Always Upbeat / All That (13 page)

We did not stay on the phone for three minutes. She was busy and quickly hung up on me. That really got under my skin. I really wanted to tell her how good I had been ballin', and I also wanted to tell her about the turmoil in my family. However, the one girl who said that she wanted to be mine kept pushing me to the side. That was not cool.

Brenton came back out and said, “Man, I don't know. Look a little suspect. I saw some Axes in there. Landon said he straight. He can stay, but it's not our scene.”

Brenton did not have to sell me. I was up for avoiding trouble. I did not want to go straight home though. I huffed.

Brenton said, “No worries, bro. After you take me home, you can go swing by Charli's place. I know you said you were gonna call her.”

“She's with the doggone cheerleading squad having some swimming party.”

“Let's go over there,” Brenton smiled and suggested.

“Yeah, that's what I told her. She said it was just for the team, some bonding thing, or whatever.”

“Oh, well, that's understandable.”

“Man, whatever. I wanna love on my girl.”

Brenton shook his head and walked to the car, but I didn't follow. “I know you aren't going in there. Man, let's go,” Brenton said.

“I'm just gonna go and check it out for a second. Dang.”

Something told me I should've listened to my cousin, but sometimes I just did not want him to think what he said was law. However, I knew I could not stay because there were not only beer bottles everywhere, there were also a couple of drug dealers in the joint giving out samples, two boys beating down some dude, and folks was making out in the main room. This one couple in particular was going at it; they needed to get a room. All of a sudden the girl pushed the guy off, and I was surprised to see Jackie's face. I immediately turned around and got out of there. I did not know if she saw me or not, and it really wasn't important.

I texted Landon and told him he needed to be out too. However, whatever he did was his business. Frankly, I was tired from carrying around my own burdens. What was going on with my mom was weighing me down. Always performing at the high level was stressing me. I was really worn out from trying to figure out Charli, because in the area of showing up when her man needed her, she was failing.

As soon as I dropped Brenton off, my phone rang. I looked down and saw it was Jackie. I frowned, thinking she had some nerve calling me after her hands were all over some other dude.

I blurted out, “Hold your breath until I call you.”

I kept driving along and couldn't believe I was going home early, but there was no need in staying out when I could barely keep my eyes open. Even if I had another hour before my curfew, I was exhausted and needed to listen to my body and go rest up.

My phone started vibrating. I picked it up and saw that I had a text. I needed gas, so I pulled into the station to fill up. It was against the law to text and drive in our state. My dad already gave me the talk about being a black male and driving late at night. He told me I needed to look out for driving while black. Sometimes certain policemen give black males a hard time because of the color of their skin. He warned me not to do anything to break the law, and I'd have a better chance of making sure nothing happened. If I did get pulled over, he taught me how to be humble and not be rude so I would not inflate the situation and have tension mount.

Seeing Jackie's name, I debated on if I wanted to read Jackie's text, but the first word on my iPhone said, “Help!!!!”

My phone rang again. It was her and I answered it. “What's that about?”

Jackie did not respond because she was hysterical. She was screaming and crying. I was stunned.

“Come get me, please. I need you, please,” she finally was able to say.

Knowing she was in real trouble, I said, “Where are you?”

“I'm walking outta the neighborhood you were just in. Please, come get me. Please!”

From her voice, I knew she was not faking. I filled up, got two Gatorades, paid, got back in the car, and headed back to that crazy party.

Thinking it over, I called Landon. “Dude, you still over there?”

“Yeah, man,” Landon replied.

“I'm just letting you know I'm rolling back that way. Jackie called me and …”

“Good, 'cause you can help her get outta the house.”

“What do you mean help get her outta the house?”

“Some dude was coming on too strong. Her cousin KaydaKay was looking for her, and I started getting some smooches, so we jetted out. Find her, all right?”

“Jackie's already out of the house. Bye, boy,” I said, hanging up the phone on my partna who was busy trying to get lucky.

I wanted to make sure he had my back just in case I needed it. I knew there were some loose cannons in the direction I was going. However, Landon had already left the place, trying to get busy.

Thankfully, Jackie was alone. I saw her on the side of the road, shaking. Quickly, I pulled over, helped her into the car, and asked her, “What happened?”

But she was talking crazy so I couldn't make out much of anything she was saying. Then I saw her torn shirt, and when I pulled into a parking lot, I noticed her eye was bruised pretty bad.

“Oh heck nah. I'm going back over there. This is crazy.”

“No, no, no,” she kept panting. “Just hold me, please.” After about ten minutes she said, “We were dancing, and the next thing I know he had his hands all over me, and he pushed me up against the wall. He is two times my size, and he was groping me in places that were just disgusting. I was so repulsed I felt frozen, but then I got enough strength to push him off of me. That's when I saw you leaving. I know you thought I was with him, but we were just dancing. Then the next thing I know, he was tryna take it to a whole different place that I didn't even want it to go. You believe me, don't you? You
do
believe me, right? Tell me you believe me, Blake.”

