Always Upbeat / All That (11 page)

Keeping my hands on the wheel and ignoring his uptight gesture, I answered the call. “Hello?”

I hate to drive like a nerd, but Brenton managed to tell my dad everything. When around him, I had to act like a Boy Scout. Last thing I needed was my father revoking my keys.

A shaky voice coughed and said, “Hey, Blake. This is Trina from Dekalb County. We met at the skating rink a couple of weeks ago. You said you were gonna call me, but since you haven't, I figured I would call you.”

I squinted because I could not remember who the girl was. I hung out at a lot of places: the skating rink, the bowling alley, and the mall. Lately, I had been at the gym and on the field. When I was out, I had taken girls' numbers because they handed them to me, but I didn't give mine to mere strangers.

“How'd you get my number?” I asked.

“I know someone who knows someone who gave it to me. That's not a problem, is it?”

Hesitating, I finally said, “Nah. So what's up? Um … what can I do for you?”

Truly forward, the Trina girl offered me a present. “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to see me. Today's my birthday, and I was wondering if you wanted to see me in my birthday suit.”

I laughed. It was a gift I didn't want. I laughed again.

“Nah, I'm straight,” I finally responded, finishing up the call.

I did not even know who Trina was, or why she was throwing herself at me. Why do girls do that? That's probably why I liked Charli so much. We had something strong, and she was still trying to hold out on me. As badly as I wanted to
really
become a man, it was not going to be with some Trina, Trick, or Cherry.

As soon as I hung up with her, the phone rang again. It was a girl named Jackie, and Jackie had my attention. I knew who she was. She had curves that she didn't mind showing in her low-cut blouses and short skirts. None of my boys had bragging rights on getting with that yet, and she had become locker-room talk. She was the hot topic of conversation because everyone wanted to know if she tasted as good as she looked. The only problem for me was I was already taken. However, the connection I felt to her showed in my voice.

Happy to see her name pop up on the ID, I said, “Hey, Jackie!”

“You didn't call me back last night,” she said, making me feel guilty.

“Well, I can't talk right now, and it's like I told you last night. We can be friends, but I got a girl.”

“It's cool. I'm not giving up on you, you know. We'll be together soon. When I put my mind to something happening, I don't let up until it's done,” she said.

“I believe that. I'll speak to you later, okay?”

“Count on it,” she said, obviously wanting me.

When I got to my aunt's house, my cousin didn't want to get out. “You playing with fire, boy.”

Ticked, I said, “And what you gonna do, run back and tell on me?”

“Just when I think you are going to do right, you …” Brenton said. He paused and got out. “You do dumb stuff. I'm not gonna baby-sit you, police you, or monitor your every move. Just know you've been warned. You not gonna hurt my girl.”

He slammed the door. He was angry, but was he right? The last person I wanted to hurt was Charli. She was gonna have to step up. I had needs, and she needed to meet them or else.

I always considered myself a gentleman and certainly didn't mean to storm away from Charli in the middle of the food court, but she wasn't saying what I wanted to hear. She talked a good game before we met up, but as soon as I became transparent and told her that I needed more, she shut me down.

Of course the first person I'd run into was Wax. Yeah, that was his nickname. Waxton was his last name, but I don't remember what his first name was because we all just called him Wax. He loved the nickname. He bragged that he squeezed between linemen because he was as slippery as wax. He was a senior and the starting running back for our team. Wax was the world's biggest player, but not as good at toting the mail like he claimed, getting a few too many fumbles last year. He had two girls following right behind him. His dad owned the largest nightclub in town, and I heard some of what happened behind those walls. I was just a little sick of Wax ragging me.

“Hey, Strong, you need come over here and get you a little bite. You too pent up. I seen my man kicking chairs and stuff. What? Yo' girl holding out still?” Wax teased.

“Man, gone,” I said, as I walked round him.

I had already eaten, but I did mean to purpose my steps to Dairy Queen. It was not the treat I wanted, but under the circumstances, it was going to have to suffice. Wax turned around and said something to the girls. They stepped aside, and he motioned for me to come and follow him around the corner.

