Your Little Secret (21 page)

"You're so fucking sexy."

"Just shut up and fuck me," Amber needed this. She needed her and Connor. Feeling his length fill her she held onto his shoulders, her nails digging into his flesh.

The fullness hit her sensitive core every time, thrust after thrust causing her to cry out in pleasure. Connor carried her from the shower, still inside of her and pushed her against the wall in the hallway. Her hands were pinned under his had he worked himself in and out, their naked wet bodies flushed against each other. Carrying her again, he fell back on to the sofa so Amber could ride him; he knew she got to her orgasm quicker this way. Feeling the pressure build, he drew her nipple into his mouth and nibbled it softly. Amber tilted her head back as this pleasure increased and as she felt him hit his climax she reached hers for the first time in days and let go. The fireworks exploded through her blood stream and Connor shuddered beneath her. Lacing his fingers through her hair he brought her mouth to his to kiss her passionately before they broke.

***

They didn't move after their rough love making, only to answer the door to an embarrassed delivery guy when she answered in only a towel.

Now, Amber lay effortlessly on Connor as they fell asleep in each other’s arms. The both of them were naked and just worshipping each other in the still aftermath. She had forgotten what it felt like to be with Connor. Even if it was only just a few weeks, her heart was now breaking when she thought of the long months ahead without him.

Ethan was leaving her, so she had no need to stay in Yorkshire anymore. Not if she had no one there. She had Lucy, but only on days she wasn't busy worshipping her new men.

The little cottage she called home needed renovations and she wouldn't get any money for it. It was gifted to her from her grandma, through her will. She had adored the house from childhood and the memories were always vivid in her mind. The happier days of childhood; where you didn't have to have money to have fun, and men didn't matter. Just your daddy. But she didn't even have him.

Feeling the pressing need to pee take away from her thoughts, Amber slowly and begrudgingly pulled herself her position with Connor and headed for the bathroom. The moment she was confronted with her reflection she grinned coyly at herself. She had that freshly fucked look and, if she had to admit it, she looked ten times better for just having the fulfilment of Connor’s glory in her.

Going back, she smiled wistfully at the thoughts in her head. She felt settled with her heart’s battle now. It was always going to be Connor. Something always won her over, and Ethan always seemed to be just at her the tip of her fingertips. She grabbed her phone deciding to drop a text to Lucy to see if she was up for a catch up when she got back into Leeds, and she noticed two new notifications.

She had both a missed call from Ethan and a voicemail. Her heart began to pound harder, crashing into her ribcage. She looked to Connor as he still slept before her, seeing his chest rising and falling heavily with sleep and she decided to hear the message. Pressing her phone to her ear, she closed her ears urging the woman to hurry up and play her message. She had no clue what was going to be heard, but she needed to hear it.

“Ambi, I’ve been a dick. I miss you like crazy and I regret everything I said to you. I don’t want us to be like this, Ambi. Babe, we aren’t like that. You and me, we’re together through thick and thin. We just don’t act like this. I don’t usually lie to you either, but I have.” There was a pause for a heavy, tortured sigh. “Amber, I love you. My heart tells me I love you and I can’t ignore it. It’s all I know, and that night was it. It sealed the deal and I ran scared when Connor turned up. I’m a liar, babe, and I’m a right bastard. I love you. I can’t wait to see you.”

There it was again, the one thing that kept her in this constant state of confusion. The beating of her own heart at the mere sound of Ethan’s voice had her falling into the blackened pit of loving two men.

One day it was going to be the death of her. Right now she was counting down to her own demise.

The following few days concluded with Amber hiding away in Connor's apartment. After hearing Ethan’s voicemail, she said nothing about it, and tried to just enjoy the remaining days with Connor. After all, her point of being here was to love him right, right? They had both fallen back into their rhythm, their being together, and she didn’t want to leave the newfound domestication.

Ethan became a callous thought in her mind, regardless of his call. He wanted Eva, he still chose her. That was the end of it. Amber’s feet were cold against the tile of the hallway as she padded effortlessly to the kitchen. Switching on the kettle, she pulled out a cup from the cupboard and started to make Connor a drink. She wanted to do this for him; she wanted to be the girl he dreamt about.

Ethan, in her eyes, had ended it. Amber didn't want to think about the best night she had ever had, she never wanted to remember it. Swallowing back the bitterness, she tried to forget the friendship she had lost. She could never have that same trust with him anymore, this was it. They were it. Pouring the hot water into the cup she felt warm arms circle her waist.

"I did always tell you that shirt looked better on you," he murmured, kissing into the sensitive spot behind her ear.

Smiling at his words Amber blushed slightly. "Does it help that I'm naked underneath?"

Growling into her ear, Connor tickled up her sides and she squirmed under his touch.

"Connor, don't," Amber warned, giggling through her words. Pouting at him, he launched himself at her until she was pinned under him on the cold tiled floor.
"Connor! It's cold!" His lips leant and hovered over hers and he regretted every second without her. Kissing her lips softly, he couldn't ever let her go again, even if she was leaving tomorrow, it was going to break him, just as hard as it would her. Even though living without her worked sometimes, he could never get enough of the crystal blue eyes that broke his heart.

Leaning his forehead against hers he sighed. "I don't want you to go tomorrow, baby. This week has been so amazing. I loved having you back, holding you in my arms and whispering you to sleep. I just miss you so much it hurts." Moving the hair away from his eyes, Amber stared intently into them, falling into his soul.

"I'll miss you more Con, you know that. At least you have friends here."

"You have Ethan," Connor spoke with a pout.

"No I don't. He has Eva," Amber spoke, all emotion towards the situation dead.

