Abandon (14 page)

The little girl took a few steps towards him, but stopped and looked back to her mother, suddenly uncertain. Aubrey swallowed hard and went down on his knee, smiling at the child.

“Hullo,” she said, studying him carefully.

“Annabelle, make your curtsy to Lord Lovell please.”

The child bit her lip and made a slight dip holding onto her skirts. She looked to her mother for approval and Lucy gave her a wavering smile, overwhelmed by a sight she had thought she would never see.

“What is your name?” Aubrey thought his heart would beat out of his chest.

“Annabelle,” she replied with a frown.

“Of course, your mother just said so.” Aubrey was not used to speaking with young children. He wanted to just drink her in, her perfect little face framed in her mother’s curls. “How old are you, Annabelle?” Lucy startled, but did not say a word.

“I am four years old. Who are you, sir?”

Aubrey glanced at Lucy. “I am an old friend of your mother’s. We were neighbors once upon a time.”

“You lived here?”

“No, near to your Uncle Richard. Your mama lived at Wakefield Park when she was a little girl like yourself.”

“I am a big girl.” Annabelle eyed him suspiciously. “Uncle Richard comes here to see us. He said I could come to visit him when I’m a big girl, but he says not yet. I have a new cousin, Ned.”

“I had heard that.” Aubrey wanted to touch the girl, his daughter,
his daughter
, but he did not want to startle or frighten her. “Your hair is very like your mama’s curls, Annabelle.” He savored the sound of her name. He had a daughter. Why had Lucy named her Annabelle? He was shaking so he stood again, trying to regain control of his limbs and he put one hand on the mantel to steady himself.

The maid, governess, whatever she was, came forward. “Annabelle, we must put your nest away. Come with me now and we will see if Cook has some treats and a cool drink after our walk.” Lucy handed the woman the pile of twigs and straw that Annabelle had left in her lap and Annabelle quietly followed her out of the room. When she reached the door she turned and gave another of her dips, placing her foot in front of her to balance.

“Mama. Lord…” she scrunched up her nose trying to remember.

'
Papa, you can call me Papa
', Aubrey thought, but he did not dare to voice his thoughts. “Lord Lovell, Annabelle. And it was very nice to meet you.” She smiled and ran after her nurse.

Aubrey watched her go, feeling a hole open in his heart as she disappeared. He had a daughter and he had missed almost five years of her life. He had not even been aware of her existence. How could Lucy have not told him? He felt cold as he turned to her. She sat on the sofa still, her face strained and hands clasped together so tightly that they showed white against her brown dress.

“She is my daughter.” He said it flatly, cruelly, and she flinched and bowed her head. “How could you not tell me?”

Lucy took a deep breathe, trying to gird herself for the confrontation and looked up. “You were long gone by the time I knew I was with child. I was left abandoned and ruined. I was lucky that my family stood by me and continued to aid me.”

“And when I returned? Could you not have told me then?”

“Things were strained between us at first. Once we were…” Lucy blushed, “friends again I did try to tell you, but never had a good opportunity. When I heard that you were to be married I knew that I could never tell you. You would want Annabelle and I would not have her raised by another woman, not one that might be cruel to her, who might not love her. My family sacrificed much to allow me to keep her and I will not give up my daughter.”

Aubrey shook his head, much of his anger cooling as her words penetrated through the haze of outrage. He slowly walked across the room to sink down next to her on the sofa and took her hands in his.

“Lucy, I am marrying you, not some other woman. I thought you understood that. You are mine. I love you and now I love our daughter. We are meant to be together forever if you will have me.”

Lucy stared at him wildly and a tear trickled down her cheek. She inhaled and a loud storm of tears broke forth. Aubrey pulled her close and let her cry until the tears had permeated his broadcloth coat and he could feel the linen of his shirt becoming damp.

“Damn you, damn you.” The storm was passing and Lucy vainly wiped at her face until Aubrey pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her. She blew her nose and lifted tired eyes to him.

“Please do not take Annabelle from me.”

Aubrey pulled her onto his lap and settled her head against his chest.

“Lucy, love, did you hear me? I love you. I love Annabelle. I intend to marry you and we shall be a family.”

She struggled to sit up so she could see his face. “But what about Lady Clarissa? You are to marry her. And I cannot let her raise Annabelle as your wife.”

“Lucy, please calm down and listen to me. I will never marry Lady Clarissa or anyone else but you. Tell me that you understand what I am saying to you?”

She blinked her eyes and shook her head. “Wait, you want to marry me? I thought at one time perhaps, but your mother and Lady Clarissa said that you meant to have me as your mistress. I could not do that to Annabelle or my family, no matter how much I love you.”

“You love me?” Aubrey filed away the information about his mother and her acolyte, but decided to focus on the one bit that was important.

“Of course.”

