Use Somebody (37 page)

“That’s a pretty insignificant ‘something’ if you ask me.”

The girl didn’t quit. “You guys fit. Like puzzle pieces. We all see it.”

“Not everyone,” I insisted. “Summer doesn’t even like that we’re friends. It’s like she has a crush on him, or something.”

“Are you serious?”

“I don’t know! I’m just saying… sometimes she acts like it.”

“No. I mean ‘are you serious’ as in, you’re just figuring this out now?”

My wide eyes blinked. “Summer really likes him?”

She released a harsh burst of air. “Scarlett. Summer has been in love with Vance Holloway her entire life.”

I gawked at her, dumbfounded. “Does he know?”

“Everyone knows. You’re really oblivious, you know that?”

My eyes unfocused as I flipped through memories of the two of them… Her jealousies of our pancake nights, celebrating his breakup, the territorial warning at her house. How had I not seen this coming?

“Yes. I know,” I agreed. And I kissed him…
As if I had room on my plate for any more guilt. “All the more reason Vance and I are better off as friends.”

She huffed. “The feeling isn’t mutual, otherwise he’d be dating her instead of pursuing you. He shouldn’t have to stay single forever just because she can’t get over it.”

“So what do you suggest I do? Date him, knowing full well it will hurt her? And then when we break up—”

Gwen shook her head and cut me off. “Don’t even go there. You can’t use the possibility of a breakup as a reason to not date someone.”

“Look at what happened with Nathan, Gwen. We broke up and the entire clique deteriorated.”

She looked at me with as much sympathy as she was capable. “It would have happened anyhow. You know that, right? People grow up and move in different directions. It worked when we were kids, but it was never meant to last forever.”

It stung that she could look at it so pragmatically. I had always believed it would last forever. And I was supposed to be the sensible one.

“Exactly. Things like that never last. So what’s the point?”

She tilted her head forward and eyed me over the rim of her glasses. “What happened to the girl who believed in the happily-ever-after kind of love?”

Unable to meet her assessing gaze, I inspected a shiny black curl. “She’s dead.”

Gwen was quiet for a moment, then spoke softly. “Sooner or later you’re going to have to let someone in.”

“Fine,” I agreed, ready to point out her flawed logic. “That doesn’t mean I have to date Vance Holloway.”

With a dramatic sigh, she pulled out a pen and paper. “Let’s look at this objectively. We’re going to make a list of pro’s and con’s.”

Gwen could give Vance a run for his money when it came to persistence. Accepting defeat was not in their repertoire. Together they were exasperating.

“Why can’t you just leave it alone?”

She gave a wry look at my stubbornness. “You’re right about to find out.” She started scribbling on the page. “Point number one: he makes you smile.”

“Sure he makes me smile, that’s what friends do.” I frowned at her, hoping she would take the hint.

She shook her head. “You’re denying what’s going on by forcing into ‘friends.’ You’re not just friends and you know it. Now, either give me a con or admit defeat.”

Rats.
I could’ve refused to play her game, but I knew she’d just interpret that as a forfeit. Besides, I had good points, too, so I decided to play along.

“For starters, how about the obvious… He just got out of a serious relationship. Jumping into anything now is a rebound.”

“Doesn’t count. There are two kinds of people after a breakup: the rebound people, and those who want that connection, but are still looking for the right person. Vance and Evelyn were emotionally distant long before their official breakup. He was moving towards ending that relationship for months. He’s already over his ex, and seriously into you.” She didn’t write anything down on the con side of the page to show that my first point was moot.

That just earned her another scowl. “Write it down, at least. It’s a valid concern.”

“Irrelevant. He’s not rebounding.”

“That’s your opinion!”

“I’m not writing that down. My turn. Chivalry. You always said you wanted a chivalrous guy. Vance offered you rides home, treated you to pancakes, and protected you from your old boyfriends.”

“He never actually stood up to Nathan.”

“But he told you the truth about those rumors! That couldn’t have been easy for him!”

I conceded in my silence. I wasn’t going to dispute Vance’s chivalry. He was a good guy, no argument here. He was never disrespectful to women, even his ex. And Gwen didn’t even know about the more personal things… like when Vance carried me home in the canyon, or shared with me the beauty of his mountains.

I thought for a moment, then answered my next point. “Well… we work together. In fact, he’s technically my boss. It’s totally unethical.”

“Please. Cole hooked up with Kiki when he worked here and it wasn’t a problem.”

“Cole and Kiki? No way!”
Geez, did I live under a rock or what?

“Duh. This is an ice cream parlor. Nobody takes it seriously. My turn again. He listens to you. He hears everything you say and even things you don’t say. He wants to know everything about you.”

Listens to me? Ha!
Sure, the boy heard everything I said… except the word ‘no.’ I almost made the argument until I realized doing so would spill the beans. But as my mouth opened and closed wordlessly, she took advantage and moved on to her next point.

“He’s patient. Need I remind you how big of a bitch you were to him when you first started working here? But he was determined to make you smile and he never gave up, even though you fought him every step of the way.”

“Here’s a con… the boy has no shame! He’ll go through with any crazy idea that pops into his head!”

She moved on without even responding. “He’s romantic, sweet and thoughtful. Like the journal he gave you for your birthday. The playlist he made of songs that remind him of you. And the rose he left on your car.”

I was stunned. “The… How do you know about those things?”

“Inconsequential. I’m not required to say.”

“But no one else… Vance told you? Didn’t he? Ugh! What do you guys do, sit around and talk about me? Geez!”