“Look, I'm tryna go to the dome this year. I got all these offers coming my way, and I'm just tryna decide where I'ma sign come February. In order for me to stay cream of the crop, my quarterback has got to be on point. If our passing game is tight, I can fool the defense and steal twenty yards. I need you happy, not frustrated,” Wax said with a wink.

That was the first time Wax gave anyone besides himself any type of thought. Since I lived with Wax's coach, I knew he was puffing about all of the college letters coming to his mailbox. However, I did believe Wax was gonna give the season his all, and I knew I needed to be on top of my game so Wax could shine. What did he want to give me to make sure I relaxed? I was not taking any roofies or anything, so what was his angle?

Talking to him straight, I said, “Man, I know you smoke that stuff, but that's not me.”

“Whatever, I'm not tryna get you to take a puff. Though one day in your perfect life, taking a hit would be cool. What I know you do is make yourself feel good,” he said, as he balled his fist and made hand motions up and down.

I frowned at his insult. Shoot, even if that was my pastime, it was my business. Wax trying to pressure me was getting under my skin like a nasty fungus.

“I'm just keeping it real. It's time to let a little lady do what she was put on this earth to do. I know you got a girl. Ditch her, and you can keep your business on the low, low. I got two chicks. So go on and drop your honey off, meet me at an apartment my dad gave me the keys to, and you can have a good time.”

He motioned for the girls to come to us, and as they walked, their miniskirts flared up. They both stood really close to me, and the exotic dance moves they were doing to each other made me almost lose my mind.

However, like I have to do when I'm tired of working out, I mustered up the strength to look past them. I saw Charli on the phone. Her mannerisms suggested that she was upset, but how could I be there for her when I felt that she wasn't there for me? Jones in my pants had a mind of its own, and as it started to rise, I realized I did need that ice cream to cool off.

Without needing his approval, I stepped away and said, “I'm straight, Wax.”

“Another time then,” Wax said, as the girls placed their hands all over him.

Thankfully, before I got caught, I was where I was supposed to be. Actually, ordering a Blizzard was on point because I needed some snow to rain on me to get my mind off of where it was.

I thought Wax didn't get the message when I felt a female hand on my back. However, before I could fuss, my frown turned into a smile when I saw Jackie. She was looking sexier than the girls with Wax and definitely more my speed. She wasn't trashy, just appealing.

“I didn't know you were coming here,” she said, stepping closer. “I hate that because I'm with my girls. Oh, but I'm not driving. You wanna give me a ride home? No one's there. We can talk.” Jackie laughed.

Looking behind her, I still saw Charli on the phone. I figured she was talking about me to her girls. I had a woman who didn't care to please me, but what stood in front of me certainly did want to make me happy. Jackie saw I was distracted and looked back.

“Oh, you can't take me home; you're here with her.”

“You know I have a girlfriend, so you gotta stop coming at me hard like this,” I backed away.

“Here's your Blizzard, sir,” the restaurant employee said.

“You want something?” I mistakenly asked Jackie.

“So you care,” she said, looking me up and down.

Knowing my girl was waiting for me to get back to the table, I said, “No, I'm just being a gentleman. Would you like something?”

“I don't want any ice cream, but I do want something,” Jackie said, peering through my soul.

She moved a little closer, and I was already excited. The connection was obviously not as strong as the one with Charli, but something was there, and it was more than I thought I'd ever feel for someone else.

“Imagine the possibilities,” she said, biting her lip and shaking her hips.

“You talking a good game. Why do you like me?” I asked, wondering why this Jackie girl appealed to me besides the obvious.

“Forget you being cool, fine, and smart. You've got heart. I've watched you over the last couple of years. You are amazing. Your loyalty to Charli is impressive. But why her? She is just a girl who is cute but also an annoying gnat. I'm sure she has her purpose, but who knows what it is.”

Not the answer I was looking for, I said, “You talking about surface stuff.”

