Vanquished (11 page)

“Dad!” I can't stop the hot tears that burn my eyes. Why would he make fun of me for what I want to do with my life? As if I don't get that enough from kids at school.

“I'm giving you the truth, Hana. If you keep up this behavior, I'll turn you in myself. I won't let you ruin our family. Keep that in mind the next time you get it in your head to do something foolish.”

He turns away from me, and I stare at him in utter dejection. Isn't he going to say anything? He's glad I'm OK? He loves me? Finally, I turn and head to the stairs.

“Hana.”

I turn eagerly.

“Don't forget what I said.”

 

 

 

 

19

 

My eyes feel like they've been rubbed with sand as I sit in class the next morning. I've never stayed up so late, and I can see why my parents have always wanted me in bed by ten. I never objected, mostly because there wasn't anything else to do.

“Hana? Are you OK?” Mrs. Sewell asks.

I glance up and realize she's standing right in front of me. Everyone in class stares at me in wide-eyed confusion.

“I asked if you could explain the basic order of the graduation service for everyone,” she says. “But if you're not feeling well, then maybe you should see about going home.” Her eyes are drawn together in worry.

“No, that's OK. I guess I'm just tired. I can do it.”

Graduation is less than two weeks away now, and we've started practicing for the ceremony. A wave of excitement sweeps over me as I stand in front of the class, my tired body forgotten for the moment.

“The ceremony will be next Saturday at noon,” I say. “We'll be seated in the gymnasium, and I'll give a speech. After the speech we'll be given our diplomas and a pamphlet that will help us prepare for our Tests the following Monday. That's it, in a nutshell.”

“Thanks, Hana,” Mrs. Sewell says. “Don't forget the graduation march, though. We're going to practice marching in and out next week.”

Heat floods my face. “That's right.”

She smiles and squeezes my shoulder. “You can go ahead and sit down. Does anyone have any questions about the pamphlet? I have a few to pass around, but you can't keep them until that night. The Greaters want your answers to be as fresh and honest as possible.”

Paper shuffles as everyone passes the pamphlets around, and I take my seat.

My speech. I had forgotten all about it until I actually said the words. What am I going to say? I've been so busy with Mom, and then so confused because of Fischer and Jamie, I haven't had time to prepare. My stomach clenches at the thought of it.

I catch a glimpse of Lilith glaring at me from two seats up. What's her problem? She catches me looking and gives me one last glare before turning around.

Too bad she isn't the one giving the speech. At least it'd be funny, even if she didn't mean for it to be. Everyone would be laughing at her complete and utter self-absorption.

I can't imagine what I'll say to the kids preparing to take their Tests.
Be driven for your country! Follow the advice your Greater counselors give you, and you will succeed! Frost Moon promises happiness for all those under his care!
Lies, every one of them. Or at least that's what if feels like to me.

Regardless, I have to figure out what I'm going to say.

Mrs. Sewell heads to my desk when class is over. “Are you OK, Hana? You don't look yourself.” Her eyes probe into mine.

“I'm fine, Mrs. Sewell. It's just been a long few weeks.”

“How's your mom doing? Is she still in the hospital?”

“Yes, they say she can get better treatment there. I,” I stop myself before I say I think it's ridiculous. That's probably not the best thing to go around saying. “I miss her.”

Mrs. Sewell melts before my eyes. “I know you do, Hana. If you need some time, take it. You've been pulling quite a load at home, and here too.”

“Thank you,” I say. She smiles and retreats to her desk.

I grab my things and hurry from the classroom. Maybe I'll have a few minutes to work on my speech before I go to the hospital.

Lilith waits for me just outside, and her sour expression hasn't changed. “What's going on, Hana?”

“What are you talking about?” I slip my bag across my chest and keep walking. I'm tired, and I don't have time for her.

“I know something's going on with you, and Jamie too. You're not going to do something that's going to reflect badly on all of us are you?”

