WidowsWalk (4 page)

Lindy explored him with her tongue, cupping his balls to
feel the weight of them in her hand. She squeezed gently while allowing his
length to slide deeper into her throat.

Tom’s hands were in her hair, not pushing or forcing her
movement. It was though he just enjoyed the softness of it against his
fingertips. His hips began to move ever so slightly and Lindy took her task to
heart, wanting to give him as much pleasure as she had just received.

Tom looped his arm beneath hers and lifted her to her feet.

“This will be over before it begins if you don’t stop.” He
smiled but his voice quivered as he tried to control his need.

Lindy attempted to smile in return but her desire was
pushing hard and she was struggling with the break in the action. Tom pushed
her back onto the bed and crawled in beside her, propping himself on one elbow,
looking at her. Lindy was embarrassed by his close scrutiny. Their eyes met and
the fear disappeared when she saw his desire for her shining brightly within
them.

“Lindy, you are stunning.”

Lindy smiled a little half-smile as she rolled her eyes and
giggled.

Tom took her lips with his. Kissing her, he covered her with
his body and rested his weight on top of her. Lindy wrapped her arms around his
shoulders and twisted her legs around his calves, pulling him closer.

What is it about this man? I am so comfortable with him
and we barely know each other.

Lindy’s inner dialogue flew out of her worried mind when Tom
began to kiss her neck. His lips trailed over the sensitive column, making the
goose bumps rise on her skin. As he dragged the tip of his tongue over her
collarbone to the top of her breast, Lindy arched her back and whimpered softly.

Tom closed his lips around her stiff nipple and kissed it
gently. He opened his mouth and suckled hard. Lindy’s need rose. Drawing back
until his lips closed around the tight peak, he caught the sensitive tip
between his teeth and slid them back and forth.

Lindy’s hips were bucking now as her body pushed up hard
against him. His cock rested between the wet lips of her cunt and she ground
her clit into his stiff shaft. Tom chuckled softly as his mouth followed the
trail down her tummy, pausing to dip his tongue in her navel.

He continued his path until he had settled himself between
her thighs. He stroked her mound softly, letting his fingers slide back up to
spread her lips wide. The hard pink nub of her clit seemed to be waiting for
his touch and the friction of his movement was sending her to the edge. Gazing
down at him, she saw him looking at her pussy with more than intent. He
appeared to be in awe of her cunt. Lindy would have blushed but it seemed a
little late to be embarrassed.

He looked up at her with a slightly wicked smile and Lindy
groaned with need. He took her labia into his mouth and sucked at it. Lindy
thought she had never felt anything so wonderful in her life until his lips
closed around her clit and tugged at it.

Pushing her hips up, she levered her cunt against his face. She
was going for it. Not that she could have stopped it but denial was not going
to enter this equation.
Lindy, take it. Just take it!

Tom slid two fingers into her cunt and pressed hard at her
sweet spot. She lost the ability to think at all as her body gave over to the
sensations. She could hear someone screaming and wondered briefly if it might
be she. She let it all go, her wet release drenching Tom’s chin and chest.
Laughing with delight, she watched as he licked and lapped at each delicious
drop.

Lindy reached for Tom and embraced him. He tensed and she forced
herself to remain quiet.

“Lindy, that was incredible. Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure really.” Lindy giggled like a schoolgirl
and clamped her legs together as the aftershocks flowed through her.

“I really need to go though.”

“Go? Go where? You just arrived and I thought…” She reached
for his softening cock.

“I know. I am sorry. I forgot I have some obligations
tomorrow early. A rain check, perhaps?”

“Okay, sure.” Lindy might be paranoid thinking he had gotten
what he came for and once he had it they were done. But he hadn’t had what he’d
come for. He hadn’t come at all.

“I’ll only be home a couple of days but I will stop by again
tomorrow evening if that’s okay?”

“All right, if you can.” Lindy was a bit confused by his
sudden change of heart.

“I mean if you’re free? I’ll bring some Chinese food and we
will sit on the porch and read some more letters. What do you think?” He seemed
to be trying to bring some lightness into their conversation.

“Sounds great. I’ll see you out.” She watched him pull the
close-fitting denim over his muscular thighs.

“No. I like thinking about you naked in that big bed. Stay
where you are.” Tom leaned down and kissed her warmly. Looking at her, he
smiled and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“See you, Lindy.”

