WidowsWalk (10 page)

Lindy closed her mouth and swallowed hard as she moved
toward her again. She took Lindy’s hands and placed them on her breasts. Lindy panicked,
not knowing what to do, so she just held them. Sheila smiled at her warmly and
lifted Lindy to her feet. She pulled Lindy’s sundress over her head and once
again tossed it to Tom.

Lindy began to tremble. She was standing in a public place
in nothing but a pair of panties and high-heeled sandals. At least when the
three of them had sex there it had been in a darkened corner and she had kept
her dress on. Now a nude woman stood before her while her lover looked on. It
all seemed so surreal but she could not resist Sheila’s power.

Sheila pulled her body close and wrapped her arms around
Lindy’s back as they swayed slowly to the music. Sheila’s warm skin and soft
breasts were making Lindy weak in the knees. Sheila’s hands were on her back,
moving up and down, each time her fingers dipping lower into the band of Lindy’s
panties.

Sheila drew back and Lindy searched her eyes for a reason to
stop this. Sheila bent and kissed her, her tongue slipping into her mouth. It
was so naughty, so crazy and so hot. Lindy let it all go. She and Tom had
experienced so much passion in the last week and tried so many new things.
Things Lindy had never even known about. She felt wide-open for this
experience.

Lindy lost herself in Sheila’s kiss and gentle touch. She
couldn’t remember how she had become naked or when Sheila had pushed her down
onto the bench and begun to writhe against her but she knew she was going to
come.

She turned her head and saw Tom watching them. His eyes were
glassy with lust and his smile was reassuring—encouraging. Lindy reached up and
pulled Sheila down to her once more. Sheila was moaning wildly, her pace
increasing as Lindy kissed her hard.

The distraction was enough to make them both stop thinking
about it. Sheila broke away to let out a scream as she climaxed and Lindy
followed suit, her wet release saturating the thick velvet.

Sheila kissed her warmly and told her next time she was in
town to be sure and call. She hugged Tom and Lindy couldn’t help but smile as
she watched Tom reach down and squeeze Sheila’s delicious bottom.

They left the club and headed back to the hotel.

“Tom, that was nice. Thank you.” Lindy was staring at the
ground, suddenly unsure of what to say.

“
Nice?
You’re kidding right?”

“I don’t know what to say.” So many thoughts were running
through her head she could not focus.

“How about the truth?”

Lindy paused and thought about the way the experience made
her feel. She felt the dampness between her thighs and shivered in the warm
evening air. Her nipples grew hard again as she remembered her time with
Sheila.

“Okay, it was fucking hot!”

“Much better. And?”

“And I enjoyed it?”

They stopped walking and Tom rested his hands on her
shoulders, looking into her eyes.” Lindy, I know you. There is more to it than
that.”

Of course, once again the opportunity to discuss her
feelings did not go unnoticed—and she was not going to pass it up this time.
Time was racing by and soon she might not have the chance.

“I just wondered why tonight, our last night. I was
hoping—to spend the night with you.” She tried to lift her voice to keep the
whine out but it just came out like that of a boy going through puberty.

“Lindy, it is not our last night—is it?” He looked unsure.

“Well no. I mean I hope not.” Lindy kicked at the pavement,
swinging her leg like a child kept after school by the principal. Suddenly she
did not know what to say.

“I know we haven’t really talked about what will happen when
we get home but I am trying to sift through it all,” Tom said. “Come up with a
plan.”

“Oh, well a plan is always good. Do let me know when you’ve
decided.” Her sarcasm was evident in her tone. She walked toward the edge of
the dock and stared into the blackness. Her heart was racing as the anger and
pain swelled inside her.

“Look, Lindy, I do love you. I do. You know that, right?”

“So you say…”

“Jeez, could you cut me a little slack? It takes two, you
know. It is not only about how it affects Lindy!” Lindy turned and saw the
consternation in his gaze. He was right. All the excitement, the endorphins,
the intimacy—the week had been so incredible. Perhaps it made her too sure of
him. He was trying and she knew for Tom this was a huge step.

“I am sorry, you are right. I am acting like a spoiled brat
and I deserve a spanking.”

“Mmm, why I didn’t think of that? Next time.” He squeezed
her hand and smiled warmly.

