An Ever Fixéd Mark (63 page)

“Ben explained he was already infected. You
didn’t make him sick, Elizabeth,” Kate softened her voice. “The
powder you … what you put in your blood set off more severe
symptoms of what he already suffered. He wouldn’t have survived the
rest of the evening. You stopped his pain.”

“I killed him,” she sobbed, still staring at
the blanket over her lap.

“It was self-defense,” Ben said coldly.

“It was murder,” she muttered and then
looked up suddenly. “Are we going to have to call the police?”

“No,” Ben answered firmly.

“But Eric said you have lawyers here.”

“Yes, and they will take care of this,” Ben
pulled back a second urge to reach for her.

“Take care of this? What do you mean? He has
a life, friends, students… a new job. People will wonder why he
isn’t there. He can’t just disappear,” Elizabeth protested.

“He died in a horrible accident,” Kate said
without any emotion. “That’s all they need ever know.”

“What about his wife?” Elizabeth looked at
Ben suddenly.

“I spoke to Alison,” Ben looked down. “She
knows what happened. They are still married, so there are
legalities that must be settled. But… she doesn’t, we needn’t fear
she will interfere with anything.”

“What about the… body?”

“Eric and I have taken care of that,” Kate
squeezed her partner’s hand.

“But I… killed a man. I have to … pay some
consequence.”

“Haven’t you already?” Ben looked at her
helplessly.

Elizabeth eased her head against the wall.
It was still all too vivid in her mind… and yet distant as a dream.
“I…” she looked down at her hands.

“Ben,” Kate let go of Eric’s hand and rested
a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I will go downstairs and finish up with
Scott and Barbara. We can let ourselves out.”

“Thanks, Kate,” Ben flashed a quick grin of
appreciation at his colleague but kept his focus on Elizabeth.

“I still want you to go to the clinic
tomorrow morning. Just to ease my conscience. I want to make sure
you haven’t been exposed.”

“Yes, Dr. Chiang,” Ben agreed quietly.

“Elizabeth, if you feel anything -
especially muscle pain - please call me,” Eric turned to collect
his things from beside the bed.

“
Mm hmm,” Elizabeth
responded and looked back down to her hands as Ben closed the door
behind him.

“It will be all right, Elizabeth,” he sat on
the foot of the bed, keeping a safe distance from her.

“Are you…” she let herself look up for the
bruise on his head. There was nothing there. Not even a tiny
scratch. “Ben, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t apologize, Elizabeth,” he set his
jaw. “Not for this.”

“I… did something terrible,” she blurred the
attention of her gaze.

“He would have killed you,” Ben breathed
out. “You had no choice.”

“He wanted to change me into what he was.
And he did that. He made me a killer.”

“Elizabeth,” Ben reached a hand across the
bed. She went to take it but shook her head. “I can only get
infected if I touch your blood. Is your hand bleeding?”

“No,” she looked at her palm once more just
in case and then let him take her hand. “Does it ever leave
you?”

“What?”

“The guilt of taking a life?”

“No, Elizabeth,” he sighed slowly. “It will
never leave you.”

“I don’t know what I feel right now. I
still… I still don’t believe it happened. That I really…” she
touched her neck with her free hand, knowing she couldn’t feel the
marks to confirm they were there. “Do you forgive me?”

“For what?”

“For letting him in. For not listening to
you. For… letting this happen.”

“You knew it was going to happen,” Ben
tightened his hold of her hand. “You knew you had to do this.”

“To take away his life?”

“Think of how many lives he’s taken,
including yours.”

“But… that’s,” Elizabeth heard Charlotte’s
words without hearing Charlotte’s voice.

“He would have killed you again,” Ben
clenched his jaw. “You stopped him from doing it a third time.”

“No,” she stopped the blurring of her eyes
with a direct look at his. “Ben, I wasn’t Eloise.”

His eyes narrowed and revealed his
impatience. “You knew what she looked like.”

“I knew what she looked like because I
helped to bury the body.”

Ben swallowed weakly, the realization
shaping the new expression of his eyes. “Maria?”

