WidowsWalk (9 page)

“Lindy, you are such a romantic. This isn’t a romance novel.
It is real life. Sometimes things don’t work out as you plan.”

“I know.” Lindy tried to push back the sadness of her past.
Thankfully though things did not work out with Stephen or she would have never
met Tom.
Sometimes what seems so wrong turns out right in the end.

Lindy pulled the last packet of letters from her bag. The
faded red ribbon slipped from the slim stack of envelopes and tickled her bare
thigh.

“Read it to me,” Tom said.

“Okay.” Lindy took a deep breath and tried to gather her
courage.

My Dearest Emmaline,

I apologize that it has been so long since I have
written. Things here have been quite hectic. As I am sure you know the ship has
returned to England without me aboard. I trust your father gave you my note. My
work here has been fulfilling and my life has been changed so dramatically. I
have found a life that gives me as much pleasure as the sea once did. Instead
of building ships, I am building shelter for the unfortunate people that live
in the streets. They are heathens and the ministry of British prudence is what
they need. They are so grateful to have a roof over their heads and it is
satisfying.

I am saving what money I can to build a life for us here
but I fear your lack of reply to my note means that you have decided not to
join me. You have told me how you long for adventure, long to see the world but
now the opportunity presents itself and you hesitate. Perhaps you have found
another?

I think of you every day and it is still my wish that one
day we will be together.

Still Yours?

Benjamin

“Uh-oh,” Lindy said. Tom stroked her cheek and motioned for
her to continue.

My Darling Benjamin,

I did receive your note. I apologize for the delay in my
response but it has been a difficult winter and the time has passed so quickly.
My father has taken ill. A seizure of some kind has left him with little use of
the left side of his body. His speech is difficult to understand and he
requires almost constant care. I have the groomsmen bathe him but the rest of
his care is left to me.

My sweet loving man, I should wish for nothing more than
to spend the rest of my life in your arms. To see new lands, discover new
things and share our passion for life.

I am sure you understand that I cannot leave my father. I
am all he has left. Sometimes responsibilities and obligations make it
impossible to have the lives we wish for. I have no idea how long this will
last but I cannot ask you to wait for me. Be happy.

Em

Lindy tried to keep her tears from hitting the fragile
paper. Tom took her hand. She knew it was silly to cry for the long-forgotten events
but that was who she was.

“It will be okay, Lindy. Let’s finish them.”

Carefully she opened the last letter from Benjamin.

My Very Dear Emmaline,

Firstly, let me say how truly sorry I was to hear of your
father’s poor health. He was always such a robust man and I credit him for
making me the man I am today. His guidance and patience gave me so much
courage.

I know you had thought long and hard about your response
before sending it and I wish that I could find the words to make you
reconsider. I would wait for you as long as it takes but we both grow closer to
a time where our chances for having a family would soon be difficult. I cannot
bear the thought of you alone in that house with no love or children of your
own. I shall return to you and together we will make it work.

I know you are strong and courageous like your father. I
admire your dedication but please do not walk away from this chance for happiness.

Forever in your servitude,

Benjamin

Lindy’s spark of hope quickly faded. She knew what Emmaline’s
reply would be. The women in her family were all strong—and stubborn. She held
the letter tightly in her trembling hand. Looking at Tom with tear-filled eyes,
she handed him the envelope.

“You read it,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she replied softly.

Tom cleared his throat nervously and carefully unfolded the
last letter. Another folded slip of paper fluttered to the blanket.

His rich, velvety voice was soft on the breeze. Lindy closed
her eyes.

My Dearest Benjamin,

A sadness like I have never known fills my soul. To have
you come to me, share your life with me, raise a family with me is a dream that
makes my heart soar. But alas it is nothing more than a dream. Your letters
have been filled with such joy, a renewed sense of purpose that this strange
new world has brought you—to take that from you would take away what makes our
love so special.

As with the sea, you are teeming with life. You have so
much to fill you and your gift for sharing your goodness is not to be dismissed.
How cruel it would be for so many others! I cannot bear the thought of you
experiencing a moment of unhappiness nor can I allow my selfish desires to
change your life. I know that you would grow to resent me and the very life we
dreamed of would become a nightmare for both of us.

Our time together has filled me with enough joy to carry
me through the rest of my days. Find another who will be good to you and live
the life you have always wanted. When I walk along the seashore, the scent of
lavender heavy on the breeze, I will look toward the horizon and smile knowing
that you once loved me.

