Vicious Is The Name That They Gave Me: A Philly Story (20 page)

Chapter 33

Kassidy

              Bullets are flying everywhere. At this point, it is going to look like a blood bath when we are finished. Retta is down and so is Ceyanna. I kept what I told Tamika in the car and in my head as I used those words for motivation. I pray that I make it out of here alive. I thought about what Vicious was saying. She is my sister.
Wow.
I have a little sister. I thought about what Chanelle was saying. She saved my son. She apologized and I believe she really meant it. I hope we make it out of here alive so we all can start over. I want to start over with Chanelle and get to know Vicious. I believe things will get better after all this is over. I used the anger I had towards my mother to keep shooting. I understand why Chanelle was the way she was and why she made us do certain things. She was trying to keep us alive. I hate my mother for what she did and forgave Vicious for killing her. I forgave myself for getting caught up in this bullshit. If I didn’t have my son, I would have pointed this gun at my temple and taken my life.
I swear to God I would.
But I took those thoughts out of my head. I am ready to be a single mother to my child. I don’t know where Roc is and I don’t care. It’s about my son.
I will make it out to go get my son.

              I fired shots at the other side where Paris was. I heard Chanelle called my name as she made hand signal gestures and I understood what I had to do. I signaled Vicious to get behind me. Paris could not see us, but we had a clear view of her. In seconds, we took down Paris and anyone else was with her. Finally, the war is over. We walked towards each other and hugged again.

“No, Simya, no don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me,” We heard Vicious crying over Simya. We rushed over to her. Chanelle took out her phone to call for an ambulance. I walked over to where Ceyanna was. Not too far from her was her cousin Nelly. Not too far from Nelly was Kiyah. Not too far from Kiyah was Jay Jay. And there across from her laid Paris, and our mother. I know Aunt Jezebel fled away. She won’t make it though.

              I remember some time ago we were all over at Chanelle’s house playing, joking around and talking. At that time, it was not about the squad but being around each other and enjoying each other company. We had so much fun outside of the squad. We would take trips, go to amusement parks, and really have a good time. I remember we were all going over to her house to eat, Chanelle and I cooked our asses off. I remembered so much.

“Kassidy,” I heard someone say my name softly. I looked over and saw Tori. She was hit in the side. She was trying to get up. I went over to help. Chanelle and Vicious came over. As we got Tori up, we helped her walk out.

              Once we got outside, the cops and ambulance came. The officers took our statement. They patched all of the marks we had on our faces. Vicious stood by as the paramedics put Simya in the ambulance. I saw Chanelle cleaning herself off. I walked over to Chanelle.

“Hey,” I said. She looked up and smile.

“Hey, are you alright?” she asked hugging me and I accepted it. It felt good to get a hug from Chanelle. This was the soft, caring, passionate, side of her that I missed so much.
I got my sister back. Thank you God for getting us out alive.

“Yeah, I’m going to go get Carmelo,” I said to Chanelle.

“Okay. I am going to the hospital with Vicious and them,” she said.

“Alright, I’ll meet up with you guys later. Love you Kas,” Chanelle said to me.

“Love you too,” I told her. I went to go get my son.

              When I saw Carmelo, I could not help but to cry of joy. He is so big and cute. Katrina walked toward me.

“Mommy, mommy,” Carmelo said running into my arms.
I finally heard those words. I finally heard my son call me mommy.
As I held Carmelo in my arms, I leaned over to hug Katrina.

“Thank you so much,” I said to her.

“No problem. You are welcome,” she said to me. I missed my son so much.

“Hey boy, I missed you,” I said to my son as I continued to hug him.

“I missed you too, mommy,” He said.
I could feel the warmth in my heart from Carmelo’s words.
I looked at Karina. “Do you want to come with me to the hospital?” I asked her. She remained silent.

“Come on, it’s okay. It’s safe now,” I told her as we headed to the hospital.

Chapter 34

Tamika

              Kassidy, Vicious, Tori and I were in my living room while Carmelo lay asleep on Kassidy’s lap. After a few days back and forth to the hospital, Tori was finally released. The bullet didn’t hit any major arteries and grazed her skin. Simya has not been released. We visit her every day. I watched as Kassidy and Vicious got along. I would have never thought they had problems by the way they were interacting with each other. I can tell when Kassidy is truly happy, her face lights up with a huge smile. I am happy for her. What happened to the others is sad. My heart goes out to them. Moments later Mae comes running in.

“What’s up, ya’ll,” Mae said turning on the TV.

“What’s up, Mae,” I greeted her.

“Hey,” Kassidy and Vicious said.

“Everyone come over here and look at this,” Mae said. We got up and walked over.

“This is just in, breaking news. A young woman was found shot at least six times in her home on Butler’s Court in Montgomery County. The victim’s name is pending release upon notification of next to kin. Witnesses say they saw an African American woman in her late twenties fleeing the scene in a black sedan. Police ask that if anyone has any information that can lead to the victim’s murderer they are urged to call Montgomery County Police District,” As soon as the reporter was finished, I turned it off.