“And you will marry me? Say yes, Lucy, I need to hear it from your lips. I have a special license and we can be married as soon as it can be arranged.”

“Yes, yes.”

Aubrey crushed his lips to hers and held her close. There were more matters that they had to clear up, but for now he just needed to kiss her. She was frantic trying to pull him closer, her small hands entwined in his hair as she met his tongue with her own. Lucy moaned, overcome by sudden passion until….

“Mama.” They broke apart to find Annabelle looking at them with confusion in her golden eyes. “What are you doing?”

Lucy jumped off of Aubrey’s lap and poked at her hair, pushing stray tendrils back into place. Meanwhile Aubrey stood up and walked several steps away, his back to them while he calmed his errant body.

“Lord Lovell and I were talking.” Annabelle wrinkled her nose, looking back and forth between them. “Did you need me for something? Where is Mary?”

Annabelle was successfully distracted and looked guiltily over her shoulder at the doorway. “I wanted to show you how the nest looks on my shelf. Mary went to get our luncheon.”

Lucy took her daughter’s hand and led her to the hallway. “You must not run away from Mary. She is probably looking for you. Go back up to the nursery and I will speak with you later.”

The little girl pouted, but walked up the stairs, carefully holding onto the railing. Lucy watched until she had reached the top and disappeared in the direction of her room. Then she smoothed her skirts and turned back to the parlor.

Aubrey grinned ruefully as she came back in the room. “I think it will take some adjustment, this becoming a father so suddenly.”

Feeling shy, Lucy stood behind a chair as if to use it for a shield. “We need to talk.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “We do need to talk.” He motioned for her to take the chair and she sat while he moved to the sofa. For this discussion it was needful to have space between them.

“Tell me what happened after you found you were with child. I would like to hear the entire story,” Aubrey said.

Lucy twisted her hands together and looked down at the floor. There was no one who had heard this whole story, not even her family. She began in a low voice so Aubrey had to strain to hear her, but it gradually grew stronger.

“After you left for Italy I went into a decline. I could not understand why you were gone when I thought that we would be planning our marriage. I slept all the time and did not eat. My parents thought that I had caught a summer fever and a doctor was called, but he found naught the matter with me. My mother finally realized that I was with child. I had no idea.”

Lucy looked up. “My parents were all that was kind. I never told them who the father was, but I believe that they knew. Richard was away in London, but he came home to help. Before anyone else realized that I was carrying a child my mother and I moved here. My father had retained the house after my birth mother died and had been renting it out. He managed to move the tenants out so that we had a place to stay. Annabelle was born here.”

“My family had put about that I was a widow. My young husband had gone to Europe on business and died there from a fever. Of course the village people knew who my parents were and I suspect that many thought the tale untrue, but they have been kind over the years. It helped that my family did not repudiate me. I am known as Mrs. Sutcliffe here.”

Aubrey raised an eyebrow in question and Lucy huffed out a reply. “Richard went to school with a Sutcliffe. The man had lung disease and went to Europe for a cure. Richard decided to appropriate his last name though we have never given my false husband a first name.”

Lucy was starting to relax a little bit. “Annabelle and I have resided here ever since. Occasionally, I visit Wakefield Park, but I have never brought Annabelle there. Too many people would question her existence. But she has become old enough to ask questions and to want to know more.”

She stood and walked to the fireplace, too restless to sit and Aubrey automatically stood with her, watching her as she paced. “Richard wanted to adopt Annabelle and raise her as his own. He thought that would give me the chance to have a come out and find a husband. So I tried for his sake, but I would not give her up and I could not imagine any of the men I met as her father.”

Aubrey walked over and took her hands. “Can you imagine me in that role?” Both their hands were trembling with emotion and the tears started trickling down Lucy’s cheeks once more. He wiped the tears away with his thumb and kissed her forehead.

“There is no one else, it has always been you,” she whispered.

After their emotions were spent, Lucy and Aubrey retired to the small dining room for luncheon. Lucy had a village woman who came in to cook for lunch and dinner as well as two other women who came twice a week to do the cleaning and laundry. Aside from a groom who cared for their horses and Mary, her one time maid who now acted as nurse for Annabelle, there was no one else at the house.

They continued to talk and plan, excited and ready to move on to the next phase of their lives. Lucy was finally convinced of Aubrey’s true devotion.  His pride in his newfound daughter made her additionally happy. For many years she was sure that he would not be happy to learn that he had fathered a child, but his joy was evident. He wanted to know every little thing about Annabelle.

She convinced him that they should wait some time, not marry immediately and allow Annabelle to become familiar with Aubrey. Lucy and Annabelle would move back to Wakefield Park where Aubrey could visit every day. When they judged the time to be right they would tell their child that Aubrey was her father and that they were marrying.

Aubrey wanted to use the special license immediately and bring his family to Lovell Moor, but he deferred to Lucy and the needs of his daughter.

