All Because of You (Lakeview #2) (40 page)

But he must have moved to England in the meantime – Natalie had mentioned he’d gone to University in London – so in reality there had been little chance of her seeing him during Glenn’s early days.

Anyway, over the years it was very likely he had forgotten all about Tara, and the baby he’d fathered, but had never seen. She smiled through her tears. It was strange, until tonight he would never have even known if it were a boy or a girl. 

How sad for him, she thought now, her anger at Jason and his treatment of her having long since dissipated, how sad that he had missed, and never could, share the wonderful experience of being Glenn’s parent. 

There was a lot of Jason in Glenn, of course, especially in appearance, so much so that even Liz had  spotted the resemblance when she’d first seen him at the restaurant. They had the same dark colouring, strong jaw-line and proud Roman nose, the same chocolate-coloured eyes. And they also had that same quiet, gentle way and restful personality that had made Tara fall for Jason in the first place.

And when tonight she saw how handsome he still looked, and how over the ensuing seventeen years life had evidently treated him very well, she couldn’t help but feel bereft once more at what she had lost. She’d loved him deeply – so deeply it hurt, and she didn’t think she’d ever really got over that. 

Of course, there hadn’t been too many opportunities to see other men, not in her situation and, in all honesty, she didn’t care. 

All throughout her late teens and twenties, her priority had been Glenn and despite Liz’s insistence now and again that she should try and find someone special, someone for herself, she just didn’t have the urge. 

There had been a couple of dates now and again once Glenn was old enough, but it was just for the sake of it, and very much a case of going through the motions. Tara’s heart just wasn’t in it. Her son gave her all the love and companionship she needed, and although she knew deep down that the time would come when Glenn would grow into adulthood and likely leave her to her own devices, she just hadn’t imagined it would happen so soon.

But, this time next year, Glenn would have his own responsibilities, and a child of his own to look after. Who knows, maybe he and this Abby girl would make a go of it together and he’d have a family of his own too? And Tara would no longer be the most important thing in his life – she’d be just his mother, there in the background, loved certainly, but no longer needed in quite the same way. She’d have to face up to that now. Face up to the fact that for the first time in her thirty-four years, Tara would be facing life alone.

“I really hope you didn’t mind my telling her,” Liz said to Tara, the following morning over breakfast at the hotel. “I just thought it would make things easier for you, and easier for us to leave.”

Liz still couldn’t believe that the dream man Tara had been helping Natalie with had turned out to be Glenn’s father. 

She’d seen the resemblance straight away in the restaurant of course; it was very difficult
not
to, when they looked so alike, and she’d even gone as far as to think that it had been
Glenn
sitting at the table with Natalie. But then when she realised how tense and upset Tara was, the penny soon dropped. And of course, now she understood why Colm had thought it strange at the time that she’d asked who the guy in the debs photo with Tara was. With the benefit of hindsight, it should have been obvious
exactly
who he was. But while she had of course known that Tara had given birth to Glenn at a very young age, she had no idea he’d been conceived on Tara’s debs night. 

No wonder then that Tara didn’t want to be reminded of that night, and no wonder Colm had been insistent that Liz shouldn’t mention the photograph to her. 

Of course it was different now, and these days it was more of a an excuse for a party than anything else, but back when she and Tara were teenagers, a girl’s debs night was supposed to be a very special night – often one of the most special nights of a girl’s life, and the man she chose to bring was so important.

“Of course I don’t mind you telling her,” Tara said, replying to Liz’s question as to whether or not she was right in confiding to Natalie in the Ladies’ that Tara wasn’t in great form because of some problems she was having with Glenn.

Natalie had been inconsolable. “Bloody hell, now I feel awful that she came all the way over to visit me. If I’d known, I’d never have expected her to come. Oh Liz, I feel so guilty now!”

“Don’t feel guilty, you weren’t to know,” Liz had said, wondering how poor Tara was getting on alone out there with Jay. But she’d thought it better to accompany Natalie to the toilets and give them some time alone and Tara seemed OK with her doing that.  Evidently, Natalie didn’t know anything about Jason being a father, and certainly not
being Glenn’s. “But I’m sure you can appreciate that she’s worried about him, so she’s not her usual self.”

