Who We Are (31 page)

              Perhaps if Aedan’s family hadn’t spent those few minutes stopping for coffee and donuts that morning, there would have been no car accident. Although Darby’s memory had returned, the events of that fateful day remained fragmented. She could remember feeling excited about making the trip with Aedan and his family and also feeling nervous because, for the first time in their lives, they would be apart. They had spent almost every day together, not just as young lovers, but as best friends. 

              She and Aedan had sat in the backseat of his dad’s truck and his parents sat up front. Aedan’s younger brother had stayed home as he had to work that day. She could remember holding Aedan’s hand. The next thing she can remember is lying on the road with Aedan not far from her covered in blood and not moving.

              Holy shit. Something had just occurred to her. What if Aedan’s parents didn’t survive? It was difficult enough to picture how their families must be feeling.

                            With endless thoughts and questions running through her mind, and a last-minute reminder to herself:
I am Desire
, she entered the house. She could hear nothing so she assumed Mama was still at the church. In a way, she felt relieved because it would be so awkward trying to act as though nothing had changed. She felt confident she could do it eventually, but she felt happy to have some time to herself, all the same.

              Desire prepared the vegetables and peeled some potatoes and put them in the oven to slow roast. She then seasoned a small roast beef and slid it in the oven beside the vegetables.

              What could she do to pass the time and snoop around a little bit at the same time? Clean. If she engaged in routine chores, she could peek into the corners and crevices without raising suspicions. She went to the cupboard and got her cleaning supplies.

              As she started to scrub the walls and inconspicuously seek out hidden recording devices, it occurred to her that the sheer size of the community would be overwhelming to monitor every minute of the day. She assumed that the monitoring devices were likely activated by motion. It was not their inactivity and empty rooms that were of interest, it was their interactions and assimilation into this dreadful existence that They were likely studying. She couldn’t be certain of this, of course, but she decided to operate under this assumption.

              Supposing that this was correct and drawing on her knowledge she knew that there had to be a control panel somewhere in the house, she deduced that it had to be in Papa’s office. If she could access the control panel, she could control the recordings in the house. If she could do that, she could fain leaving the house and then sneak back in to snoop. This would be very risky and she decided not to tell Aedan because she felt certain he would try to talk her out of it.

              She continued to scrub, dust, mop and polish the entire house. When she had finished, she felt certain she had located all the recording devices. Quite by accident she almost missed them entirely. The devices were the size of her fingertip and blended in with the wood trim on the walls. A flash of sun causing a brief glare on the lens of one of the devices assistend her in locating them, otherwise they would have gone undetected.

              She found two in the kitchen and one in the family room, but none in the hallway or the stairs leading to the upper level. Surprisingly, there were none in the bedrooms or bathrooms, but she felt pretty sure there was one in the hallway outside of the bedrooms. It did not seem logical to her that an entire section of the house was not observed. She considered whether any devices might have got planted in the cellar, then decided that was unlikely, since it was always dark down there, and anyone ever only went down there to get some preserves or vegetables.

              There was one device that appeared to be aimed directly at the office door and she recalled that she had tried to turn the knob earlier and needed to cover this up. So she headed straight for the door and fiddled with the knob for a few seconds but purposefully made it seem as though there was something sticky on it. So she scrubbed down the door, the knob and the surrounding walls in an effort to make her actions look like chores versus disobedience. When she was done, she turned toward the recording device without looking up and smiled as she smoothed her skirt and then gathered her supplies. 

              Her dilemma was that it seemed impossible to access the office without being recorded and if the control panel was in there, the risk of getting caught was too great. She couldn’t risk that, with only a week to go in this god-forsaken place. She tried to devise a plan as she put away the cleaning supplies.

              She made a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table. She got her bible and pretended to be reading it. She was looking intently into it, but in reality was trying to figure out a way to get into that office. Try as she might, it seemed futile. As she was finishing the last sip of her coffee, she heard the front door open, and in walked Mama and, to her surprise, Papa.

              “Good afternoon Desire” her mother said. “Papa has come home so that we may have a nice family dinner and go to church together tomorrow. I can tell by the heavenly aroma in the air that you have been a good girl and started dinner.”

              She looked at her mother and turned on the pretend switch inside of her. “Yes Mama. I am making a roast beef dinner with vegetables I picked today. I just have to make some biscuits and warm the pie.” Mama and Papa smiled approvingly. “Hi Papa, I am so glad you are home. I can tell you all about our plans for the Fun and Games Committee.”

              “Good girl, I can’t wait to hear all about it. I am going to do some work until dinner is ready. Be a dear and bring me a hot cup of coffee in my office.”

              She couldn’t believe her ears. Here she had spent the greater part of the afternoon trying to figure out a way in and here was a casual invitation to enter the room to bring Papa some coffee. “Yes, sir,” she said, and turned immediately to boil water for a fresh pot.

As she set about her task, she realized that, as Desire, she felt thrilled to be invited into Papa’s forbidden office, but as Darby she shook a little bit.

Desire wanted to take note of everything she saw inside of the office and imprint it into her memory without raising suspicion. So she determined that the best way to do this was to put on her best innocent and inquisitive face and head in. As she approached the office, she saw that the door was slightly ajar. She tapped lightly before entering.

