18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (16 page)

I nodded. “Yeah, and there’s blood coming out of your head.”
A lot of blood.
“But stay calm, an ambulance is on its way.”

The mother of all sirens rang down the street a minute later, a blessing and a curse.

“Remember when we read
The Odyssey
for English last year?” Conner asked me. “The sirens were creatures whose songs led sailors to death.” He blinked rapidly. “Did you hear them when they came for me… that day we went sailing? I know you blame yourself for my freak accident, but it’s not your fault. I’m just a freak who attracts freakiness.”

I gently brushed his cheek, trying to stay calm. “Well, take comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one.”

He closed his eyes.

“Conner, don’t you leave me! Don’t you dare leave me!” I yelled, overcome by emotion.

Someone touched me on the shoulder, and I turned around to see Nate, looking genuinely distraught. He squatted, hand still on my shoulder, and whispered, “The paramedics are here. You have to get out of the way.”

Standing next to Nate as I watched the paramedics load Conner onto a stretcher, I had this sense of déjà vu, which was strange since I’d never seen Conner being loaded into an ambulance; I was knocked unconscious by the sailboat boom. Plus, I hadn’t known Nate then, either. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of familiarity.

“Do you get the sense that we’ve done this before?” I asked Nate reluctantly.

He nodded. “Should we meditate?”

“I don’t think this is the time or place.”

“I figured, but I don’t know what else to do.” He tugged on the strap of my bathing suit, giving me goose bumps. “What about hypnosis?”

“What about it?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking maybe it’s something we should try to get some answers. Couldn’t hurt, right?” His gaze traveled over the little scene in the backyard. Nate had the air of someone who always knew exactly what to do. He would make a good boyfriend. He squeezed my hand.

Ahh, stop thinking!

I swallowed hard and looked toward Sean and the rest of our friends, thinking of history repeating itself. We were all headed to the hospital to visit an injured Conner once again. I gathered all my courage and strength and muttered one line with childlike faith. “Please help, God.”

For a moment, the whole world disappeared and I stood in a classroom of sorts. Gasping, I pressed a hand to my chest. The angel from my dream grabbed my other hand.

“Congratulations. You passed.”

He patted me on the back and gave me one last glance before popping his wings out. Then he was too beautiful to behold, so I looked away.

The vision dissolved as Tammy called to me from the door, telling me to hurry up and change. In that moment, I knew my intuition was right. These things had happened; they were real memories. For better or worse, I couldn’t remember everything, but going forward, I knew I’d be a different person now. These past six months, life had a way of darkening my vision until all I could see was the rainy cloud of my problems. Somehow I’d forgotten a chunk of my life, but I still sensed the wonderful lessons that I’d learned to help me grow as a person buried inside me but fighting to rise up to the surface. If I changed my focus to becoming that stronger and more peaceful version of myself, then maybe the cloud would disappear and I could become again the person I once was.

“Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to,
doesn’t mean they don’t love you.”
—Nate’s Thoughts

didn’t see Conner again until the next afternoon. The ER was a hot mess with the full moon and all, so getting all the tests the doctor ordered took forever. By that time, visiting hours were over; the hospital staff kicked us out. Then of course, he didn’t come to school. Nic had to work, Tammy had cheerleading but as the captain excused me from practice, and Kyle went home sick, so I bummed a ride with Sean to visit Conner, unsure what version of him we’d be visiting.

“How you doing, man?” Sean asked as we walked into his room.

“Hey, Sean.” Conner held out his hand for a fist bump. His eyelids fluttered, and then his gaze met mine. “Olga, how are you?”

Frozen in my spot, I regarded his expression and tone for a moment. This was definitely
my
Conner. I struggled with my thoughts, wondering what I should do or say, before deciding I should just enjoy him while it lasted. “I’m good. So, you’re really okay?”

He winced. “My head hurts. Had to get staples.”

Sean frowned. “Well, maybe the accident knocked some sense into that noggin of yours. You seem like your old self again. We’ve missed you, dude.”

Conner drew back and sank into his pillows. “You noticed something different about me?”

“I’d have to be blind not to.” Sean picked up the remote and flipped through the channels.

“You told him about my visit,” Conner whispered to me.

I shook my head, tears burning the back of my eyes.

Conner cleared his throat. “Sean, I’m really sorry for the way I’ve been acting.”

Sean shrugged, his eyes locked on the TV.

“I promise I’ll find a way to make it up to you, to the Jedi Order.”

Finally, Sean looked at him. “Well, you better. You’re my boy and all, but you need to stop acting like a whack-job. Think you can handle that?”

Conner’s eyes filled with sadness, and he rubbed his face with the back of his hand. “I sure hope so. I need you guys. I can’t lose you. I don’t know what I’d do if I did.”