Elizabeth nodded, allowing a little elation
to come through the heavy sorrow. “I don’t remember much at all. I
just…” she shut her eyes. “I don’t think she wants me to remember.
She was so sad. But she needed Oliver to know. I needed to tell him
that I’ve always come back to…”

Ben let go of Elizabeth’s hand and paced to
the other side of the room. “Maria left me,” he said weakly. “If
you are her… and she was Lily…”

“Ben, I know it’s too much. It isn’t worth
understanding. I don’t want to understand it any more. I want to go
on with my own life now. My life as Elizabeth… whatever it might be
after this. After today.”

“It will be whatever you want it to be.”

“
Are there really no
repercussions for this? Legally?”

“It was self defense, Elizabeth,” he looked
at her eyes. “And even if there was no legitimate … it would be
much more complicated to involve any authority in this matter.”

“Why were the lawyers here?”

“Because Oliver has a lot of unfinished
business. He has an estate that must be settled. We have to explain
his death in a way that won’t reveal what he was.”

“What about those who knew he was a vampire?
Won’t they be curious how he died?”

“We shall deal with that if it happens.
Alison knows… she wasn’t surprised,” Ben bit his lip. “She knew
what he was capable of. I think a part of her is relieved.”

“But it was still…” she shut her eyes as she
started to feel the tears that weren’t there minutes before. “What
did they do to his body?”

“He will be cremated this evening.”

“He’s outlived his family too long to be
buried with them.”

“The consequence of choosing our life,
Elizabeth,” Ben looked at her sadly. “Maybe we can bring the ashes
back to California. He always liked the forests there. I think that
is where he was most at peace, where he felt the most human.”

“Can we do that? Is that right for me to
do?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because I took him out of this world,” she
started crying again.

“No, Elizabeth. You said it. You set him
free.”

She curved her mouth up, but didn’t feel the
happiness of a grin. She wanted to reach for his embrace, but knew
she would have to wait weeks, perhaps months before she could trust
herself to be that close to him. “Ben, I don’t want to live here
anymore.”

“
I don’t either,” he
paused, showing Elizabeth the restraint in his urge to satisfy her
wish for his arms. “I will go wherever you want to go. I’ll leave
Boston if that’s what you want to do.”

“No, I don’t want to run away. I just don’t
want to stay in this apartment.”

“We’ll go to a hotel tomorrow and then start
looking for a new home,” he took her hand again and cautiously
kissed the back of her fist.

She smiled at him and breathed out in
relief. “Thank you.”

*****

The morning sun still hid behind the clouds,
stubbornly refusing to turn the sky blue. It kept the moisture in
the air as much as it kept it on the blades of the grass, soaking
her slippers as she ran across the field. They were already
standing outside the shop. Annie was there and saw her approach
when she pulled away from her nephew. He followed Annie’s eyes to
her as he went to his mother. The brown eyes lightened and allowed
a smile to soften his somber expression.

He turned back to his father and offered a
few brief words before taking her elbow towards the other side of
his saddled horse. The poor old mare was burdened with his musket
and sack. She wondered if the animal would make it to camp without
collapsing.

She saw the restraint and allowed herself to
forsake her own to kiss him. He might not return. He might not
survive the British muskets or the cold at camp. That was the
reason she left Harriet alone at breakfast. She didn’t want him to
leave her thinking she never cared for him, that she didn’t want
him to do everything he could to come back alive.

She saw the appreciation of his happy
expression when he stepped back, no longer concerned with the
watchful eyes of the wheelwright and his wife. She muttered the
apology she rehearsed all the night before and as she watched
Harriet hem and haw over her porridge. She was sorry for rejecting
him, for not going to the church and becoming his wife. It didn’t
matter what his family wanted. She saw what he wanted in the love
of those brown eyes. Love that no other person ever gave her. She
told him when he came back, things would be different.

He accepted her words and walked away with a
smile… with enough hope, she prayed, to give him reason to come
home. He embraced his mother once again before mounting his horse.
He gave her one last glance before leaving. Before going to an
uncertain fate. Before leaving and possibly never returning.