              “Papa, I have your coffee here.” She waited.

              “Bring it to me, Desire.”

              She slowly pushed the door open and noted that it did not creek or squeak. That was good. The room was a lot smaller than she anticipated. There was a desk and chair pushed against the side wall with a desktop lamp. It was turned on and provided a warm glow. Papa was focused on his reading and did not look up as she entered. This gave her an opportunity to quickly scan the room. Although the lighting was dim, she saw no cracks or crevices where recording devices might hide from view.

              “Here you go, Papa.” Desire set the hot coffee beside him.

              She mustered up her most innocent voice and asked, “What are you working on Papa? Can I help you with anything?”

              He broke his concentration and chuckled. He looked up at her. “That is a nice offer darling, but this is of no concern of yours.”

              She cast her eyes down and pouted a little and started to turn to walk away. Just as she was about to exit, he called to her.

              “Come here, sweetheart, and I will show you what I am working on.”

              In disbelief, she turned, careful not show too much enthusiasm, and walked back over to him. He showed her a map of their community with the forest that surrounds them.

              “You see, as our girls and boys turn into young ladies and young men, we must look at our community and determine where we can expand. We will need to build more houses as our young ones reach the age of marriage. So I am studying this map of our community in an effort to plan how we can accomplish this without entering the forbidden forest. Our community is growing and space is an issue.”

              She looked at the map. It was very detailed, but unfortunately did not include any co-ordinates or any information that would be useful for an escape plan. In fact, despite how intensely Papa was studying, it was really quite a simple drawing of Hemac.

              Regardless of her original belief that there may be something of value in this office, it occurred to her that Papa, too, was just a pawn to Them. Thinking of the risk she was prepared to take in hopes of finding something useful now just seemed ridiculous.

She looked around the office once more and realized something. There were no bookshelves, no filing cabinets and no drawers in the desk. Upon further inspection, she realized that the desk was merely a table. On top of the desk, besides the map, were a few small notebooks she wondered if she could distract him long enough to slip one in her pocket.

              As if fate was giving her a little nudge of help, there was a huge crash in the kitchen. Papa immediately jumped up to see what had happened and she took this opportunity to quickly grab one of the notebooks. She shoved it in her pocket then followed Papa out of the room.

              When they got to the kitchen, Mama was lying on the floor unconscious. Papa and Desire ran to her to try and arouse her. She did not respond. It appeared as though Mama had been standing on a chair and trying to reach a high shelf and the chair toppled over.

              Desire almost threw up when she saw Mama’s legs. They were twisted and bent in unnatural ways between the rungs of the chair and there was blood forming a growing pool behind her head.

              Desire started to cry and clutched Papa to look at Mama’s legs.

              “You stay here, Desire. I am going to run to the Clinic to get some help.”               He flew out the door.

              Desire scrambled up to Mama’s shoulders and took Mama’s face in her hands. “Mama! Wake up! Please wake up. Can you hear me?” She shook Mama a little but Mama did not awaken. Desire got up and took some smelling salts from the cupboard. Desire held them under Mama’s nose and she stirred a little. She opened her eyes a little and smiled when she saw Desire’s face.

              “Darling, I am sorry, I wanted to be there until the end for you.”

              “Don’t say that, Mama.”

              “We both know that there is no reason for anyone to fix me up. Be strong now.”

              Desire held Mama close and whispered in her ear to please stay awake and that everything would be alright. She could run away with them! But Mama simply whispered her final words into Desire’s ear. “Thank you, Darby. It was you who filled my heart with love for the first and only time in my life.”

              Mama coughed up a little blood and her breathing stopped. Desire held her in her arms and rocked her. Desire started crying uncontrollably, not just because Mama had died, but for everything that had happened and was about to happen. She cried for this poor lady who led a sad and horrifying existence. She cried for herself because her life had been ripped away from her and she cried for all the other innocent people around her who had no clue that they were going to being executed on the night that they thought would be filled with celebration and laughter.

              It didn’t take long for the Clinic staff to arrive. They pried Mama from Desire’s arms and took her away on a gurney. Johnny also arrived at some point and he, with Desire’s grief-stricken father, hugged Desire and they all sobbed together.

Chapter Twenty Five

              Desire woke up early Sunday morning, surprised she had slept at all. She jumped out of her bed and flew into Mama and Papa’s room, half-hoping the prior night’s events had been a horrible dream. Papa wasn’t in there and the bed did not look like anyone had slept there. She went down the stairs to find Papa sitting at the table with a few empty bottle of beers in front of him. His eyes were red and swollen. He stared at the floor.

              She felt sorry for him and went over and gave him a hug. At first, he did not flinch, but soon turned and hugged her back. He wept into her arms and her heart melted. This poor soul. Despite the fact that this whole situation was fabricated, he actually believed that Mama was his wife. Desire had no doubt that his grief was real. She wept with him, but for different reasons. She felt as though she had lost a new friend and ally, and a selfish part of her mourned the loss of the missing bits of information that Sarah Jane might have been able to provide her and Johnny to aid in their escape.

              Poor Sarah Jane. But Desire was comforted that, real or fictitious, she had hopes and dreams just like everyone and in a strange and obscured way, Desire had given her the love she had so desired her whole life.