Connor screwed up his face in confusion. "Eva?
Since when? I thought they were done years ago."

Sighing, Amber shook her head. "No, they're back together and, according to
Facebook, deeply in love."

"Baby, hold still," Connor jumped to his feet leaving Amber flat on the floor. "I'll be one second," he said holding up his finger and jogging back down the corridor towards the bedroom. Returning with his
iPhone, Amber stopped fiddling with a button on her shirt. Connor took her photo, and she immediately backed away embarrassed.

"Stay there," He warned standing over her, his feet either side of her pelvis and she couldn't help the cute smile on her face as he took photos of her. Holding his hand out to her, she took it and he pulled her to her feet. He pressed the camera reverse button and took around five photos of them both doing different poses. Leaning into her mouth, he kissed it passionately, and took another photo. "Profile
pic," he muttered against her mouth and she pushed him away.

"Stop being cute, and let me make you tea!" Amber moaned, but felt such a pride in the fact he wanted to share her with the world.

"These are going on Facebook right now babe, you know you'll steal them."

Turning away, she watched his fine body walk away his boxers hanging low, his defined muscular back strong. An unreachable urge overwhelmed her and she called his name. Turning at the sound of her voice Connor smiled as the love of his life ran towards him and into his arms. Wrapping her legs around his waist, Amber felt loved after so much heartbreak.

“I don’t want to get on that train later,” she whispered at him, her arms looped around Connor’s neck, her head bent towards his. “I love it here.”

“If only you were jobless,” he joked with her, eliciting a giggle from her. “Then I could keep you locked up in here, giving me a reason to quit the office early every day.”

Amber mused upon the idea. “I might as well be jobless for the wage I’m on.”

“That’s true,” he told her and smirked. “Well, you can always job hunt for newer, more exciting jobs. That job of yours doesn’t challenge you enough.”

“Oh,” Amber started as he dropped her onto the counter top, “What would challenge me?” she asked him, amused beyond words at his intention.

Standing between her spread legs, he ran his hands up and down her thighs, smirking all the time, “Something enthralling and adventurous. Not a plain, old office job. You need to mingle more, not be stuck behind a desk. People need to see you, and your charm, Amber.
Just like I do.”

“You’re biased,” she retorted at him, folding her arms over her chest. “I’m not that amazing to other people.”

“But you are to me, and isn’t that all that matters?” he asked her, and watched her face literally glaze over. “Well?”

Amber’s mind literally froze over in that instant. She couldn’t stop herself from reverting back to thoughts of Ethan and how amazing he would make her feel. He had both the ability to build her up and tear her down in one swift moment, and she had learnt the hard way just how it felt to be destroyed by the man you literally pined over. Yet, even after his attempt, she didn’t go back to him, she allowed Connor to revive her, to love her, to make her happy. Amber found herself unable and unwilling to just put herself in the predicament to be hurt by her one true love -
if she could still call him that.

“You make me feel amazing,” she whispered to him, her voice curt yet tame as she played catch up after becoming consumed. “You make me the woman I always dreamt of being. Not many people make me feel like that, but when I’m with you, it’s like everything is ready. That I finally did right in my life by choosing you.”

Looking down, Connor suddenly withdrew from the situation. He became quiet and as he began to pull away, he felt Amber begin to panic. He tried to fight her off, but it was no use.

“What is it?” she asked him, her voice shaking with what it could be. “Connor, what did I say?”

He looked at her, his bright green eyes struck with raw emotions. “Everything.” He watched her face become taut with terror, a gasp slipping from between her lips. “You said everything right.” Immediately the look dropped from her face and she settled. “Amber, I can’t keep doing this, but will you please marry me? I want to know that we have a future. I want to make you mine.”

Feeling her throat closing on her, Amber’s eyes widened, what was she supposed to say? On one hand, she wanted to say yes and never leave this beautiful man, but on the other hand, she felt she couldn’t say yes until she settled up her recently made past with Ethan.

Then there was the bigger question – did she tell Connor about her infidelity with Ethan or did she keep quiet? Would her secret continually gnaw away at the pit of her stomach forever more?

“Please speak, baby,” Connor’s voice hit her then, telling her she needed to stop thinking and react. “You’re scaring me, Amber. Please answer me,” he begged her. “I know I’ve asked you before, twice even, but I can’t do this life without you! Will you become my wife?”

"Connor I-" Amber began to speak, as her fingers involuntarily started to weave one another. "I can't say yes right now. Maybe when we're together more? I can't be engaged to you and live without you."

Connor stood back from her slightly giving her the much needed room to breathe. "I'll be right back," raising his finger to show the gesture, he ran quickly down the hallway.

Amber sat for a moment, contemplating the decisions floating through the air. Ethan had confessed to her, just what she wanted him to say, but days earlier and Connor wanted to marry her. Smiling under the pressure, she shook her head and kicked her feet two out from underneath her. Connor came running back in, a small black box in his hands. Amber instinctively put her hand over her mouth and shook her head.

"Just take the ring, Amber, and when you're ready you'll know, baby. It's supposed to be me and you forever, always, you know that. We sealed that yesterday. The chemistry, the love that bounces from us both is electrifying. You're the one for me, Amber.
Just you."

The teardrops fell from her eyes as she listened to Connors admission.

He wanted to marry her. Taking the small box from him, she opened it to a perfectly cut square diamond surrounded by small rosé quartz.

"It's beautiful," she managed as she took in everything. "I don't deserve it, I don't deserve you." Connor pushed his way back in between her legs and held her head up. "You deserve all the good things in life, baby. You deserve me, Amber, just as I deserve you!" Crashing his lips to hers Amber felt lost in
her own mind. Searching the mind for the reasons. She had none.