Where the Lovelight Gleams (6 page)

Ryan frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Forget it.” Cary kept his gaze on the hole in the ice where their fishing lines disappeared. He sighed. “Maybe I should just go. This is your Christmas with your family, and I just barged in.”

“It’s your Christmas too.” The thought of Cary leaving was unbearable. “Besides, it’s Christmas Eve. You wouldn’t even be able to get a flight out.”

“It’s just…” Cary rubbed a hand over his face.

“What?” Ryan’s throat scratched. He realized his hands were shaking, and not from the cold. He clamped his rod into one of the metal holders his dad had fashioned and gulped from a thermos of now stale coffee.

“Being here with you…it’s hard.”

Ryan’s eyes burned, and he blinked rapidly, looking everywhere but at Cary. “I understand. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. If you want to leave, I guess that would be best.”

“Sure. Okay. I’m sure Amanda will take me back. I could meet her at the spa. I’ll get a flight somehow.” Cary’s voice was strained wire thin.

He had to say it. “I just think you deserve better.”

“Why do you care?” Cary asked sharply.

Ryan blinked. “You’re my friend. When I moved to LA, I lost touch with most of my friends from Toronto, and it’s hard to meet anyone there who’s real, you know?” He was babbling, but he couldn’t stop. “I’d go to parties and bars, but it wasn’t until I met you and started working on the show that I stopped feeling totally alone. You’re not just my friend—you’re my best friend.”

Cary jumped to his feet and began reeling in his line. “Right. You’ve made it very clear, Ryan.”

“What?” Nausea roiled in Ryan’s gut, and he stood beside Cary. This was all going wrong.
Please don’t hate me
. “If this is about yesterday—”

“Look, I get it.” Cary finished reeling in his line and stared at the lure swaying back and forth. “I’m an idiot, okay? I thought… God, I denied how I felt for so long, but I actually thought there was something between us.”

Ryan felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the hut. He gaped as his brain struggled to process. “You…us?”

Cary winced. “I’m sorry. Stupid, huh? I always thought we had a connection as friends, but…”

“But?” Ryan could barely get the word out.

“But once Steven and Kishi got together on the show and I got to kiss you…” He blew out a long breath, a miserable expression darkening his face as he closed his eyes. “I realized how much I want you. I thought you wanted me too, but you were just doing your job.”

Cary opened his eyes again but kept his gaze averted. “You made it really clear yesterday that you’re not interested. I imagined it, and now I’ve made things all weird and embarrassing. So I’ll just leave, and we can go back to normal in LA and try to forget this ever happened. Okay?”

“You…feel…” Ryan’s head spun violently. “For me?” Disbelief and hope and affection melded in his chest, and Ryan couldn’t stop the incredulous laughter that bubbled up. “You
like
me?”

Cary leaned his rod against the wall and crossed his arms. The tips of his ears burned red. “I’m sorry. It’s ridiculous, and you don’t like me back and—”

“Oh my God, shut up and kiss me,” Ryan blurted as he yanked Cary against him and pressed their lips together.

His hands tangled in Cary’s hair, and Cary’s mouth opened and their tongues met. Cary gripped Ryan’s hips, and they tumbled against the wall of the hut, fortunately missing the fishing hole as the bench tipped over. The lantern swung wildly overhead, casting light and shadow over them.

Gasping in a breath, Ryan pulled back. “I must be dreaming.”

“You said you didn’t want me.” Cary stared, face so open and vulnerable, his lip caught between his teeth.

Ryan could only laugh. “I thought you’d be
mad
at me. I thought you were straight.”

“I don’t know what I am. All I know is that I want you.” He wedged his thigh between Ryan’s.

Cary kissed him again, his tongue sweeping into Ryan’s mouth as they rubbed against each other. They were wearing too many layers, and their hands were clumsy as they grabbed and stroked, desperate to touch, but not willing to stop kissing.

Ryan thought he might come from the taste of Cary’s mouth alone, or from the breathy little moans that escaped Cary’s lips when Ryan managed to get his hands on Cary’s denim-clad ass under his parka. They ground together, both hard in their jeans.

As they rutted, they exhaled in stolen whispers between kisses.

“I’ve wanted this for so long. Want you so much,” Ryan murmured. “I thought you’d hate me if you knew. Thought I’d ruin everything.”

“I could never hate you.” Cary kissed him again, his tongue sliding over Ryan’s. “I was going crazy. Wanted you so bad. I jerked off in my trailer every day before our scenes so I wouldn’t get hard when I touched you.”