Forever,

Em

Tom pulled Lindy into his lap and held her close. Stroking
her hair, he whispered soothing words as she sobbed in his arms.

She couldn’t understand how she could cry uncontrollably and
nothing came from her eyes.
Maybe I have a tear-duct problem. I should look
into it.
Lindy’s ever-practical nature was trying to staunch the flow of
emotions.

Once she had settled and all that was left was a sniff or
two they began to pack up their belongings. Lindy took the other end of the
blanket and together they folded and twisted it and folded again. She saw a
folded piece of paper flutter to the ground and not wanting to leave any trash
behind she picked it up and shoved it into the pocket of her cover-up. They
headed back to the hotel, lost in their own thoughts.

After a long shower they pulled back the covers and slipped
into the cool sheets for an afternoon nap.

Lindy woke a bit groggy. The sun, her tears and all the
excitement of the past few days were catching up to her. She would be glad when
she could get back home and things would be back on track.
Home—wherever
that might be.
Seeing Tom walking in from the balcony, she sighed. What was
it about him that made home seem like something more than a house?

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Tom teased.

“Morning already? I can’t believe I slept though.” Her voice
was a soft mumble.

“I know. I had to go out alone last night.”

“Y-you did? You left me here alone.” She sat up suddenly and
opened her eyes wide.

“A big girl like you? I thought you could manage.”

“Big girl? Thanks, Tom,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“I’m teasing you, Lindy. It’s only 5:00 p.m. You slept
heavily, all the sun and the—” he cleared his throat loudly,” the emotion.”

“Are you making fun of me?” She smiled at him and flopped
back down on to the bed.

“Only in a kind way. Your sentimental nature is one of the things
I love about you.”

Lindy groaned and pulled the pillow closer.
Love.
He
sure tossed the word about freely. Well love didn’t always have to be so
serious, did it? Besides, she didn’t love
him
, did she? They were having
a great time, the sex was fabulous and they seemed to be a perfect fit but love?
Oh shit. I
am
in love with him
!

“Come on, Belinda, rise and shine. We have a date.”

“A date?” Propped on one elbow, she felt the happiness
bubbling inside her.

“Yup. I would tell you to wear something comfortable but I
know it would offend your fashionistic nature. Please, no high heels.”

“Where are we going?” Lindy didn’t really care where he took
her as long as they were together. And truth be told it was nice to let someone
else take care of the details for a change.

“It’s a surprise but we have to be there by seven, so—chop-chop.”

After a quick shower, Lindy braided her hair and chose a
simple white cotton sundress. The flat thongs were comfortable yet stylish. No
makeup or jewelry was her only concession to simple.

She smiled at her reflection. The sun had warmed her
complexion and freckles dotted her nose. She looked almost innocent—childlike—and
wondered what magic potion Tom had running through his veins to give her such a
glow.

He must have noticed it too because when she joined him in
the room he smiled broadly. “Look at you,” he purred at her until it turned
into a growl. “You are so beautiful.”

“Thanks. You clean up pretty nicely yourself.” She blushed
at his open compliments. Tom had on a button-down shirt and a pressed pair of
linen shorts. It was the most dressed-up she had seen him. And he looked good
enough to eat.

They headed to the other side of the island, away from the
high-rise hotels and tourists. The Jeep wound its way down a dusty lane until
it opened onto a broad, verdant meadow. The hot-air balloons dotted the sparse grass,
their colors as vibrant and vivid as the island itself.

“Oh Tom!”

“Good surprise?” Lindy thought he looked nervous and she
smiled warmly at him. Sometimes she forgot he was just a man with real feelings
of his own and not a hero from one of her romance novels.

“The best. I’ve always wanted to try this and to do it with
you…”

Tom knew he could tease her but he didn’t want to. He was a
little sentimental himself tonight and couldn’t quite understand why. Maybe it
was the letters or the way Lindy looked at him with such warmth in her eyes.

Oh dear God, this can’t be happening. I mean she is a
great gal and we have fun but love? Well just because I love her doesn’t mean
my life has to change. She knows I’m a free spirit and she is an independent
woman. We can just enjoy it and still keep our own lives. She doesn’t want
another guy twisting up her insides anyway.

