A Heart Renewed (44 page)

If she did forgive him, maybe she would finally have true peace in her heart.  Maybe she would be able to move on with her life.

Thankfully, a stage arrived with half a dozen guests.  Setting her thoughts aside, she focused on getting them situated.

An hour later with stomach growling, Julia entered the kitchen, long overdue for her midday break.  Sitting at the small table near the back door, she stretched the sore muscles in her neck.  She needed a good night’s sleep soon.

“Miss Julia,” Chef greeted.  “I have just the thing for you today.”

Ten minutes later, he set a delicious plate of food before her, remembering the smaller portions she always requested.  Taking a bite, she let the venison melt on her tongue.  She didn’t know how he did it, but Chef could make anything drab taste amazing.

As she finished the last bite, a knock at the door startled her.  Chef hurried over to open the door.

“Ah!” he exclaimed.  “You’ve brought me more Colter beef.”

Julia turned to see who came from the ranch.  For a brief second she held out hope that Adam might be here.  Ben and Snake each carried a crate into the room, setting them down on the counter where Chef pointed.

“Miss Julia,” Ben smiled when he spotted her.  “How ya doing?”

“Fine,” she lied.

“Snake, why don’t you head on over to our next stop.  I’d like to catch up with Miss Julia for a minute,” Ben said.

Why did she suddenly have the feeling that she was in trouble?

“Take a walk with me,” he said, leading her out the back door, around the building to the town square.

She followed silently beside this bear of a man she’d known all her life.  In her father’s absence, he filled in nicely.

“Will is real worried about ya.”

“If Will is worried, why hasn’t he been in to visit?”

“Couple of reasons.  He’s worried sick ‘bout Hannah and doesn’t want to get too far from the house.  And he’s tryin’ to respect your space.”

“Hmm,” she responded, not really sure what to say.

“And Adam—he ain’t been himself since… Well, since his last day to town.”

“Ben—”

“Hear me out.  It’s plain as day that the two of ya fancy each other.  I don’t know what all happened that day between ya, but ya both need to let it go.  What you got is special, little Jewel.”

She smiled at the nickname her father often used.  How she missed him. 

“Don’t let what happened with Reuben keep ya from happiness with Adam.  That young man loves ya more’n his horses.  And ya know how much he loves them horses.”

Her stomach tightened and her mouth went dry.  “How did you know about Reuben?”

“Little Jewel, I don’t know.  Not exactly.  But, I’ve heard enough of pieces of conversations and I’ve known ya since ya was a baby.  And I know all ‘bout what kind of man Reuben is.  Somethin’ bad drove ya here.  I know it’s got to hurt.  I know it’s tough to forgive.”

Nervous, Julia wrung her hands together, taking in what he said, even if she didn’t want to hear it.  He saw things that others didn’t always see.  He had always watched out for her when he was the foreman at the Star C.  She trusted him.

Ben turned and looked down at her, “Yer papa would want to see ya move on.  He’d want to see ya happy.  And if it’s Adam that makes ya happy, he would’ve been downright joyful.”

Tears sprung at the mention of her father.  “I miss him,” she croaked.  “None of this would have happened if he wouldn’t have died.”

Adam’s apple bobbing, Ben struggled to say, “I know.  None of us were ready for him to leave.”

Burying her head against this fatherly man’s chest, she cried, her heart broken over all she lost.

“Aw, little Jewel,” Ben said, patting her head.  “I didn’t mean to get ya all upset.”

Swiping at the moisture on her face, she stepped back.  “I know.  I better get back.  Mr. Hamilton must be wondering what’s keeping me.”

“Take care, Miss Julia.  Think about what I said.”

As Ben left for Lancaster’s, Julia squared her shoulders and walked towards Juniper House.  She wouldn’t be able to stop herself from thinking about what he said.

