An Ever Fixéd Mark (58 page)

“I can fix this,” he tried to take her
hand.

She couldn’t look at him. It required too
much effort. She needed her phone. “Get out of here,” she managed
the words between her struggled breaths. She found the strength to
go back to the desk. She saw him leave as she heaved the next huge
gulp of air to pick up the phone. She found Ben’s number and
pressed send.

Lizzie felt a cloud come over her and faded
out of the moment. She saw Lily’s body crumpled on the floor of
Harriet’s room. Benjamin came in and saw her body. He turned her
over and leaned to feel the breath coming from her lips. He bit his
wrist and let the blood drop from the veins. He held it to Lily’s
immobile lips and stopped. He let her head gently down and forced
himself to stand. He walked away and faded into the cloud.

Lizzie opened her eyes weakly. She was
extremely thirsty. And sleepy. The sleep was warm and comfortable.
She wanted to go back to the cloud, back to the Fulton House. Back
to Lily.

“Elizabeth,” a voice whispered in her ear.
“Elizabeth!”

Lizzie fought against her eyes opening
again. She wanted to go in front of the fire in the kitchen. It was
more comfortable there. There was a pitcher of water she could
drink and listen to Annie sing songs while she made stew.

“Elizabeth,” Ben called. Lizzie looked
through a gauzy film at his sheer green eyes. She felt something
sharp stab into her arm. She was cold. Very, very cold. She needed
her petticoat. No. It was April. She wanted some water. She really
wanted some water. She couldn’t feel her legs. Her legs were so
tired. She was running, running, running all the way to Fulton
House. Away from the Fulton House and green wallpaper and Gerard
Fulton talking about a chair. She was running, running, running
back to her warm comfortable bed. Hearing Ben’s voice telling her
it was going to be okay.

Chapter
Thirty-Six

Lizzie opened her eyes. Her senses adjusted
slowly to the beep of a machine and the feel of something attached
to her arm. She inhaled the sterile aroma of the hospital as the
room took shape. She lifted an arm with a tube taped to her wrist.
Something moved out of the shadows. “Lizzie,” Meg stood from her
chair. “You’re awake.”

“What happened?” Lizzie’s voice cracked with
dryness.

“Ben said you were dehydrated and
anemic.”

“Ben?”

“Yeah,” Meg smiled. “He came right away when
you called him… at least that’s what he said. You don’t
remember?”

“It’s kind of fuzzy,” Lizzie tried to see if
there was anyone else in the room. The bed next to her was empty
and lit only by the street lights outside.

“I didn’t call your parents. Ben and the
doctor said you were going to be fine. That you just needed rest. I
figured I would wait until you woke up. I didn’t want your mom to
freak out.”

“No, that’s… that’s good,” Lizzie managed a
smile. “Where is Ben?”

“He had to make some calls to his office,”
Meg offered a knowing look. “He only left after I promised to stay
here with you.”

Lizzie sat herself up, again feeling the
tubes and wires attached to her. She realized a wire was
conveniently taped along her neck. She felt as though moving from
horizontal to vertical was as challenging as 26 miles.

“How long have you been here?” she looked
for a clock.

“A half hour,” Meg beamed again. “Although
I’ve been in the hospital all afternoon.”

“What?”

“Nora had her baby girl.”

“She did?” the smile let her forget the
other obvious details of the moment.

“Rose Emily,” Meg explained. “Nora’s water
broke as we were walking back to the apartment.”

“Did Ben call you?”

“I saw him in the hallway. I came to get a
cup of coffee for Mark. Ben explained that you fainted and were
here under observation.”

“What else did he say?’

“Just that you need a lot of rest and
fluids. I think they are going to keep you here overnight. I can
stay if you want.”

“That’s okay, Meg,” Ben said from the
doorway. “I’ll stay with her.”

Meg looked at Lizzie for approval. Lizzie
nodded her head mutely. Meg looked toward Ben and stepped back from
the bed. “Then I am going to get one last look at Rose and go home.
Call if you need anything, Lizzie. I can give you a ride tomorrow…
if you need one.”

“Thanks,” Lizzie watched her leave the room.
Ben lingered in the doorway and stepped closer to the bed. “Meg
said you told her I was dehydrated and anemic.”