They stopped and sat on a bench. The night air was not much
cooler than the day and Lindy could feel the humidity clinging to her. She
wanted a shower, she wanted to go home—she wanted to not be afraid.
Fake it ’til
you make it. Don’t spoil it now. Just stay calm.

“Lindy, what we have is really good. But I am used to being
on my own. I have been most all of my life and I am comfortable.” Tom took her
hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the tip of each finger.

She watched him intently, thinking the romantic gesture
would have been perfect if not for his words.

“I see. Please don’t go to any trouble.” She pulled her hand
from his grasp.

“Damn it, Lindy! You want too much. You need too much. I
want to give it to you, I do but I just don’t know if I can.”

“Then obviously you don’t want it enough.” Lindy stood and
crossed her arms across her chest.

“It’s not that simple and you know it.”

“It’s not like I am asking you to marry me, Tom. I am just
looking to spend some time with you when you’re home.” She turned and faced him
once more, spitting the words at him in anger.

“Lindy, it won’t be enough. You know it and I know it. And
you deserve better than that. You deserve to have someone who worships and
adores you.” His tone was heated but his posture was relaxed, his open palms
facing up.

“Well perhaps. But the problem is I want you.”

Lindy wasn’t sure when the conversation went sideways but
Tom was like a scared rabbit ready to flee. She had no intention of hemming him
in. Maybe he was just too selfish to give even an inch.
Jeez, from “I love
you” to “I can’t” in less than sixty seconds.

“So, what—you are going to give up your life like Emmaline,
waiting for your captain’s ship to return? You saw how that worked out for her.”

“That was unkind.” The truth of his words brought the pain
too close to the surface and tears pushed close.

“I’m sorry, Lindy. I do care for you a great deal and I want
you to be happy. I am afraid that I will only cause you pain. Perhaps it is
better if we’re just grateful for the wonderful memories we have and part
friends.”

“So that’s it then?” Her tone was flat, almost as though she
was shell-shocked. She felt nothing.

“Yes, no—I don’t know! I need more time. This all happened
so fast. I’m just not ready.”

“Tom, if you figure it out let me know. I guess you are
right. It’s not enough to give myself to someone who won’t let love in.”

Lindy rose from the bench and walked back to the hotel. She
showered and crawled into bed, determined to be a “big girl” as Tom would say
and walk away while her dignity was still intact.

She listened to the ocean moving, constant and sure outside
the patio door. She heard Tom come into the room and undress, tossing his
clothes on the floor. He slid in beside her and wrapped his arm around her
waist, pulling her close to him.

Lindy bit her lip hard to stifle the sob rising in her
throat.
I love him so much. What will I ever do without him?
She didn’t
know how she had let this happen but she needed him now and she snuggled into
the safety of his lap.

“I’m sorry, Lindy.”

“I‘m sorry too, Tom.” She was sorry, sorry that it just
wasn’t going to work.
Very sorry.

“I owe you an explanation.”

“No, Tom, you don’t owe me anything.” She clutched at his
arm, pulling him closer in an offer of comfort.

“Lindy, please let me…”

Lindy turned and faced Tom. She saw the fear and the need to
tell her in his eyes. His voice barely more than a whisper, he began to speak.

“I came home from school one day and my mother was making
dinner. Like any other day, my father came home from work, my sister set the
table and the four of sat down to eat. My mom cleared the dishes and told us she
was going to the store to get us some ice cream for dessert. She never came
back.”

Lindy could hear the tremor in his voice. She wanted to say
something but for the first time she managed to keep her mouth shut when it was
important to.

“My dad tried. He never said anything bad about her. He told
us that she had gone to Ireland to care for a sick uncle but the gossip in town
was that she’d run off with a much younger man. He did the best he could to
raise us but he was lost in the pain. He started drinking pretty heavily. Some
nights he didn’t come home at all. He loved us but he just couldn’t be a parent
alone. Sarah and I managed by sticking together.”

“Tom, I don’t know what to say.” Tom stroked her cheek and
rested his thumb over her lips.

“Lindy, I know it was a long time ago but I just can’t take
the risk of that kind of pain again. To have you walk away—and you would
eventually—would be more than I could bear. I am sorry.”