Chapter 35

Prescott

May 22, 1865

Prescott.  At last.  Having started his second run to La Paz with a terrible hangover, the trip seemed to drag endlessly.  Accompanied by memories of his brother, guilt hounded Thomas.  If only he had not tried to rob that bank, his brother would still be alive.

He would not have spent the better part of the last two days rehearsing what he would say to his sister-in-law tomorrow.  He didn’t want to do it—was afraid to do it.  But he had to.  He felt compelled to ask her forgiveness.  He needed to end this turmoil chewing up his soul.

Sliding off his horse, too tired to dismount with any dignity, he led the chestnut mare into the livery.  Craig offered to care for the horse.  Taking the saddle bags and mail bags from the horse, Thomas slung both over his shoulders.

“You look beat, Anderson,” Craig said.  “Didn’t run into any trouble did ya?”

“No, no trouble.  Just have a bit of a headache.”  He lied.  The last thing he needed was his new employer to think he did not have the stamina for this job.

“Alright.  See you in a few days.”

Walking towards the Juniper House, he tried to shake some of his weariness away.  Stepping inside, he felt awkward, suddenly aware of his bedraggled appearance and how poorly it fit with the elegance of the hotel.

A young woman behind the counter greeted him, before saying, “Mr. Frye hasn’t been by in a while.  Please tell me he is well.”

“Ma’am.  He’s fine.  Just tired of this grueling job.  I’m his replacement, Thomas Anderson.”  He tried to force a smile from his lips.

“Miss Colter,” she introduced herself.  “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Anderson.”

Colter.  Wasn’t that Hannah’s new husband’s name?

“Any relation to the Colter who owns the ranch?”

“My older brother.  Have you met him?”

“Just heard of him.”

Taking the mail from his extended hand, she thanked him and wished him a good day.  Turning, he left the hotel musing at the strange coincidence of Colter’s sister working there. 
Providence, Tommy.
 

Shut up, he thought.  He was tired of it.

Thomas shuffled his feet across the square to Lancaster’s.  He walked into the Mother Lode, found his bunk, and tossed his stuff underneath.  Then he left to find Betty.  After letting her know he returned, he went back and stretched out on his bunk.

Later he woke to noise in the bunkhouse, likely many of the boarders returning from a day’s work.  He considered rising to join them for supper, but rolled over instead, sleep still unsatisfied.

The next morning, he woke before dawn.  Quietly moving about the bunkhouse, he washed up and donned the fresh change of clothes that Betty washed while he was gone.  Dousing his hair with some water, he toweled it partly dry.  While he was ready earlier than Betty normally served breakfast, he decided to sit in the dining hall anyway.

Betty must have heard him enter, for she brought two steaming cups of coffee. Taking a seat across from him, she asked, “How are you doing, dear?”

He smiled at her fond overuse of the word “dear.”  “Okay, I guess.”

“You know what happened to Drew was not your fault,” she said, patting his hand.

How he wished he could believe it—to be fully absolved of his responsibility.  He avoided her gaze.  “Yeah, I know.”

He took a swig of coffee.  “I’m going out to see Hannah today.”

“I think that’s good for you both, dear.  I’ll be prayin’ for you.”

Thomas snorted.  No  amount of prayer would help him.  It certainly would not bring Drew back.

Betty rose and wagged a finger at him.  “Don’t you be underestimating the power of talking to the good Lord.  I’d wager you’ve already seen his hand in your life, but you just aren’t ready to let him take charge quite yet.”

When she walked back to the kitchen, Thomas stared behind her.  Did she know about his past?  That was impossible.  No one here knew about all of his past.  Why would she say that he’d seen the Lord’s hand in his life?  All he saw was his own mistakes and failures.

After breakfast, he briefly spoke with Paul to get directions to Colter Ranch.  Then he hired a horse from the livery and set off going northeast out of town.

Hannah rose after a fitful night of sleep.  Besides the baby being very active, she dreamed about Drew.  She was confused why memories of him would haunt her now, especially since she was so happy with Will.  She splashed water on her face then patted it dry.  Brushing her hair out, she tried to make sense of the emotions warring inside.