“You were,” he breathed out as he took the
chair from the shadows and brought it closer to her side.

“But… there is more.”

“You had a transfusion, Elizabeth. Your
blood loss didn’t result in anything worse than dehydration and
anemia.”

“It could have been worse.”

“Much worse.”

“Thank you for… coming and getting me…” she
looked down, wondering how on earth he got her to Mt. Elm and was
able to explain her blood loss or the wounds in her neck.

“I’m glad you called me,” he took her
fingers and held onto her hand. She saw his green eyes, but was too
weak to let her mind think about all the images of those eyes since
December. She wanted to ask him so many questions. She wanted to
say so many things. She was glad he was there beside her, after
wanting his presence for so long. She wished it wasn’t a hospital.
She wished that it wasn’t because Oliver…

“I’m … I’m sorry I let this happen.”

Ben let go of her hand and folded it back
against her stomach. “You need rest, Elizabeth. You should try to
go back to sleep.”

“I just woke up.”

“You aren’t well,” he sat back in his
chair.

“No,” she clenched her jaw and felt the
anger drain a lot of energy. “I have to tell you…”

“You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“I saw you. When I was… I suppose I was
unconscious… I saw you with Lily. I never saw Lily before. But I
saw her dark curly hair and her pale skin. You were there. You had
the opportunity to save her life at the end. You could have made
her a … like you and had her with you forever. But you didn’t. You
let her go. You let her die.”

Ben locked his eyes on her. They revealed no
emotion. Just frozen but rapt attention. “You loved her enough to
let her go,” Lizzie allowed herself to relax into the tears. “You
weren’t… you weren’t a monster.”

He touched the hand he left on her stomach
briefly before walking to the window on the darkened side of the
room. His focus was not on her but whatever was happening outside
the window – on the Charles River.

“I… a month ago I dreamt about the
thunderstorm after the wedding. I’ve had so many vivid dreams, Ben.
I saw you in the Fultons’ kitchen,” Lizzie said to make him turn
his eyes back to her. She wasn’t sure if she was going to tell him
what she did to prompt one of those dreams. She wanted him to know
she saw him. She saw the monster and the man that loved Lily. Now
she knew which one survived her death.

He finally turned his eyes back to her and
let out a quiet sigh. “You really should get some rest now,
Elizabeth. Even if you don’t sleep, it is important that you don’t
use too much energy.”

She lowered her eyes away from him, feeling
the sting of his refusal to discuss these very important images.
“Ben…”

“I’ll be here,” he insisted and looked back
to the river. “You don’t need to worry. I think we should just… you
must try to sleep.”

Lizzie relented and lowered herself back
against her pillows. In spite of the frustration, she closed her
eyes and felt the wave overcome her. It was a deep, deep sleep. She
knew she was dreaming, but the images embedded themselves in the
dark corners of her memory as she moved to the next one. She felt
she should wake a few times, but told herself it wasn’t important
and let her mind roll into another wave of sleep. Finally, the
brightness seeped under her eyelids and was unable to disappear
into the darkness. She felt the wane of an emotion… a happy
emotion, but the circumstance of the dream that prompted it was
gone as soon as she opened her eyes.

She heard the soft click of a keyboard as
she adjusted her eyes. Ben sat on the empty bed. He saw her open
eyes and closed the laptop. “How long have you been here?” she
brought herself to sitting. It was still an effort, but not as
traumatic as the night before.

“It’s just after three. You slept through
the morning,” he smoothed the hair across her forehead.

“I was tired.”

“Yes,” he looked at the machines to which
she was wired. “I’m sure they will take you off the saline. Then we
can get you some dinner.”

“Mm,” Lizzie looked down at her hands. She
felt better enough to feel frustrated with her limited
movement.

“I’ll tell them you are awake,” he quickly
left the room.

Lizzie sighed and looked up at the ceiling.
She noticed an arrangement of flowers on the table next to her. She
was able to reach the card with her unrestrained arm and saw they
were from Richard. News traveled fast in the corridors of Mt.
Elm.

Ben came back into the room with another
smile. “Who is my doctor?” Lizzie wondered if anyone she saw in the
cafeteria was going to come in and ask her why she had two red
marks on her neck… or if for any reason they happened to notice…
her thigh.