“Not more than two weeks, Lucy,” he warned her. “I cannot wait more than that to have you as my wife. It seems as if I have been waiting forever.”

“I will be ready,” she promised. “I only need Richard and Anne to bear witness.”

“Would you not like a wedding like Harriet and George had? All the people and fuss?” he teased.

“No, never. Just you and my brother and his wife. Oh, and of course Annabelle. We will not be able to tell her until the last minute or she will make herself ill with excitement.”

“Do you think that she will like me?”

“Oh, Aubrey.” Lucy stood up from the table and came to sit on his lap. She put her arms around his neck. “Of course she will love you. You are her father.”

“I loved my father, Lucy, but I did not like him much.”

“You will play with her and spoil her and I will be the disciplinarian that both of you will disobey.” Lucy smiled. “Just wait until she is overtired and has a tantrum. I will depend on you to soothe her.”

Aubrey chuckled, but he was nervous. His own parents had not set much of an example for him to follow, but he was determined to set a new course. And Lucy would be by his side to help him.

“I must pack some things for Annabelle and myself, at least for a few days. I will leave Mary to do the rest and I can send Richard’s carriage back for her and the rest.” She hopped off of his lap. “I do hope that Richard will agree to allow us to stay for a short time.”

“Of course he will. You told me that he has wanted you both there for ages. But I will send back a carriage for Mary and your things, no need for him to do so.”

They had agreed to ride to Wakefield Park once all arrangements had been made. By carriage it was several hours and Lucy did not want to wait now that they had settled on arrangements. Lucy went to speak to Mary and Cook while Aubrey waited in the parlor, trying to settle his nerves.

“Oh, you are still here.” Annabelle had escaped from Mary again. He wondered how common an occurrence this was. Then he wondered how much he could tell her without incurring Lucy’s wrath.

“Yes, I am waiting for you and your mother. I am escorting you on a journey this afternoon.”

Annabelle thought this over. “Where are we going?” she asked flatly.

Aubrey smiled pleasantly. “That is up to your mother to tell you.”

She looked towards the stairs, obviously torn between running to ask her mother and trying to see if she might get more information out of him.

“Did you know my Papa?”

Aubrey started to sweat. “Yes.”

“Can you tell me about him? It makes mama sad when I ask about him.” She was so earnest that Aubrey wanted to hug her to him and reassure her that he would never let her go, but he restrained himself.

“I think that your mama will be telling you more about your Papa in the near future.” Annabelle nodded and turned to go. “But Annabelle, know this. He loves you very much.”

She stared at him thoughtfully, gave a short nod and left to find her mother. A few moments later Aubrey heard shrieks. Lucy must have told her where they were journeying. He smiled to himself. His life was about to become quite lively.

Lucy had warned Aubrey that Annabelle usually took a nap in the afternoon. Since he had her up in front of him on his horse, he expected that she might nod off at some point. But she was so excited to be on a horse that she wiggled and turned, trying to see everything at once. He had to caution her when they started out and he reminded her once again before Lucy spoke to her more firmly and Annabelle settled down.

As the ride wore on she did slump back against Aubrey, tired but not willing to miss anything. He relished the small warm body cuddled against him and did his best to answer her questions about her surroundings. Lucy rode next to them, a gentle smile on her lips and allowed Aubrey to deal with her for the most part.

By the time they rode through the gates of Wakefield Park Annabelle was blinking and yawning. She revived as they reached the front of the house and her eyes grew big when a footman came out to assist Lucy down from her horse. Aubrey swung down and lifted Annabelle, setting her on the gravel carriageway.

“Uncle Richard,” Annabelle squealed. Indeed, Richard had come out to see who had arrived. He took his niece and swung her up into his arms with an ease that Aubrey envied. Richard gave Aubrey a sharp look before he turned to his sister to greet her.

“Richard, we have much to share with you, but first may we impose on you for a few days?” Lucy asked. She could not help wringing her hands slightly and Aubrey moved to stand by her for support.

“What do you think Annabelle? Should we allow your mother to stay or do I get to have you to myself finally?” Richard was teasing and Aubrey eased as Lucy relaxed, the tension leaving her body.

“I want my Mama,” Annabelle said with a quaver.

“Then you shall have her. Come in, come in and meet your new cousin. Your Aunt Anne had just brought him downstairs for a visit when we saw you ride up.” Richard led them into the house while the footman handed over their reins to Jack who had come at a run from the stables. The cheeky lad winked at Aubrey as he took their horses off to care for them.

Once they were inside there was the predictable cooing over the new baby. Annabelle was in awe, gently patting a leg where the baby lay on Anne’s lap. Aubrey felt an unexpected tightening in his chest. He had missed the first few years of Annabelle’s life. He regretted that deeply now. He would never see her as Ned looked now and he fiercely vowed not to pass over any more opportunities to participate in her life.