“I know, I know and I did wonder why she was being so quiet. Oh Liz, we’d better get back – I’d hate for Tara to feel that she has to make stupid small talk with so
meone she doesn’t know. Come on,” And with that, the two of them returned to the table – to a quiet and uncomfortable-looking Tara, and an upset-looking Jay.

Later, Natalie had taken Tara aside and told her that she so appreciated her coming and that she felt so awful that she’d come at all, and she certainly didn’t expect her to have to put on a brave face just for her sake.

“We’ll go home soon, Jay and I – and you go back to the hotel with Liz and get a good night’s sleep. And I’ll arrange for early flights home for the two of you tomorrow if you like. Please don’t feel as though you have to stay in London any longer on my account. I’d much rather you went home and sorted it all out with Glenn. Liz didn’t give me too much detail other than … well, you know,” she looked embarrassed, “but if you
do
need to talk sometime, let me know. I owe you one. It’s all because of me that you had to come here in the first place, so it’s the very least I can do.” And with that, she hugged Tara tightly and after dinner she and Jay bade Liz and her goodnight.

Liz knew that the idea of going home early was a godsend to Tara, who had got so many shocks in the last day or two it was a miracle she was still standing. What with learning about Glenn’s impending fatherhood, and then meeting her first love, the father of her teenage son … well, it was enough to make Liz thank her lucky stars for her relatively trouble-free life. 

At least for the moment anyway. And it was also enough for her to want to confront Eric about his strange behaviour. Tara was an incredible woman who had been through so much, and yet still managed to keep all the balls in the air, whereas Liz was a wimp who should be ashamed to call herself a woman. If Tara could get by without a man for all these years, then so could Liz. If Eric had betrayed her, then he wasn’t good enough for her, or indeed for Toby.

“And how do you feel this morning? About everything?” she asked Tara now.

“I’m not sure. I suppose seeing Jason reminded me that Glenn’s girlfriend, if I can call her that, is about the same age as I was when I had him. So I’m not really in a position to judge. I wanted more for him than this, but …” she shrugged, “I have to admire the way he’s dealing with it – well, the way he’s
proposing
to deal with it. Who knows how he’ll cope when the baby is born and he has to support them. But honestly, Liz, the thing that bothers me the most is that he’s all grown up now.” There were tears in her eyes as she spoke, and her voice was full of regret. “He no longer needs me. And when someone has depended on you for half your lifetime, that takes some getting used to. Although now I think I understand why my mother and Emma have always had a much better relationship than she and I did. With her childhood illnesses, and now her pregnancy, Emma has always needed her, and my mother likes to be needed. Whereas I made it clear very early that I didn’t need her, that I could stand on my own two feet, irrespective of what I was going through. I grew up too fast, and to this day I have never let her see anything other than the strong Tara, the Tara that can take on the world and whom nothing fazes. I think my mother doesn’t know how to deal with that, she doesn’t know what her role in my life has been for a very long time.” She shook her head sadly. “Whereas Emma has always needed her – she was always in trouble with jobs, men … and now this. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t resent the fact that this will all be so much easier for Emma to deal with than it was for me; after all, she’s much older and times have changed, and there will be none of the shame and disgrace that I experienced.” She exhaled deeply. “And I suppose I have to be careful now not to do the same thing with Glenn. I have to let him know that I’ll be there for him and Abby whatever they decide to do. And I’ll do my best to help them out with my …” she laughed as if unable to believe she was actually saying the words, “my grandchild. Imagine, Liz, a grandmother at thirty-four years of age!” Then her face changed slightly. “Although make that an over-the-hill grandmother with no life of her own. Do you know, you were right all along. I should have thought some more about finding someone to share my life with, someone just for me.”

“It’s not too late to do that, you know,” Liz told her gently. “You might be a granny soon, but you’re still only in your thirties.”