Moaning, Ryan gripped Cary’s ass tighter and hooked a leg over his hip to get a better angle.
If this is a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up
. His leaking dick was trapped in his jeans, and he was going to come in his pants like a kid, but he didn’t care. “I never thought…” They rocked together, and Ryan’s balls tingled. He brushed Cary’s cheeks with his fingertips. “I can’t believe you want me too.”

They kissed again, and after a few more frantic thrusts, Ryan came, his legs trembling as the pleasure crashed over him. Cary sucked on Ryan’s neck, his hips still seeking friction. Ryan sank to his knees and pushed Cary against the wall, a new desperation whipping through him like electricity through a wire.

He managed to unzip Cary’s jeans. The parka was awkward and heavy and in the way, but Ryan just pushed it up as he tugged Cary’s jeans open and pulled out his cock. It was heavy and red, the tip glistening. Ryan sucked it into his mouth and swirled his tongue around the shaft, savoring the musky taste and scent. He could do this all day.

Cary was practically whimpering, his fingers tight in Ryan’s hair as Ryan worked him with his mouth.
I’m sucking Cary’s cock. This is actually happening.

“Ry, I’m gonna—” Cary’s hips stuttered, and he cried out.

Ryan swallowed convulsively and milked every last drop of Cary’s orgasm. Sagging against the wall of the hut, Cary caressed Ryan’s hair and breathed heavily. There was a sheen of sweat above his lip, and Ryan got to his feet and kissed him soundly.

Cary pressed their foreheads together. “Feels so good with you.” He took a deep breath. “So I guess I wasn’t imagining it? You do want me?”

Ryan took Cary’s face in his hands. “From the day we met.” He ran his thumb over Cary’s bottom lip. “Wanted to kiss you. Wanted…everything.” He leaned in and—

“Boys!” Maureen’s voice echoed distantly on the wind.

With another kiss, they reluctantly separated and straightened their jackets. Fortunately their parkas and layers would cover up the wet spots on their jeans and they could change before dinner. Ryan extinguished the fire and lantern and pushed open the door of the hut. The last flare of orange light from the setting sun splashed over Georgian Bay, reflecting softly on the snow.

“Wow.” Cary joined him outside. He looked up. “Maybe we can look at the stars tonight. Can you see them from your room?”

Ryan’s body thrummed with desire. He swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

Cary met his gaze, the hunger in his own eyes clear. “I’m pretty tired from fishing. Think I’ll have an early night.”

Ryan nodded. “Me too.”

“Are you coming?” Maureen called out, echoing across the frozen bay from the deck of the cottage about a hundred yards away.

Glancing at each other, Ryan and Cary actually giggled. Ryan called back. “Yes!”

They started back across the ice, slip-sliding in some places where the snow had been blown thin, laughter echoing in the stillness of the winter night.

* * * *

In the end they had to sit through not only dinner, but Scrabble
and
Monopoly. As eager as Ryan was to be alone with Cary again, he was afraid everyone would know exactly what was on their minds if they tried to get away early. As it was he felt like everyone knew, even though no one was acting any differently.

“Go straight to jail and do not collect two hundred dollars,” Ethan recited. With a groan, he moved his top hat to the jail spot. “This freaking blows.”

As Lisa and Tony scolded Ethan for his language, Ryan glanced at Cary across the dining table and found Cary watching him. Cary quickly lowered his gaze to fiddle with his colored money. Ryan still couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He’d been so horrified when he kissed Cary at the tree farm, but Cary had
wanted
it.

It didn’t seem possible. Ryan had worked so hard to hide his own feelings that he’d somehow missed spotting Cary’s. He had so many questions. Was Cary gay? When did he start feeling this way? Were they going to be a couple now?

“Uncle Ryan?”

Ryan focused on Amy, who sat at the head of the table. “Uh-huh?”

“Why are you so happy? You don’t have any good properties. Not even a railroad.”

“I know. But it’s Christmas. Of course I’m happy.” He kept his gaze away from Cary. “I’m here with my favorite niece, after all.”

Amy frowned. “I’m your only niece.”

“What? Are you sure? Lisa, you don’t have any other daughters hanging around? I swear there were a couple more.”

Lisa pretended to ponder it. “Hon, what did we do with those other daughters?”

Tony stroked his chin. “Now that you mention it, I think we might have left them in Florida when we went to visit my folks in St. Pete’s that winter.”