I wiped her tears, and I didn't let her go. I became angry. For some reason, I really wanted black men to do better, and for our whole race to act like they had some sense. For any guy to take advantage of a female was completely wrong. I went through the drive-thru and ordered Krystals with cheese. I got a cup of ice, drove around to the side of the parking lot, and put some ice in a napkin. Gently, I laid it on her face. She said ouch, but I kept the ice on and eventually it got more comfortable.

“He was holding my mouth. He wouldn't let me scream. Finally when he twisted his hand the right way, I could feel a piece of his palm. I bit it as hard as I could and kneed him. I got away then.”

I tried to think of who the joker was because he went to my school. I knew seeing her all beat up that this wasn't over. I wanted to make him pay.

“When you saw me, something in your eyes let me know that you were disappointed. You told me about dressing too loose. I don't know if that's because there are some feelings that you have for me, Blake, or what. But I knew I wanted to be with you, and that guy just wouldn't let me go. When I called you the first couple of times, I just knew you weren't gonna come.”

“I'm sorry,” I said for making her feel dirty and alone. “I'm sorry.”

I realized holding her that I did actually have feelings for her. I'd told her to cover up because I didn't want the world looking. I also did not want men thinking they could take what she was advertising.

“Just hold the ice on your eye, sit back and relax, and I will get you home. Okay?”

She grabbed both of my hands and said, “Thanks for being a gentleman. Thank you for caring. Thank you for being an example of what every guy should be.”

Caring, I said, “Just hold it and relax. Don't worry about none of this.”

In my mind, I was making a mental picture of what the guy looked like, because in school it was going to be on. He did not need to push on or hit on a female. I wanted him to try that junk with me. The ice was melting, and water from the ice was dripping down Jackie's shirt. She didn't move. She was relaxing, but something deep in me was rising. When I saw an indentation pop out from her shirt, it truly made me want to get to know her in every way. Jackie was kinda known for showing a little too much, and at that time I could see it all, and boy did I want to touch. Her low-cut blouse was partially open on one side, and from my view there was an excellent show going on.

B
eing in the cold, creepy hospital waiting room made me completely uncomfortable. My mom was having a biopsy to see if her lump was malignant or benign. I did not understand all the terms, but I wanted the medical folks to find out it was nothing, and that she would be okay, which I understood meant benign.

However, there was something in my parents' eyes when they looked at each other before she was taken back to have the procedure done that scared me. My dad gripped her hands really tight and kissed them, as if to say, “Whatever comes out of this whole thing, we are going to be able to deal with it.” She nodded slowly and hugged him, not wanting to let him go. He found the chapel in the hospital and went to pray, but I could not move from the waiting room.

My sister was having the time of her life in New York finishing up her ballet tour. She would be back soon. But missing the first few days of school was not all that she did not have to deal with. She had no clue any of this was going on, and I guess the three of us would have it no other way. My parents tried to shield me. They didn't want me to know any of this either, but they had to reveal the truth to me after that intense fight with my dad.

As I sat in the waiting room, shivering, I wanted to be a better person. I did not think I was cocky. I just tried to be confident, but lately I knew I had not been completely right with Charli. She had no clue I had taken Jackie home. She certainly did not realize that I was lusting over someone else. I had to straighten up my bad ways. So I figured that I would call Charli so I could apologize, but it went straight to voicemail.

“Son, you all right?” my dad asked, startling me out of my thoughts.

I did not understand why he asked me that question. Of course I was not all right. My mom could be dying. However, I knew I was his man, his boy, his baller, and come what may, I was supposed to be tough, never vulnerable, and no emotion was ever allowed.

Standing up to face him, I said, “Yeah, Dad. I'm cool. You straight?”

Clearly, I could see he had been crying. His eyes were red. He had not been sleeping because he had bags under them, and it was not because he was watching film. He told me he had gone to the chapel, so I knew he wanted help from above. Why did we have to pretend like everything was okay? Why did we have to be strong?

Being the tough man I knew he was, he said, “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is all taken care of. I have no worries. I was just concerned about you. Your mom is going to be fine.”

Now I do not know why he was so optimistic. He was not a doctor. We had not been given a diagnosis. My mom was not even out of surgery, for goodness' sake, but he was set on his faith. So I let him believe whatever he wanted.

“Dad, do I have to stay here?” I asked, knowing my mind was going crazy.

He said, “No, son. You got your car. We'll meet you back at the house. I don't want you waiting around, and your mom wouldn't want you stressed out.”

