An Unbroken Heart (15 page)

“We might have to take the dress in a little.” Abigail sighed. “I have the opposite
problem—I've been having to take out my dresses.” A cloud passed over her eyes before
she reverted back to her good mood. “But that's only temporary. “I'm going to lose
this extra weight before the wedding. I don't want to look like a cow.”

“You don't look like a cow,” Sadie said.

Abigail rolled her eyes. “Stop being nice. I know I've gained weight. I'll admit
I've been overindulging lately.”

“But you're still beautiful,” Joanna said. Abigail's face was a little plumper and
her hips a bit wider, but she was just as pretty as ever.

“And you're very sweet as usual.” She pushed the rest of her bread away. “I'm going
to see Joel this afternoon. He didn't stop by yesterday. I'm a little put out with
him.”

Sadie stood and picked up the dishes, including Abigail's half-eaten piece of bread.
She left Joanna's bread on the napkin. “You're waiting until afternoon?”

“I don't want to interrupt his family devotion time. I can wait a little longer to
see him. But not much longer.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Now, back to the wedding.”
She grinned at Joanna. “We'll have it here, and you're wearing
Mamm
's dress. I'm
assuming we're going to invite the entire district.”

Nodding, Joanna took a bite of her bread. If Abigail could be
disciplined enough
to lose weight, Joanna could at least eat what was offered to her.

Sadie came back to the table. “We should also decide on food.”

“Ya,”
Abigail said, “because after two weeks of dieting I'm going to be hungry!”

Sadie laughed, and even Joanna joined in. It had been so long since the three of
them had been happy together. She loved her sisters so much.

Aden entered the room, Homer on his heels. The dog hadn't slept with Joanna last
night, but now he went straight to her. She reached down to pet his soft head. While
Sadie gave Aden his breakfast, Abigail found a piece of paper and a pencil and started
to make a list of food for the wedding. Joanna let Homer lick the bread crumbs off
her fingers. Then he sat and looked up at her, his pink tongue sliding out of the
side of his mouth as he panted.

In that moment, surrounded by her sisters, Aden, and Homer, peace finally cut through
her fear. She could marry Andrew. Even with her scar and her limp she would give
him her best. That included not using her crutches at the ceremony. It would take
extra work on her part, but she would prove to Andrew and everyone else that she
could be a good and capable wife.

Later that morning Joanna's peace quickly dissipated. She nearly had a panic attack
when Andrew picked her up. Her stomach lurched as they neared his buggy, and her
face broke out in a sweat although her body felt cold. She stiffened beside him.

“Joanna?” His brow furrowed with concern. What's wrong?”

“I . . . I don't know.” She looked at the buggy, and the thought of getting inside
petrified her. Flashes of the accident
went through her mind—the buggy being struck,
her body flying through the air—

“Joanna.”

Andrew's low, soothing voice brought her out of the nightmarish memory.

“Talk to me,” he said with quiet tenderness. “What's going on?”

“I haven't been in a buggy since the accident,” she whispered.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I should have thought about that. I'll be right
beside you, though. We'll
geh
slow. If you want me to stop or turn around and
geh
back, I will.”

She wanted to tell him to forget about everything—the buggy ride, seeing Naomi and
Irene, the wedding. Her confidence had dwindled to almost nothing. But she couldn't
say any of that to him. She had vowed to be strong, and somehow she would be. “I'm
ready to get in now.” She handed him the crutches.

“Do you want me to pick you up?”

Balking at the shameful image of him lifting her into the buggy, she shook her head.
“
Nee
. I can get in myself.”

“At least let me help you.”

He was so eager to assist her, so kind and patient with her, she didn't protest when
he put his arm around her waist and half-lifted her into the buggy. During the drive
he kept his word, driving slow, sitting closer to her than he ever had before, and
checking on her so much that by the time they got to his house she was on the verge
of being smothered. At least she didn't feel panicked anymore.

A short time later, when Andrew told Irene about the engagement, his sister was
thrilled. She hugged Joanna and grinned. “I always wanted a sister. Now I have the
nicest one in Birch Creek.”

But Naomi was more reserved. “You'll make
mei sohn
very happy,” she'd said in her
soft voice.

“She already has.”

They spent a couple of hours at the Beilers' before Andrew took her back home. He
pulled the buggy to a stop in her driveway, then got out and met her on the other
side. Before she could say anything he put both hands on her waist and lifted her
out of the buggy. To her surprise, he lingered for a moment. She glanced down at
his hands. They nearly spanned her ever-thinning waist, and she could feel the warmth
of his touch through her dress. A tiny spark alit within her, only to die when he
abruptly dropped his hands and stepped away, then hurriedly retrieved her crutches
and handed them to her. “I'll be by later this week.”

She put the crutches under her arms. He had been considerate enough to pull close
to her house so she didn't have far to walk. “Okay.”

He looked at her for a moment, as if he wanted to say something else. Instead he
nodded and went back to his buggy.

She frowned. Earlier that morning she'd been worried about physical intimacy with
Andrew. But when he held her waist as he helped her from the buggy and stood close
enough that she could hear what she thought was some pretty heavy breathing considering
she didn't weigh much, the longing for him to kiss her returned. But perhaps that
desire was wrong. Maybe Andrew keeping his distance was how courting should be. She
really didn't know. It all added to her confusion.

