A Life More Complete (18 page)

“I hate to break it to you and Rach,
but the fact that she looked like a porn star was enough. And even worse when
the three of you ended up in high school together. You could have brought the
entire male student body to their knees. Just think of the fantasies that a
fifteen year old boy could spin from imagining the three of you.” I can’t even
begin to comment, so I just shake my head at him. “Why did you wear the same
clothes all week anyway?”

I giggle as I recall my reasoning for
being so disgustingly unkempt. “My mom wanted me to go buy new school clothes
and I wouldn’t, so she took away all the clothes I had and hid them. That was
what I had on when she hid my clothes.”

“I knew the explanation would be that
simple. Not a care in the world,” he says.

We spend the rest of the night
reliving our misspent youth and laughing, my coffee table lined with beer
bottles. We laugh about the Halloween that we dressed up as the leg lamp and
Ralphie from
A Christmas Story
and
how halfway through the party we switched costumes after making out in someone’s
parents bedroom.

“Oh my God! You put your foot through
the bottom of the fishnets!” I say through hiccupping laughs.

By this point we are laughing so hard
tears are streaming down our faces. It used to be like this. The negative
memories overshadowed the good times we had, but right now all we have are good
memories. We reminisce some more, each memory more vivid than the last; kissing
at the zoo, making out in the boys locker room after Tyler’s soccer practices,
cheating off each other during our Bio tests, being pulled on a snow tube by
his car and smoking pot on the roof of my mom’s house.

“I was terrified of your stepdad,” he
says.

“Tom?” I question. “Why?”

“He was a cop and he was scary as
hell. You were never scared he was going to catch you smoking up on the roof?”

“He did. I thought I was going to
shit my pants, but he just told Rachel and me to go to bed. Rachel couldn’t
stop laughing. His stance on drugs was very liberal, especially on weed.”

“How you turned out so normal is
beyond me,” he says patting my butt. I am now lying completely on top of him,
my chin on his chest.

“I think your view of normal is a tad
off. It’s all relative.” I smile at him and rest my ear against his chest. I
can hear his heart beating steadily and I love it. “Will you stay with me
tonight?”

“Absolutely,” he says.

I know what you’re thinking, “
Geez, she really is easy.
” But I didn’t
sleep with him, well I slept with him, but I didn’t
sleep
with him. At this point it’s impossible to send him back to
his hotel. I look at it like sharing a bed with Melinda or Gia, but I never
would have had such impure thoughts about them while they slept next to me.

I rise early and before leaving the
bed I peel back the covers. I’m still wearing my underwear and the t-shirt I
went to sleep in, so that’s a good sign considering the amount of alcohol that
was consumed between the two of us. I quietly find my way into my extra bedroom
and hit the treadmill for my morning run. Tyler finds me as my feet are
pounding the motorized mat. I’m six miles into my ten mile run, but I nearly
slide off the back when he steps in the doorway wearing just his boxers. He’s
standing there, a seductive smile on his lips and I want to throw myself at
him, in that desperate schoolgirl way. I hit pause as he walks toward me. His
eyes trained on me, calling to me, making me long for him.

“Enough of this shit,” he says as his
he lifts me off the treadmill.

“What shit?” I say but it comes out
all breathy. He smiles at me and it scorches with desire.

“You can’t stand in front of me
wearing underwear and a t-shirt and expect me not to want you.” He places his
hand on the small of my back and pulls me to him; my chest pressed against his.

“You weren’t supposed to be up yet,”
I reply but again it sounds far too seductive. My heartbeat quickens and my
body begins to tingle.

“Well I am and since when do you run
barefoot? Everything you do is sexy,” he says close to my ear. Goosebumps line
my skin and all control is gone. He pulls my shirt over my head, his fingertips
grazing my ribs, making my body tremble. I follow him to the bedroom. I know
exactly what is about to happen. I understand the risks. I tell myself that he’s
married, I remind myself again as he climbs on top of me and for a third time
as he enters me. But I can’t bring myself to stop him. I might regret this
later, hell I might even regret it in an hour, but I still follow through. I’m done
worrying about what’s to come, done with what ifs and definitely done thinking
about soon to be ex-wives. Tyler is familiar; he’s my known and my unknown all
at the same time. He clouds my vision and makes my thinking fuzzy, yet somehow
he makes everything appear perfectly clear. I find myself in the same
predicament I did so many years ago. I would do anything for him. Marry him,
love him forever, have his babies, you name it. He’s that good...at everything.

As I lay next to Tyler, both of us breathing
heavily, he pulls me from my reverie. “We have to meet the real estate agent in
an hour in L.A.” He leans over and kisses me gently before leaving the bed to
shower and when we’re both ready I follow him out to his car.

We climb into his nice, yes, but
completely ridiculous, SUV and I reprimand him again for purchasing such a
showy car. He laughs it off and says that he bought it just to mock me. He
rests his hand on my thigh as he begins to relax into the seat. I want to ask
him what this means for us now. But I don’t. He can sense my hesitation and
asks what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” I answer.

“You sure? You seem a little uneasy.”
His hand strokes up and down my leg.

“Yeah. Really. I’m good.”

“You’d tell me, right? I want things
to be different this time. I want you to tell me everything.” A small sigh escapes
me and I smile. It’s the reassurance I’m looking for and he gave it without me
even having to ask.

“This time,” I whisper. “It will be
different. Better.”

“It took me so long to realize what I
really wanted was you. I’m yours.” He looks at me and his perfect smile says it
all.