Lindy wanted to reassure him, to tell him it would never be
like that. That she would give him the time he needed, the space he needed. But
she knew he would not believe it. He wasn’t ready. If only he would give her a
chance.

She pulled him close and pressed his head against the soft
pillow of her breasts. Holding him, she tried to ingrain the memory of his skin
against hers into her mind.

* * * * *

Morning came way too early and Lindy struggled to keep her
tears—albeit dry ones—at bay. Tom pulled her luggage from the Jeep with an
exaggerated groan and wheeled it to the steps of the small charter plane.

They had barely spoken all morning—there was nothing left to
say. Lindy stood quietly, holding the skirt of her dress. She no longer wanted
to give him a peep show. She no longer wanted to tease him or seduce him.

She would get on this plane back to Cornwall and close up
Emmaline’s house for the winter then go back to New England where she belonged.
She wanted to go home and forget about England, forget about Tom. She wanted
the pain that was crushing her chest and the empty ache in her core to go away.

When Lindy arrived back in the States, she realized that she
no longer had a home to go to. She wasn’t quite sure where she would settle.
She could write from anywhere and perhaps her hometown held too many memories
anyway.

Maybe she needed to move someplace that was warmer or just
different enough for her to forget her past. But hadn’t she thought that about
Cornwall?
You had better stop getting involved with the wrong guys. It’s
costing too much in moving expenses!

She knew Emmaline’s house would have been the perfect spot
but the memory of Tom was still painfully fresh. She had not seen him again
during the month before she’d left Cornwall and even though she had hoped for a
miracle, she knew that leaving was probably for the best.

The extended-stay suite was like any other American hotel,
positively gigantic compared to Europe’s and neat and tidy—if not a little
dull. The standard layout of pressed-wood furniture and the geometric-patterned
carpeting would have to do until she found a place of her own. She would make
arrangements to sell the house in Cornwall but not yet. She still felt as
though somehow she was letting Emmaline, Benjamin and herself down.

Opening the closet, she saw the two bent wire hangers
dangling from the rack and sighed. She wished she’d packed the ones Tom had
bought her. Tom—the tears threatened but she pushed them back. No sense in
thinking about it. She had walked away and he would not take her back.

And what if he did? Nothing would change. They were like oil
and water with very different ideas about life and love. It just seemed that
when they were together they balanced each other out, giving them what they
needed to be a perfect fit.

Lindy! Forget about it. It’s over and done.

She put what she could in the drawers, the smell of Tom
still clinging to her clothes. She found his old t-shirt and held it to her
nose. As she scooped the pile of wash into her arms, a folded slip of paper
dropped to the floor.

She recognized the brittle vellum and the smell of lavender
drifted to her nose. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she took a deep breath.
Could it be a happy ending after all? One more letter. Her hands were shaking
as she carefully unfolded the fragile offering.

My Dearest Lindy,

Your mother hates that I call you that. She thinks that a
proper young lady should never have a nickname but I say life is too short for
giving up on the silliness, the passion, the joy in simple pleasures.

You are but a young girl as I write this but if you have
found it, I will assume that you are now an adult and your mother has passed
the house to you. She tells me how you like to live in an imaginary world and
daydream about fantastical things. I think you probably inherited that trait
from me.

I can only imagine what your life will be like but I
caution you to not let what is expected of you rule your heart. Do not wish for
impossible things—instead take the moments you are given and live them as they
happen. Do not give up a single chance for happiness. I know your parents will
raise you to become a fine young lady but do not let them take away your
dreams.

Sometimes life does not work out as we plan but you must
never stop believing that you will find happiness. It is in every sunset, every
cry of the seabirds, every soft breeze. Do not let fear or disappointment steal
your faith.

Regrets are such a terrible waste of time. We have been
given such a short time on this Earth. Seize every opportunity and make it the
best it can be. “To thine own self be true.”

I loved Benjamin with every breath I took and as my time
on Earth draws to a close I lie in my bed gazing out the broad row of windows,
looking to the horizon. Waiting—hoping that someday we will be together again.

Yes, we saw each other again after many, many years. He
had returned by sea, his antiquated ship sailing into the harbor flags flying,
a siren masthead—in my likeness—leading the way. It still to this day hangs
from the front of his family home, just down the beach from this very house.

