What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (10 page)

“Can you do that?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.
I can try to move past it someday, but it doesn’t mean I will just forgive and forget.”

“You sound scorned and bitter.”

I chuckled. “I am.”

“Do you think you’ll ever be friends with her again?”

“I don’t know the answer to that, either. All I know is that I’m here in California and I’m ready to forget about Jules and that bullshit for awhile.”

“Good for you. And I know just the person who can make you forget.”

I rolled my eyes. “Hooking me up with someone already?”

“Not exactly.
I was thinking about Willow.”

“Who’s Willow?”

“My favorite dancer at the strip club.”

I grinned. “I like the way you think.”

CHAPTER 5

Monday morning greeted me with my first California hangover. I was stiff from sleeping on a couch; we hadn’t put my bed together before we had gone out to dinner, and we were too wasted when we got home to bother with it, so I passed out on the couch that we had placed in the office.

I sat up and stretched, thinking back to the night before. It had been fun; after a few drinks at the bar by my new place, we called a cab and headed to the strip club. Dan was right; Willow was enough to make a person forget his problems for awhile, but I woke up with that same sense of disgust I always got after visiting a strip club.

It’s funny how a person can say something, and at the time you think it’s dumb, but later on it comes back to haunt you. That’s what ruined strip clubs for me. My mom had once said that I should never go to a strip club “because that’s somebody’s baby up there gyrating on stage,” and now every time I watch a topless woman dancing in front of me on a stage, her words come back to haunt me.

Thanks for that, mom.

But what kind of friend would I be if I hadn’t gone with Dan after he suggested it?

I grabbed my cell phone only to find I had slept until almost noon. We must’ve gotten in later than I thought.

I headed toward my bedroom, and I found the mound of boxes that were waiting to be unpacked. Just what I wanted to do when I had a headache and my mouth felt like I had been chewing on cotton all night.

I slipped out of the clothes I’d worn to the bar (and subsequently passed out in the night before) to take my shower, emptying the contents of my pockets onto the dresser.

And amid the assortment of receipts and dollar bills, out slipped the mystery woman’s earring.

I held it in my hand for a moment and turned it over. It was silver and simple and it glittered in the light. I set it on my dresser on a sigh, wishing I knew her name for about the millionth time since our night together.

I felt a little better after my shower, and then I headed out to the kitchen. Dan was just pouring a cup of coffee, and he looked like he just woke up, too.

“Fun times last night,” he said.

I nodded. “I need coffee.”

He handed me an empty cup. “And Aspirin,” he said.

“Ibuprofen, preferably.”

“Pussy.”

“Aspirin upsets my stomach.”

Dan chuckled. “We’re not kids anymore, are we?”

“Nights like last night make me feel fucking ancient.”

“Because the stripper was eight years younger than you?”

“God, now I feel like a dirty old man.”

“Don’t. It was fun.”

My head cleared a little with my first sip of coffee. I glanced at the clock again: 12:17. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“I had to return the truck by noon. I will now be charged for another day.”

Dan laughed. “Well that sucks.”

“Penance for getting drunk and going to the strip club.”

We headed for the U-Haul return center,
Dan in his Mercedes and me in the truck, and after we returned the truck, Dan drove us to one of his favorite restaurants near the pier. We had fish tacos and cervezas for lunch as we sat out on a patio and enjoyed the sunshine and scenery. I could get used to this life. Too bad I had to start work in two days.

When we returned to the apartment, Dan helped me put my bed together, and then I did some laundry and unpacked a few boxes. We ordered pizza for dinner, and I was just heading into my bedroom to unpack a few more boxes when my cell phone started ringing.

I glanced at the screen: Nick Matthews. Jules had given me his number when they first started dating in the event of an emergency. Why the fuck was this bastard calling me?

The hurt and anger over what Jules had done to me came rushing back at me.

“Are you calling to tell me about how you’ve won?” I answered.

There was a pause, and then, “It’s Julianne.”

I felt like an idiot. “Oh. Hi.”

“What do you mean that he’s won?” she asked.

I still wasn’t ready to talk to her. Her voice was enough to slice through the tiny progress I had made in moving on from her, and hearing her on the other end of the phone just brought everything back to the surface. “Julianne, if I knew that this was you, I never would have answered.” Maybe I wanted her to hurt, too.

“How are you?” she asked.

“Shitty.” My answer was automatic, but not entirely true. I was actually doing better since I had moved to California. Better, really, since Friday night and my encounter with the gorgeous woman from Mahogany.

You know how something amazing happens and the next day it’s all you can think about, and you’re still thinking about it the day after that, but then it starts to fade to a memory and soon you’ve forgotten that it had ever
even happened?

My night with Gorgeous was not like that. My memories about my wild Friday night hadn’t diminished at all. It was as real as if it had happened ten seconds earlier.

Yet I had Jules on the phone, and I wanted to put her through the same hell she had put me through. I wanted her to feel pain.

“I can tell,” she said.

“I thought about calling you. But I didn’t.” Low blow, but I didn’t care.

“My cell phone was wrecked in the accident I got into in your apartment complex lot yesterday.”

