Vanquished (13 page)

When I look up, the water glasses are on the bedside table and Fischer has disappeared.

“Why did you come so early?” Dad asks.

“I didn't want to be alone. It seemed like a good idea for us all to be together.”

“It
was
a good idea. Why haven't we realized this before?” Mom says.

I take a shuddering breath and shrug. “I think we wanted to make sure you spent as little time as possible by yourself. So Dad came for part of the day, and I came for the other part.”

Mom nods. “That makes sense, but from now on let's do it this way, at least sometimes.”

“Deal,” I say.

My dad nods his approval.

I notice now how Mom looks. She's skinny—no not just skinny, she's frail. I feel like hugging her too tightly will break her. I wonder if she coughs whether she'll snap in half.

“Are you eating the fruits and vegetables, Mom? You've lost weight.”

She waves her hand like it doesn't matter, but I know it does. “I haven't been hungry lately. I never do anything exhausting. I only lay here all day.”

I have other questions, but I don't want to upset her. Can she even walk? Does she hurt? Or does she spend most days on pain medicine?

Then I wonder about the pills Ava takes. Do they give them to Mom, to help her deal with her illness? More questions I don't ask.

Fischer will probably know the answer about the pills. I'll ask him when I meet him on the roof.

A few minutes pass and I excuse myself to the bathroom. Since I don't want to lie, I go ahead and head to the restroom before going upstairs and outside.

Being outdoors doesn't intimidate me when I'm above the city. Warm rays of sun beat down on my arms, and a light breeze pushes my hair from my face. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. No one is waiting for me here, waiting to arrest me.

Fischer's eyes stare back at me when I open my eyes. The look on his face is intense. “I'm glad you're OK. I was worried when I saw you drive away with the guards.”

My ears burn, and I quickly look away. “I wondered if you knew what happened.”

Some strange electricity hangs in the air between us, and I don't know what to say.

Finally, he clears his throat. “It must be good to have your whole family together again.” I know he's a true medic—a servant. He really wants to help people, to make them feel better. In that moment I'm convinced the system works. The Test really does determine who your best you is.

“It feels better than anything,” I say. “You can't imagine how hard it is to be separated with no choice.”

His eyes flash with—pain? He pats the concrete beside him. “Sit.”

I lower myself onto the hot concrete ledge. “Will you go back to your family when you finish your training?”

“No. I'll probably stay here.” The way he says it is so unlike Fischer's normal way of talking. It's short and to the point, almost snappy. I don't ask him anything else.

Fischer takes a bite of his sandwich and looks out over the city. Buildings rise and fall all over the horizon, for as far as the eye can see. Most of them aren't even used and are falling apart in disrepair. Who used to live in them, and what happened to those people?

He offers me part of his sandwich, but I shake my head.

“You looked upset today. Is that why you came?” This sounds more like the Fischer I know. More willing to talk about others than him.

I take a deep breath and look at my hands, wondering how he reads me so well. “I went to Kensington Avenue. The house was burned down. I just couldn't figure who burned it down, and why. It gave me the creeps.”

He watches me speak, nodding his understanding. When I finish he looks back to the city. “I'm not surprised.”

When he doesn't go on I say, “So who burned it down?”

“My guess is the Greaters.”

“Would they do that?” I ask in a small voice.

He sighs and finally turns back to me. “Yes, and more, if they suspect someone was meeting there. Do you still want to meet with the others?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “I think Ava's brother saw something, or maybe he did something. That's what got him put in confinement. I want to know more about that, and about chemo drugs, pills, and flashing lights in the sky.”

Fischer frowns. “What did you say?”

I forgot I hadn't mentioned those to anyone yet. I shrug. “I saw flashing lights in the sky, out past the levies.”

“When?”

“It's been almost two weeks. The last time it rained.”

“It sounds like lightning.”

I shake my head. “It was definitely not lightning. Trust me.”

He takes me seriously, but obviously doesn't have an answer for me. “I tried to find out exactly what's wrong with Ava's brother, but they have his files sealed tight. That in itself tells me something fishy is going on, but you may be right about the lights. Markus had met with our group once, him and his friend. They mentioned seeing them.”

I'm shocked speechless. Finally, I sputter and say, “Why didn't you tell me that before?”

He shrugs. “Secrets are important when you're going against the government. I didn't see why I needed to mention it until now.” His words are soft, honest, raw.

I understand completely. “So when can we meet?” The words come out wrong, and my cheeks burn. I hope he doesn't take it like I think we're meeting just the two of us.

Fischer pretends not to notice how awkward things feel. “I think it's better if we just do things out in the open, instead of trying to sneak around. Meet somewhere ordinary. The others agree.”

“Won't a group draw more attention?”

He shakes his head. “There won't be a group.”

I clear my throat and look away, Jamie's warnings coming back to me, and I realize I wasn't so far off in what I said a minute ago. “So when should I meet you? I thought you never got a day off.”

“I don't,” he says with a smile. “You won't be meeting me. He'll be in the food market tomorrow. He's short, with hair like honey—that deep golden red color. You'll know him. His name is Mr. Elders.”

My cheeks flame an even hotter shade of red. That's the second time I've assumed he would be meeting me alone. “Won't the market be dangerous? There are so many people around.”

“Trust me, Hana.”

The way he says it, and the humble yet confident look on his face, puts me at ease. I do trust him.

“OK. I'll be there.” I need to return to Mom's room, but before I go I have one last question. “Fischer?” Saying his name feels funny on my tongue. Good funny. “Do you think they know why I was out the other night? Is that why they burned down the house?”

“I don't know,” he says right away. “I have to say no, because they wouldn't let you go so easily. On the other hand, how did they know to burn it down? I was the only one there. I was supposed to meet you and bring you to the meeting place. I didn't leave any evidence behind.” He shakes his head. “I just don't know.”

I swallow around the ball in my throat, and my hands feel cold and clammy. “Do you think they're following me?” This is my real fear, that they're going to take me off the street and lock me up. Or worse, make me a mindless citizen, mellowed out on pills like Ava.

He smiles his reassuring smile, the one that has put me at ease since I first met him. “I don't think so. Even if they do suspect you, they'll watch to see if you're part of a rebellion before they do anything about it. They won't bother you, at least not until you give them proof.”

His words surprise me. I want to ask him if that's what he's a part of—a rebellion. And I want to ask him what happened to make him want to rebel.

“You're taking chances by talking to me, aren't you?” I ask.

He shrugs noncommittally. “I don't think so. They're not paying me any more attention now than they were before.”

Again I want to ask him more, like how he knows how much they watch him. I move to sit back down but he stops me.

“I have to get back downstairs. You should do the same.”

I pause mid sit, fighting the sting his words bring, but then I straighten and nod. “Right. Thanks for talking to me, Fischer.”

“Tomorrow in the market,” he says. “Don't forget.”

 

 

 

 

24

 

My mom and dad have barely noticed I was gone. They miss each other, and this makes me sad. Their heads are bent close, and they're holding hands. It takes a moment for them to notice me standing at the door.

“Did you find the bathroom?” Dad asks. He pulls back from Mom but keeps hold of her hand.

That he thinks I don't know where the bathroom is strikes me as funny and I laugh. “Yes Dad. I've been coming here almost every day for two weeks now. I've used the bathroom more than once.”

He smiles ruefully. “That's true.” He seems lighthearted for the first time in a long time, and I'm glad to see him this way.

I wonder then if he told Mom about the guard bringing me home in the middle of the night. I doubt it, since he wouldn't want to upset her. I silently thank him for that. The last thing she needs is to worry about me, and at least it looks like he's forgiven me.

Mom reaches her hand out, beckoning me. “Come sit by me.”

I sit in the small chair beside her bed and take her other hand.

“I need to remember this moment,” Mom says.

The shock of her statement hits me like a punch in the gut. “Don't say that, Mom. We'll have more times together.”

“What?” she says. “Don't I have the right to remember my favorite moments?”

I hate what she's saying. I don't want this to be her favorite moment. It's definitely not mine. Then I realize maybe it is. Maybe it's one of my favorite moments in the last few weeks, the weeks since her diagnosis.

“I've read one of the books you brought,” she says. “I really liked it.”

This is a safe subject. Mom must know I don't want to talk about sentimental things. I smile. “I'm glad, Mom. I can bring you more. In fact, I think I want to go to the market tomorrow. Do you want me to pick something for you?”

Now I've set the stage for my absence tomorrow and for my trip to the market. It won't come as a surprise, and I'll be able to meet Fischer's man.

“No, save your allowance for yourself. I don't need anything in this place. I think Fischer would get me a book if I wanted one anyway.”

“Could he really do that?” What else does Fischer have access to?

My mom smiles wearily. “I have no idea what resources are available to him, but he's never denied a single request I've made.”

I listen closely to her words and a warm liquid fills my bones. I admire Fischer for all he does. Unfortunately, though, there is one thing she needs which Fischer can't get her, not yet, anyway. The chemo. Will Fischer tell me when the request is answered? This is something I need to ask him, and soon.

“Fine, I'll save the allowance for me. What should I buy?”

“Whatever your heart desires, Hana,” Mom says. “I want you to have everything you want.”

I don't tell her, but that's nearly impossible. What I want is the last three weeks to have never happened. I want the mutation to go away and her to come home. I want to have never heard about chemo drugs, or corrupt government. I want my best friend to not be pregnant.

I hold in my tears and smile instead. I hug her tightly. “Thanks, Mom.”

“What's that hug for?”

“Just because,” I say with a nervous laugh. I can't hold my tears anymore, and I'm embarrassed to cry in front of them again.

My mom pulls my head to her chest and strokes my short hair. “It'll be OK,” she whispers.

If only I could believe her.

My dad and I stay until just before curfew, and we walk home together. I'm thankful for this because despite Fischer's words, I'm not convinced someone isn't watching me. I can't keep the tears at bay, no matter how hard I try.

“Don't worry about supper,” Dad says when we get home. “We can find something simple to eat.”

I wipe the tears from my face and try to smile. “Thanks, Dad.”

A loud rap beats at the door and I jump.

My dad frowns. “I'll get it.”

I watch him go to the door. Should I hide in the small pantry? What if it's a guard coming to take me away?

“Can I talk to Hana?”

It's Jamie's voice, and she's upset. I push past Dad.

“What's wrong?” I ask. She's crying and she comes inside and shuts the door.

“They're coming for me.”

“What?” But I'm pretty sure I already know who she's talking about.

Her gaze darts around frantically. “They're coming for me. Tonight.”

“Jamie, are you in trouble?” Dad asks. “Do your parents know what's going on?”

“I told them,” she says to me. “My mom went crazy. She said she was going to drag me to the hospital herself. I told her that I wasn't having an abortion no matter what. She was furious and went to the guard station. They're coming for me.” She starts sobbing uncontrollably and I pull her into a hug.

My dad stands there like a statue, his face frozen in what must be shock.

“Is your dad home?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “He is now, but he wasn't then. I told him what happened and he didn't say anything. He just stared at me, and then he went to his room and shut the door.”

“Have you talked to Easton anymore?”

“Yes! He said he would marry me. He said he didn't care if they make us Lessers.”

My eyes burn and I blink away the tears. If they're coming for her now, then this will be the last time I see her. My brain rebels. “You have to hide, Jamie.”