I released a huge sigh of relief.

Conner glanced at me. “Sean, do you mind running down to the cafeteria to get me a root beer? The nurses won’t bring me any pop.”

Sean set the remote down on the side table. “Sure thing. You want anything, Olga?”

Nervous, I adjusted my glasses. “Nah, I’m good.”

We watched him leave the room before turning toward each other.

“Conner.”

“Olga, I’m so, so, so, so sorry.”

I fought back a wave of nausea. Why was my heart racing so fast? Hadn’t my heart decided to not care just a week ago? No, not my heart, my mind, and my heart rarely went along with what I thought. Some feelings I just couldn’t seem to get rid of, no matter how much I tried.

“You remember everything you did to me? To everyone?”

He patted the extra space beside him on the bed, signaling for me to sit. “Not really. Some of it, yes, but it’s not like the last time I came to. I’m losing track of time. I’m really scared.”

The air tightened around me. “Did you say anything about it to your parents or the doctor?”

He reached out and tentatively tucked a long piece of hair behind my ear. “I’m too scared they’ll lock me up in a white, padded cell. I have no idea what I should do, or what’s going on with me. You?”

I picked up his hand and squeezed his palm. “I’ve been doing some research. The best theory I’ve come up with so far is maybe the trauma of your accident is causing a bipolar disorder. I think we should tell a doctor. Maybe there’s a drug you can take to help you get through this.”

Conner glanced around the room, looking more terrified than ever. “I don’t know. I don’t want to rely on some drug all the time to be myself. There has to be another way.”

Feeling a little lost for words, I nodded once. “Look, maybe there is, but until we find it, what does it matter if you have to take a few pills a day if it helps you?”

“Yeah, because drugs have helped me so much these last few months.”

I knew his sarcasm was the indirect expression of his truth. “Conner, don’t be an idiot. You obviously need serious help, and who knows how long you’ll stay good again before you destroy yourself?”

He closed his eyes and let out a breath before glancing at me again. “When did you get so tough?”

“The night you slept with Tammy.” My voice broke.

“Ouch.”

“Whatever, Conner. After everything that’s happened, you’re lucky the Jedi Order isn’t telling you to get lost. The least you can do is man up and get help.”

I choked on the reprimand. Honestly, being so hard on Conner after all he’d been through killed me, but sometimes people needed tough love.

“Ugh. I know. But unless you can dig up Freud himself to do a case study on me, then I don’t know what will help.”

Placing my hands over his, I said, “Maybe that’s what you need, a psychiatrist. A visit from Dr. Judy temporarily helped you before. If you keep up regular visits with her, maybe a few times a week, then maybe you’d be okay.”

He hugged me close. “You know you’re a genius, right? But I can’t do this without you by my side. My parents will be here soon to take me home, and I want you to come with me. Can you call your parents and ask them if you can spend the night?”

My mouth went dry at the thought. “I haven’t spent the night at your house since I was nine.”

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “The age your parents deemed coed was inappropriate, I know. I was so disappointed. But I know you can convince them. Play on their sympathy. Please, Olga. I need you.”

“Okay, but only if you speak to the doctor about what’s going on with you. Maybe they can do something besides medicating you. Maybe they can’t. Whatever the case, you can’t go on like this.”

Sean came back in with the can of pop, and I took the opportunity to step into the hallway to call Dad. I knew he was my best bet. Sighing, I slid my phone out of my pocket.

“What?” Dad barked on the other line after I asked the question.

I explained the situation, minus the part about Conner’s split personality.

“I don’t know,” Dad answered. “For one, it’s a school night. Two, your mom won’t like it. I don’t like it, either.”

My guilt over placing my dad between a rock and a hard place caused me to hesitate, but my concern for Conner won out in the end. “I know, Dad. But Mom will listen to you if you insist.”

Silence for one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, then, “It’s really that important to you?”

Heart pounding. “Yes. I’m worried about him. And his parents will be hovering over him the whole time, but he said he needs me. Please. He’s been through so much these past few months.”

“Okay,” he said quietly. My parents knew Conner well, and I felt guilty for playing on Dad’s sympathy.

“Thank you, Dad. Thank you so much. I owe you big time.”

He chuckled over the line. “Oh, don’t you worry. You’ll pay up soon. Are you coming home for a change of clothes?”

“Yeah, but I’ll just stop by for a sec before you and Mom get home from the marina. Sean can drive me.”

“Okay, then. I’ll see you tomorrow. That is if your mom doesn’t kill me before then.”

“Dad,” I said more sharply than I meant to. After all, he was letting me go. I still couldn’t believe I had the nerve to ask.

“Just make sure you come straight home after school tomorrow, all right?”

“Yes, sir.”

I put my phone back in my pocket, then headed down the hall to tell Conner some good news for once.