18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (28 page)

Everyone dancing.

The disco ball rotating steadily, illuminating the room.

Me, pressing my body against Nate’s.

Him, leaning down, his hand on my cheek.

Both of us, kissing.

Then Conner was there, slamming into Nate and tackling him to the ground.

“Conner! No!” I screamed.

But it was too late. Conner, his eyes widened into dark circles, punched Nate square in the jaw.
Crap! Not again!

I put my hand over my heart, wondering if it’d burst from anxiety. “Where’s Kyle and Sean?” I screamed toward Tammy and Nic. “They have to stop this!”

Too shocked and afraid to move, I watched Nate take Conner by the front of his shirt with one hand and punch him in the throat with the other. The hit didn’t deter Conner one bit. He took Nate’s face in both hands and slammed his head against the asphalt. Sean and Kyle were there a split second later, throwing him off Nate, but it was too late. Nate lay on the ground, out cold. And
my
Conner had already left, a monster in his place once again. I couldn’t even imagine the dark times that lay ahead in the new year.

The plate of just-baked chocolate chip cookies lay untouched on the spotless counter in Nate’s kitchen. Mom tried to make small talk with Mrs. Barca, who mostly remained silent and stiff as we waited. She’d probably decided we were all crazy. I’d told her about the demon possession; there was no way not to when Mom called in Father Jamie.

I took a sip from my mug of coffee and smiled at Mom, signaling I appreciated her efforts. On the stove, a pot of boiling soup threatened to spew everywhere. I knew the feeling, forcing down the urge to throw up. Quietly, I reached over from my stool next to the island and turned the dial to low heat just as Father Jamie came in.

I jumped up. “Can I see him yet?”

He had been in Nate’s room for about an hour, along with several area bishops, assessing “the situation.”

Father Jamie hesitated. “I suppose it will be all right for you to see him. As far as we can tell”—he motioned toward the bishops standing behind him—“there’s no evil spirit in him.”

Duh!

“Whatever’s happening to Conner, and between you, Nate doesn’t seem to be the
cause
of it. Although I would advise you two to be vigilant. From the stories you’ve told me, it seems seeing you and Nate together brings out Conner’s dark side. He may come after you again.”

It seemed that the power of my and Nate’s vision last night caused us to act it out without even realizing what we were doing. When Conner saw us kissing, he went nuts.

Rubbing my angel pin, I thought of Conner, out there all alone somewhere again. How long would he stay away this time? “Father Jamie, why did the d-d-demon come back? I thought Conner was safe after you baptized him.” I still had trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that my best friend was possessed.

Father Jamie shook his head. “I hoped he would be. But whatever spirit is possessing him must be strong. Some are more easily deterred than others. That’s not to say we should give up. Greater is He that is in us than he who lurks in the world, seeking to destroy it. Hold on to faith that good will triumph in the end, Olga.”

Mom stood, clutching her purse. “Thank you for your help, Father Jamie. I’ll walk you and your friends out.”

Father Jamie nodded. “Peace be with you,” he said to Mrs. Barca and me, speaking with finality, like he wanted to wash his hands of this whole situation.

I whirled around to face Mrs. Barca, my eyes pleading, afraid she’d prevent me from ever seeing her son again.

Her chin trembled, but she nodded her head.

Running down the hall, I didn’t stop until I stood at Nate’s door. I tiptoed in, afraid he might’ve already fallen back to sleep. He suffered a concussion when Conner knocked him out last night, so we had spent three hours in the hospital with him until Mr. and Mrs. Barca arrived. Conner was nowhere to be found, but Nate’s parents were pressing charges, so now there was a warrant out for his arrest. The rest of the Jedi Order crashed with me at my grandparents’ house for a few hours, unusually quiet, before getting up at eight to make the long drive home. When I finally walked through the front door of my apartment, I was crying. Mom held me, and Dad brought me a cup of coffee. I curled up on the couch and told them about Conner hitting Nate and then running away. Dad stroked my hair as Mom got up to call Father Jamie, who decided a house call was in order.

Now Nate laid back on his black futon, his head propped up by two pillows. He wore Star Wars pajama pants and a brown T-shirt fraying at the edges. He looked up as I approached him but said nothing.

“Hey, Happy New Year.” My heart pounded.
Does he blame me for what happened?

Smelling freshly showered, he tucked a piece of wet hair behind his ear before scooting over and patting the space next to him.

I sat, sliding my glasses off and setting them on his nightstand before wiping the water from my eyes. “I owe you an apology.”