“Okay, let me be real. When I said heart, I've seen you take up for the underdog,” she said, piquing my interest. “Yeah, you know … the boys who get bullied at our school … nobody messes with them when you're around. The girls who don't look too pretty … you speak to them. You don't know how much it makes their day to have the hottest boy around be nice to them. It means a lot. You are not like these other boys here, going through the motions. You've got drive, and I want you to ride me.”

I was sipping on my straw. I almost choked on the cold contents sliding down my throat. Jackie had a part of me that Charli might not ever be able to pull back.

Making my chest rise with her touch, Jackie said, “You're maturing, and the little girl you're going with isn't growing up as fast as you. Why should you settle for an okay relationship when you can have something way better? I know you, Blake. You like me, and its okay because you should have high expectations.”

O
h, so you're just going to have an attitude with me the whole ride home?” I said to Charli, as she sat on the passenger seat of my car with her arms folded.

“Please, Blake, give me some credit. Like I'm supposed to be all cool with the fact that I caught my guy showing his full grill up in some girl's face. You were so into her you didn't even see me walking up to you.”

“But I introduced you guys,” I said, trying to show her that I was not keeping anything a secret.

“And how'd that work out for ya?” Charli asked, as she looked out of the window to get even more distance between us.

Needing my girl to ease up, I said, “Just talk to me. Don't sit in here and put a wall up. You know I hate that, Charli.”

“What do you want, Blake? For me to fall all over you like every other girl in our school? I didn't think I had to show you how much I cared. I thought you knew it. The nerve of that girl flirting with you right in front of me, saying she had enough girlfriends … insinuating that she was looking for a boyfriend. So wassup, Blake? You tell me? You say don't be upset because it's no big deal, but you have feelings for this girl, don't you? You were chasing too hard.”

“No,” I said quickly, knowing a part of me was lying.

Trying to calm her down, I said, “We have made it a long time, Charli. So many people try to break us up; said we couldn't make it. Girls are after me. Guys are after you. Some guys are after me, and some girls are after you.” She did not laugh at that moment. “Come on, baby, lighten up.”

“Why you got jokes? You know there's some of everything at this school now, right or wrong.”

“Tons of people been trying to split us apart. That's all I'm saying.”

It was not right to give her an ultimatum and tell her to give it up to me or she was going to lose me. I was not that kind of guy, and I certainly did not want to hurt her like that. However, as we drove past a few hotels, I wanted to turn in there so bad, get a room, and go to work. I knew I cared for her more than any girl out there, and I had no doubt if my needs were met, she would not have to catch me flirting with another.

On the flip, what was
I
going to do when I knew that was not what she wanted. Since I was confused, I said the only thing I knew at the time. I went into Blake mode.

Stroking her hair, I said, “You know I care about you, girl.”

Which was true because I did. And until I decided what I was going to do, there was no need to get her even more upset. I did want to feel her lips on mine, and if I did not do something quickly that was never going to happen. Before I dropped her off, I pulled up to a fast food restaurant, parked in the back, leaned over to her, took her hand, and kissed it. I stroked her hair again, tickled her a bit, and before she knew what was happening, our lips were locked, and her guard was down.

“I just don't want to lose you,” she said, as she was feeling me too.

“You keep making me feel like this, baby, and you won't,” I said, as I kissed her again. “It's hard, but I can wait.”

“Oh, Blake,” she said, melting like butter on a hot roll in my arms. “Soon, baby, soon.”

I learned early how to stroke folks. You know, telling them what they want to hear. Now that Charli was satisfied, I knew she and I were good. She better make good soon because my patience was wearing thin.

When I dropped her off, I turned my phone back on. I had to play it that way because I couldn't give Charli any reason to question me about my phone calls, which ended up being a smart thing because I had six messages: five from girls, and one from my boy, Landon.

“Wassup, dude?” I said when I called him back.

“Trying to reach out to you. I'm over Mick's house, and there is a hottie sweating me to get you over here.”

“Who, man? You know I'm out with Charli.”

“Boy, don't play me,” Landon said, really knowing me well.

“If your phone is on, you ain't with no Charli.”

