Who We Are (39 page)

She rubbed her eyes and then wrapped her arms around him. “Please stay with me.”

“I want to, my love, but I must go. Be patient, just one more day after today and we will never have to be apart again.”

Desire got up out of bed and followed him downstairs. They kissed goodbye at the back door and he waited to hear her engage the lock on the door. She crept back upstairs, locked her door and climbed into bed falling quickly asleep.

Johnny wanted to stay and watch her house, but knew that as soon as the sun rose he would be exposed. He trudged back to the bushes where Desire used to enter the forest and sat there, watching her house until the sun begun to rise. Once dawn peeked over the horizon, he went into the forest and headed home, almost confident that for one more day his love was safe.

Chapter Thirty Five

The next two days were incredibly long and boring, but despite how mundane they were she was happy that they were uneventful. The adrenaline and anticipation was building inside of her and it was as though she could hear freedom calling to her whenever she heard the trees rustling in the forest or a bird chirping in the sky. She often found herself staring at the forest during those two long days.

Desire spent the next two days at the Hall feigning interest in helping to decorate and prepare the Hall for the Celebration. It was more depressing than she anticipated. As she watched her fellow community members anticipate the fun and merriment, she found herself feeling a mixture of guilt and melancholy. She felt especially moved when one of the women would bring a child with them. Who were these children? Who was mourning them in the real world? What were they going to do to the children at the Clinic?

When Friday finally came, Tobias came to find her to go over the check-in process. He took her to the park in the middle of town and they sat on the bench. From his shoulder bag, he removed a roster of all the community members. As he passed it to her, she could see the sadness in his eyes as he scanned the hundreds of names on the list.

He explained that she must put a checkmark beside each name as they arrived for the Celebration. Once everyone was accounted for, she simply had to lay the roster on the table outside the Hall and then join the Celebration. There would be a button on the table that she would need to press and then join the Celebration. They both knew what that button was for. It was a death call to whoever it was that was watching them. To cover anything suspicious, it would also ring a little bell in the Hall to signal to the community members that the Celebration could officially begin.

He scooted a little closer to her. “Desire, once you push that button leave the Hall immediately and do whatever it is you and Johnny have planned. Run, girl, and run fast. Don’t look back, just go. What is about to happen is not your responsibility and there is nothing you can do to stop it. If you are having thoughts of guilt, push them aside because you did not do this.” He looked at her for a moment and added, “For the rest of us, we will once again become who we are in God’s heavenly kingdom.” He squeezed her hand and then got up and trotted back in the direction of his home.

She stared down at the list and it felt almost surreal. Each checkmark would be like signing a death warrants. The logical part of her understood that no matter who checked everyone in, the outcome would be the same, but her heart felt heavy regardless as she pictured the horror that was to take place.

Chapter Thirty Six

That night in bed, adrenalin coursed through her veins. Fearful that her level of anxiety would cause her to blunder, she dug deep and remembered some of the meditation and relaxation techniques she had learned in yoga classes she had taken in her former life. She focused on her breathing and visualized the oxygen flowing into her muscles and the tension leaving her body each time she exhaled.
She concentrated on clearing her mind. She knew that ruminating about events, traumas and the past would not help them to succeed tomorrow. It was imperative to be alert and not do anything to draw any attention to herself or to Johnny. She laughed a little sarcastically to think that, metaphorically, she and Johnny would die today, and possibly Darby and Aedan would too. Once they stepped into that forest she had no idea who they would be.

We will be running through that forest in an attempt to regain our identity and freedom and yet with that first step we will not really know who we are or who we might become.

One thing she felt certain of was that neither of them would ever be the people they once were. They had been through too much and lost too much. A small part of her feared the time when the reality would set in and they would then have no choice but to mourn the life that they lost. As impossible as it seemed, a small and admittedly silly part of her hoped that one day they could be reunited with their families. She reminded herself to not think about that now. She repeated the breathing and meditation exercises throughout the night.

As dawn broke, she rose and sat on the side of her bed. She took a few deep breaths. Closing her eyes she prayed to God for about thirty minutes. She recited every prayer she had memorized in church and then added a personal plea to St. Christopher, begging him to carry her and Aedan on his shoulders as they fled through the forest, the same way he had carried Jesus Christ across a swollen river. .She prayed that he would now carry her and Aedan to safety.

Desire put on her robe and went downstairs. She went through the motions of brewing coffee and fixing breakfast. When Papa came down for breakfast, he seemed unusually chipper.

“My goodness, I have been sleeping so soundly lately that I feel like a new man every morning!” He sat down and Desire brought him a cup of coffee while she finished cooking his eggs and ham.  “Desire, before Mama died, she finished sewing your dress for the. I have laid it on your bed for you. Be sure to polish your shoes and fix your hair as a lady would for a Celebration. I want you to be the Belle of the Ball tonight! I have asked Johnny to escort you as I will be occupied with the program. He will pick you up precisely at half past five so that you two may arrive prior to any guests to take your places as the greeters.” She shuddered a little when he said that.

“Now I am off for the day and probably won’t see you until the Celebration tonight. Get your chores done and then do whatever it is a lady has to do to get ready. If you have any questions, I am sure Mrs. Proctor can help you. I also put Mama’s special box on your desk. She had some hair pins and clips you might want to use. You might as well keep it. When I get a new wife she will surely not want to use a dead woman’s belongings.” He said it so matter-of-factly.