We meet the real estate agent at the
first of many amazing properties. Her name is Jordan and of course, she’s
strikingly beautiful. Big doe eyes, amazingly straight white teeth, long blonde
hair and skinny. Her suit hugs her tiny little body perfectly. No matter how
long I live here I’m still in awe of the number of ridiculously attractive
women that inhabit this city. Tyler greets her with a handshake, which is
completely unlike him. No hug or kiss on the cheek. He introduces me as his
girlfriend and I know I have a preposterously stupid grin on my face.

We look at five houses, each one more
mind-blowing than the next, the views, the amenities, the houses themselves. On
the sixth one I tell Tyler, this is it. The house is a beautiful single family
home with deep cherry hardwood floors and the most incredible view of downtown
Los Angeles. It’s in the Hollywood Hills and sits atop a cliff overlooking the
whole city. I can imagine its beauty at all times of the day, when the sun
rises and when it sets. I can picture the city being bathed in an angelic glow.
The balcony overlooks it all, as does the gigantic soaker bathtub next to a
wall of floor to ceiling windows.

“I love it,” I tell him.

“Really?” he asks and I nod my head. He
takes my hand as we are standing on the balcony. He tells the agent to write up
the lease. She has that look of satisfaction on her face. He asks her about a
six month lease and she tells him that they’d really like to do a year, but she’ll
check. This statement makes me uneasy. Six months, why? Instead of just
wondering and letting my imagination lead me to stupid theories and misguided
thoughts, I decide to ask.

“Why only six months?”

“Relax, kid,” he says and I don’t
cringe inwardly like I used to at his nickname. “I’m sticking around. I know
what you’re thinking,” he says as he pulls me to him and kisses my forehead. “I
don’t think we’ll want to stay here that long. I know you love the beach.”

“I have a home, Tyler,” I say trying
not to sound too demanding.

“I know. I thought maybe you could
stay with me sometimes and when you’re ready we’ll move in together.” Geez, he’s
moving awfully fast. I’m not sure I’m okay with the direction this is heading,
but I go with it. “No pressure,” he says. He tells Jordan to find out about the
six month lease before he’ll sign anything and she agrees to get back to him
tonight.

“I think you and your,” Jordan
hesitates, “girlfriend will be pleased with the property. Did you see the
bathtub?” she asks me.

“Yes, I did. Wonderful,” I say.

“It’s an amazing house. I think you’ll
love living here.”

And before I can control myself I announce,
“Oh, I’m not moving in here. I have a place in Manhattan Beach.” I see the
smile fade from Tyler’s face and Jordan perks up a bit. Guilt washes over me. He
is trying so hard and I just won’t let him. I lean closer to him and whisper, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he says. “Just try for
me. Please.” I apologize again. We get in the car and ride back to my house in
silence. I don’t know what to say. It all comes rushing back, unfiltered
thoughts of us, old memories of the barriers I put up to keep myself from
getting too involved because of what happened in the past. I’m at that point
again. I can’t seem to let go. I never thought there would be a time in my life
when I would say I’m too independent, but here it is. My biggest failure was
somehow the one thing that people strive for. I longed so badly for Tyler to
love me, in the end it is me who is keeping it from happening. I reach over and
put my hand on the back of Tyler’s neck and he closes his eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Ty. That really came out
all wrong. This is all so new. We just got back together yesterday and I know
it seems longer than that given our history, but it’s still only been one day. And
you’re still married.” I feel like I’m rambling; yet I keep going. “I’ve been living
on my own for what seems like forever. I like my freedom. I like my
independence, but I also know it’s my biggest hindrance. I’ll work on it. But I
also need you to understand that even though things are really good right now,
we still have issues. I need to learn to trust you again and given our past it
will be an uphill battle. And I want...” He interrupts me, suddenly.

“Krissy, will you just shut up?” I’m
taken aback by his abrupt tone and his words. “I love you and I love your
independent-I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude. Sometimes you’re hard to take, but I
wouldn’t have it any other way. If it were easy all the time I wouldn’t try so
damn hard.” He sighs quietly. “My divorce will be final next week.” I, too
breathe a sigh of relief. I decide to text Melinda.

Me: I slept with Tyler.

Melinda: You slut. I told you.

Me: Bitch

Melinda: Slut

Me: All name calling aside. He was amazing.

Melinda: Are you surprised? I’m jealous. I need to get laid.

Me: Hahaha. He’s still married. Does that make me a slut?

Melinda: I’ll have to consult Webster’s but I don’t think so. Don’t screw
this one up.

Me: I won’t. I want you to meet him for real. No bullshit, got it?

Melinda: What are you talking about? I would never...

Me: Whatever. You busy tonight?

Melinda: Let me check...Nope. Am I ever?

Me: Work?

Melinda: Nothing on the calendar for tonight. Dinner and drinks?

Me: Yep. Mario’s or the Cantina?

Melinda: The Cantina. 7?

Me. Sure. Don’t call me a slut. It makes me self-conscious.

Melinda: K, whore. See you at 7. XOXO

Me: You’re going to make some man totally miserable someday. XOXO

Melinda is one of the best friends I
have and no matter what she doesn’t judge me, which makes it so easy to talk to
her. She’s my Gia of the west coast. Shit, I really should call Gia and fill
her in. I know she won’t be as accepting of Tyler as Melinda. Gia knew him back
in the day when things were a mess. Although her and Tyler always got along, I
sometimes think she only tolerated him because of me. She never said so, but I
felt it. I decide to put off calling her until at least tomorrow maybe longer. I’m
not sure I’m up for a possible tongue-lashing.

“Do you want to have dinner with my
friend Melinda tonight. You met her yesterday, sort of. She was the blonde at
my office.”

“The bitch?” he asks.

“She’s not a bitch. Okay, she was to
you, but that’s because she loves me. She’s a good friend.”

“Sure. I really need to get some
clothes though. I think I’m starting to smell.” I laugh, but in my mind he
smells perfect.