Yolo (5 page)

mad maddie:

of course I was.

mad maddie:

about what?

zoegirl:

about neediness turning a guy off.

zoegirl:

and by a guy, I mean Doug.

zoegirl:

and by neediness, I mean . . .

mad maddie:

way ahead of you, girl.

mad maddie:

oh, Zoe. what happened? r u still at Oberlin?

zoegirl:

yeah, in Doug's dorm room. he's still sleeping.

zoegirl:

as for what happened . . . arrghhh.

zoegirl:

there's a girl who lives on Doug's hall named Canyon. Canyon—what kind of a name is that?

mad maddie:

a cool name, unfortunately. which sucks.

zoegirl:

it's not her fault her parents gave her a cool name. I realize that. and it's not her fault that
she, herself, is cool. I suppose it's also not her fault that stupid Oberlin has coed dorm halls AND coed bathrooms.

mad maddie:

Oberlin has coed bathrooms?

zoegirl:

Doug gets to see Canyon in her pj's! yay!

zoegirl:

Oberlin even has coed dorm rooms, but Doug at least didn't opt for that.

mad maddie:

whoa

mad maddie:

if I went to Oberlin, I cld have a guy for a roommate?

mad maddie:

I don't know how I feel about that. I truly don't.

zoegirl:

Canyon explained the philosophy behind it, not that I asked. she said the lack of “conventional boundaries” makes it so that guys and girls can be friends instead of seeing each other as sex objects, but what she MEANT was that Oberlin is just cooler than every other college in the world.

mad maddie:

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of having a dude for a roomie.

mad maddie:

I haven't met my own roomie, btw. I know what her name is—Zara—but for now I'm rooming with a girl named Shannon. she's cool.

zoegirl:

why haven't you met your own roomie?

mad maddie:

they mixed us up for orientation so that we meet more ppl. on Tuesday we move into our real dorm rooms. I'll meet Zara then.

zoegirl:

oh

mad maddie:

so, you went to Oberlin to see Doug. you met a girl named Canyon. at some point there was neediness, I'm assuming, and at some point Doug did/said something that made you sad/mad/ whatever . . . ?

zoegirl:

BLAHHHHHHH

zoegirl:

I drove all this way to see him, and when I got
here, he was like, “Zoe. Awesome. It's so good to see you. So listen, I'm playing cards later with some ppl in my dorm. Wanna join?”

mad maddie:

“it's so good to see you”?!!

zoegirl:

“it's so good to see you” and “want to play cards?”

zoegirl:

that's weird, right?

mad maddie:

was Canyon one of the card-playing ppl?

zoegirl:

yes, and she and Doug shot “witty” remarks back and forth all night long.

mad maddie:

about what?

zoegirl:

about everything.

zoegirl:

politics, Oberlin's cafeteria food. some inside joke about “just the tip? just the tip?”

zoegirl:

it was hiLARious. Canyon thought so, anyway.

zoegirl:

also Canyon was wearing a tank top, and her bra strap kept slipping down, and she made sure everyone in the room knew all about it. every five minutes, she was like, “Omigod, my bra keeps falling off. Whoops, there it goes again!”

mad maddie:

at least she was wearing a bra. that's good, isn't it?

zoegirl:

no. yes. maybe. her bra was polka-dotted and adorable, and I hated it.

mad maddie:

some of the girls in my dorm are not perma-bra wearers. it is unnerving, not so much cuz of the lack of bra(s), but because I'm aware of the lack of bra(s). and because I'm aware of being aware.

mad maddie:

I mean, normally I'm the “pish-posh, who cares about conventions” girl, aren't I? isn't that *my* role?

zoegirl:

it is, yes. but not wearing a bra is . . . I don't know. I want to say tacky, but maybe I need to think about it.

zoegirl:

BUT ANYWAY, I finally pulled Doug away and said, “Don't you want to be with *me*?”

mad maddie:

ah, crap. and he wanted to keep playing cards with too-cool Canyon?

zoegirl:

zoegirl:

I feel loserish in so many ways.

mad maddie:

Zoe. listen up, cuz this is important. do u and Doug have plans for the rest of the day?

zoegirl:

I don't know. He hasn't woken up yet. I'm hoping we'll go have breakfast together, just the two of us.

mad maddie:

stop hoping, cuz yr going to leave and yr going to leave NOW.

mad maddie:

do not pass go, do not collect $200. just grab yr stuff and tiptoe out of the room.

zoegirl:

???

zoegirl:

why?

mad maddie:

cuz he needs a taste of his own medicine. cuz he shld have treated you better, and he needs to be reminded of that.

zoegirl:

you really think I should just leave?

mad maddie:

hells yeah

zoegirl:

it wldn't be too rude?

mad maddie:

it wld be exactly the right amount of rude. go!

mad maddie:

cool!

mad maddie:

I haz been eating the marshmallow moons out of my box of Lucky Charms. yolo!!!!

