All Because of You (Lakeview #2) (37 page)

Why would she want to visit such a thing on Tara – her best friend of many years, the friend who’d been there for her through thick and thin, and in fairness probably suspected too that Liz was worried about Eric’s part in this, but was too much of a friend to vocalise it? 

Instead she’d chosen to support Liz as much as she could, by offering to baby-sit Toby so Liz could spend some time alone with Eric, and getting her out of the house nights – and then at the first opportunity Liz goes and wishes that. 

It was pathetic,
she
was pathetic and the more she thought about it, the more she decided that when she got home she was going to face up to the problems in her marriage once and for all. If it meant she had to face up to the fact that Eric had done the unthinkable, then she’d just have to do it. After all, Tara had had to face worse than this, much more, and she’d come through it all, hadn’t she?

Even now, at her lowest ebb, Tara was still putting a brave face on things – trying to overcome and put aside her hurt and disappointment with Glenn, at least for the moment. And although her friend looked wonderful in the black trousers and Karen Millen jade green velvet and lace cami-top she was wearing tonight, there was no mistaking the pain behind her eyes.

“Will we go?” Tara said, as Liz couldn’t help checking her reflection once more.

Wow
, thought Liz, could she not stop obsessing about stupid trivial things? With all that was going on, she should have more bloody sense! But at this stage, her self-esteem was almost at rock bottom and her insecurity now second nature. Another reason, she thought, to confront the situation when she got home.

“Are you sure you’re OK to do this?” Liz asked again, deciding that it was about time she started acting like a proper friend. “We could always call Natalie and cancel, say you’ve got a headache or something.”

Tara managed a rueful laugh. “Believe me, Natalie would be over here with the cavalry and armed with a multi-pack of Paracetamol! No, it’s fine, Liz, honestly, and in all fairness it might be the best thing for me – help me to take my mind off Glenn for a while.”

“Well, as long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Tara replied and the two closed the hotel room door behind them and headed off to the West End to meet Natalie and man-of-the-moment, Jay.

At first, Liz didn’t actually notice anything out of the ordinary. Anything, that was, other than the restaurant’s wonderful décor and its remarkably welcoming and friendly maitre d’ as he took their coats. And of course she was too busy trying to spot well-known faces amongst the tables to concentrate too much on who they were meeting. 

But as they approached their table, at which sat a woman so incredibly stunning she would make Jennifer Lopez feel like Quasimodo, she noticed Tara suddenly stiffen and then stop dead in her tracks.

“Are you OK?” she queried, as the gorgeous woman – evidently Natalie – smiled and waved in their direction. Liz put a hand on Tara’s arm. “Because you know we don’t have to do this if you don’t want – ”

“Sweet
mother, don’t do this to me,” Tara whispered, and when Liz glanced quickly at her friend, she realised that Tara was speaking, not to her, but almost to herself. “Please, don’t do this to me – not now!”

Confused, Liz followed Tara’s gaze to the table where Natalie and her companion, a tall and fittingly, equally attractive man, watched their approach. 

Then, properly catching sight of the man, she blinked and looked again, wondering if her eyes were deceiving her. Could it be? But how …? 

Then, as she and Tara drew nearer, her friend moving alongside her as if in a daze, Liz took a better look. 

No, it wasn’t who’d she thought it was at first, but wow there was one a hell of a resemblance! Obviously Tara had noticed it too which was why she was acting so strangely. 

But when he finally turned his face to the light, Liz realised she
did
recognise this man, but when she’d seen him he’d been much younger and much less distinguished, standing alongside her best friend who was dressed in a cerise pink taffeta dress.   

“Tara,” she said in hushed tones, almost stopping too as the image from the photograph Colm had shown her flashed into her memory, “isn’t that – ?”

“Yes,” her friend replied shakily, before Liz had a chance to finish the question.

“Yes, it is.”

Tara didn’t think she could endure this for much longer. 

Natalie was trying her best, and her heart went out to the girl who she knew couldn’t understand why the mood at dinner was so subdued. 

But, mistakenly thinking it was Liz who was the source of discomfort, she’d spent much of the meal trying to entice her into conversation. 

Liz, of course, had figured things out immediately. How could she not, seeing Jason up close like this? 

Tara still didn’t know how she’d found the strength to shake his hand when Natalie introduced them. 

“Tara, this is Jay.  Jay – Tara.”

The shock and surprise in his eyes mirrored her own. As recognition dawned, she saw his expression turn from amiable to downright disbelieving.

“It’s … nice to meet you,” he stuttered, briefly shaking her hand, while she wished she could just race out the door and never come back. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Liz watching her carefully as they shook hands, but luckily Natalie noticed nothing. 

“And this is Liz.”

“Hello, very pleased to meet you.” To her credit, and possibly so as to not to arouse Natalie’s suspicion, Liz tried to make up for Tara’s lack of enthusiasm as she in turn shook Jason’s hand.

“And, Liz, as you can probably guess –” Natalie went on, giving Tara a look of feigned disapproval for neglecting to introduce her friend, “I’m Natalie, and I’m so delighted to meet you. Is this your first time in London?”

“Great to meet you too, and no, this isn’t my first time, but I haven’t been here in years. Thanks for inviting me.”

When they went to sit down, Natalie insisted Liz take a seat alongside her at the table, leaving Tara no choice but to sit beside Jason. Natalie continued to chat to Liz about their flight over, if the hotel was OK, and what she thought of the restaurant, while Tara, still reeling from the shock of seeing him again, just stared dumbstruck at the menu.

