A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator (13 page)

LEMONY SNICKET first received his education from public schools and private tutors, and the vice versa. He has been hailed as a brilliant scholar, discredited as a brilliant fraud, and mistaken for a much taller man on several occasions. Mr. Snicket's researching skills are currently and devoutly concentrated on the plight of the Baudelaire orphans, published serially be HarperCollins.

To My Kind Editor, I am sorry this paper is sopping wet, but I am writing this from the place where the Quagmire Triplets were hidden. The next time you run out of milk, buy a new carton at Cash Register #19 of the Not-Very-Supermarket. When you arrive home, you will find my description of the Baudelaires' recent experiences in this dreadful town entitled THE VILE VILLAGE has been tucked into your grocery sack along with a burnt-out torch, the tip of a harpoon, and a chart of the migration paths of the V.F.D. crows. There is also a copy of the official portrait of the Council of Elders, to help Mr. Helquist with his illustrations. Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can be told to the general public.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket