When He Cheatin' and You Still Love Him 2 (7 page)

Shanair

              After heading to the school and getting Kendrick, I stop and grab him something to eat from McDonald’s before we make our way over to Toya’s to pick up Terrance Jr. for the weekend. Although I’m in a slump and really don’t feel like being bothered right now, a promise is a promise, and I try my best not to let Kendrick down. As I wait at the stop light, I glance in the rearview mirror and watch as my son eats his food. His eyes are locked on the small television in the head rest of my seat, as he watches Toy Story. Innocence is all that I see on his face, and it makes me wish that I could go back to the days where my only worry was what I was going to wear to school the following day.

              Ten minutes later I’m pulling into Toya’s driveway. Before I get a chance to put the gear in park Kendrick has climbed out of the truck and is racing toward the front door.

“Boy, if you don’t get yo’ behind back here and close my door!” I yell out the window.

“Okay”

While Kendrick makes his way back to the truck, I kill the engine and step out.

“Get your trash from the back seat as well and throw it away.” I continue my scolding. “You’ve dropped all those fries on the seat and floor! What were you going to do leave them there?”

“No,” Kendrick answers in a low tone as he gathers his things.

“I can’t tell!” I yell. “You know better than that!”

Once he’s finished putting all of the trash in the McDonald’s bag, Kendrick looks up at me with sad eyes. “I’m sorry mommy.”

“It’s okay, just clean up after yourself next time,” I respond realizing that I’ve taken my anger for Terry out on my baby. I watch as Kendrick slowly walks back up toward the house with his head down feeling like shit. “Kendrick,” I call out to him.

“Yes, mommy,” He turns to look back at me.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. Mommy is just having a bad day.” I tell him honestly. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

He smiles, “That’s okay mommy we all have bad days.” Kendrick walks up to me, places his arms around my waist and gives me a tight hug. “I love you, mommy.”

“I love you too,” I tell him, before ringing the doorbell.

Inside the house, Kendrick goes upstairs to play video games with Terrance Jr. and Terrionna, while I retreat to the living room and wait for Toya to put the finishing touches on her dinner. Once inside the living room, I look around impressed with the decor. Even though it’s not the first time that I have been inside the house, it’s the first time that I’ve been in the living area. Usually, when I come I’m with Terry and he never really sticks around long. Instead, we stand in the foyer and wait for the kids to grab their bags before we leave.

When I take a seat on the grey leather sectional, my body sinks into the soft plush cushions. The couch is so comfy that I just know that the kids fall asleep on it all the time. I make a mental note to ask Toya where she got it from because I would love to have a dark brown one in my living room. The tan one that I bought not too long ago still has faint spots of Terry’s blood on it, and since he’s promised to replace it, I think I want one like this. After scooting to the back of the chair, I take in the rest of the room. There’s a large television mounted over the stone fireplace, and on each side is a small built in reading nook that is decorated with a few throw pillows. Opened gray drapes hang from the tall bay windows that sit to the far side of the room. The reflection of the sun bounces off of the glass chandelier that dangles from the ceiling right over the marble coffee table, making a rainbow effect on the wall. The room was put together beautifully, and all of the smiling photos that have been placed strategically on the wall let me know that this is a happy home.

“Hey girl, how you been?” Toya asks when she walks into the living room with two water bottles in her hand.

“I’m doing okay, I guess.” I respond before I stand to greet her. We share a hug.

“Look at that cute little baby bump,” she laughs before handing me a bottle.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. How far along are you now?”

“Almost six months,” I tell her as we both sit down on the sofa.

“Really?” Toya asks surprised. I give her a nod. “You can’t even tell you’re that far. You must be having a girl because girls keep you small like that.” She smiles. “I remember when I was pregnant with Terrionna, no one could tell until I was eight months, and that’s when I just blew up.” She says showing with her hands how big she was.

We share a laugh, before I say, “I hope so. We go to find out next month. Last time we went this child was stubborn and wouldn’t open its legs. If it is a little diva, I can have my boy and girl. I’m done after that.”

“I know that’s right. That’s the same thing I said. Greg wants me to have a baby, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

“Why not?” I ask twisting the top of the water and taking a swig.

“Honestly, I don’t want to start all over,” Toya answers with a sigh. “Terrionna is eight, and Terrance is six, and I ain’t trying to go back to changing diapers.”

“I feel you, but he doesn’t have any children right?”

“No, he doesn’t. Of course, he treats those two as his, but he doesn’t have any biological kids.”  Toya thinks for a second. “Truthfully, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I want to make my husband happy, but I’m just not sure if I want another child.”

“Well, all I’ll say is just be honest about it. Let him know how you feel and see if you both can come to an understanding.” I tell her hoping that they can both agree on something. Even though I’m not around Toya a lot, I can see that Greg makes her happy, and I would hate to see them have issues behind this.

“Good advice and I will definitely do that.” She smiles at me. “Now tell me, what the hell has Terry done to make you look so sad.”

I laugh shamefully. “Is it that obvious?”

“Uh yes, it is. I know that look anywhere because I wore it for years when dealing with his crazy ass.” She rolls her eyes. “So tell me what’s going on with you.”

For the next hour, I tell Toya all about the problems that I’ve had with Terry over the last few months. I tell her about the situation with Katrina, the night I found out that he’d gotten Brittany pregnant and how I put him out. As I talked, she listened and allowed me to vent. Tears slid down my face when I showed her the picture that Brittany had sent me a few hours ago. Instead of interrupting me Toya just shook her head, grabbed a few Kleenex from a box on the end table and handed them to me. When I stopped talking, she asked if I was finished. After I told her that I was, she finally spoke.

“Do you want the truth, or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?” She asks.

Before I respond, I close my eyes and think about it. A few more tears spill out from under my eyelids while I come to my answer.

“The truth,” I whisper, already knowing what I’m about to hear.

“First, I’m going to say that you should not be stressing yourself out while you’re pregnant. You took off work, yet you’re stressed out, and I’m sorry that doesn’t make any sense.” She tells me before reaching to grab my hand. “Secondly, why are you allowing him to treat you this way?”

“I don’t know. I guess it’s because I love him,” I admit.

“Awww Shanair, I know you do. I did too years ago. Unfortunately, Terry is the same Terry he was back then, and he isn’t going to change.” Toya pauses. “I remember damn near losing my mind wondering where he was when he wasn’t with me. He’d stay gone all day, leaving me at home with the kids.” She releases a sigh. “I don’t know what I would have done without his aunt’s help. This went on for years, until one day I found out that some chick was pregnant with his child. I had just had Terrance Jr. a few months prior. That shit killed me.”

“Pregnant?” I questioned wondering if there was an unknown baby out there that I didn’t know about.

“Girl, yes, pregnant.” Toya must have noticed the look on my face, because she added, “Come to find out the bitch was lying.”

“What the hell?” I yell “Well, what did you do when you found out?” I ask hanging on to her every word. Terry had never told me why he and Toya had broken up. He only told me that it happened after his son was born.

“I didn’t give a damn if she was lying or not because she could have been pregnant. I packed up me and my kids’ stuff and left his ass.”

“Where did you go?”

“My home girl’s roommate had gone off to college, and she needed someone to help her to pay for the three-bedroom house she was renting, so I moved there. I was getting welfare at the time, so the checks and the food stamps that they gave me helped out a lot until I was finally able to get a job.”

“And Terry, what did he do once you were gone?”

“Of course, he called begging me to come back, but I was done, and there wasn’t anything he could tell me,” Toya explained with a wave of her hand. “I was tired of sharing a man with everybody else, so I let those bitches have him.”

“I need to do-” I start to say but stop. With embarrassment of my situation filling my mind, I just drop my head and cry some more.

“Don’t cry Shanair,” Toya scoots closer and places her arms around me. “We’ve all been there before, so don’t beat yourself up about it.”

I continue to cry as Toya rubs small circles on my back.

“I know, it’s just—it’s just that I want to make it work so bad.”

“Listen to me,” Toya breaks her hug before forcing me to look at her. “It’s not solely up to you to make it work. Terry should be meeting you half way, and from what you’ve told me he’s not doing that. Hell, he’s barely meeting you twenty percent of the way.”

“So, you’re telling me that I…I should leave him?” I stammer.

Toya exhales. “I’m not
telling
you anything because at the end of the day, that’s solely up to you. What I am doing is giving you some advice. You’re too good for this shit Shanair. Like I said before Terry is going to continue to be Terry, and that ain’t gone change. Well, at least not now anyway. What you need to do,” she points her finger at my chest. “Is find you someone who loves you just as much as you love them, that way you won’t have to fight as much to make it work.”

I sniffle and wipe my nose before asking, “Is that what you did?”

“Hell yeah!” Toya cheered, and we both laugh. “Greg was a breath of fresh air. He came along and showed me exactly how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Honestly, he’s made me into the woman that I am today.”

“How so?”

“When I was with Terry, I really didn’t know what real love was. Yeah, I loved Terry, but it was a puppy love kind of thing if you know what I’m saying.” I nod to show her that I do. “But with Greg it’s different. Our love is special, and when I’m with him, I know that my heart is safe.” Toya tilts her head to the side and looks me in the eyes. “That’s what you need Shanair. Find you someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved.” She gives me a warm smile.

“Mommy, are you ready to go yet?” Kendrick asks running down the stairs. Terry and Terrionna are both on his heels.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” I look over at Toya. “Thank you for listening to my cry baby ass.” I laugh. “And thanks for the advice.”

“You’re more than welcome. You can call or drop by anytime.” She tells me standing up. “I’m always with the kids, and can use someone adult company.”

“Girl, you and me both.” 

As I make my way to the door with Kendrick and Terrance Jr. in tow, I hear Toya tell me, “Just think about what I said, and do what you feel is best for you.”

“I will Toya and thank you again.”

“No problem.”

Exiting the front door, I make my way to my truck with a lot on my mind. Just hearing Toya tell me about her and Terry’s past brings his actions to a new light. Terry is doing the same thing to me that he’d done to her years ago. Toya is right when she says that he’s not going to change because he hasn’t in all this time. Knowing this hurts my heart because I was really hoping that he would wise up and get his shit together. I’ve now come to the conclusion that he never will. It makes me come to terms with what I have to do. Just like Toya, I have to let Terry’s ass go.

Terry

With Brittany close behind, I enter the automatic door and head straight for the shopping carts. After we woke up from our nap, Brittany complained about not having anything to eat in the house. Upon inspection, I noticed that her fridge and cabinets had food in them. When I brought it to her attention, she made up the excuse that there was nothing in there that she wanted. Knowing Brittany she just wanted me to stick around a little longer, so to keep her pacified, I brought her to the store shop for something for her and the baby to eat. Together we walk down each of the aisles. She grabs the things she wants, and I pick up things that I like to eat when I’m over to her place. Once she has everything she needs for the week, we make our way toward the front to pay. 

“Girl, what’s wrong with you?” I ask when Brittany abruptly stops in the middle of the isle.

The look on her face is as if she’s seen a ghost. When I hear laughing, I look up and see a guy standing not far from where we are. His smile is sinister, and his laugh is not of joy, but anger. He looks from me to Brittany with a smirk on his face. Instantly I wonder how the two know each other, and what the fuck is so funny.

“What’s up Brit?” He asks, still wearing the stupid grin.

“Nothing,” Brittany mumbles.

Dude must have seen the way I was looking at him because he put his hand out and says, “Hi you doing my brother? I’m Daniel, Brit’s ex.”

Just hearing his name and title causes me to grit my teeth. I glance down at his hand before bringing my eyes back up s and just stare at him. I’m trying to figure out what the fuck dude wants.

“Can I help you with something Daniel?” I inquire, wondering why the hell dude is all smiley and shit.

Brittany drops her head and stares at the ground as if she is a child being punished. I quickly look her way confused by why she’s all of a sudden acting like she’s afraid now that dude is around. A weird feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. Something doesn’t feel right.
Has she and this nigga been fucking around? Could this muthafucka be the father of her baby, and she’s scared that I might find out?
These questions bounce around in my head until dude speaks again.

“Oh, don’t worry my brother. Brit and I broke up a long time ago, and there isn’t anything going on between the two of us. Isn’t that right Brit?” Daniel asks glancing in Brittany’s direction. When she doesn’t reply he continues. “It was nice seeing you Brit. I gotta go, I have a plan to catch.” And with that he quickly walks away.

Not sure what to think right now, I stare at Brittany, waiting for her to say something. Instead of explaining why she froze up when her ex came around, she takes off running toward the front of the store.
What the hell was that about?
With Brittany now out of sight, I make up my mind that I’m not going to worry about it much longer. If something is going on, I’ll definitely find out about it. Shaking it off I head to the front of the store in search of Brittany, but she’s nowhere to be found. Once I’ve finished paying for all of our food, I walk out of the sliding doors and see that Brittany sitting in the passenger seat of my car. After putting all of the bags in the trunk, I slide into the driver seat and just stare in her direction. She looks a mess. Her eyes are all puffy, and I can tell that she’s been crying.

“Are you okay?” I ask, but she doesn’t reply. Instead, she crosses her arms and gazes out of the window.

I start to question her about the Daniel situation, but again I decide to leave it alone. I release a sigh before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot heading in the direction of Brittany’s apartment. Ten minutes later when I pull up in the parking lot Brittany hops out without saying a word and walks swiftly toward her building. All I can do is stare at her spoiled ass because here she is acting like I’ve done something to her when all along it was her ex dude that she should have beef with. I ain’t tripping though. What I’m about to do is carry these damn bags into the house and get ghost because I don’t have time for her shit today.

“Alright Brit, I’m out!” I yell over my shoulder once I place the last bag on the counter.

When she doesn’t respond, I think to myself,
Hump, I ain’t about to kiss her ass. She’ll call me when she’s ready to talk
. Back in the living room, I reach for the knob of the door and twist the handle. When the door opens, I come face to face with an older gentleman. Right away I know that he’s Brittany’s father, the judge. I’ve seen his face on quite a few pictures that she has decorating her walls. He’s dressed in a tracksuit and a pair of New Balances. Through his glasses, I can see him give me a look that clearly says he’s not pleased to see me here. 

“Is my daughter here?” He asks, rudely making his way past me and into the apartment.

“She’s in her room.”

“Who are you?” He asks me looking at me with disgust.

“Terry,” is all I tell him, matching his stare.

“I kind of figured that. I take it that you’re leaving?”

“Yep.”

“Well, let me walk you to your car son. I want to have a word with you.”

I sigh before stepping aside and following him as he walks back out the door. I prepare myself to hear a lecture because I’ve already been told by Brittany that neither of her parents are fond of me, especially her father. Together we make our way down the front stairs of the building in silence. He doesn’t speak at all until we make it to the parking lot, and to my car.

“Look, son, I don’t know if my daughter has told you anything about me.”

“I know that you’re a judge, and you don’t like me,” I tell him honestly.

“Good, well there’s no need to pretend.” The judge stops walking and turns to face me. “I don’t want you anywhere near my daughter.”

“Well, sir, that’s not your choice to make—”

“Don’t you interrupt me you fucking punk!” He warns through clenched teeth. I start to check his old ass, but instead I let him continue. “You’re not capable of dealing with Brittany the way she needs. Especially when you have quite a few baby mothers already.

“You don’t know—” I start to say, but he cuts me off.

“No, I don’t know you, but I know your type, and I know that you’re no good for her. Let her be, and leave her alone. I can’t afford to keep cleaning up her mess because she chooses to mess with nothing ass men such as yourself.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way Sir, but we have a child on the way,” I explain to him as if he didn’t know it already. “So it’s a little too late for that.”

“I know about the baby, and trust me when I tell you that your child will have everything he or she ever needs. All I want you to do is walk away today and never look back. Do you hear me, son?” 

I want to laugh because he can’t seriously think that I’m going to abandon my child just because of how he feels about me. Especially, when he doesn’t even know who the fuck I am for real.

“I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but I’m not that kind of—”

“I said do you hear me?” When I don’t immediately agree, he continues. “Listen, I know a lot of people young man, and can do
a lot
of things. As a matter of fact, who do you think it was that pulled those strings to get you out of jail?” He asks, and all I can think about is the fact that Brittany has been lying about it being her all this time. “You see that was easy. Now if you want, I can make life real hard for you, so don’t fuck with me.” He adds. 

My eyes never leave his as I stare at the man in front of me. If he were anybody else, I would have stole on his bitch ass for talking crazy. I won’t for two reasons. One, he’s Brittany’s father and my baby’s grandfather, and two, he’s a judge, and I don’t want those types of problems. So without saying another word to him, I open my door and climb into my car. I continue to stare at him through the driver’s side window as I start the ignition. As I put the gear in reverse, the judge taps the top of my hood with his hand.

“You listen to what I said now, boy. I would hate for things to get ugly for you.”

*****

The entire drive home is spent on me thinking about what Brittany’s father said. His words echo in my head. ‘You’re not capable of dealing with Brittany’ and ‘I can’t afford to keep cleaning up her mess.’
What the hell did he mean by that? Is something going on with Brittany that I don’t know about?
Whatever it is the man wants me to stay away from her. The problem is I can’t. Brittany is pregnant with my child, and I’m not that kind of man.