Will rolled over and groaned as he stretched out tired muscles.  As she watched his movements, she wondered again why she would have thought of Drew this morning.  While she loved him with all of her heart, after he died she let go.  When she fell in love with Will, she dreamed anew of having a family and growing old with her second husband.

She frowned, still bothered by the images from the night as she donned her light blue calico dress.

“Grumpy this morning?” Will teased as he stood and wrapped her in his arms.

“I didn’t sleep well.  And I feel as large as one of your cattle.”

“You are the most beautiful woman in all of the Arizona Territory.”

Hannah frowned at Will’s teasing.  “I’m not so sure your eyesight isn’t going bad.”

“Maybe I should take a closer look,” he said, moving so his nose touched hers.

Goofy expressions crossed his face, looking sillier up close.  She smiled at his antics.

“Ah, there’s that smile,” he said, pulling away.  “Now go make me breakfast, woman.”  Pointing towards the kitchen, he chuckled and tried to swat her.

Scooting away just before he caught her, she left the room to start breakfast with Rosa.

With branding several days underway, Will left before breakfast to start the branding fire.  The calves were weaned and old enough to receive the “CR” brand of Colter Ranch.  She quickly learned that branding days were longer than most, starting before breakfast and going well into the evening.

As she finished cooking the last of the eggs, Rosa rang the dinner bell.

When Will entered the ranch house, he paused, concern wrinkling his forehead.  “You look really tired, Hannah.  Maybe you should let Rosa handle things today and rest.”

This conversation was getting old.  They had the same discussion almost daily for two months.  Unfortunately there was far too much work for Rosa to handle by herself.  When she mentioned as much yesterday, Will suggested bringing Julia back to the ranch.  But Hannah wanted her to come back on her own, not out of obligation, and certainly not because of her.  Hoping to avoid tension between her and Will, she nodded in agreement.  Maybe she would take it easier today.

Once Will left for the day, she laid down again, letting Rosa take care of the dishes.  Sometime later, she woke to the distant sound of hoof beats coming down the road and not from the pastures.

Hannah went to the front door and peered out.  The man did not look familiar from afar.  Knowing Will and all of the men, including Adam, were on the far side of the lake, she checked the rifle to make sure it was loaded.  Then she set it within reach of the doorway just to be safe.  Closing the door, she waited for the man to dismount and approach the house.

When he knocked, she opened the door, never expecting the man before her.

“Thomas.”  Her breath caught in her throat.  Feeling all the color drain from her face, she stumbled toward one of the chairs to sit down, leaving her brother-in-law standing at the door.

Anger and disappointment warred within her breast.  She never expected to see him again so she never really considered what her reaction might be.  A flash of a memory from over a year ago floated before her eyes.  She and Drew were talking, discussing that they would have to move—because of
him
.

“What are you doing here?”

More images floated in her mind.  The trail to Arizona.  The avalanche.  Her husband’s death.  Anger started to bubble up and she didn’t try to conceal it.  He deserved to see it—the destruction he caused.

“I…um…  Hannah,” Thomas stammered, crunching his felt hat in his hands nervously.

Good, let him squirm, she thought, her old friend bitterness returning.

“It’s a long story.  Hannah, I came to apologize to you.  To ask your forgiveness.”  He stepped closer to where she sat at the table.

“Forgiveness?!  You do not deserve forgiveness!” 
Neither do you, Hannah.
  A voice reminded her of her own unworthiness for her Lord’s forgiveness.  But, did she have to forgive him?  It was his actions that led to Drew’s death.

“I have been searching for Drew and you for some time.  It was not until recently that—”  He looked away and his voice cracked.  “—that I learned of Drew’s passing.  I’m so sorry that I’m too late to seek his forgiveness.”

Hannah sat there silent.  Not wanting to forgive, but knowing she should.  But she was not ready.  This man’s actions turned her life upside down.