SnowAngel:

AHEM

SnowAngel:

I talked to Zoe this afternoon, and I can't get that girl Canyon out of my mind.

SnowAngel:

Canyon, who wore a cute polka-dot bra.

SnowAngel:

did Zo tell you about the cute polka-dot bra?

mad maddie:

she did, but I think Zoe was more concerned with the Canyon part than the bra part.

SnowAngel:

well, I know, silly. that's why I texted you instead.

mad maddie:

me no understand

SnowAngel:

you know the business class I'm in?

mad maddie:

the one you registered for by accident?

SnowAngel:

we have to come up with a fake start-up business. blah blah blah, boring boring kill me now.

SnowAngel:

we have to write a marketing plan and figure out overhead expenses and make a budget, and omg, it's going to be a TON of work.

mad maddie:

is yr prof still a she-devil in sensible shoes?

SnowAngel:

why does she think anyone cares about this stuff? who in their right mind wants to be an entrepreneur?

mad maddie:

oh gee. I dunno. Bill Gates?

SnowAngel:

who's Bill Gates?

mad maddie:

exactly

mad maddie:

so what business are you going to start?

SnowAngel:

none, obviously

SnowAngel:

but in Pretend Land, I'm thinking a store that sells really cute bras. isn't that brilliant?

mad maddie:

like Victoria's Secret?

SnowAngel:

NO, cuz my store wld be better and cuter and adorabler.

mad maddie:

you are nutso, A. I can't believe that Canyon's polka-dot bra is yr takeaway from Zoe's shitty night.

SnowAngel:

does that make you not like me?

SnowAngel:

I *do* feel bad for Zo. but now I want a bra with polka-dot straps . . .

mad maddie:

I think I will put lotion on my heels, which are a bit dry. come here, plz, lotion.

SnowAngel:

and my business idea is good! I have deets and supporting evidence and everything, and the beautiful part is that I gathered it all just by living my life!

SnowAngel:

so here's what I'm thinking. you know how you have to wear a nude-colored bra under a white t-shirt or cami?

mad maddie:

ah, such soft feet. now to the elbows . . .

SnowAngel:

I was BEMOANING that very fact last night when I put on my white cami as part of my kitty-cat costume.

SnowAngel:

I was a white kitty cat, btw. everybody always goes as a black cat, have u noticed?

mad maddie:

racist

SnowAngel:

so . . . put it all together, and voila!

mad maddie:

voila-wha?

SnowAngel:

*drags whiteboard into middle of room* *whips out yummy-smelling whiteboard marker* *spells out genius idea*

SnowAngel:

• cute bras are cute.

SnowAngel:

• nude-colored bras are NOT cute.

SnowAngel:

• nude-colored bra straps are especially uncute, especially when they peek out from under the straps of yr cami.

SnowAngel:

are you with me?

mad maddie:

in what way?

SnowAngel:

and then I talked to Zo, and der! someone needs to make a nude-colored bra (the part that holds up yr boobies, or in my case, booblets) but with cute straps! stripes or polka dots or whatever!

SnowAngel:

white cami? sure! and look! cute purple straps lining up all cutely with the white cami straps!

SnowAngel:

but look closer. can you see the bra itself through the cute white cami? NO, YOU CANNOT, CUZ OF BRILLIANT SEKRIT NUDITY!

SnowAngel:

SnowAngel:

so whaddaya think???

mad maddie:

I think they already exist. in fact, I know they do, cuz I have a bra that came with three sets of
straps—all different colors—and you can switch them out whenever you want.

SnowAngel:

you do not

mad maddie:

I do

SnowAngel:

I completely reject that claim. how cld you possibly have a cute exchangeable bra-strap bra when I don't???

mad maddie:

I think yr going to have to come up with a new business plan, love.

SnowAngel:

no way, not unless my stupid business prof gets all uppity and says it's not BORING and BUSINESS-Y enough.

mad maddie:

well, V's Secret works pretty damn well as a business.

SnowAngel:

back to yr bra.

SnowAngel:

where did you buy it?

SnowAngel:

and can I have it?

SnowAngel:

I really think it shld belong to me since I thought of it first.

SnowAngel:

Maddie?

SnowAngel:

MADDIE!

SnowAngel:

ah, screw you. go have fun with yr effing lotion, ya loser!