My heart stopped for a moment as concern for the woman I had loved for half of my life flooded through me.

Now I just felt like an asshole for the things I’d said. I couldn’t be there to take care of her, not that she’d want me to anyway, and she had gotten into an accident in my apartment complex parking lot. I suddenly felt totally responsible for her accident, even though the rational side of me knew that there was no way I could be at fault. I hadn’t even been in the same state as her.

“Travis?” she prompted.

“Are you okay?” I asked, suddenly so in love with her that it hurt.

“I will be. Broken wrist, concussion, nasty cuts on my head and arm. But I’ve got plenty of painkillers, so I’ll be okay.”

There are times in life when a person cares so deeply about another person that we take on their pain as our own. In that moment, I felt her pain. Physical from her accident and mental from what had happened between us.

I felt weak from our conversation. I had built up some strength in being away from her, but her voice telling me that she was hurting tore me apart. Destroyed me. “I’m sorry, Julianne. Feel better.”

“Travis, I’m so sorry about what happened between us.”

In that moment, I couldn’t take any more. If I had to listen to her beg for forgiveness, I knew that any hope I had left that I’d be able to get past what she’d done would be forever gone. I was too weak when it came to her. I couldn’t allow her to deteriorate me further. “I’m sorry about your accident. I can’t go beyond that with you right now.”

“Please listen to me,” she begged. “I have—”

I had enough. Her voice was pulling me back into that dark place where I’d resided in the week after she had dumped me for Nick, and I couldn’t go back there. Not after what had happened with the mystery woman. I had to focus on the hope that I’d taken from our one night together.

I cut Julianne off. “I can’t do this. I’ve got to go. Get well soon.”

I hung up the phone and realized that my hands were shaking. I hadn’t moved from the hallway where I stood when I had first answered the call, and it took a great effort to place one foot in front of the other to walk into my room.

“Were you talking to me?” Dan poked his head in my room a minute later.

“No. Sorry, had a phone call.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I lied.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“It was Julianne.”

“Oh. What did she say?”

“She got into a car accident yesterday.”

“Is she okay?”

“Will be.”

“Anything else?”

I shrugged. “I don’t want to get into it.”

“Okay.”

“She started apologizing. She wanted to talk about things.”

“And you didn’t?” he surmised.

“Correct. Still don’t.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“No. I’m not. This Julianne thing has fucked with my head. I was doing fine until she called.”

“You’ll get back there, man.”

“That girl from Friday got me past it, and now I don’t have her. I don’t have Jules. I don’t have anything.”

“You’ve got California, bud.
At your fingertips.”

I took a deep breath. “Thanks, man. I know I’m being a fucking pussy with all of this girl talk.”

“Don’t. We’re in this together now, and I’ve got your back.”

Dan headed to bed a little while after that since he had to get up for work the next day, and I fuc
ked around in my room for awhile with my boxes, ultimately working on setting up all of the components for my television.

I needed some fresh air, and a walk sounded nice.

I headed to Skips since it was close and they had beer. I still had a dull headache from my hangover, but nothing helped cure those better than a good rally.

I took a seat at the bar so I could watch ESPN on the big screens. I was never really one for sitting in a bar by myself, but for some reason, Skips felt good.

The waitress from the night before sidled up next to me and took a seat at the bar.

“Hey, handsome,” she said in her sultry voice. She wasn’t wearing her Skips t-shirt, so I took it she was off the clock.

“Hey, yourself,” I said.

“I was hoping you’d be back.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.
I’ve seen your friend in here, but you’re new.”

I nodded.
“Just moved here yesterday.”

“Well, welcome. I’d love to initiate you to this town.”

“I would love to be initiated.”

She grinned, and she was really pretty. She had green eyes that lit up with her smile, and her blonde hair looked natural and hung in a long, straight curtain down past her shoulders. She was wearing a white tank top and jeans shorts, and the ensemble was doing things for me. I thought about spilling my beer on her shirt just to see what she had hidden underneath that white top, but I restrained myself.

I finished my first beer and she called over the bartender to get me a second, ordering herself one, too.

“I’m Travis.”

“Tracy,” she said. “Do you live close by?”

I nodded. “Right up the street.
You?”

She nodded, too.
“The apartments just north of here.”

I smiled at her.
“Me, too.”

“Well isn’t that lucky?”

“It could turn out to be.”

“You play pool?” she asked.

“A little.”

“I’ve got a deal for you.”

“Oh?”

“You beat
me, I pay for your drinks. I beat you, I take you home to my apartment.”

“Sounds like a win-win for me.”

She leaned in close to me, and I could smell the flowery scent of her perfume. “Oh, it will be. Trust me.”

Damn. My night was turning around.

After the painful conversation with Julianne, Tracy was a much-needed distraction.

We headed to the pool tables, each with a fresh drink in hand, and she racked the balls.

“Ladies first,” I said when she looked up at me as if to decide who was going to break.

She pocketed two solids on her first shot, and I had to admit I was already impressed. She s
ank another two and then it was my turn.

I pointed with my stick to the pocket I was aiming for, and I
knocked in three before scratching by sinking the cue ball.