18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (40 page)

I waited for Mom and Dad to go to bed for my meditation session. Since Dad always stayed up to watch the news at eleven, I waited till midnight to start. After locking the door, I took a seat on the floor, wearing my flannel pajama pants. There was nothing like a good pair of flannel pajama pants for a successful meditation session. With deep breaths, I focused on happy thoughts, but neither brought me into the Limbo plane, a spirit realm, or even visions. Mastering myself again, I tried some yoga poses to relax before starting over. Didn’t help. So I got up and put on soft music and lit a few candles. Nothing again.
Crap.
How bad does this suck?

Manning up, I sent Conner a text, asking him how he did it the night before.

Exactly how u showd me—not workn 4 u?

I sent him a no, and after another hour of trying, gave up and went to bed. Expecting Conner to be cocky about him getting in without any problems, I was surprised when he tried troubleshooting the situation with me instead. But that still got us nowhere.

During the next three days, I read over my research again. Scrolled through Conner’s notes on his phone. Prayed, even fasted some more. But the weekend didn’t bring any improvements. I was starving myself now, not able to fall asleep, and becoming light-headed when I tried to do any little task. When Monday came around, I skipped school, determined to make something happen. Tonight was the full moon. If I couldn’t gain access today, Conner and I would have to wait another month before we could complete the mandate Riel gave us. Another month of Olga being possessed. Another month of her spending time with Conner and ignoring her boyfriend. Sam was keeping up the good girl act while he possessed Olga for now, but my intuition told me that wouldn’t stick for long.

And now I knew how to stop all of it, but I didn’t have the faintest idea of why I couldn’t get to Limbo, and there was nobody else to help me except Conner, the last person I wanted to call on. My whole life felt like a lie with a huge chunk missing. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Some days it felt like I never would.

What’s wrong with me? Why can Conner get into the Underworld and I can’t?

Yeah, that’s a complaint I thought I would never have. I let out a deep breath, discouragement overwhelming me like a dark cloud. The sound of the doorbell a little after four o’clock interrupted my self-loathing. My insides tingled with hatred when I opened the door to Conner’s face. I knew why he didn’t come straight over after school ended at 2:37 p.m. He would’ve taken Olga home to change and to eat something before dropping her off for her shift at the Bookman. And then he’d get to pick her up at eight and take her back home. Even though I knew he offered the rides to keep close tabs on her, I couldn’t help resenting him.

With a sense of foreboding I’d never get Olga back again, I shoved Conner off my front stoop and slammed the door. I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, trying to calm down, but I couldn’t. Had he kissed Olga? Done more? Her voice was so faint now I couldn’t hear her thoughts unless I was right next to her, and she usually didn’t let me get that close anymore. I wanted to believe the part of her still present inside her body wouldn’t cheat on me, but I knew even if she did, I couldn’t hold her responsible with Sam controlling things. Sick images swarmed my mind, and I tried to push them away. If I couldn’t enter Limbo, there’d be nothing I could do for her. Steeling myself to try again, I shuffled back to my room, only to find Conner sitting on my futon.

His pupils were wide as he held up his hands in surrender. “Nate… listen.”

Something about the way he said it made me take another deep breath instead of punching him for crawling through my unlocked window.

“We’re not going to solve anything by fighting. Like it or not, we’re in this together. Can we at least resign to be frenemies?” He cracked a smile.

Even though I didn’t feel it, I returned his joke. “Well, you know what they say. Keep your friends close, but your frenemies closer.”

“Exactly.” He held out his hand for a fist bump.

I tapped my knuckles against his. “Just don’t expect me to braid your hair any time soon. You ever gonna cut that rug?”

He shook his head. “I’m not cutting it until this whole thing is over.”

Taking a seat in my computer chair, I couldn’t stop my leg from bouncing. That’s what living off coffee for three days did to you. Olga would laugh at that. “What are you, superstitious?”

“How can you
not
be superstitious after everything that’s happened?”

“I guess.”

Conner looked over at me, quiet for a minute, a first for him. Boy loved to run his mouth. “So what do you think is going on? You got cold feet about venturing into the Underworld? Because that’s totally understandable.”

There was no teasing in his words. It made me want to jump out of the window he had sneaked into.

I pushed to my feet, feeling not just the weight of my iPod and cell phone in the pockets of my baggy shorts but the weight of the world as I paced around my room. “Don’t get all psychiatry on me. That big head of yours might explode. I’m the thinker. I’ll figure this out.”

“First of all, it’s okay to be cocky if you’re the shiznit.”

“I’ve got no problem pimp slapping the shiznit out of you to cure that problem. And by the way, that word is played out. About time you update your vocabulary.”

“And second,” he continued without missing a beat. “This is serious. The full moon is tonight. We need to be ready to go at midnight. I already went and bought all the stuff we need except the candles for the… ceremony? I don’t know, whatever you want to call it. I got it all this weekend. Said prayers over the oils and everything.”

