An Unbroken Heart (16 page)

He was so kind. And she was so . . . Joanna. Ugh. All her shortcomings slammed into
her brain at the same time.
“Ya,”
she said, not wanting to keep him waiting on an
answer.

“
Gut
. I hope you'll like it, Joanna.”

“I'm sure I will.” She leaned on her crutches. “I better get inside.”

“Okay. Wait, you forgot this.” He picked up her mug and handed it to her. “Or should
I take it inside for you?”

Was this how their marriage was going to be, him doing
everything for her? Nee
, it
won't.
“
Danki
, but I can manage.” She took the mug from him.

“All right.
Gute nacht
, Joanna.”

“
Gut nacht
, Andrew.”

She waited outside until he disappeared around the corner of the house. She sighed
and leaned against her crutches. It had to get easier between them. Didn't it?

CHAPTER 9

T
he next morning Joanna prepared for church. As she looked in the bathroom mirror,
her expression tightened. The redness of her scar had faded a bit, but the ridge remained prominent. She still
had
to
use both crutches, especially since she would be navigating around a large
group
of
people. She would be stared at. Questioned. All with curiosity and good
intentions.
Then
she would listen as the bishop announced her engagement to Andrew.
She
forced
a smile at her reflection, trying to look enthusiastic. She looked deranged
instead.
She
sighed and leaned against the sink.

A knock sounded on the door. “Joanna?” Sadie was on the other side. “Are you ready?
Aden and Abigail are in the buggy.”

She fixed another smile on her pale, thin face, this one seemingly a bit more genuine.
“
Ya
. I'm ready.”

It was easier for Joanna to get into the front seat of the buggy, so she sat next
to Aden as they made their way to church, and her sisters sat in the back. Abigail
and Sadie kept up a steady
stream of chatter about the wedding preparations. Joanna
knew she should be participating, but she wasn't in the mood to discuss it right
now. She folded her hands together in her lap and glanced at Aden, who had been quiet
since they left the house. As if he sensed her gaze on him, he turned and smiled.

“I didn't realize there was so much involved in planning a wedding.” He tilted his
head toward Sadie and Abigail. His smile dulled a little. “Our wedding was different.
It was much smaller.”

“I wouldn't mind a small wedding,” Joanna said, mostly to herself.

He leaned toward her a bit. “I think Sadie and Abigail are looking forward to having
everyone over. That hasn't happened since . . .” He cleared his throat. “This time
it's for a happy occasion.”

Joanna nodded. Her parents had always enjoyed having people over. Because their district
was small, the Schrocks had held church services in their home at least three times
a year, sometimes four. Her mother had been a wonderful host.

She remained silent the rest of the ride to the Zooks'. Aden maneuvered the buggy
next to a long row of identical black buggies. As soon as she turned to climb out,
she saw Andrew striding toward her. His friend Asa walked slightly behind him.

“Hey,” he said, his smile a little shy. Was he nervous about today too? He held out
his hand.

She stared at his work-roughened palm. She wanted to get out on her own. But what
if she fell in front of everyone? She didn't need to start the morning off with a
disaster, so she handed him her crutches. He held them with one hand while helping
her out of the buggy.
“Danki,”
she said as he gave them back to her. Then she looked
at Asa, pretending he hadn't
witnessed her struggling to get out of the buggy. “It's
gut
to see you again, Asa.”

“You too.”

Joanna thought Asa looked a little worse for wear since the last time she'd seen
him. That had been several years ago, though. He'd always been a good-looking boy
and had always been meticulously groomed. He definitely wasn't a boy anymore. But
right now, although he was still handsome, he also seemed haggard. Even his smile
seemed a little weighed down.

“I hear there's a big announcement this morning,” he said in a low voice.

She gripped the crutches.
“Ya.”

Asa opened his mouth as if to speak again, but his jaw went slack. No words came
out of his mouth. Then he quickly clamped his lips shut as Abigail moved to stand
next to Joanna.

“Asa.” She gave him one of her pretty smiles. Joanna wished she had a sliver of Abigail's
confidence. “I heard you were back in Birch Creek. Welcome home.”

But he didn't respond. Instead he stared at her, his gray eyes not moving from her
face.

Abigail's smile faded, and she lifted one questioning eyebrow at Joanna. “Um, I better
get inside,” she said, giving Joanna's arm a squeeze. “I'll see you all later.”

Joanna watched as Abigail made a quick beeline to Joel, who was standing near the
barn. It was only when she looked at Asa that she realized he was watching her sister
too.

“I'm going inside,” he said suddenly. Without another word he hurried toward the
barn.

“Is something wrong with Asa?”

Andrew shrugged. “Not that I know of. He was acting a little
seltsam
, though. He's
had a lot on his mind.”

Joanna was about to say something else when she saw a couple of her girlfriends coming
over to her. So was Sadie's friend, Patience Glick. Patience had been by the Schrocks'
a few times during the week to help with the wedding preparations. As the girls neared,
Andrew mouthed, “See you later,” and headed for the barn.

“Wait up, Andrew.” Aden, who had been talking quietly with Sadie, hurried to join
him. Together they made their way to the barn.

