18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (26 page)

The church bells rang outside as I knocked on the door, letting us know it was exactly three o’clock, and the signal felt like a death knell.

“Come in,” Father Jamie called in a voice that seemed to hold a smile, his usual tone.

Inside, books covered the entire surface of his desk. Behind him, volumes crammed his shelves, wooden soldiers guarding impenetrable secrets I’d never understand, but I hoped Father Jamie could at least enlighten us.

“This must be Conner,” he greeted, extending a hand before gesturing for us to take a seat across the desk. “How are you feeling today, son?”

Anyone could tell from the way Conner’s arms squeezed his chest that he didn’t trust the priest. We had gotten into an argument at lunch when I told him we were going to my church after school, but in the end, he agreed we had no other options left.

“Okay,” he answered, curling his fingers around the edge of his chair.

“Well, I understand you’re desperate for answers. Why don’t you tell me your story.”

Conner sighed loudly. “I thought Olga already filled you in.”

Father Jamie nodded. “She did, briefly. But I’d still like to hear it from your perspective to make sure we’re all on the same page.”

“Well, okay then. Her stalker Nate moved in as my hospital roommate—”

Holding up my hand, I interjected, “Not my stalker.”

Conner ignored me. “Her stalker moved into my room and about a month later, I woke up. But I didn’t feel like me anymore. It’s like this thing possessed me, and I couldn’t stop it. Sometimes I’d feel like myself again, but most of the time, I was just a passenger along for the ride. I remembered everything, well mostly, unless it was a night of heavy drinking and drugs.”

Father Jamie frowned.

“I didn’t want to! I was powerless to stop. Then six weeks ago, I apparently attacked Olga and ran away. Hid out in a friend’s cabin in the woods, but that time is lost to me. Then all my friends showed up at the cabin yesterday, including Nate. I swear he’s somehow responsible for my destroyed life.”

“You’re responsible for your life, no one else,” Father Jamie said, shuffling some books into a pile. “Although it’s possible demon possession is at play here, your actions have opened up the possibility. Have you been seeing things? Hearing voices?”

“No. And I don’t care what you say; I know Nate is linked into this somehow.”

“Linked, maybe, but probably not responsible. There’s a difference.”

“Okay, Father. Why do you think this is all happening to me then?”

“I’m not sure. I wish I had all the answers, but I’m just a man like you. But I would like to baptize you right away. I assume you’ve never received this sacrament before?”

Conner’s gaze shifted to me, then back to Father Jamie. “No. But what would be the purpose of baptizing me?”

“Baptism has six primary purposes, which are all supernatural effects, something you’ve become quite familiar with over the past few months.” Father Jamie picked up the stack of books and filed them back onto the shelves behind him as he spoke. “First, the removal of guilt of both Original Sin, meaning the sin imparted to all mankind by the Fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and personal sin, the sins we have committed ourselves. Second, the remission of all punishment we deserve due to sin, both of this world and in purgatory, and eternal, the punishment we would suffer in hell. Third, the infusion of sanctifying grace, the life of God within us, the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, and the three theological virtues.”

“Huh?” Conner asked, his voice cracking.

Father Jamie turned and nodded toward me before taking his seat again. “Olga can explain this to you in more detail later, or if she’s unable to, then perhaps her parents can. Really, I could go on and on about all the purposes for baptism, but I think we should do this as quickly as possible. Delaying baptism until you fully understand the sacrament may put your soul in danger. The most important thing is for you to align yourself with the mystical body of Christ on Earth instead of the devil. Even if you don’t believe all these things, I think baptism will still help safeguard you. Of course, I can shove religion down your throat all day, but if you don’t draw closer to God, ask his forgiveness for your sins, and pray, then baptism can only carry you so far.”

Conner nodded.

“Now, we can do this one of two ways: the pouring of water over your head or the immersion of your whole body in water. Which would you prefer?”

Conner looked at me, his chin trembling, and I realized how scared he was. Placing my hand over his, I repeated a piece of advice he quoted to me often. “Somebody used to always tell me, go big or go home.”

A small laugh escaped his lips. “That somebody used to be pretty wise.”

I squeezed his fingers. “Still is. He just lost his way a little.”

He pulled me into a hug, then gave Father Jamie a small nod. “Immersion it is.”

Father Jamie’s smile grew wide. “Good choice. There are some white robes you can change into in the room to the left of my office. Meet me by the stage in five.”

As I stalked to the door behind Conner, Father Jamie cleared his throat. “Olga, may I have a word alone with you for a moment?”

Conner looked me over, questioning. I shrugged, ushering him out the door before returning to my seat.

“What is it?” I peered up at Father Jamie through my spectacles.