Anne was patently delighted at their news, whispered discreetly to her by Lucy. Richard was more obvious in his satisfaction at his sister's evident happiness. When he offered Aubrey a brandy he clinked his glass with a nod of approval.

“I assume you have worked out your issues with my sister,” he murmured.

Aubrey smiled. “If the fact that you and I are soon to be brothers by marriage means that Lucy and I are in accord, then you are correct. But Annabelle does not know yet. We want to let her become accustomed to the idea first which is why we are imposing upon your hospitality.”

“I have wanted them both here for quite some time, but could not convince Lucy so them staying here is not an issue. We need to have a discussion about Annabelle. Some years ago I inquired about legitimizing her birth status. I did not have the authority, but based on what I was told, I believe that you may be able to take steps in that direction.”

Aubrey felt a weight lift off his shoulders that he did not even realize was there. “I confess, I only found about her existence this morning, but I have every intention of writing to my solicitor for advice as soon as I am able. I would appreciate any insight you might have.”

Richard grinned. “It may require a bit of subterfuge and influence, but I have every confidence that we can find a solution, especially if we keep your wedding somewhat quiet. I assume that is the plan. I know my sister and she would be appalled by any assembly at her nuptials.”

“Absolutely. I already have a special license for when she’s ready. I would be honored if you would stand for me and I believe Lucy is asking Anne. That is all we need for witnesses.”

“And your daughter will insist on attending, I’m sure.”

Aubrey glanced over to where Annabelle had finally fallen asleep on the sofa, head in her mother’s lap. “I should carry her up to bed and then I must ride back to Lovell Moor. I will also send to my solicitor regarding the settlements, but you will find no impediment on my side. Anything that Lucy and Annabelle require shall be theirs.”

“I expected no less,” Richard answered.

Aubrey walked over to the sofa and lifted his sleeping daughter. “Lead the way,” he whispered to Lucy and she rose to show him to the nursery which Annabelle would share with Ned for the night. Lucy quickly undressed her sleepy child and got her ready for bed. Aubrey kissed her cheek. But Annabelle was already asleep, tired out from her exciting day. He put his arms around Lucy and pulled her close.

“I must be away, but I will return in the morning. Perhaps we can take Annabelle on a picnic if the day is fine.”

“She would like that,” Lucy smoothed his cravat. “I can speak to Cook, I am sure that Richard would not mind."

“Richard is very happy at our circumstances and cannot wait for them to be finalized in our wedding day.” He kissed her forehead although he wanted more. “I confess that I cannot wait myself.”

Lucy walked him downstairs, not wanting to let him go but knowing he had much to settle. He knew that she was tired also so he called for his horse and rode home in the gathering dusk, his heart light and mind busy with the actions he must take in the next few days. He would need to meet with the local clergyman, send a coach for Lucy’s things, and start preparations for a new mistress at Lovell Moor.

Therefore, he was not prepared to find unexpected visitors when he walked into the house and found both his mother and Lord Rathburn in residence. They had arrived earlier in the day and his mother was waiting for him impatiently.

“Lovell, it is past time for you to be home. Where have you been?””

Aubrey ignored her question. “Mother, I did not expect you here. And Rathburn, I especially did not expect you.” He glared at the man with dislike.

“What would you have me do when you left Blakesley’s wedding so abruptly? I needed an escort and Lord Rathburn kindly acceded to my request.” His mother tipped her chin in the air, displaying her disdain.

“I would have expected you to return to your sister’s house in London rather than make the trek to Yorkshire when you dislike the country so much.” Aubrey was pointed in his rejoinder.

“It is incumbent on me to not allow you to make any rash decisions. I decided that you might need my advice.” His mother had a false smile and too sweet tone. She never could dissemble successfully. He decided to ignore her for the moment and concentrate on her escort.

“Well, Rathburn, I thank you for escorting my mother on her journey, but you need not stay longer than tonight. I am sure that you at least are anxious to return to the delights of London.” Aubrey gave the older man a steely glare that Rathburn seemed to ignore.

“Indeed, a repairing lease in the country is just what I need right now. Your esteemed mother has extended her hospitality and I am glad to take advantage of it.”

“My mother does not have the right to invite guests to my home.” Aubrey decided that plain-speaking was in order. “I will be glad to make a carriage available to take you wherever you might wish to go.”

“Do not be ridiculous, Lovell. Lord Rathburn is my guest.” His mother’s neck was turning red, a sure sign of her agitation.

“And this is my home now, mother. I would suggest that you take advantage of Lord Rathburn’s escort once more when he leaves.”

Aubrey turned to leave, but stopped when Rathburn spoke once more. “I suppose that you were at Wakefield Park visiting the lovely Lady Lucilla.”

He spun back around. “Stay away from Lady Lucilla.”