried to unlock it. The lock wouldn't
budge. She heard clicks all through the house. The windows and doors were all locking
on their own. She started to panic . . . to scream . . .

“Joanna!”

She bolted upright at the sound of her name. The light was on in her room, and Sadie
stood over her bed. Without thinking she grabbed Sadie's hand. “Thank God! You're
here!”

“It's okay, Joanna.” Sadie sat down next to her on the bed, not letting go of her
sister's hand. Homer nudged his nose between
her and Joanna, but Sadie ignored him.
“You were having a nightmare.”

Joanna's breathing slowed. This time she remembered what happened. This nightmare
had seemed real. With a shaky hand she pushed her long braid over her shoulder. “I
woke you up?”

“
Nee
. I wasn't asleep yet. But you were crying out. You sounded terrified.” Sadie
brushed a stray lock of damp hair away from Joanna's face. “Do you have these often?”

“Nee,”
she said, lying, almost in tears from the nightmare and her sister's gentle,
maternal gesture. She couldn't admit to Sadie that not only was she having nightmares,
but they were getting worse.
Be strong and courageous . . . What a joke.

Sadie squeezed Joanna's hand. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

She shook her head. Somehow she'd find a way to deal with this on her own. She had
to before she got married. Andrew would think she'd lost her mind if she woke up
screaming in the middle of the night. “I'll be all right.”

“I don't mind staying.”

She let go of Sadie's hand. “Everyone has nightmares every once in a while,
ya
?”