Unable to hide her disappointment, she sighed heavily before
planting a fake smile on her lips.

“See you, Tom.”

Tom talked to himself all the way back down the beach until
he reached his house.
What the hell is the matter with me? I have a gorgeous
woman offering herself to me and I can’t follow through? Come on, man!

Not a great time for performance anxiety but Tom knew it was
more than that. It wasn’t an equipment problem. He wasn’t about to admit it
even to himself but he knew that being with Lindy was about more than having
sex. He barely knew her but he knew enough to know that there was something
different about her. Something that threatened his freedom. And if he was to
give himself to her, he had better be prepared to accept what she offered.

He wanted her but for some reason all he could think about
was how much pleasure he could give her. That was his release. He had taken so
many times in the past but now he found pleasure in giving.
Dear Lord, Tom!
You sound like an idiot. Just fuck her and be done with it.

Standing on the beach, he saw the light still shining in
Lindy’s bedroom and held tightly to his resolve to stop him from heading back
to her place. He knew she would let him back in. He knew she would give herself
to him but he was not ready for the enormity of her gift and he knew that too.

Heading inside, he took a long, cool shower. Lying in the
darkness, he let the memory of the sweet flood of her release push him over the
edge as he stroked himself to orgasm.

Lindy woke with the dawn and tried to fall into her regular
routine. Every time thoughts of the night before crept into her mind she
shivered and tried to push them aside. He probably just didn’t like her—she was
an American, after all. Maybe she was too full-figured or not pretty enough?
Perhaps it was her goofy romantic notions that he disdained? Or maybe she
should have warned him ahead of time about her—wet releases.

What the hell, Lindy? Come on, you are not going there.
You have a lot to offer and do not need a man to make you feel worthy.
Still, as the day faded to gold she carefully shaved her legs in the shower.
Choosing a simple fitted sundress, she left her feet bare, trying to appear
casual. He probably wasn’t coming anyway.

Taking her laptop and some letters to the porch, she set to
work on the story of Emmaline and Benjamin. Because Lindy was lost in their
words, Tom startled her as he set the bags of food on the table.

Hitting Save, Lindy struggled to push the sadness of the
letters from her mind before greeting Tom.

“Well a fake smile is better than no smile.” He looked
nervous. “Perhaps I should go?”

“No, Tom, it’s just the letters. They get to me sometimes.”

“You’re a bit of a sap you know.”

“I know.”

“May I have a look then?”

Lindy looked at the grease staining the brown paper sack
that held their dinner.

“My hands are clean. Would you like me to wear gloves?”

“No, it’s okay.” She handed him the faded page.

My Darling Love,

I too long for the day when you will become my wife. To
wake beside you every morning and drift to sleep with you in my arms every
night is all that I need to be happy. This shall be my last voyage at sea. When
I return I will seek work closer to home. Perhaps I will build ships. I am good
with my hands and it would bring me great joy to craft these beautiful pieces
of moving poetry. You are never far from my thoughts, my darling. Hold me close
inside your heart until soon when you are able to hold me in your arms.

Yours eternally,

Benjamin

Tom carefully folded the letter and looked at Lindy. She
handed him Emmaline’s reply.

My Sweet Benjamin,

I think of you constantly and fill the empty places inside
me with hope. I believe that we are meant to be together and no one can take
that from me. Without hope I would have nothing left inside, so great is the
aching loss of your departure. I can still taste the sweetness of your kiss.
The sweet smell of the lavender that you brought me fills my senses. It is
drying from the post of my bed. Each night as I lie there dreaming of you, I
can smell the scent of your love for me.

My darling, I love you more than life itself and wish
nothing more than for us to be together but you cannot give up the sea. It is
your dream, your life—your commitment. You say that you will be happy but you
will grow to resent me for taking you from your first love. You forget that my
own father is a captain like you. I have some basis for this statement. I am
not a martyr nor do I feel very noble at this moment but I do love you and
therefore wish for nothing more than your complete happiness in this life.

With all that I am,

Your Emmaline

Tom walked to the rail and looked out to sea. Lindy was
pleased that he was emotionally connected enough to feel the sentiments the
letters carried.

“Lindy, I am sorry about last night.”

“Tom, not a big deal—really.”