Tara shook her head. “I couldn’t do it, Liz. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I know nothing about men. The last time I had any sort of relationship was when I was barely seventeen years old, and look where that led.”

“You know as much as any of us do. Look at all the help and advice you gave Natalie …” She winced, realising what she’d just said.

But Tara laughed. “Isn’t it mad when you think about it? Here I was, coaching Natalie on how to nab this so-called man of her dreams, when all along he was the man of my dreams too.”

“And how do you feel about him now?”

Tara looked her straight in the eye. “To be honest, Liz, I feel sorry for him. Look at what he missed out on. Glenn is a wonderful gift, and I treasure every second I’ve spent with him. Yes, it was unbearably tough sometimes, but my love for him and wanting to do the best for him kept me going. But Jason experienced none of that.  He decided he didn’t want to experience it a long time ago. But I did fine. And to be honest, I could look him in the eye last night and honestly tell him that I did a good job. And I did. At least,” she said, eyes dropping to the tablecloth, “at least I thought I did until the day before yesterday.”

“You did do a fantastic job,” Liz assured her. “And you know better than most that a teenage pregnancy doesn’t have to be the end of the world.”

Natalie and Jay were having breakfast in her flat.

“
Oh Jay, I felt so awful! I had no idea she was having problems of her own. Typical me, too obsessed with myself to notice anyone else.”

“Don’t be silly, you weren’t to know,” Jay said, his voice soft and, Natalie thought, sounding tired and weary.

“Did you sleep OK last night?” she asked him. “I know my bed isn’t as comfy as yours but – ”

“No, it was fine – I just have a couple of things on my mind at the moment, that’s all.”

“I still can’t believe she came all the way over just to see me – and you of course,” Natalie went on, regardless. “When all the time she was worrying about Glenn.”

She spread some strawberry jam on her bagel. “I have to say, I’m surprised at him, he seemed like such a level-headed guy.”

Jay’s head snapped up. “You met Tara’s son?”

“Yes, on holidays in Egypt. Remember, I told you that’s where I met Tara in the first place?”

“What … what was he like?” Jay asked gently.

“Like? I’m not too sure really – I didn’t get to talk to him much. A typical seventeen-year old, I suppose. Mad into sports – he did a scuba-diving course when we were over there. Although I will say I thought he was very good-looking. I told Tara that too and . . . what …what’s wrong?” It was weird, but if she didn’t know better, she’d swear that Jay’s eyes were glittering with tears. He mustn’t have got a wink of sleep in her bed. Well, that was his own fault, for refusing to let her help tire him out, she thought, still a little miffed that last night, after their return from the restaurant Jay hadn’t been in an amorous mood. “Jay? Are you all right?” .

“Nothing, sorry, I was just thinking about something – what were you saying?”

“I was just saying Tara’s son was very good-looking and mad into sports. But I really am surprised at him. He seemed like such a gentle sort, the type who wouldn’t look twice at a girl – let alone get one pregnant. And apparently he met her in Egypt too – ”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Jason interjected shortly.

“Jay, I really wish you’d wake up. I said he met this girl in Egypt.”

Jay looked pale. “So, Tara was upset because Glenn – I mean, her son – got a young girl pregnant?”

“Yes, she only found out the day before yesterday. I thought I told you this. It was why she seemed so preoccupied last night.”

“You told me she was having problems of some kind but you didn’t tell me what.”

Natalie shrugged and took a bite of her bagel. “Well, I suppose as a single mother of a guy that age, it’s to be expected that she’ll have all sorts of problems to deal with. I must say I really admire her, though. Given what she’s had to deal with, she’s incredibly cool and in control. Of course, I suppose she had to be, considering the fact that Glenn’s father, cowardly bastard, ran out on her when she was just seventeen.  Can you imagine it?” She shook her head at Jay. “I’m so relieved that kind of thing never happened to me at that age – it must have been a nightmare. And in all seriousness, what kind of man must he have been to turn tail and run when the going got tough like that? Honestly, Jay,” Natalie asked, shaking her head in disgust, “what kind of horrible selfish coward would do something like that?”