Reflect badly on all of us? What is she talking about? “Excuse me, Lilith,” I say, stepping around her.

She grabs my arm, and I become as rigid as ice.

She doesn't let go. “I saw you out last night. You passed through my yard. Don't think I won't tell on you in a heartbeat.” She releases my arm and stomps away.

I stare at her, open mouthed. How did she see me?

Her threat sends chills down my spine, mostly because I don't doubt she'll do what she says. But how does she know something's going on with Jamie? I glance around for my best friend and catch sight of her coming toward me. Her face gives me a hint of how Lilith or anyone else can make assumptions about her—it's red and puffy from crying.

“Jamie, are you OK?” I say.

“I don't feel so good. I haven't felt so good for a couple of days.”

I have no idea what to say. Since I've never known anyone who was pregnant, I don't know if this is normal. “Come on to my house and relax,” I say. So much for the speech.

She offers a weary smile. “Thanks, Hana. What would I do without you?”

I reach up to give her a quick squeeze, but inside my heart is bleeding. What will she do without me? She had better figure that out pretty quick, because soon she'll be on her own.

 

 

 

 

20

 

Jamie lies on my couch while I get her some water.

“I'm sorry I haven't been more supportive of your mom's sickness,” she says. “I've been pretty selfish.” Her face scrunches up and tears gather in her eyes again.

“Jamie, you've been as supportive as you could possibly be. I'm the one who kept insisting you not go to the hospital with me. Maybe if I would have been more supportive of you then you wouldn't be in this mess.”

She shakes her head. “No, I think it happened before your mom even got sick.”

“What?”

The sound of glass shattering rings around the tiny room. I hurry to clean up the mess I've made from dropping her water. “What do you mean, Jamie? We spent all of our time together before that.”

“Not all of our time.” She stands and tries to help pick up the glass.

“Go sit down, Jamie, before you cut yourself. If you have to go to the doctor they're going to find out you're pregnant.” I don't know where my logic comes from, but she believes me and sits back down.

“What do you mean, though?” I ask. “We spent every minute of daylight together.” I can't picture Jamie sneaking out in the dark, even though I've done it now.

She shakes her head. “Easton and I have the same free period at school.”

My minds races back to the career fair, when they both disappeared. So that is the norm for them? My stomach clenches, and I feel like throwing up.

“Why didn't you ever mention all of this before?”

“Why would I? I knew what I was doing was wrong. Why involve you, too?”

I sigh in frustration. What am I supposed to say to that?

“I don't know what's going to happen to me, Hana. I'm scared to go to a Lesser city.” She pulls her knees into her chest and rests her chin on them.

I want to say,
You should be!
But I don't. “It'll be scary, but you're tough. You're going to do well. I know it.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Of course I do.” I give her a hug, and I notice that touching people is getting easier every time I do it. I suddenly want to open up to Jamie, to tell her everything that I've been going through. But where to start?

“Have you ever thought about God?”

I can tell by her wrinkled up nose that she thinks I'm being crazy. “What?”

“Have you ever thought about God? Do you think there is one?”

She sits on the edge of the couch now, frowning.

I dump the broken glass shards in the trash and sit beside her. “They outlawed religion because it separated the people. It caused wars and who knows what else. But what if the Greaters were wrong? What if there is a God, and that's why people fought—because some of them believed in Him, and others didn't?” I surprise even myself with this thought. I've been thinking of God on and off, but I didn't realize I'd put so much into it.

She stares at me open mouthed for a moment too long. I know she's not buying it. “What brought this on, Hana? Is it your mom's sickness? She's going to be OK, you know.”

“No, it isn't that. Fischer says there are people around the city who believe it's true. I've just been thinking about it.”

“Fischer again? I told you he was trouble. Unless you want to end up in a Lesser city like me then you should stay away from him. He's going to get you demoted for stirring rebellion.”