His splotchy face held a look of solemnity. “Don’t. I know how guilty you feel. I can read your thoughts.”

Holding up a hand, I told him, “Just let me
say
the words.” I paused for a deep breath, willing myself to keep a steady voice. “I put you in danger by going out with you last night. Father Jamie was right. I should’ve stayed away from you.”

Nate gave me an incredulous look. “Let me get this straight. Conner attacks me, and
you’re
to blame? I’m confused.”

I sighed. “You’re an innocent in this whole thing, and Conner could’ve killed you last night because you were with me.”

“Look, I don’t need you to protect me. I’m a big boy. And I’d rather die than not be part of your life.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I almost killed myself when you wouldn’t talk to me. Not like trying to, but I kept doing these crazy tricks on my board out at the boardwalk, on the edge of the pier. All these show-off tricks that Evel Knievel probably wouldn’t even do. Adam kept telling me I had a death wish.”

“You shouldn’t do that,” I scolded. “Promise me you won’t try any crazy stunts again.”

His gaze seemed to drink me in. “I was just frustrated, trying to feel alive. Bo’s death still wears on me, you know. I know it may not make sense, but being with you is the only thing that takes my mind off the accident. Like you’re the reason I lived. If I don’t have you in my life, then it feels empty. I just want to be around you, Olga. Please don’t shut me out.”

I leaned in closer, whispering an okay against his cheek, breathing in the smell of his hair and body wash, a smoky vanilla with a hint of musk. I’d looked in his shower when I used his bathroom earlier.

“Now who’s creepy?”

“Shut up.”

My crazy heart swelled at the smile he gave me. I thought about Mom telling me I owed Conner one hundred percent of my heart to see if any romance existed between us, but sometimes a girl didn’t need romance and passion. Sometimes she needed stability. Conner was gone again, and didn’t Nate deserve one hundred percent of my heart to see if there could be something between us, too?

It seemed like I watched myself having this conversation from very far away. From here, even though I sensed I’d been through all of this before, I couldn’t tell what the ultimate outcome would be. Yes, I had to have the courage to wait for answers. But waiting for the other pieces of the puzzle to be revealed didn’t mean I had to pack up my life and put it on hold until then. All I had now was what clearly lay in front of me at this very minute. No matter what’d happened between Nate and me before, this existence in the now was what we owned. Too much waiting for the future to happen meant I didn’t live today. And I wanted to own each second now could give.

Wasn’t living what second chances were all about? Maybe I’d fall in love with Nate and get hurt. Maybe I’d hurt him. Putting it off until I had all the answers didn’t mean a guarantee we’d work out. The only way we’d know was to give it all we had, regardless of what had been or what would be. It meant we took a chance on love because love was worth the pain. It meant we had enough faith to try. Enough faith to know if we didn’t end up together in the end, that didn’t mean it was all for nothing. Enough faith to know everything happened for a reason, and all would be right in the end. Triumphs
and
failures make us who we are. And I wasn’t the same me as I was back then, wherever we’d been before. Now, I was finally strong enough to fail, finally strong enough to live.

Nate pulled me close. “There’s a quote I read. ‘How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.’ Thoreau said it.”

I interlaced all his fingers with mine. “How long have you been waiting to use that one on me?”

“I’ve been waiting for the right time.” He looked over at me and smiled. “Now, will you please go on another date with me?”

“You shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret;
it could change your life forever.”
—Nate’s Thoughts

aimed my flashlight at the fake rock Hide A Key. Quietly, I unlocked the front door and turned the knob, the flashlight barely piercing the blackness inside. This had been my idea, but suddenly I froze with terror. Part of me knew I was insane for technically breaking into Sean’s cabin, but the other part of me knew I needed to be brave. It’d been nearly six weeks since New Year’s Eve, and without any leads, I knew the time had come to conduct my own investigation. The tricky part was convincing Nate. He didn’t think either one of us should come, or that we shouldn’t bring the whole Jedi Order if we did. But I argued we needed to protect them. All the paranormal happenings seemed to revolve around Nate, Conner, and me. I thought keeping things between our smaller inner circle was best, for now at least, until we knew more about what we were dealing with.

Actually, it took a lot for me to involve even Nate in my plans. Mom had taught me to be independent, tough, sacrificial. But I had the sensation that I’d wandered down the road of self-sufficiency before, a little too far, and that it had snowballed out of control. Maybe that’s why Nate could read my mind. It was hard to be too self-sufficient when someone heard my every thought. His gift was my curse and my blessing.