Moments later Patience reached Joanna and Sadie first. “It's
gut
to see you this
morning,”
Patience
said to Joanna. “I'm glad you're able to come to the service.”
Then
she
looked at Sadie, her cheeks flushed and her face beaming. “I need to talk
to
you
later. I have some news.”

Sadie returned her smile with a wide one of her own. Patience's news obviously wasn't
that much of a secret. Even Joanna could tell by the glow of her skin and the sparkle
in her eyes that she was expecting. She was happy for her.

The rest of the women joined them. As they talked, Joanna felt the tension ease from
her body.

“I've missed you,” Karen Yoder said. She was Bishop Yoder's second-eldest child and
one of Joanna's lifelong friends. “I'm sorry I haven't been by before, but I thought
you needed time to settle in after . . .” Her gaze softened. “I'd like to come visit
next week if that's all right.”

Joanna was touched by her friend's thoughtfulness. “I'm sure we'll get together soon.”
She didn't want to say anything more
specific because, once Bishop Yoder made the
announcement,
Karen
and some of Joanna's other friends would offer to help with the
wedding
preparations.
Her friend would be seeing Joanna sooner than she thought,
and
for a reason
she did not suspect. None of her friends did. Again, the ease she'd
briefly
felt
was displaced by apprehension. Now she just wanted the announcement
over
with.

“The service is starting soon,” Karen said. “We should find our seats.”

“You
geh
on ahead.” Joanna didn't want Karen and her other friends to be late because
she walked so slow. “I'll be right behind you.”

“Are you sure? We don't mind walking with you.” The other women in the group nodded
their agreement.

“I promised Joanna we would sit together,” Sadie interjected. “We'll be there in
a minute.”

Karen nodded, and the women left. Joanna turned to Sadie, relieved that her sister
understood. Sadie smiled in return, and she and Joanna walked at a slow pace to the
Zooks' barn.

The barn was almost full by the time they got there. Abigail turned around and waved
to them. She had saved her and Sadie a seat. When Joanna sat down she looked around
for Andrew. She found him sitting on the other side of the room with the rest of
the men, two bench rows closer to the front than she was. He and Asa were talking
while they waited for Bishop Yoder to start the service.

She started to rub her nose, then caught herself, hoping no one had noticed. Her
former schoolteacher, Julia Miller, and her two small children sat next to her. When
the youngest daughter began to stare at Joanna, she tried to keep her gaze forward.
Out
of the corner of her eye, she saw the little girl climb into Julia's lap and
whisper in her ear.

“She was in a terrible accident,” Julia said quietly. Then she added, “It's not polite
to stare.”

The little girl turned away, and Joanna felt self-conscious again. She tried to focus
on the hymns, then on Freemont's sermon, which, while heartfelt, didn't have the
polish or power she'd been used to from Aden's father. As the new bishop rambled
about God's goodness to those who were obedient, she glanced down at her hands. They
were shaking. Was she being obedient by marrying Andrew and ignoring her doubts?
Yet God wouldn't want her to hurt Andrew. She dipped her head, praying for God to
give her a clear answer.

Instead she heard Bishop Yoder announce her engagement.

Joanna heard a few quiet voices congratulating her and Andrew. They would be more
outspoken once the service was over, but right now there was soft murmuring throughout
the Zook barn.

After the service Karen came up to her and gave her a hug. “I'm so excited for you!
And surprised. I had
nee
idea you and Andrew were a couple. I can't wait to help
with the wedding preparations.”

Joanna hugged her back, catching some of her friend's enthusiasm. For the hundredth
time she told herself that everything would be all right. But as she peered over
Karen's shoulder, she saw several of the older women looking at her and shaking their
heads. She froze in Karen's embrace, unable to keep her thoughts from taking a dark
turn. Did they think Andrew was making a mistake? That because she was scarred and
crippled she wasn't worthy of him?

She pulled out of Karen's embrace, the urge to flee building inside her, along with
unwanted tears. This was not how she wanted her first Sunday among the congregation
to go—with her running away and crying. But she couldn't help herself. She wanted
to go to the sanctuary of her home, where no one judged her or stared at her or felt
sorry for her. “I'll see you later, Karen,” she managed to say, her voice sounding
like a nail scratching against rusty metal. Turning away from her friend, she started
for Aden's buggy, only to slam straight into Andrew.

“Whoa,” Andrew said, holding out his hands to steady Joanna as she plowed right into
him. “Are you okay?” She looked up at him, her chestnut-brown eyes filled with fear.
What happened to make her so afraid?

She stepped back and leaned on her crutches. “I'm sorry I bumped into you.”

“You don't have to apologize—”

“I was trying to get to Aden's buggy.”

“But Joanna,” he said, puzzled. He sensed something was wrong. “I'm taking you to
mei haus
, remember?”

“Oh, that's right.” She let out an awkward laugh. “I wasn't thinking clearly.”

“It's okay. Been a lot of excitement this morning.”

“Ya.”
She let out a breath. “So we should
geh
,
ya
?”

Andrew wanted to stay and talk to a couple more of his friends, but Joanna seemed
to be in a hurry. “Sure.”