“I have a friend who works here and at the
clinic,” Ben sat in the chair that was still close to her side.

“Dr. Chiang?”

Ben eyed her carefully and smiled in
amusement. “She didn’t think you knew.”

“I figured it out a few weeks ago. She… a
friend of mine has a thing for her,” Lizzie looked down, feeling
odd with the reference to Eric as her friend. He really wasn’t,
even though he knew more about her than the people whom she did
label as friends.

“Eric Drummond,” Ben lost his smile.

“You know him?”

“
I know that you and he…”
Ben gazed at the door.

“It’s not…” Lizzie looked at her hands and
then tried to make eye contact again. “What happened
yesterday?”

“You lost a lot of blood.”

“I know that. But how did I get here? How
did Dr. Chiang become my doctor? How did Richard find out to send
me flowers?”

Ben drew his fingers into his palm and
tightened a fist. Then he released it and shook it out. “I was
outside your house when you called.”

“What?”

“I saw you leave with him. I came to watch
you at the race. You made a better time than I thought, so I missed
seeing you cross the finish line. By the time I found you, you were
getting into his Jeep.”

“You came?”

“I thought you wanted me to.”

“I did… I didn’t think you would.”

“I started to go home but then I went to
your house. I sat outside debating whether or not to go in and talk
to you. I didn’t want to act on my anger, Elizabeth. You made a
choice to be with him. You invited him in. But… I didn’t want…
anything to happen to you.”

“Ben…”

“I saw him leave. I knew something was
wrong. I was going to go after him but then you called. I found you
on the floor of your bedroom,” he shut his eyes as if trying to
stop himself from seeing. “The ambulance was there in ten minutes.
They were the most terrifying ten minutes I’ve lived through in a
long time.”

Lizzie saw the sadness he tried to mask with
a hasty smile. “Ben, this is my fault. I shouldn’t have…”

“He should have known better,” he drew in a
slow breath, almost prompting his voice to growl.

“Known what?”

“He knew you just ran 26 miles. You were
dehydrated and anemic already. But he lost control again.”

Lizzie looked away from him, feeling the
sensation of her head hitting the back of the country store. She
let him kiss her. She let him come close to her when she knew
better. When she knew her blood wasn’t good enough. “Ben, I…”

“It isn’t your fault Elizabeth,” Ben
hardened his voice. “Charlotte poisoned him.”

“What? How can you poison a vampire?”

“I told you we have adverse reactions to
certain elements in blood.”

“Lead,” Lizzie looked at the wires dripping
liquid into her veins. She thought of Claire’s husband and all the
details Ben revealed in Quechee. “But he… you said that lead
poisoning causes porphyria… or whatever it is that makes you
sensitive to light. How can that be when he goes hiking and… he
loves the outdoors?”

“He removed most of it from his system. But
it never goes away completely. There is no complete cure. So when
he doesn’t keep a schedule and drinks weak blood, there is enough
lead to cause symptoms to return.”

“What symptoms?”

“Aggression. Mania. Delusions.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“
I tried to warn you about
him. You didn’t want to hear me. You thought I was keeping him from
you out of spite.”

She heard the echo of all the unpleasant
conversations in November and again when he saw her outside of the
Fulton Center opening. He was trying to tell her something she
didn’t want to hear. She kept the truth from Ben about all her
encounters with Oliver. How could he warn her if she was seeing him
behind his back? “How did she do it? How did Charlotte get the lead
into his blood?”

“She convinced him to feed on contaminated
sources,” Ben paused for another lengthy minute. “The mill girls
were all exposed to lead paint.”

“Eloise Hutchins.” The energy left her as
the name left her lips. She leaned her head back and gazed at the
ceiling. “So it was me all along. I am responsible for making him a
vampire. Then I made him crazy. So… does that mean I will destroy
him in this life, too?”

“No, Elizabeth.” Ben rubbed his chin in his
hand. “Eloise Hutchins was a fourteen year old girl. She didn’t
paint the walls of her home. She didn’t have any choice in what
happened to her. For many years I didn’t even believe she was Lily.
I didn’t think you had anything to do with Eloise until you
remembered she had red hair. And even if you did, it doesn’t
justify what he did to her… or you.”