But Tom knew if he let it go too far, she would take it and
run with it. They had shared so much, the long months apart allowing them to
talk and text openly without his urge to constantly touch her getting in the
way.

They might have only spent weeks in each other’s company but
the months in between had given them free rein to get to know each other
intimately.

Tom had never let anyone in before. He’d had a series of
casual, friendly relationships, not wanting to be tied down. His ship
conveniently sailed when things got hot and heavy. Now he had a woman waiting
for him to return, not asking for anything more than to be with him.
It must
be a trick to get me to fall in love and as soon as I give in she will pounce
and my life as I know it will be over.

“You okay, Tom?” she asked softly.

“I’m okay, you okay?”

“It’s all good.” Tom thought he heard a soft sigh follow her
words. She was so in tune with his emotions she must have guessed his thoughts.

He didn’t want to spoil this night. They were together and
as they stepped into the basket of the balloon and the pilot closed the door,
he took her hand and squeezed it in a reassuring gesture.

The sun was beginning to drop out of the sky when the
balloon began to rise into the air. They watched as the craggy limestone
Tramuntana mountain range give way to the coastline of tiny villages and
beaches. The orange, clementine and lemon trees grew below and along hillside
terraces with olive trees and sweet wine grapes growing side by side. The
neighboring islands of Cabrera and Menorca floated by as the balloon soared
upward.

Lindy was quiet and Tom glanced out of the corner of his
eye. He could see the emotions swirling in her gaze and wondered what she was
thinking. He wanted to comfort her, reassure her but he just couldn’t find the
words. He didn’t know what he wanted anymore. His life had suddenly become
complicated and Tom didn’t do complicated.

“Tom, this is lovely. Thank you for planning such a special
week. I really enjoy spending time with you.” It seemed that she tried to sound
casual. “It’s nice to have a special friend—with benefits.”

“Friend with benefits?”

“Well, I mean—I know you aren’t interested in anything
serious. Free spirit and all. And well, neither am I.” Lindy kept her gaze on
the distant mountains and Tom was glad. He didn’t want to see the lie in her
eyes—or did he?

Tom tried to analyze her response for holes. Did she mean
it?
And how does she know what I want? I haven’t even told her.
Of
course, here it was—his opening, an easy out.
Just like Lindy to make it
easier for me. Jeez, what planet did she come from?

“Lindy, I…”

“Don’t worry, Tom, really. I know—”

“Lindy, did you ever think for one minute that you don’t
know everything?” The hostility in his voice came from the anguish of his
indecision and he could no longer control it. The pilot had stopped speaking.
The heavy hot air and the whoosh of fire to the balloon were the only sounds as
they drifted toward the sunset.

Lindy began to tremble. Tears pricked at her eyes.
Oh
dear God, not now. Why am I so stupid? I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

Tom’s hand cupped her chin and he turned her face to his.

“Lindy, I am sorry. I don’t know how to do this. I am
trying—honestly I am. I am giving you all I can. It is just going to take some
time.”

Lindy leaned in and kissed him softly. As she drew back, he
pulled her face toward him and kissed her with so much passion that her soft
whimper was lost in his mouth.

He broke the kiss and looked at her.

“I love you, Belinda Ann Reddington of America.”

He couldn’t tell if it was the fading sun or pure joy
lighting her eyes with fire but she smiled and choked back a sob.

“I love you too, Captain Tom Phillips of Cornwall.”

* * * * *

Lindy could not believe how quickly the week had passed.
They had spent the long days lying in the warm sun and splashing in the
sparkling sea. Their nights were filled with food, wine and sex.

Tom had not been joking when he said he had wanted to
broaden her horizons. He filled her every way and everywhere. They were chased
from the pool at 3:00 a.m. when someone complained Lindy’s screams were
bouncing off the water. He teased her in public, slipping his hand beneath her
dress at almost every restaurant they went to.

After a couple of days of their passion being out of
control, he let—no, encouraged—Lindy to go down on him in the shady copse of
trees on the beach. It was thrilling and the more Lindy had, the more she
wanted. She was beginning to think she was insatiable. She just could not get
enough of him.

Now it was almost over. Tomorrow it would be time for Lindy
to board the plane and head back to Cornwall. Tom would follow and be home in
about a week.

Then what?
Lindy wondered. He had mumbled something
about his charter being booked or he’d have taken her along but Lindy knew he
wasn’t ready to give up that part of his life for her—or anyone. Like Emmaline,
she knew that if she took his freedom, their love would end.