He had married, raised a family and lived his life in
India helping those who could not help themselves. I was proud of whom he had
become and grateful that he had a good life but when he was widowed and his
children had grown, he came back to me.

We sat on the porch side by side and he took my hand. He
told me that although he’d had a wonderful life he had always felt as though something
was missing. I knew exactly how he felt. It was too late for us but we remained
friends until his passing years later.

I cherish every moment we shared but an eternity with
Benjamin would not have been enough. So, my dear sweet girl, I beg of you—risk
it all. Be a fool for love. The journey will not always be easy but if he is
the one, just take his hand and together you will find your way through
anything.

Be happy.

With love and affection,

Your Great-aunt Emmaline xxoo

Lindy began to repack her suitcase. New England was no
longer her home. She had friends and she would miss them but she figured they
wouldn’t mind coming to visit her in a craggy house by the sea.
Sometimes
you have to give things up to get what you want.
Besides, if she waited for
Tom to make up his mind she might end up just like her Aunt Emmaline, her time
already passed by.

She knew what she wanted and she would find a way to get it.
It’s not like he doesn’t want me. He just needs a bit of a push.
She
needed a plan.

She went to the storage unit where the sum total of her
belongings were crammed in a ten-by-fifteen space, just as she had haphazardly
left them when she had sold her condo. She sold the furniture, gave to charity
was she wouldn’t need and made arrangements to have the rest of the boxes
shipped over to England. She booked a one-way ticket back to London Heathrow
and prayed it wasn’t too late.

* * * * *

The taxi dropped her at the top of the road, the weather-beaten
gate still squealing as it swayed back and forth in the sea breeze. This time
she wore her walking shoes, a heavy sweater and jeans. Not that she would ever
give up her silly dresses and high-heeled shoes—or her daydreams. But if she
was going to embark on the biggest journey of her life, she would have to be
prepared for reality.

The late-winter wind bit into her skin and the pain reminded
her she was alive and willing to risk it all.
Be a fool for love.
She
dragged her bag behind her, the clunk of its heavy weight dropping on each step
as she headed down the worn timber stairs.

As she reached the bottom of the hill, she stopped and
watched the whitecaps dance along the blue-green waters as the waves rushed
toward the sand. No matter what happened, she wouldn’t regret living out her
days here on the rugged Cornish coastline. Taking a deep breath, she searched
for her key and made her way to the porch.

Tom’s siren masthead hung proudly above her porch. Her long
golden hair appeared to be floating on the brisk breeze. Lindy felt the first
drop and started to laugh. For the first time in years, salty tears ran down
her cheeks. All the pain and disappointment in her past seem to melt away with
the release. Yes, she was frightened but she did not want to live with a single
regret.

The key turned round and round in the lock. Pushing her hip
against the weather-beaten wood, the door opened and once again she tumbled
inside.

“Jeez, can’t even make it in the front door without falling.
How will I ever make it through this journey?” She laughed until the tears
began again.

She could not believe the masthead was there. So many
questions tumbled through Lindy’s mind.
Did he find out it was Emmaline or
did he know all long? Did he know I would be back? Has he been waiting for me
to return? Why didn’t he just call like a normal person? Well I can’t wait to
find out.

Lindy did not have to wait long before Tom arrived. She saw
the long tanned fingers reaching out to her just as they had so many months ago
and her aunt’s words echoed in her head.
Take his hand and together you will
find a way through anything.

She looked up at Tom. He was waiting. Waiting for her to
take his hand. She laced her fingers with his and smiled through her tears. She
could see his body relax as he exhaled deeply.

“Captain Tom Phillips, at your service.”

“Belin—Lindy. Just Lindy.” For the first time, Lindy knew
who she was and that she was okay with just being Lindy.

Tom lifted her to her feet and she pushed the sandy hair
back from his eyes. Looking at him, into him, truly for the first time she was
suddenly no longer afraid.

“Are you ready then?”

“I am.”

He squeezed her hand and together they walked back outside
to the porch. Sitting companionably side by side on the glider, Tom’s arm
draped around her shoulder, Lindy looked at the image of her great-aunt carved
into the face of the masthead. She appeared to be smiling and Lindy knew that
somewhere Emmaline and Benjamin were sitting side by side, happy to finally be
together again.

The End