Hearing that comment, I realized that though I told him I was okay, he knew I really was not. Ugh, too much was going on. When I got the okay to leave, I flew out of the waiting room. However, when I got to the elevator, I paced back and forth. My mom might need me. I did not want her to wake up and me not be there. I did not want her to think what she was going through was not my top priority, because it was. I simply was not as strong as I thought I was. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, like I was stuck in that elevator or something, and I could not breathe. I had to get out of there. When the elevator doors opened, I took the stairs.

As soon as I got to my car, I called Charli again. Voicemail again. When the phone rang back, I quickly picked it up, ready to hear my girl's sweet voice. However, I looked at the sleek black gadget and saw it was Brendon.

“Wassup, man?” I said with little zeal.

“I'm checking on you,” he said to me, not sweating my flat tone. “How's Auntie?”

Trying to stay strong, I said, “In surgery, cuz. I don't know. This is real hard, Brenton. What if I lose her? I can't lose her.”

Becoming emotional, I put the phone on speaker. I took both of my hands and firmly grabbed the steering wheel. With all my built up anger and frustration, I started shaking it. My car wasn't new, but I did not want to break it. But there was something in that whole forceful movement that made me feel better.

Brenton stayed on the phone and kept saying positive things. Before I knew it, tears were falling. He could hear me. He just told me to go ahead and let it out. I didn't feel like a wimp. I felt real, and though my cousin was not physically with me, I was not alone.

“You both will be okay. She's gonna be all right. You'll see. Why don't you call Charli, man?” he said after I calmed down.

“Tried. Girl is too busy for me.”

“She'll hit you back, no worries.”

“Yeah, all right,” I said, as I was getting mad at Charli.

“Well, call me as soon as you hear anything.”

“I will. How's your mom?” I asked, remembering the crazy dude we had to take down.

“Good, she hasn't even seen that joker anymore.”

“That's good because the last thing I want to have to do is …”

Cutting me off, Brenton said, “You don't even have to say it.”

“Right, all right, man. Take care of yourself,” Brenton said, as we hung up.

Brenton was right. I did need to talk to a female. They were different than guys, and though I could be transparent with my cousin, he wasn't a female. The scent of a lady, her soft smooth skin on mine, her purring voice … I don't know … a lady just had a way with a man.

I needed uplifting, and I knew if I called Jackie, I would not have to guess whether or not she would answer the phone. I did not have to wonder whether she would make time for me. I did not have to think I was bothering her. I knew she would pick up, and just as I believed, it happened.

“Blake, oh my gosh, you called me,” she said with excitement.

“Yeah, I need to see you.”

“Cool, my mom's home. You're welcome to come over. She's making plenty of fried chicken if you're hungry.”

“Ask her if that's all right. I don't want to just come over.”

“She standing right here. It's fine.”

“All right, I'll be there in a second.”

When I pulled into Jackie's driveway, I had second thoughts. I had not broken up with Charli. However, I needed her and she was not there.

“Oh my goodness. Is this
the
Blake Strong who's got my daughter all crazy?” a lady whose T-shirt was two sizes too small asked.

I could definitely see where Jackie got her ways. Her mother was not trying to be old. She was flirtatious as she smiled, winked, and felt my muscles.

“Come on in, don't be shy. Jackie told me how things went down last night, and you were there for her. I really owe you, so come on in here and get some of my food. I know how to do a proper thank you. I'm old school, but I don't look it, right?”

“Mom,” Jackie called out, as it was clear she was embarrassed by her mom's antics.

She took me by the arm and led me into the kitchen. “Calm down, girl. I know you like him. You two talk. I'll be right back.”

My eyes were wide open when Jackie's mom exited. Her bottom had sass. She was twitching too, hoping I looked for sure. Her mom looked like she really should be her sister.

Jackie saw me staring and confessed, “She was a teen mom. Don't tell her you think she's hot because she will be sweating you for real, thinking she has a chance. 'Round here she's actin' like she's the teen and not me.”

The two of us laughed. Jackie was truly cool though. No pomp and circumstance. She was real, and I loved that we were not trapped behind a wall of politeness.

“She's cool. It's good to have somebody who you can hang with and who cares.”

“I care about you,” she said, as she put her hand on my cheek. “You said you wanted to talk to me. What's going on?”

“Nah, forget it,” I said, suddenly wanting to man up.

Jackie would not let up. “Talk to me. What's going on?”

“It's my mom. She's having a biopsy today.”

She came real close to me and hugged me. Our bodies eased down to the chair. I did not know where her mom was in the house, but when she was sitting on my lap, everything in me arose. Next thing you know, she was making me feel good as her lips met mine. If someone was to say, “Charli,” I would say, “Charli who?” And could you really blame a brother?

“So wassup, man?” Leo said later that evening when I was hanging out with my boys at the bowling alley.