“Perfect. Then you should go. You can’t come with me to Limbo. I’ll meet you at Duncan Woods at eleven thirty p.m. so we can set up. Just think of a way to get Olga there.”

The look on his face told me he wasn’t agreeing to that plan even before he opened his mouth. “Well, that doesn’t make sense. Me inviting her to the woods at midnight already seems weird. Weird is more your thing than mine.”

I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, but it wouldn’t work this time.

“And if you’re not ready to go, I’ll have to think of an excuse to invite her there again on March twenty-seventh for the next full moon. Sam isn’t stupid… He’ll know something is up.”

I plopped back into my chair and groaned. “Whatever. Just leave me alone. I’ll text you after I get back from Limbo.”

Conner shook his head. “Call me if you need
anything
.” He held out his fist, and I grudgingly hit it with mine. “You got this, man.”

I watched him leave through the window again and spent the rest of the evening trying everything I could think of. Took a hot shower to relax. Stood upside down, thinking maybe increased blood flow to my brain would help. Took a run to clear my head. Took another shower. Ate dinner even though I wasn’t hungry. Let myself sleep for an hour, hoping some rest would cure the problem. Woke up to my alarm with a pounding headache, my body aching for more
z
’s.

Why wasn’t anything working? Did Conner know something he wasn’t telling me? I screamed into my pillow and punched my futon. Deep down, I knew Conner was a good guy and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize Olga’s soul.

Why hadn’t Riel explained more? Had he thought gaining access to the realms would be easy? He seemed to care a great deal about Olga, so I didn’t think he’d leave out information on purpose, either. Maybe this was a situation the angel never encountered before and therefore, didn’t have all the answers for like I’d hoped. If so… Had he been wrong? But Conner did get into Juvie.

My cell alerted me to a text just after nine.

Any luck? Im w/Olga-need 2 know if I shud invite her 2 woods 2nit

His words hit me like a sucker punch to the gut. I typed out a no, then cried myself to sleep, feeling powerless to do anything else.

“You can keep going long after you think you can’t.”
—Nate’s Thoughts

Olga

omething was up. Sam, eager to get rid of Conner, practically pushed him out the door just after nine when my parents announced they were turning in for the night. But instead of keeping my old routine like he usually did, Sam didn’t change into pajamas. He took off my glasses, then stared into the tiny mirror hanging in my bedroom.

“You know, I’ve come to love you a little bit, Olga.”

You don’t know what love is!

He looked to the window. “I may be a demon, but I do know what love is,” he muttered impatiently, turning his gaze to the sky. “Angels and demons aren’t as black and white as portrayed in Hollywood, you know. Demons aren’t always bad. In fact, we were angels once, cast out of heaven for daring to question God’s authority.” He clucked his tongue,
my
tongue. “And the angels that remained in God’s good graces, well, let’s just say they’re not always good, either. What do you say to that?”

I groaned but withheld my thoughts, wanting to shut him up.

“Speechless? That’s a first. At any rate, you better be nice to me. There are worse ways to do what I’m doing tonight. Even if I do have a soft spot for you, do not underestimate how cruel I can be when prompted.”

What are we doing tonight?

“Oh, dear one, haven’t you wondered why I’ve been taking such good care of you? Why I’ve been pumping your body full of vitamins?”

His tone sounded excited, giddy.

“I was delighted when I took possession of your body that night on February fifteenth and discovered you were in the midst of your cycle. Meant I didn’t have to wait long at all to implement our plan. It’s a bit of a guessing game, but today should mark the first day of your fertility window. Given the full moon, the priest and I agreed there was no time like the present.”

What priest? Father Jamie?

He chuckled, but there was no humor in the gesture. “Oh, that would be quite the plot twist, wouldn’t it? But, no, I’m afraid Father Jamie has not come to the Dark Side. I’m talking about the priest I mentioned to you that fateful night we became one… the satanic priest I stayed with in Battle Creek. He’ll be here any minute to pick us up.”

Why?

“I just love children, don’t you? So innocent, so easily manipulated. I’ve always wanted one of my own, and now I’ll have one with you.”

You’re going to let… that priest… take advantage of me?

He reached up and ran his,
my,
fingers over my chest and down my abdomen. “No, Olga. I want you pure. The priest has donated his chauffer services, and I’ve already stored my donation of… genes, and tonight the priest is taking us to a doctor we found about an hour away who is willing to perform the procedure.”

Artificial insemination?

“Precisely. You see, I owe you a bit of an apology. I wasn’t as clueless as I first claimed to be. My mandate from my father, after I finally discovered who he was a few weeks ago, was always to possess you, but we knew you’d have to invite me in to do so. We figured continuing to possess Conner was the best course of action since Daddy Dearest knew you’d given up everything for him before. You see, my father has desired an army of half breeds for a long time now, but he had been going about it all wrong. Since all demons are male, he always sent them to Earth disguised as the best-looking men of this world to impregnate the women here, but their bodies could never take the change and they died, along with the half-demon fetus. But with me inside you to play host, your body should be strong enough to handle the change. I don’t know why Father didn’t think of this sooner.”