Lily turned away and walked back through the
dewy morning.

Elizabeth opened her eyes. There was a small
amount of light seeping through the blinds of the hotel room. She
could make out the shadows of furniture in front of her as her
senses warmed to the sensation of Ben lying beside her. She turned
over to face him. He was awake and moved his eyes slightly to meet
her own. The freckles under the green eyes were evident, even in
the dim light. He needed to get more blood soon.

“You aren’t keeping your distance,” she
whispered to him, as if someone was watching their room and would
report him for not sleeping in a separate bed.

“You are worth the risk,” he smiled and
touched her cheek. “You were dreaming. I could tell by the smile on
your face.”

“I don’t … I don’t remember,” Elizabeth said
weakly. She knew Oliver was in her sleeping mind. She knew it was
goodbye, but the details were losing shape.

“It doesn’t matter,” he kissed her lightly
on the forehead. She smiled before turning back to her left,
spooning herself into his side. She shut her eyes, feeling the
sensation of dew on her feet and fell back asleep under the
watchful stare of the green eyes.

Chapter Forty

Elizabeth took the opportunity of quiet and
wiped off her hands. She smiled at her volunteer staff, a handful
of boys and girls from the honor society. She saw herself amongst
the quartet laughing and serving barbeque to the endless line. She
gave them another nod of approval and excused herself to find
Ben.

“Miss Watson.”

“Mr. Benson,” she repeated the smile she
offered to the high school kids. “It’s a great turnout.”

“It’s the best one we’ve had in six years,”
he beamed proudly. “I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve
done.”

“It’s been my pleasure,” she looked towards
the stage, happy to see that Jack’s band wasn’t playing yet.

“Here,” Mr. Benson held up an envelope. “I
wanted to give you something. We’ve had so much more…”

“No, no, no,” she took his hand gently. “I
told you, the food is my donation.”

“At least let me pay for your travel.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Benson. My boyfriend is
underwriting whatever costs we can’t cover,” she found the green
eyes in the crowd, trying to look interested in the conversation at
his table.

“He’s already been very generous.”

“Yes,” she nodded. “We want to do this for
Melissa. In honor of Oliver.”

“Your family has been very good to ours.
Between you and your cousin, this has been a terrific evening.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll be sure to spread the word. Your food
is excellent. I know a few people who are looking for a
caterer.”

“Give them my name,” she smiled and made her
way to the table, satisfied with the gratitude from Melissa’s
father.

Elizabeth came behind him, seeing Sara
talking to another woman she hadn’t seen since the reunion. She
rested her hands on his shoulders and listened to the discussion
that probably bored Ben to tears. She was surprised none of the
other men at the table broke away from the discussion of potty
training.

“Sara,” Elizabeth greeted when there was a
pause in the conversation.

“Lizzie,” Sara exhibited her extra effort
towards friendliness. In their brief emails about the event,
Elizabeth didn’t tell Sara she and Ben were together again. She
imagined the increased push to her smile had something to do with
that.

“Did you enjoy your dinner?” she squeezed
Ben’s shoulders as he looked at her softly.

“I can’t believe you did this all by
yourself,” Heidi’s smile was more genuine.

“My partner is floating around here
somewhere,” Lizzie shifted her glance, certain Andrew found the
table with Davis, Meg, Nora, and Mark. They didn’t have any
obligation to Springs loyalties. “He does a lot of work. He’s the
genius behind all the sauces.”

“That’s so exciting,” Heidi continued. “Ben
says you’re doing well.”

“It’s okay. Not as steady as I hope. But it
gave me time to do this for the Bensons.”

“And time to buy a house,” Sara added,
apparently bitter about another fact Elizabeth left out of the
emails.

“We found a nice house in Cambridge. I have
a great kitchen and an office. And there’s room to grow.”

Sara lifted an eyebrow towards Heidi and a
glance at Elizabeth’s naked left hand. She decided to leave Sara to
her speculations and took Ben’s arm. “I hope you’ll excuse us. I
have friends who came to see Jack’s band.”