“No you didn’t!” Amy giggled. “I’m your only daughter.”

Jack spoke up from where he lounged in his recliner by the fireplace beside the Christmas tree. “I do seem to recall some other little girls. I thought they’d been eaten by bears.”

“No!” Amy shrieked, laughing and shaking her head.

Ryan’s mom brought out a plate of shortbread from the kitchen and a tray of tea and hot chocolate. As everyone laughed and teased Amy, Ryan passed Cary his mug. Their fingers brushed together, and beneath the table, Cary pressed his foot against Ryan’s. Even through their woolen socks, Ryan swore he could feel a spark.

Finally it was time for bed. The stockings had been hung from the mantel above the fireplace for days, but Amy still insisted on making sure they were all there—along with a plate of shortbread and a glass of milk. She peered at Cary, brow furrowed, and then back at the fireplace.

“Are you sure Santa will know you’re here, Uncle Cary?” she asked. “He might get confused. We should put your name on your stocking.”

Cary smiled. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I don’t have a stocking here. I’m sure Santa will leave me my presents at home in LA.”

“Of course you have a stocking!” Amy seemed scandalized at the very thought that he wouldn’t. “See?” She pointed to each stocking. “Gran, Granddad, Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Ryan, Ethan, and you. But yours doesn’t have your name on it.”

For a moment, Cary didn’t say anything. He cleared his throat. “That’s okay. I’m sure Santa will know.” He turned to Ryan’s parents. “Thank you. You didn’t need to do that.”

Maureen waved her hand. “Nonsense. Everyone needs a stocking at Christmas! I would have sewn your name on it, but I’ve been up to my elbows in turkey and breadcrumbs, and my darling daughter can’t sew on a button to save her life.”

“Because she works twelve-hour shifts at the hospital and chooses to pay people to sew for her,” Lisa replied.

Maureen scoffed good-naturedly. “She says that as if I wasn’t a nurse myself for thirty-five years.”

“But you’re superwoman, remember?” Lisa laughed and gave her mother a kiss. “All right, kids. Off to brush your teeth and go to bed, or you’ll be on the naughty list.”

As Amy gasped and headed for the stairs, Ethan rolled his eyes. “It’s not like Santa’s even re—”

“Really paying attention tonight since he’s too busy?” Tony asked with a stern look. “Santa’s a man of many talents. Now get going.” Under his breath he added, “And don’t ruin it for your sister.”

“All right, all right. Sorry.” Ethan followed Amy upstairs, with Lisa and Tony on his heels.

Jack stretched his arms over his head and yawned. “That’s me as well. Ryan, do you and Cary want to do the honors?” He nodded to the plate of shortbread.

“Either that or I put them back in the tin. I’m stuffed,” Maureen added.

“Sure. Cary and I can polish them off.” Ryan kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Mom. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas. Sleep tight.”

As his parents got settled upstairs, Ryan turned off the rest of the lamps until only the Christmas tree was lit by the fireplace. Cary stood by a window nearby, the colored lights catching in his blond hair.

“It’s snowing again.”

Ryan joined him at the window and, with a quick glance at the stairs, wrapped his arms around Cary from behind. Although Cary was broader, Ryan felt as if their bodies fit together perfectly. He kissed the back of Cary’s neck. “I feel like every Christmas wish I ever made just came true.”

Cary put his hand over Ryan’s and threaded their fingers together. “I never made any Christmas wishes, but I guess I got on the nice list this year.”

They watched the snow drifting down outside, the Christmas tree behind them reflecting softly in the glass.

“I guess we have a lot to talk about,” Cary whispered.

Ryan pressed kisses along Cary’s neck, finding a place behind his ear that made Cary’s breath hitch. “I guess so.”

Cary turned in Ryan’s arms. “But I don’t wanna talk.”

Ryan wasn’t sure how long they stood there kissing. They explored each other’s mouths slowly and deeply, and he was light-headed by the time he took Cary’s hand and led him upstairs. Somehow they made it up the ladder to the third floor while still kissing, even if they ended up in a heap on the bedroom floor at the top.

They quickly pulled their clothes off and tossed their sweaters and jeans aside. The carpet was rather worn, so Ryan pulled down his duvet and spread it out before leaning back. Cary straddled his hips, and Ryan drank in the sight of Cary’s bare skin in the cool moonlight. He ran his hands over Cary’s chest and muscular shoulders, exploring every inch.