Leo Steele was our defensive end. He was a phenom. At six three and a half, two hundred twenty-five pounds, he had amazing speed and the longest arms, ready to wrap an opponent, plus the super strength to tackle them and keep them down—my boy was beyond a stud. However, he had lots of issues. He was not the smartest kindergartner in the class from what I heard, and now that we were in high school, he was some years behind. Since he did not like being embarrassed, he did not ask questions. So when Leo got lost, he acted as if he didn't care. To get attention, he got into tons of trouble. Other than being on me hard, my dad was on Leo even more. He told him if he had one more bout with the law, he was going to be thrown off the team.

Unlike Leo, who was really living the life: running with the bad crew and truly being a troublemaker, Landon liked to front. Landon and I both liked hanging with Leo; he was so loyal. He was my boy, but he was Landon's brother from another mother. Landon could never keep anything from him because he felt that spilling his guts would make Leo accept him more. Landon wanted to be cooler than what he was. He always told Leo everything. They were two peas in a pod. Even though Landon's dad, the good old reverend, didn't like him hanging out with Leo too much, they did.

“Sorry about your mom, man,” Leo said.

“Look, I don't want nobody feeling sorry for me. I don't want this all over the team. I told Landon to keep his mouth closed,” I said, looking over at the culprit.

He threw his hands up like he didn't say anything, but I knew Brenton would never talk. Brenton did not even like Leo. Landon did not have to admit it. He was guilty by default, and by the stupid look plastered on his face.

“You need to loosen up. Take your mind off all of your troubles. With all of this pressure on you, you deserve to chill out,” Leo said, holding a bottle of something. “Come have a little nip with me and my boys. That's all I'm saying.”

“Where we going?” I asked, needing to know what I was signing up for.

Leo looked tough and said, “Over on Watts Road.”

Everybody knew Watts Road was where the freaks, the goblins, and the goons came out at night. I had absolutely no business saying, “Yeah, I'll go,” but frustrated and upset, dummy me said, “Yeah, I'll go.”

“Come on, you can ride with me,” Landon said.

But I always had my own ride so I could jet out when I wanted to go. Also, I knew I had a curfew. I didn't need to be breaking it again. Actually, my parents were not bothering me because of all that was going on. Was not hearing any news from my parents a bad thing? Maybe they hadn't received the results yet. Either way, Leo had a good point. There was nothing wrong about chillin' with my boys. When I followed them, I called Brenton.

“Wassup, man, you got a word?” he said, being positive about my mom's prognosis.

“Nah, partner … I'm just letting you know I am hanging out with Landon and Leo.”

“Leo? Say what? Doing what? Don't tell me you are going to that lame party on Watts Road. I know you would not go there with them,” Brenton scolded.

I could not say anything. There was silence on the phone. I really did not need him telling me what I needed to do. I had enough pressure on me as it was. Honestly, I was a little sick of Brenton being so darn goody-goody. My cousin was staying around his crib, making sure no more trouble came to his mom. That was admirable, but I was not like him.

“I just thought you should know,” I finally said with an attitude.

Brenton and I had a rule. Always tell each other, even if it was tough, where you were going. We vowed to keep the whereabouts confidential unless one of us went missing and the other had to spill the beans. Of course, we made this pact when we were much younger, but he knew the rules. He couldn't go blabbing to my parents that I was hanging out in a shady place.

Half an hour later, Leo, Landon, and I were hanging outside because the house was too small, and too many folks were up in there. It was probably a health code violation or something with that many people, and none of us wanted to be foolin' with all our cousins.

Leo pulled out a brown paper bag, unscrewed a top, and handed the bag to me. I did not know what I was drinking. I did not care. I turned it up. Problem was I took too big of a gulp and I started choking.

Leo joked, “Easy, partner.”

I looked up at him like,
Dang. Why you ain't tell me to take it slow before I drank it?

Without me asking, Leo read my look and said, “My bad. I thought you would have took just a sip.”

“You know he don't drink nothing,” Landon said, grabbing the bottle and trying to be the big man and show me how it was done.

His tail choked too. The mixture was strong. Leo laughed at us both and practically dared us to try it again.

Up to the challenge and still wanting to numb my pain, I grabbed the bottle back with the brown liquid in it. This time being sensible, I took just a swallow. Leo took some. I did not like the taste at all, but I liked how it burned my insides and made me quickly shake off my frustration. I grabbed the bottle back and took another chug because it just felt like putting that alcohol in me was killing the germs of fear growing inside like bacteria. Then I started seeing double, and I was squinting because the dude who was walking toward me was the dude from the party a couple nights ago who hit Jackie. He was coming at me like he had beef with me. Whatever was on his mind, I had to let him know I wasn't having it.