“What,” Kassidy moved Carmelo off her lap and got up. “That’s Chanelle’s house,” Kassidy went into an emotional state. This week has been too much for her.

“That’s Tonya’s car they’re talking about,” Mae said.

“Damn! Tonya, got to Chanelle. What are we going to do?” Vicious asked.

“Fuck that, we go get her,” Mae suggested. No one said anything. Everyone stood there mourning. Mae just forgets what happen in the chambers.
Like fuck it, we can continue to murder each other. It’s the only civil thing to do. We will continue to make money and go on with life.
When half of the loved ones we lost are down that makes you kind of wonder what happens next.
What do I do? How do I make a living when this is all I know how to live?
I’ll tell you. First you thank God and ask for forgiveness. You take your ass back to school and learn something besides how to load a gun and make profits from distributing narcotics to residents in the neighborhood. One too many lives have been lost while running the streets.
We can’t keep being in these streets.
So if that is all a person knows how to be is in the streets and keep doing shit regardless of what is happening, you know what? I can’t tell somebody what they should do with their lives.
Everyone cannot be saved and everyone may not want to be saved.
I can give them advice like people gave me, but it is ultimately up to the person what they decide to do.
I just pray God is with them
. Everyone is responsible for their own decisions and I hope they make wise ones. Yes, this world is filled with money.
Make money the legal way.
I thought to myself.
That is what I need to do. I’ll
go back to school and finish my education. I need to be a better sister to Mae.

“What, you’re not going to do anything?” Mae asked. I studied her as she grew impatient as they did not move.
They were still in shock.
I am not angry with Mae and the things she has done. It is my own damn fault for bringing her into this type of lifestyle. I took it one day at a time and changed Mae into this demon girl who I don’t want around anymore.
I want my little sister back.
She didn’t only learn from me but she also learned from her no good friends.
Those are the bitches I can’t stand.

              I remembered last month when Mae was gone for a week. When she did finally get some sense into her head she came home. I whipped her ass first and then asked where she was. She had bags of weed on her and about five grands on her. She wasn’t honest with me, she never is. She’ll tell the truth where she really was two weeks later. Okay, so after I whipped her ass and all that, I kept seeing her throw up. She began to get picky and greedy. She had cravings for weird things to eat. Like peanut butter when she really does not eat peanut butter. She would use the bathroom like ten times in a day. You know the signs of pregnancy. I didn’t tell Mae to go to the clinic, I took her. Because knowing Mae, she would say she will go, but not really go.
She would lie right in my face.
We came to find out Mae was pregnant. She said she didn’t know she was pregnant.
Uh huh.
I was not going to let Mae ruin a baby’s life. She said she did not want to keep the baby. I told her about adoption, but she didn’t want to deliver. She had an abortion. After a few weeks, when her body healed, she went back out again. I don’t want my little sister found dead like how they just found Chanelle and all those other girls. I know my sister has potential. I feel so stupid. I let her watch me do everything and she learned so quickly.
Why did I do it? Why did I do that? Why did I let her watch me?

“Thanks Mae, for letting us know. We can take it from here,” Kassidy said.

“Look, I know all of you are upset and what…”

“That’s it, Mae,” I had cut her off. “Like you said, we are still upset. We are still grieving. We will figure something out soon,” I said.

“Yeah, Mae, we will figure out something,” Kassidy said. Mae is not used to hearing that.
She is used to hearing, ‘Let's round everybody up and go get that bitch. Let’s fuck that bitch up.’ It’s time for a change now.’

“Why are you all acting like some bitches?” Mae asked. Mae does not understand why we are not responding like what she is used to seeing. I admire Kassidy’s and Vicious’ sisterhood as it begins. I pray that Mae and I can rebuild our relationship and have the type of sisterhood they have. In order for that to happen, Mae would need to change her damn ways. We cannot keep living like how we are living. After the shootout at the chambers, I gave myself a reality check. God spared my life and I am going to do something with myself and I hope Mae does the same.

“Why do we have to act like bitches because we are finally trying to do the right thing? Why can’t we better ourselves? Why does it have to be called we are acting like scared bitches because we trying to change our lives? Mae, I’m so fucking lucky right now. That bullet could have entered into my body and I would not be here right now. I am blessed to be given a second chance. And you know what? I am going to take that chance and live my life the right way, because I did not have to live. I could have died with the others. So it’s not we are acting like bitches, bitch. We are making a difference, just like your ass should be doing right now. Life is way too short Mae,” Tori preached.

“Are you all ready?” Kassidy asked.

“Yeah,” Tori said.

“Alright, Tam,” Kassidy said walking over to me with her arms wide open. I embraced her with warmth and gave Carmelo a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you so much girl,” Kassidy said.

“You’re welcome. Take care and I’ll talk to you later,” I told her. “Bye, you all,” I said to Vicious and Tori as we gave each other hugs.