He left for the day as if it was any other day and she went about her normal routine, once again not wanting to cause anyone who may be watching to be alerted that anything was out of the ordinary. As she polished the furniture, she casually checked to be sure that all the doors were locked and the windows were still securely nailed. As close as she was to freedom, she knew that there was still danger around her and without Johnny close by she needed to take charge of her own security.

After polishing furniture, she washed floors. She decided against doing laundry because doing so would mean steeping outside to hang everything on the clothesline and she felt determined not to take one step outside until Johnny was there was by her side to escort her to the Hall. Besides, no one would be around to wear clean clothes tomorrow anyway.

The morning flew by. She forced herself to eat lunch and made it good and hearty. Warming some of the stew one of the neighbours brought over she ate a large bowl of it and followed it with a large slice of blueberry pie. Thought she didn’t feel particularly hungry, she knew how important it was that she have plenty of nourishment while she still could.

After lunch, she went upstairs to her room. She was astonished at what she saw laying on her bed. There lay the most beautiful dress she had ever seen in her life. It was emerald green and made of satin. The bodice looked form-fitting and had a heart-shaped neckline with silver beads that sparkled and outlined the bosom. The sleeves were sheer and flowing and formed a miniature little cape around her shoulders and back. The full skirt that would come just above her ankles and there was a border of delicate lace sewn to the bottom hem. When she looked closer at the lace, it looked as though it was hand crocheted. Delicate satin-covered buttons trickled down the back of the dress. As she inspected the dress in its entirety, little tears came to her eyes.

She couldn’t imagine that Sarah Jane Martin would ever picture herself making something so precious and delicate. The skill used to fashion this dress was simply amazing. The thought of having to burn this treasure up at the end of the night seemed so wrong. She decided that she would try to save it if she could.

She opened the small wooden box on her desk and she found two pewter hair combs and a very small locket. She recognized the symbols on the combs. She had seen them on the some of the jewelry she found in the cellar. In the center of each comb was a peculiar eye. The eye had two tails coming from it. One almost straight down and the other slanted to right and a curvy with a swirly tail. The center of each was sparkling green. She couldn’t tell if they were gems or just sparkly beads, but they were ornate and beautiful.

Desire bathed then washed her hair knowing that it could be a while before she was able to bathe again. She let her hair dry naturally. She had a natural curl to her hair that in her former life she would often fight with to straighten. But now she just let it dry so that she could pin it up with the hair combs she had found.

A couple more hours needed to pass before Johnny was due to pick her up so she just fiddled around her room. Then she remembered something. She pulled open her bedside table drawer and took out the little wooden figure of herself that Johnny had carved.

How could I possibly forget and leave this behind?

She looked at it and remembered the day he had given it to her. Living inside this illusion she remembered how delighted she had been that someone would take the time to craft something so ornate for her. Although it was just a few weeks ago, it felt like a lifetime ago. Not that she in any way wanted to continue living a hypnotic existence, she did mourn the loss of her innocence. Such simple things brought so much joy and pleasure and at this moment she didn’t believe that she would ever feel that pure joy and delight ever again.

She wasn’t under any illusion that they would emerge from the forest and live happily ever after. She and Johnny had talked about what was on the other side a little bit, but she suspected that he knew as well as she did that in reality, whatever lay on the other side, was a complete mystery. They had enough on their minds just trying to focus on getting out without driving themselves mad wondering about all the ‘what-ifs’ that lay ahead.

She tucked the little figure into the wrap that secured her bosom and thought about how nice it would be to finally free her chest from that uncomfortable wrap.

She did a final check of her room but there was nothing here she wanted. She looked out her window and down the street a little she was sure she saw Nathaniel staring up at her. She ducked out of the window as her heart raced up. She peeked over the window, but didn’t see anything.

Is my mind playing tricks on me?

Just to be sure she pulled the curtains shut on her window and turned her little lamp on to compensate for the muted sunlight streaming in through the sheer curtains.

When her hair was finally dry, she began to dress for the evening. She wore sheer thigh-high stockings and then put on her dress. It fit her perfectly. She went into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. The style and colour couldn’t have been more perfectly suited to her. The dress hugged her in all the right places, but was delicate and tasteful. The shade of green complimented her fiery red hair and her eyes seemed to glow and sparkle like two emeralds.

She got the combs and carefully pinned her curls up loosely on her head allowing a few tendrils to fall on either side. She had no make-up to wear, but didn’t really care because, truthfully, she didn’t like to paint her face. She preferred the natural look, and so did Aedan. He often told her that make-up didn’t add beauty; it usually covered it up.

For a fleeting moment she forgot where she was and it felt like she getting ready to go to prom. But the feeling didn’t last. She pictured all the other ladies and girls in the town. Pulling on pretty gowns and frilly dresses excitedly for a night of fun, food and celebration not realizing that they were dressing up to walk into their grave. She shuddered and suddenly she was not as enamored with her reflection in the.

She sat on the side of the bed with nothing more to do but wait. Closing her eyes she prayed once again to God. She even asked him that if it be his will that she and everyone else here would wake up from this nightmare and be safe in their beds. She knew better than that. That was not how God worked. She knew she had to have faith in the idea that there was a higher purpose for her and Aedan and that he would lead them there safely.

In the middle of a prayer, she heard a knock at the front door. This was it. There was no turning back. The sun had started to fade and she hoped with all her heart that the next time the sun set in the sky that she and Aedan would be far, far away.