“It is a big deal, Lindy. That is why I had to leave. I don’t
know if it is these letters or your incredibly gorgeous body or just your
romance-writer sensibility that has me feeling a bit sappy myself.”

“Sappy is always good in my book.”

“Why does that not surprise me?” His warm laughter was
genuine. “Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving, as a matter of fact.”

They sat companionably, eating the takeout and talking about
everything. They overstepped each other’s words, not because they couldn’t wait
for their own turn to talk but because they couldn’t wait to share the next
thought.

The sunset was magnificent and they sat on the glider
sipping the lychee liqueur Tom had brought with dinner. He took Lindy’s hand
and they enjoyed an easy silence.

“I should get going. Early call in the morning.”

“Again? You do keep busy.”

“Headed back out tomorrow. Spain again.” He rose from the
bench and pulled Lindy up beside him. “I’ll be gone about three weeks this
time.”

“Oh well.” Lindy searched for words that might make him stay
just a bit longer. “Safe journey then.”

“I would like to see you when I return. Perhaps we could go
out to dinner? Civilized adult conversation and all that. I could attempt to
impress you with my smooth, debonair manner.”

“You don’t have to try to impress me, Tom. I like you just
fine the way you are. I’ll look forward to your return.” Lindy hoped that wasn’t
too cloying.
For God’s sakes, girl, you’ve had your his cock in your mouth. It’s
okay to say you like him.

“If you miss me you could always write me a letter like your
Aunt Emmaline did.”

Lindy smiled at the thought. “I just may do that.”

They walked down the steps to the beach and stood in the
soft sand, watching the moon rise into the sky. Lindy checked his profile for
signs of discomfort. Tom turned, sighing softly as he gazed at her.

His lips were tender as they touched hers in a sweet kiss.
Lindy swore she felt the impression of a crack forming on her almost-healed
heart. She could almost sense his tug-of-war between holding on and letting go
and she let him lead. Pulling back, he stroked the side of her cheek and pushed
a stray lock of hair behind her ear. It seemed that was what he did when he
didn’t have the words.

“See you, Lindy.”

“See you, Tom.”

The wind whipped her dress around her ankles. Lindy stood in
the sand for a long time, waiting for the universe to tell her that it was all
going to be okay. She missed Tom most just after he left her. She missed the
feeling of his warmth, the laughter and shared conversation, the simple
companionship of someone wanting nothing more than she could give.

She watched Tom’s silhouette against the moonlit sand as he
became smaller and smaller, heading down the beach to his own place. When he
was out to sea for weeks at a time at least she knew he could not be with her
and it was okay. She had no choice. A break from the emotions that being with
him was beginning to stir in her when he was home.

What is wrong me with me? I barely know the man and how
many times have I actually seen him?
It seemed she had known him forever. She
was grateful for the generosity of his attention when he was here but still it
was not enough.
Why is it never enough?

Lindy knew she was in trouble. She wanted Tom—all of him.
And why? Was it because he was out of reach? Because she knew he was a free
spirit and not ready to commit to anyone or anything?

Ironically it gave Lindy the freedom to love him completely.
She did not have to fear rejection because she had set her sights on impossibility.
She knew she could not have him all to herself. He had made that very clear.
There were others, would probably always be others, he had said. At least he
was honest. Then there were the times he was gone. He’d be gone sometimes for a
month or more. So what—she didn’t need him taking up all her free time.

How about the fact he is an egocentric, selfish ass?
Lindy started to pace.
At least he knows how to get what he wants. Good
grief! I could justify anything for this man. What is wrong with me? I came
here to get away from the heartache. To start a new life and learn to be
smarter—make better choices. Leave it to a man to step in and complicate
things.

Lindy knew that the letters had affected her judgment. Maybe
she just wanted her own sea captain to pine for. Maybe she should just accept
the convenience of a friend with benefits and enjoy the passion that they
shared. Maybe she should stop trying to find a reason to let love fill her
heart and enjoy the way he filled her body with pleasure. But Lindy knew it was
too late. She had fallen for Tom hook, line and sinker—and as he disappeared
once again she felt the tears pushing at her.

The tears had been waiting there, just out of reach behind
the numbness for years. Lord knew she had tried hard enough to cry many times
since Stephen. Shoulders heaving, breath pulsing, body racked in sobs as she
clutched her chest—but not more than a drop or two of moisture. It seemed to
her as though she was constantly crying and yet she never really did. She was
afraid once she started she would never stop but damn it she needed this.
Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she willed them to come—but nothing.