“I just wanted you to understand that I don’t think we should discuss these events with anyone else. No need to cause alarm in our community. I’m more than obliged to help, of course, but I’ve never seen anything like this, only heard about such things. Here’s my business card with my personal cell number in case the demon shows up again.” He leaned forward over the top of his desk to hand it to me. “Also, I must be adamant in my belief that you stay away from this Nate. We don’t know if the two of them are connected, but the timing of his arrival to our town and Conner’s possession and reading your mind does seem strange. Until we know what we’re dealing with, well, I can’t forbid you, of course. But I do hope you’ll adhere to spiritual instruction and respect my wishes.”

Wonderful
. A few moments passed in silence as I thought about what he said.

“Olga?” Father Jamie raised one of his brows into an arch. “Do you trust me?”

I nodded stiffly, biting my lip until I tasted blood.

“Good. Then it’s settled. Promise me you’ll stay away from Nate as much as possible. Of course, you should still pray for him daily, as will I.”

A knock at the door startled me as I nodded.

“I’m ready, Father Jamie.”

Several minutes later, I looked on as he baptized Conner. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, you are now a new creation in Christ. The old has passed away, and the new has come.”

Dripping wet, Conner smiled at me like he really believed he might have a chance at a new life. I smiled back, even though a part of mine was over before it ever got a chance to begin. Ironic that I’d finally gained my precious independence by following someone else’s orders.

“Should Old Acquaintance be forgot,
and never thought upon;
The flames of Love extinguished,
and fully past and gone.”
—Robert Burns

onner and I made it through the end of the semester without any more incidents. To keep my thoughts off Nate, I stayed true to my promise to help Conner study, as well as tutoring Tammy so she could hopefully get a college scholarship. But, first, I made her give up smoking. She still smoked the occasional cig but not religiously like she used to. Mainly she smoked one at parties and concerts. We’d been going to quite a few of the latter in the past two months. Since Conner seemed back to normal, the Cantankerous Monkey Squad booked gigs all over the county. I felt bad that that left Nate as the odd man out, but even after Sean and Kyle convinced Conner they should let Nate stay on as a fourth member, Nate declined their invitation.

After telling Nate about my promise to Father Jamie, he fought me a little on my decision to end things between us. He agreed that he and Conner were connected, but that was the key, not the problem. But in the end, Nate said he cared about me enough to respect my wishes. Conner told me that proved Nate didn’t care about me enough because he’d never let me go, no matter who told him to stay away. Maybe he had a point, but that also meant I didn’t care about Nate too much, either, and I knew that wasn’t true.

These days, Nate hung out with this guy from school named Adam all the time. I didn’t know much about him except he seemed like a fellow adrenaline junkie. I saw them doing tricks on their skateboards by the boardwalk sometimes, and I hoped Nate wasn’t doing anything too risky. But, mostly, I tried not to think about him at all. I’d made a promise to a priest before God, and I didn’t think I should take any chances by breaking it. My senior year had already gotten off to a rough start.

Now my life felt like it’d returned to the normal of last year. Going to school, hanging out with the Jedi Order, working, Conner picking me up from the Bookman every night so we could study together. It’s what I’d been wishing for since Conner woke up from his coma, so why did I feel a giant void inside me? That’s the nagging question I tried to ignore while closing up the store on New Year’s Eve.

“What’s he doing here?” Nic asked from beside me, nodding toward the bench outside the bookstore.

I halted my vacuuming and studied the figure, then clicked the handle into an upright position. “Nate.” I gasped. “I don’t know, but I’ll go find out. Can you finish for me?”

“Of course. Leave. You’re still picking me up for the concert tonight at five, right?”

“Yep,” I said with a distracted nod.

I retrieved my purse from the back room, then stepped outside and drank in the sight of him. He looked ruggedly handsome, sporting an unshaven face and wearing a pair of faded jeans, a blue and white plaid shirt with an unzipped gray hoodie, and a gray wool cap covering his shaggy, medium-length hair.

“Hey,” was all I could manage.

He looked at me and through me at the same time, like he could see down to the depths of my soul. “Nice to finally hear your actual voice again. I’ve missed the sound.”

“Nate, what are you doing here?”

My heart beat way faster than it should, but before I heard his answer, my mind illuminated with a wild memory.

I plunge deeper in the water, swimming softly toward the glow. As soon as I reach the wormhole, a whiplash current catches me, sending me spinning like a tornado into an abyss until I arrive at the base of a waterfall. Before I can take in my surroundings, a pair of hands grip my shoulders from behind.

“You’re all right?” Nate’s voice is low and soft. “I’ve been sick with worry.”

I feel a burst of love for him. “Nate, what are you doing here? I thought you…”

When it ended, I understood in my head what my heart told me all along. I could trust Nate. He’d been there for me before, and he wouldn’t let me down.

He patted the space next to him on the bench, his face more certain than it looked a moment ago.

“How are you?” The question came out sounding too formal, too polite for what we’d been through, even if we couldn’t remember it all.