Landon seemed to know everyone in the county and had friends across town. In my opinion, they were trouble. Mick and his boys were part of a gang. I didn't want anybody getting the wrong idea, thinking that because I was hanging out, I was interested. The Axes were known as some of the hardest brothers in the ATL. They were into robbing, raping, and killing. They just weren't playing big and bad, they were brutal.

“Nah, dawg, I'm straight,” I said to Landon, hating that my friend wanted to fit in so bad.

He was from a fine, upstanding family. His dad was pastor of a mega-church, and I believe because his father gave so much time taking care of his congregation, Landon resented it and was over-compensating by trying to lose his good-boy image by hanging with thugs.

“All right, if you don't want to come here, we can meet up some place else. The Jackie girl on the dance team won't let up about you, partna.”

I knew if I got with Jackie again today, I would not be able to control my loins. But the thought of seeing her thighs once more made me cave like an avalanche. “Seeing her would be cool.”

Sensing my hesitancy, Landon said, “How about I meet you up at the bowling alley? We can play Jackie and her girl in a couple of games. No biggie.”

“I don't know, man,” I said, thinking about what all that could possibly lead to.

Just like going to Mick's house could appear I was interested in the gang, if I went to the bowling alley, Jackie would think I was interested in her. That might be just as deadly. My mom taught me about women. Her theory was that if they were showing the world all they had, then they were probably giving it away too easy and could be carrying a venereal disease. While something about Jackie was intriguing, it might not be worth it.

Pleading, Landon said, “Come on, man. Help a brother out. I'm trying to get with KaydaKay.”

“Who?” I asked, as that name made me think she needed to be left wherever she was.

“It's Jackie's girl. She straight. Ain't nothing wrong with bowling. Thought you were your own man. Didn't know Charli had you tied down. Start barking, dude.”

I guess I wasn't the only one who knew how to say the right words to get the right reaction out of people. I did not like being called a punk, and I certainly was not a puppet or Charli's dog.

Hastily, I agreed. Before I even had time to let my conscience take over, I pulled up at the Lanes. I didn't know what Landon thought was appropriate lady-on-the-arm material, but KaydaKay looked exactly how I had imagined her. Tore up from the floor up. I had seen all kinds of hairstyles in the ATL, but I had never seen white, pink, and green braids. That was for good reason. I didn't need to. She had to be a size 20 wearing a size 2. For real, she looked a hot mess, and if the optometrist was open, I would have dragged Landon there to see if he needed glasses.

Landon came up behind me and said, “Dang, man. You got to stare at her like that … your boojie behind.”

Whispering, I said, “Whatever, dude. She look like if you lay down with her, you going to rise up with something a dawg don't want.”

When Jackie came over to me she said, “Is something wrong?”

I said, “Is that your girlfriend?”

“No, she's my cousin, and preacher boy is intrigued. Why you judging her though? I see your nose up in the air, like she's not your speed. You think you too good for folks?”

I actually had to ponder that question. My dad called it the eyeball test. People see you and immediately put you into some type of category. If you don't want negative thoughts, then make yourself look presentable. When I looked at this KaydaKay girl, she screamed nothing but ghetto fab. If this was Jackie's cousin, what kind of family did Jackie come from? As a dude trying to get with her, I might think it's enticing for Jackie to wear low-cut stuff, but if she was my girl, the dress standards would have to change. Jackie seemed too strong-willed to change. Therefore, the possibility that we could have something was dissipating.

“You think you're better than me,” she said, as she saw I was unimpressed with her cousin and her tone.

I like that she said what was on her mind. I merely had a problem that she was naïve with the way the world viewed people. If you want to be taken seriously, dress the part.

Explaining, I said, “I just don't understand why you got to flaunt everything you got all the time. It makes me think—”

“What? That I'm fast,” she said, cutting me off.

“That you're not slow, and honestly, I don't know if I want to get involved with someone that's out there.”

“Well, I am who I am, and my body is mine. If I want to show it off, that's what I'm going to do. My crew told me you were too stuck up. Guess I should have listened. Come on, cuz,” she said to KaydaKay. “I don't want to play.”