Lindy headed back inside for some coffee and her laptop. She
might not be able to cry, might not really have a reason to—but she could
write. Like Emmaline and Benjamin she would use her words to sort it out.

The sun setting in the pale sky, she began to type.

My Dearest Tom…

* * * * *

Tom made port early, deftly piloting the sleek ocean cruiser
into the harbor at Palma. The officials knew him and his vessel well and the
formalities were swiftly concluded, a bottle of ten-year-old malt whiskey
easing the way. He informed his passengers they could disembark and then made
sure had they found their transports on the dockside before heading back to the
yacht.

Securing the vessel and leaving instructions with his first mate,
he grabbed his gear and headed into the city. Palma was his favorite port in
the Mediterranean. The old town with its castle and magnificent cathedral and
the tasteful modern developments were in harmony.

He checked into his usual hotel and showered away the smell
of the sea. Pulling his shirt over his head, he caught a faint hint of
lavender, perspiration and musk. It was her smell. He breathed deeply and let
the memories fill him. How he wished she were here beside him. She would love
it here. Why did he just not ask her to come along?

Because it is not how I roll. Because I don’t need any
complications. Because I am a selfish ass. It is better this way. Besides, I
barely know her. Friends, lovers, confidants—and a girl waiting for me to
return from sea. Now I sound like her. Geez—she is making me soft and those
damn letters are getting to me too!

Tom crawled into the cool cotton sheets and sighed. Closing
his eyes, he waited for the rocking sensation to stop. One of the pitfalls of
being at sea so often was that it normally comforted him and was the motion
that lulled him to sleep. Now it just reminded him of Lindy’s body rocking
against his as they twisted and turned on the bed a few days ago.

Grabbing his cell from the nightstand, he checked his email.

My Dearest Tom,

I am sitting on the porch, the stars twinkling in the
dark. In the blackness I can hear the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks,
their force and power reminding me of our time together. I wake in the morning
feeling your warmth against me but when I reach for you, you are not there. Is
that the cruelest of fates or the truest of wonders that I can feel you with
me, even though you are so far away? Hurry back to me, lover. My aching flesh
yearns for your caress…

Affectionately,

Lindy xxoo

Tom couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t think she would
really do it but then again this was Lindy. She was becoming somewhat of an
enigma. Strong and fiercely independent but at the same time fragile and
delicate. A little too romantic maybe but her innocence was refreshing. So many
of the women he had met wielded their independence like a sword, fending off
the possibilities before they were even offered.

Lindy wanted the fairy tale and wasn’t afraid to admit it or
reach for it. Although Tom knew he could never be the one to give it to her,
what he had to offer might be just what she needed for now. What that was he
hadn’t a clue but he enjoyed being with her and would play her hero for now. He
was a loner sure but sometimes he needed a little love just like anyone else.
Bah,
what am I doing? Palma awaits me and I need a nap.

Grabbing the extra pillow, Tom hugged it to his chest and
settled deeper into the mattress. He cocked open an eye and looked at his shirt
draped over the chair. He wanted to smell it again but he would not. Punching
the pillow, he snuggled in and then threw back the covers and stomped over to
the chair. Bunching up the t-shirt, he inhaled deeply and then put it under the
pillow before falling into a dreamless sleep.

* * * * *

Tom stopped into his favorite café and had a late lunch and
a nice bottle of Rioja. His favorite waitress Selma greeted him warmly with a
kiss and an expectant look. He enjoyed her company and he could probably use
the distraction.

Tom laughed at the cliché but he did seem to have a woman in
every port. Some were just friends, some had been or still were lovers. His
life had been just a series of moments connected by one common thread—the sea.
It wasn’t that he had intimacy issues really. He just liked to keep things free
from complication.

He gave just a little bit at a time to each one of them. He
prided himself on listening to their needs so he could give them what they most
desired. Women were really pretty simple creatures. A little affection, regular
compliments and a pretense of listening. And lots and lots of orgasms. At least
he knew he was good at that.

Tom didn’t lead them on. He never hid who he was. He would
give what he could, when and if he could, that was all—no attachments, no
commitments, no tears. For some it was enough and for those who it wasn’t he
wished them well.