I shiver at her words, because she's right. If I'm caught looking for religion it will be seen as rebellion against the society as a whole. I will definitely be demoted.

“I don't know, Jamie. I'm not taking it seriously.” I think. “That's what we were going to meet for, though.”

“Has that happened yet?” she asks.

“No. I tried to meet his group last night, but I was caught.”

“What?” Her voice is an octave too high.

“A guard caught me and took me to the guard station. They asked what I was doing, and I told them I was meeting a boy.”

Her eyes watch me wildly. “What did they say?”

“Not to do it again. They said it was my first strike, and if it happened three times I would be demoted.”

“Hana, you have to stop!”

I laugh nervously. I don't want her to know how scared I'm feeling. “What? You wouldn't want me as a neighbor in your next life?” I regret the words as soon as they're out. It's too terrible to joke about being a Lesser.

Her shoulders sag and she sits back against the couch. She starts crying again. “How do I prepare for something like this? I'll never see you again.”

“You will, Jamie. I promise.”

“You can't know that.”

“No, but if I get my job in government I'll be able to travel to the communities I want to help. I'll find you.” I have no idea if this is true, but I hope it is.

She stops her sniffling long enough to study me—to see if I mean it. Finally, she smiles. “I hope you do, Hana.”

My dad walks through the door. He takes one look at Jamie's puffy face and freezes. “What happened?”

Jamie chuckles and stands up. “Just girl stuff, Mr. Norfolk. I was leaving, so don't worry about fixing my problems. Hana's on her way to the hospital, anyway.”

I had almost forgotten about the hospital. I walk her to her door and give her one last hug. “I love you Jamie.”

She smiles. “I know.”

 

 

 

 

21

 

I push through the hospital doors, and as my eyes adjust, I see Ava lounging on one of the sofas in the lobby. I've never seen anyone sitting there in all the weeks since Mom's diagnosis. She smiles and jumps up to meet me. She seems completely at peace with the world.

It's such a change from the last time I saw her I can't help but ask, “Did you get to see Markus?”

“No,” she says, that big smile still on her face.

“Oh. You just seem so happy, so I thought maybe—” I leave the sentence hanging.

“Well, I am feeling better. It just isn't because of Markus. I saw a doctor yesterday at the hospital. I kept crying and carrying on out in the hallway outside his door, and they took me aside. I told them my suspicions about Markus the night he got hurt. The doctor gave me the most wonderful medicine. It calmed my nerves and worries. I'm a little embarrassed now about my behavior. I just know things are going to be OK. I can't believe I made such a fool of myself.”

Her words tumble out in a jumble, and I frown. “Wait, you told them?”

She nods.

A thousand questions run through my head. What kind of medicine did they give her? What did they say to her? But I only voice one. “Did you tell them you talked to me about it?”

She frowns and waves her hand dismissively. “No, there was no reason. They gave me the pills almost immediately.”

Pills. “Did they tell you to meditate more?”

That's usually the Greaters' prescription for all mental woes. If we clear our minds and put our burdens off ourselves, we will feel better.

She shakes her head. “They said that meditation doesn't work for everyone, and that obviously it wasn't working for me. They said the pills would work.”

I've never heard of anyone taking pills for their mind before. A few years ago, a neighbor of ours started acting strange. She kept ranting about bugs eating her skin, and she'd scratch until she bled. One day she just disappeared, and we all pretty much assumed she'd been sent to a Lesser city. She'd gone crazy and was no longer a productive member of society. Would medication have helped her?

This isn't like that. After all these years of hearing that meditation is the only way, I can't help but wonder why now? Why this introduction of pills to Ava?

And then it hits me.
To keep her quiet
. Markus' case is clearly different. Never before have I heard of anyone who wasn't allowed to see their loved one in the hospital. This all but confirms Ava's theory that her brother did more than fall from a tree. But if so, what? And why would Ava need pills to keep quiet about it?