They shared another lovely dinner near the water. Lindy didn’t
know if she could ever eat indoors again. Tom was unusually quiet and she let
the Rioja and the heavy meal lull her into contentment as the sun set. She
watched the orange ball of fire extinguished in the dark waters of the sea and
sighed deeply.

“Lindy, we need to make one stop before we head back to the
hotel, okay? I have to check in at the club before I leave town.”

“Okay, sure.” She was hoping they would spend their last
night together wrapped in each other’s arms making sweet love and reinforcing
their intimacy. Well it wouldn’t make it any easier. She was used to sleeping in
his arms now and she’d better get unused to it in a hurry. The long months he
was away would seem even longer now that they had spent so much time together.

Besides, they hadn’t really talked about what would happen
once they did get home. Lindy needed to make a decision as to whether or not
she would remain in Cornwall for the winter or go home.
Home
. That word
again.

Baron, the doorman, greeted them both by name and they
headed down the steps to the club. Tom found her a seat at the bar and ordered
her a drink.

“I’ll be right back,” he said and kissed her on the cheek.

Lindy looked at him. Suddenly her need to not spend a minute
without him was front and center. He kissed her mouth tenderly. “Right back,”
he said, smiling.

Lindy sipped her drink and chatted with the bartender to
pass the time. Before she knew it, the heat of Tom’s chest pressed against her
back and his warm breath danced in her ear.

“Come with me.” Tom’s voice was husky. Lindy rose and took
his hand. Winding their way through the crowds, they entered a small room
through heavy velvet drapes. A tufted circular bench sat in the middle of the
dimly lit room, a mirrored cylinder rising from the center like a giant
phallus. The smooth sounds of Latin jazz filled the air.

“Sit,” Tom said, motioning to the bench. Lindy noted the
change in his tone. So demanding. Her nipples puckered instantly, aching as
they rubbed against the fabric of her dress. She tried to not annoy him by
asking why again. Tom sat in a chair off to the side and the music changed. The
heavy bass began beating in Lindy’s stomach. She was nervous, excited,
anticipating…what?

Sheila stepped through the curtains.

Lindy began to tremble as Sheila swayed her hips
exaggeratedly and moved toward the bench. The tempo of the music increased but Sheila’s
movements remained slow and sensuous. Lindy glanced at Tom out of the corner of
her eye, expecting to see his humorous grin but instead she saw pleasure
lighting his eyes. The dim lights, the sultry music and the alcohol were
joining forces to send Lindy to another place and she could not resist going
along for the ride.

Sheila stood before her, slipping her leg between Lindy’s
slightly parted thighs and opening them wide. She stepped between them, her
barely covered breasts practically in Lindy’s mouth. Lindy tried to lean back
but Sheila just laughed and kneeled on the bench. Lindy could feel Sheila’s
soft legs between her own and her generous breasts against her face.
They
actually feel real.

Lindy breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet scent of sweat,
desire and patchouli.
Just one taste
, she thought as she licked at the
soft flesh between Sheila’s breasts. Sheila stepped back and started to dance.
Her sensuous movements were half a beat slower than the music, only adding to
Lindy’s distortion.

The moisture inside Lindy’s core begin to pool. Her panties
were already damp and she squeezed her legs together to try to stop the ache in
her clit.

Sheila turned her back to Lindy and untied her top, tossing
it to Tom. Lindy wanted to look at his reaction but she couldn’t take her eyes
of the beautiful woman dancing just for her. She had never touched a woman
intimately before the incident with Sheila in the bar and now she couldn’t help
but wonder why not. The soft heat of the dancer’s sex and wet warmth when she
had come in her hand had been so arousing.

Sheila inched the G-string over her hips with excruciating
slowness, dragging it between her closed thighs and then letting it slide down
her legs to the floor. She could see a faint, shiny trail of moisture running
down Sheila’s thigh and it made her jerk with need.
This is crazy. I have
the hottest guy in the world with me and…

Sheila turned slowly and then stood perfectly still. Lindy
was sure her mouth was gaping but she had never seen a more perfect body on a
woman. She was exquisite. Firm, lean and glistening, her skin rubbed with oil.
One long, unending stretch of perfect flesh—not even a tan line to ruin the
goddess named Sheila.