They got in her cousin's hooptie, pumped the music up too loud, and were out. Landon looked at me with a
Why you mess me up?
expression. I told him to get in the car, and we drove off. Was I being too judgmental? Or were the standards that I wanted in a lady right on? It should not matter to me anyway. I was already involved, and I wasn't going to change that for just anything.

Sometimes I felt like a kid. I had knots in my stomach when I pulled up to my house, because it was after my ten o'clock weeknight curfew. It was just five minutes past ten, but with the high-maintenance, maniac, narcissistic father that I had, being late wasn't what you wanted to do. All the lights in the family room were on, so I knew I might as well buck up and get ready to deal with his mouth.

Like a clock that chimes right on schedule every hour, that's how much I knew my dad. And as soon as I walked in the door, he rushed over to my face, grabbed my collar, and shouted, “Why you coming up in my house late, boy? Give you a little bit of leeway and you can't show me that you're responsible. I am so sick and tired of you doing what you want to do, thinking you're grown in this house … gimme them keys!”

Of course, I was not doing what I wanted to do. If left up to me, I'd be out with the boys. Leo surely did not have to be home at ten. I resented my dad because I was not really that late. I appreciated that he was my father, and that he was the higher authority in my life. But he was not a zookeeper, and I was not an ape. There could have been an accident that held me up. My girlfriend might not have been able to get into her house. Anything could have been a reasonable excuse for my delay. He could have asked me or given me grace.

However, he was not backing down and neither was I. My dad and I were looking eye to eye. We were standing toe to toe. At that point we were standing man to man, because I was not going to have him sock me, hit me, or push me around.

“What you going to do, Blake? You think you can take me? Got a couple little muscles on you, so are you going to come up in my face, thinking you can take me? Boy, you don't pay no bills in this house, and when I tell you to be home at a certain time, use your cell and call me if there is an issue,” he said, as my irritation became slightly verbal. “What … you gonna groan, grunt, make some mumbling sound? Boy, I'll—”

My mom just screamed out, “Stop, Brad!”

She came and stood between the two of us. She was not anywhere close to either of our sizes. She stood firm, wanting us to back away from each other.

“Brad, you know I can't take this right now. Please!”

My dad yelled, “No, I'ma show this boy he ain't grown.”

“Just stop,” she squealed.

My mom was crying. As her emotions started to become more intense, I realized that she was extremely upset and not just because of the brewing altercation before her. She went over, sat on the couch, and started rocking back and forth.

Knowing my mom as I did, I knew there was more to her sad demeanor. Then when my dad rushed over to her, put his arms around her, and completely settled down from tripping, I knew something was terribly wrong.

My dad held her and said, “I'm sorry, baby. I know there's a lot going on. I'm sorry. I'm just not handling all this the right way.”

“You can't put more on me right now, Brad,” she cried.

I did not know what they were talking about. My parents had a pretty good relationship. My dad had always been there. I never knew us to be struggling financially. We were not rich, but all of my needs were met, unlike a lot of boys I'd come to know over the years who had absentee fathers or no father at all. They were scrambling, hoping, and praying that they would eat. As much as my dad irked me, he was a faithful husband. I guess that's why I didn't want to just get with a girl. He was an excellent role model when it came to being the head of the home, and whatever had my parents so upset was starting to creep me out.

“What's wrong? What's going on? Talk to me, you guys,” I said in a panic.

I did not want my dad to get upset again and say, “It's none of your business,” or “It is none of your concern,” because seeing my mom in tears was for sure my concern. Though my dad could be a big jerk, I knew he had not done anything stupid like cheat, misuse all the money, or start drinking. So what had her so shaken? Had she lost her job?

She was a branch manager for a bank. We moved to Georgia because she got a promotion. Maybe they had downsized and she was let go. Even if that was the case, we should be fine. My parents had always talked to me about how to be smart with money and that I could always get everything I needed because they had put some away for a rainy day. They did not believe in getting credit cards to blow up and max out. They had a couple of cards for emergencies only. It could not be a job loss freaking my mom out. If she did lose her job, certainly she was qualified enough to get another one. And even if we had to go a bit without her salary, from everything they told me, we were covered.