Digging my phone out of my pocket, I tap the screen and see that it’s off.
It must have died,
I think before plugging it up to the car charger.
I hope Shanair hasn’t called.
When the battery icon shows that it’s already at eight percent, I power it on, confused as to why it mysteriously cut off. With my phone in my hand, I call Shanair. Her phone rings a few times before it goes to voicemail. I don’t even bother leaving a message because I will be home in less than ten minutes. Maneuvering my car into the gas station parking lot, I pull right up to the pump and climb out. While inside I remember that Terrance Jr. was supposed to come over today, so I grab a couple bags of chips and some candy for him and Kendrick and a few other things. After I pay for my things and fill up my tank, I head home.

Instead of pulling into the garage, I opt to park out front. I have a fight party that I’m throwing later tonight, so I’ll be leaving back out in a few hours. Pushing the thoughts of Brittany and all the drama she had today into the back of my mind, I exit my car and make my way into the house. When I walk inside, I see Kendrick and Terrance Jr. with video game controllers in their hands. Neither of them takes their eyes off the television screen, as they say, “Hey,” in unison.

“What’s up y’all? Who’s winning?” I ask, kicking my shoes off at the door.

“We’re playing together as a team,” Kendrick says.

“And we’re kicking the other teams butt, dad,” Terrence Jr adds. 

“Is that right?” When they both nod their heads, I tell them, “I got you both some snacks for later.”

“Thanks,” they say in unison with their eyes still locked in on the television.

Leaving the boys to their game, I take the bag and walk towards the kitchen where I see that the light is on. When I round the corner, I see Shanair standing at the stove with her back toward the entrance. Once she hears me behind her, she turns to look at me, rolls her eyes and turns to look away.
I guess she did call while my phone was off.

“Sorry if you called earlier babe, my phone somehow turned off.” I tell her, but she says nothing in return.

Not allowing her little attitude about the phone deter me, I walk up to her and place my arms around her waist. Usually, this is the point when Shanair will allow her body to relax against mines. This time she’s as stiff as a board, as she turns the fish over inside the skillet. Still not tripping, I tilt my head preparing to give her a kiss on the cheek, but she quickly turns it the other way.

“What the hell is wrong with you? I said I’m sorry about my phone.” I say, tired of her giving me the cold shoulder. A few seconds past and again she doesn’t respond. “Anyways, I stopped at the gas station on my way home and grabbed you some Lemon Heads.” I tell her knowing that they are her favorite, and hoping that it will make her at least say something to me, but she doesn’t even acknowledge that I’ve said anything.

I figure that it must be her hormones or something because I know she can’t be this mad over a missed phone call. So instead of pushing the issue, I head back into the living room with the boys until she calls us to eat.

Shanair continued to ignore me the entire dinner, even though I tried my best to make small talk. When I thanked her for the meal she prepared, she said nothing. After praising her for throwing down on the baked Tilapia, garlic rice, and green beans, she still said nothing. I wasn’t going to give up though because I wanted to know what her issue was, because it had to be bigger than my phone being off. I tried my best to make eye contact just to see if I could read her, but she never once looked my way. If she wanted one of the dishes passed to her, she asked one of the boys, even if the dish was sitting within my reach. I didn’t know what the hell had gotten into her, but I stopped trying. I figured she’ll talk to me when her attitude is gone. After dinner was over, I excused myself from the table and headed upstairs.

Inside our bedroom, I step into the closet and remove the dry cleaning hanger that has my outfit on it, and lay it on the bed. Beside it I place the box that holds a pair of brand new Timberlands which complete the outfit. With everything laid out, I head into the bathroom and run me some water for my shower. Once I find the correct temperature, I step back out of the bathroom, and it’s then that I see Shanair has come up as well. She stares at me for a minute with an angry scowl on her face before tossing a piece of paper in my direction. I lift my hands to catch it, but miss as it floats to the floor. When it lands, I get a glimpse of what it is, and instantly a knot forms in my throat. It’s so thick I can barely swallow which is fine because now my mouth is dry as the desert sand. The paper is a printed out photo of Brittany and I. There’s writing on the bottom of it, but from the angle I’m standing I can’t make out what it is.