In truth, Tara was also shocked by how little he’d changed and how handsome he still looked after all these years. In a way, seeing him face-to-face, and sitting in close proximity to him like this, almost reduced her to the naïve, love-struck teenager she’d been back then. Almost, but not quite. The ensuing years had made sure of that, had guaranteed that Tara’s carefree teenage years were long gone.

And so Tara sat there, within a couple of inches of the only man she’d ever truly loved, a man who’d broken her heart and trampled on her dreams, her silly pathetic teenage dreams of a great romance and a future together. And the reason she’d never ever allowed herself afterwards to get involved with someone who could hurt her like he had. Despite Liz’s and everyone else’s insistence that she should seek out real love and passion in her life, Tara knew that if passion led to such heartbreak and pain, she never wanted to experience it again. And as for love, well, she’d thought Glenn would give her enough of that. But as she’d only recently discovered, maybe she had been wrong in thinking that her life was under control, that by not allowing herself to fall in love again, she would be immune from sorrow and pain.  

‘Calm, controlled and serene,’ Tara remembered Natalie describing her one time, but what she didn’t know was that Tara was that way for a very good reason. 

And now, almost the instant she’d set eyes upon Jason (or Jay as Natalie called him – why had she never considered there might be a connection as he was from Dublin?) that old Bryan Adams song,
Heaven,
began to play in her head. Their song – and the song that Tara had never since allowed herself to listen to in its entirety, and who, whenever it appeared on the radio had always steadfastly changed the channel. It was something that amused Glenn no end. 

“Why do you hate that song so much?” he’d laughingly ask her, while Tara would nonchalantly declare that it was ‘cheesy and pathetic’ while inside she’d try desperately to banish the memories the song and its lyrics always triggered.  Memories of a time that Tara wanted to forget, but never, ever could. Jason had made sure of that.

“Whew! I’m stuffed after that!” Natalie declared, pushing away the half-eaten plate of roast duck in front of her. “How was yours, Tara? Was it any good? Tara?”

“What?” Tara suddenly realised that someone was speaking to her.

“How was your food? You’ve hardly eaten anything.”

“Oh, it’s great,” she said, trying desperately to raise a smile, as she felt Jason’s gaze on her.

“Are you sure? You haven’t eaten much at all – we can send it back if it –”

“Honestly, Natalie, it’s great, thanks a million. I just don’t have much of an appetite this evening. Sorry.”

“With all the travelling and everything,” Liz inserted by way of explanation, even though their plane had been in the air barely forty-five minutes.

But Natalie  didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. “I know, air travel can be so tiring!” she agreed, turning once again to Liz. “I suffer from terrible jet-lag at times, do you?” she asked chattily.  “Jay, you like flying though, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

He was being as uncommunicative as she was, Tara noticed, resolving to try and buck herself up before Natalie noticed that something was seriously wrong. It wouldn’t be fair of her to ruin this dinner, not when Natalie was making such an effort – especially with Liz.

At that moment, Natalie’s eyes widened and she elbowed Liz’s arm. “Do you know, I think I just saw Jodi Marsh go into the Ladies’!” she declared, and despite herself, Liz’s eyes went wide as saucers.  

“Are you serious?” she asked, undoubtedly unable to help herself, and Tara smiled sadly. In normal circumstances this night would have been great fun.

“Come on!” Natalie said, putting her napkin on the table, and standing up. “Let’s do a little celeb-stalking!”

Liz looked unsure. “Aren’t you coming too, Tara?” she asked, remembering herself.

“No – you two go ahead.”

“You’re sure . . . ?” Liz gave her a questioning look, as she followed Natalie away from the table, and Tara nodded briefly.

When they’d left, Tara truly understood the expression ‘you could cut the atmosphere with a knife’ and she wondered how and why the gods had engineered this nightmare.

“Tara,” Jason began softly, in that familiar velvety voice of his, “this is very … very unfortunate. I really had no idea.”

Tara’s voice was brittle, and as she spoke she really wasn’t sure how she was getting the words out. “Unfortunate is a bit of an understatement, Jason – or should I call you Jay?”

There was a slight pause. “It’s a nickname that started in Uni, and it stuck.  Everyone calls me that now.”

“Really? So you went to University then, did you? How wonderful for you – I never got that chance.”

“Tara … believe me, I thought about contacting you many times after –”

“And why didn’t you? What stopped you? Too worried that I might tie you down, cramp your style – all those stupid expressions that people use when talking about people like me. But you wouldn’t know anything about that would you, Jason? No, you got out quick, long before the name-calling started.”

“It wasn’t like that – I …” The rest of his sentence trailed off, and he shook his head. 

For the next few minutes, there was a deathly silence and right then Tara realised how crazy this was, the two of them meeting here, in a place like this, a place of wealth and opulence and celebrity, while their romance had taken place in an innocent, old-fashioned country hotel in Ireland – a million miles away from somewhere like this. Yet it was here they’d ended up.

“Tara, you must believe me when I tell you how sorry I am,” he said again. “But I didn’t think, I couldn’t think … we were so young, and I just didn’t know how or what … I was so scared – ”

“Jason, you were two years older than I was! I was seventeen, barely seventeen, and I was bloody scared too! But then that didn’t last long, because after that being scared was the least of my worries.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated.

Yet again the two were silent, Tara twisting her cotton napkin so tightly in her hands she thought it might shred.  

Eventually Jason turned to face her – the first time he’d looked at her properly all evening. “So how is …” he began, before pausing to take a deep breath. When he spoke again, his voice was shaking. “How is – ”

“How is
Glenn
?” Tara interjected breezily. “Well, I’m delighted to say that he’s grown up to be a mature, responsible, and utterly wonderful young man.” 

Finally, she looked Jason directly in the eye. “Nothing like his father.”