              I knew they were going to be okay. I pray God watches over all of them. As they left, I started to clean up. So much has happened in these last couple of days that made me think about my life, my future, and Mae. Someone can come in here any second and kill us. Gun violence is increasing day by day. I am scared for Mae and myself. My mother left us to cancer when we were young. We never knew who our father was. My mother told me to take care of Mae before she passed away.
And look what I did to Mae?
She is out of control.
I did this shit.
I regret everything she is becoming. Mae does not see life how Tori and the rest of us do.

“You know Mae, I think it is time for you to change,” I told her.

“Excuse me? Just because all of you switched up doesn’t mean I have to. Fuck out of here,” Mae said. I could let Mae be and not say anything. But that’s what she wants me to do. She wants me to not care. It’ll be easier for her to go wander off somewhere. She doesn’t want me to know where she is going or where she is coming from. She doesn’t want me to know who she is around. But I’ll be damned if I let Mae walk up in my house and not know what’s going on with her. Since my mother passed away, I’ve been Mae’s mother. All we have is each other.
There are no uncles, aunts, or cousins that we know of. All we know is each other.
I care about her life more than she does. I am scared for her every time she does not come in this house at a reasonable time.
It’s almost 12am and this girl has yet to come home. I am up waiting for her. I don’t stop calling her until she answers or is in my presence.
I know her and her little friends hang around those dusty boys around the way. Countless times I have worried if Mae has caught something. Being Mae loves to fuck, I have to work and I can’t watch her twenty-four seven. I’ll tell her to take birth control and make sure whoever she lays with is wearing a condom. At times I know Mae does not care if her little fuck buddy is even wearing a condom.
Like I said, she doesn’t care.
And I am scared that one day she won’t come through this door. One of her little buddies will and give me the devastating news like what she just did with the news about Chanelle. I am waiting up all night until she comes home. I am not going to sleep when I know my little sister is out in the streets at two o’clock in the morning out doing God knows what.
And like how she is not honest with me, the little wretch will tell me anything.

“Mae, why do you keep saying that? If you keep acting the way you are, do you think you are going to last long?” I asked her.

“Now that’s funny, because if I could remember you were the one that showed me all of this shit. I wanted to stay in school. It was you that took me out early every single day telling my teachers and principals I had doctor’s appointments and all types of bullshit that you can come up with. It was you and Tameka who introduced this to me. You gave me weed to smoke. You were the first person I got high with. I didn’t ask for that shit. You gave me liquor to drink. I didn’t ask for it. You taught me about sex. So don’t sit up here and think I did this on my own and I can’t get out. So what if I am caught up with this, bitch. I’ll learn when I want to learn. So save that hallmark movie bullshit, my sister’s keeper’s bullshit, for someone else because I’m not the one,” Mae said walking away. She was right. I made it seem like she got addicted by herself. I created the road she became addicted to. After a while she became out of control and unstable.
That is what I didn’t like. She could not handle it, but who can at a young age?
I am not letting Mae just say what she wants to say and then be gone for another week.

“You need to straighten out your shit. I know what I did, and that’s because it was done to me. At one point in life I thought this was the only way to live out here. I am sorry for bringing my childhood discoveries to you. But now, it’s time to change. Now keep thinking I’m playing with you, because I’m not. That shit that’s happening out here, what do you think, it’s for fun? Do you think this is a game you want to play with all your life? And that shit you’re doing with your friends, you don’t think you can get caught? Alright Mae, go head. One day it’s going to catch up to you. Maybe tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, but one day it will. Look out, since all the other mother fuckers you were rolling with got caught, Mae. They’re gone. Just because it may take five minutes to make a drop in exchange for a couple of dollars, don’t think your life can’t be taken in five minutes, maybe less. All you need is a second, a second to be somewhere you are not supposed to be and your ass is gone, either locked up or gunned down. That’s your only way out if you keep going on,” I told Mae. She stood still and didn’t move. She never heard me talk like that before. I walked over towards her. “I didn’t mean to come at you like that but I am really worried about you, you’re my little sister, my only sister and I love you. If something were to happen to you I don’t know what I’ll do. I am so sorry,” I told her. I gave her a hug and she accepted it.
I cannot say when the last time I gave my sister a little hug.
It felt good to be hugged. I have to remember she is a victim of peer pressure.

“I love you too Tamika,” Mae said. “I’m going to try. In fact, I am going to get into a rehabilitation program,” Mae shared her thoughts with me.

“I’m going to help you, I promise,” I promised her. Mae has a drug addiction. I don’t want to go into details about that. She is so beautiful and she looks so innocent, no one would ever believe what she really is into. Looks can be deceiving. Life can be deceiving as well. If you don’t go through that struggle where life is hard, then life will be harder for you to live. While she decided to make some phone calls, I decided to go online and search for a new home.
I’m ready to get out of Philadelphia.