For the rest of the week Joanna continued to double up on her exercises. This left
her tired at night, but she was making progress. She was also being more efficient
in the kitchen and had started baking again, much to Abigail's dismay.

“How am I supposed to lose weight if you keep making all these tasty treats?” She
looked at two peanut butter pies on the table.

Joanna faltered. “I'm sorry,” she said, holding out her hands. “I can stop baking—”

“
Nee
.” Abigail shook her head. “Aden loves
yer
desserts. Even Sol has said they were
gut
, and you know he says hardly anything when he's over here.” She lifted her chin.
“I'll have to find the willpower”—she looked at the pies longingly—“somehow.”

But despite Abigail's protestations, Joanna made a small, low-fat apple cake the
next day. “No butter, just apples and applesauce.”

Abigail's face lit up. “
Danki
, Joanna. That's so sweet of you.” She smiled as she
looked at the miniature cake. “Literally.”

Joanna grinned and went back to making peanut butter cookies, one of Andrew's favorites.
But when Andrew hadn't come over to see her by Saturday morning, she told Sadie to
give the cookies to Aden and Sol. “I don't want them to
geh
to waste.” She managed
a smile, in spite of her disappointment that Andrew hadn't shown up.

“I'm sure he had a
gut
reason,” Sadie said. Then she took the plate of cookies outside
where Aden and Sol were working on more bee frames.

Joanna wasn't so sure. She hadn't been very good company lately, and things were
still weird between her and Andrew. There was also something else going on, something
she hadn't
revealed to anyone, including her sisters. During the past week she'd
been having nightmares. Most of the time she woke up before she could remember them.
The only clues she'd had about them was the dread and foreboding that filled her
when she awakened. As usual she chalked it up to nerves. What bride wasn't anxious
before her wedding? Especially if everything was off-kilter between her and the groom?

Shortly after supper, Andrew finally arrived, looking tired and filled with apologies.

“I've been working on the addition,” he explained as they sat outside on the back
patio. The evening was cool, the sun almost hidden behind the horizon. Sadie, Aden,
and Abigail had conveniently made themselves scarce. Homer ran around the backyard,
pausing to roll in the grass, then sprinting into the woods and back until he finally
settled at Joanna's feet.

She gripped the mug of hot chocolate she'd made right before he arrived. Andrew had
declined her offer to make him some. “Sounds like you've been very busy.”

“I have. Asa's been helping me.”

Joanna nodded. When Andrew picked her up last Sunday to take him to his house, he
had told her about Asa's return.

Andrew slumped slightly in the chair. “He's been working on it during the
daag
while
I'm at work. Right now he's on the waiting list at Barton Plastics. Some guy just
put in his two weeks' notice, so Asa thinks he'll be hired on soon.”

“Gut.”

“It won't be much of an addition, considering the time crunch. But it will be enough
for us in the beginning. We can always add on later. At least we'll have some privacy.”

Joanna looked up from her lap to Andrew. He was gazing at
her intently but then pulled
his eyes away. He ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I figured you'd want that,”
he said, not looking at her. “Privacy.”

There he was, being accommodating again. She thought about all the work he was doing,
basically two full-time jobs for them to have a place to live.
“Danki,”
she said,
battling another wave of guilt, feeling more inadequate than ever before. He was
doing all this for her.
What if I disappoint him?
She didn't know how she'd live
with herself if she couldn't make him happy.

Consumed with her thoughts, she didn't say anything else. Andrew also remained silent.
They were surrounded by the sound of the breeze lifting the tree limbs and shaking
off the brown leaves. During the day the maples and oaks burned vibrant orange, red,
and yellow. In the dusk the colors were almost indistinguishable. A stronger breeze
kicked up and she shivered.

“Are you cold?” he asked, turning toward her in the chair. He looked at his short
sleeves. “If I had
mei
coat, I'd give it to you.”

“I have one inside.”

“I can get it for you if you want. Or we can
geh
inside and talk some more.”

We're not even talking now.
He also sounded strained, as if they had only known each
other a few days instead of most of their lives. She decided to put both of them
out of their misery. “I probably should get to bed early since we have church in
the morning.” Tomorrow would be her first time back at church since the accident,
and she was both anticipating and dreading seeing everyone at the service.

He quickly rose to his feet. “You should have said something if you were tired. I
can help you up.” He reached out his hand.

She started to accept it, then reminded herself that she had
a little more than a
week before they were married, and she needed to be as independent as possible. She
put down the mug and grabbed her crutches. Standing up was still a little awkward,
but she was getting stronger. The extra exercises were helping.

If he was bothered by her rebuff of his offer, he didn't show it. “Can I pick you
up in the morning?” he asked.

In the dim light of dusk she couldn't make out his expression. But his body language
said it all—both hands in his pockets, maintaining a respectable distance, and sounding
more than a little uneasy.

“I'd like to
geh
with
mei familye
,” she said. Which was true. She wanted to be with
her sisters before church—the first service the three of them would attend together
without their parents. She was about to explain that to him when he nodded and spoke.

“I understand. I'll see you at church, then.”

“I'll show you out.”

“That's okay. I don't want you to get too tired.” He walked a few steps away, as
if he was going around the house to the driveway where his buggy was parked. Then
he made a sharp turn and went back to her. “Could I take you home, at least? We can
stop by
mei haus
on the way and I can show you the addition.”