“I cannot confirm or deny.”

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway. Maybe he is all those things, but I’m…” I gestured towards myself, self-explanatory. “…emotionally challenged.”

She gave a short guffaw, pen at the ready. “Is that your next point?”

“No.” I gritted my teeth. It was the closest answer to the truth, but that was a whole different conversation I wasn’t willing to have with Gwen, especially after she just laughed at it. I noted her list now had an arsenal of seven points under the pro’s, and nothing written under con’s. We were both growing stubborn, our conversation getting touchy.

“Alright. How about this one.” It was big—a point she couldn’t dispute. “We want different things.”

“Like?”

“Like, the first chance I get, I want to leave California and never look back.”

My old dreams of returning to Texas were starting to sound more and more appealing. There was nothing for me here, just a bunch of ghosts and memories and a life that I no longer fit into. This job was temporary. I wasn’t in school. I was a disappointment to my family. I had no roots, no solid reason to stay. Soon as I saved up enough money, I was out of here.

Gwen leveled me with a look. “And what does he want?” she pressed.

I lifted a shoulder. “Beyond pancakes and fishing? Beats me.”

“Maybe you should ask him sometime,” she said. But she wrote down my point. Then she held it up to see, and pointed to the pro’s. “Do you recognize this side of the page?”

“No,” I said, stubborn.

“This is your old cookie-cutter checklist, the traits you always said would lead to the perfect love. And I could keep going through the whole list, because I guarantee Vance has them all. But frankly I’m getting bored with your denial. He’s right in front of you, Scarlett, and you’re going to miss out on something special if you don’t open your eyes. That stuff you said? They’re just excuses. None of it matters. What’s important is the way he makes you laugh, the way he figures out your favorite songs just by watching you listen to them, the way he lets you be independent and still does those little things to take care of you. Because he cares.

“He’s the perfect guy for you,” she continued. “He could make you happy, Scarlett. Why are you still fighting it?”

I gnawed furiously at my bottom lip, knowing that I was losing this battle, but not letting that change my overall decision. What did Gwen really know of my experiences? My fears? My nightmares? Nothing. So no matter what I said, without the whole story, she couldn’t comprehend my resistance.

“Vance is the best friend I’ve ever had,” I admitted quietly. “So why on earth would I want to ruin everything and date him?”

“What would it ruin?” she shouted and threw her hands in the air, patience gone. Her pen hit the wall. “You had a couple unsuccessful relationships in high school! So what? It happens! Nathan was an asshole! Miles was an asshole! Third time’s the charm! You had two bad boyfriends, that doesn’t mean—”

It was all too much. Vance’s expectations. Gwen’s incessant questions. The nightmare… I did what I always do under pressure—I cracked.

“There was someone else!” I blurted out, then gasped and reeled backwards. The aftershock of ripping a tablecloth out from under its place settings… and failing.

She looked at me, eyes widening slightly as the truth sunk in.

“A third?” she whispered.

I nodded. She knew about Nathan and Miles, and she was aware of my wild summer in college. But I had never told her anything about
him
… about Gabriel.

She blew out a heavy gust of air, processing this new information. A thousand different thoughts crossed her face as she measured me with those shrewd eyes. “Did you love him?”

Tears pooled in my eyes, and I nodded again.

“Okay,” she said. “And it was a bad breakup?”

Trying my damnedest not to lose myself to the emotion, I choked out a laugh as a single tear escaped. “The worst one.”

She released a long-winded sigh, then scooted closer and put her arm around my shoulders as I tried to gather myself. “Okay,” she said again, rubbing my arms. And she just held me.

This exchange was definitely unusual for us, deeper than the surface-y friendship we’d always had. But maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. I’d never actually cried on someone’s shoulder before. No more than a few tears slipped out. Still, it felt good knowing someone was there to catch them.

Things were changing—my life, my relationships—and as hard as I tried to fight it, deep down something inside me still wanted to be understood, to find acceptance. Even though holding on to my secrets made that ultimately impossible.

Nevertheless, I’d reached my limit for tonight, and I was grateful that Gwen seemed to realize that and didn’t continue to push.

* * *

After the way Vance had stormed out of Mooshi, I knew he wasn’t going to drop it easily. I just needed to figure out what to tell him, some reason why last night couldn’t happen again and why we were better off as friends. But it couldn’t be the whole truth. And I couldn’t hurt him.

I sighed. It was impossible. There was no way in hell that after everything leading up to last night, he would just let this go without some real answers. He was a tenacious little goober, that’d been obvious since the very beginning.

As soon as I got home from work that evening, I saw the familiar charcoal truck parked along our curb.

I had to try. My only hope was that once I gave him the bottom line—that I couldn’t give him what he wanted—he would accept it.

I climbed in through the passenger side and shut the door, trapping us in the small space together. Inhaling the spicy peppermint scent, I surveyed the inside warily. It no longer offered the comfortable solace that I had grown accustomed to. Instead, the air was charged with energy, filling me with different thoughts and new feelings… all of which I’d rather avoid.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Could I really make him accept my excuses so soon after last night’s tryst? Could we be alone together and not let it happen all over again? I glanced at my house through the window, trying to determine if this conversation would go well, or if it would only make everything worse.

Just last night he had walked me to my door and waited on the porch until I was safely inside. He then breathed on the glass between us and used his finger to draw a heart. I had smiled softly back. Then and there, something in me had fluttered to life…

“Well?” he said expectantly, breaking the silence. “Tell me what you want.”

I shook off the errant memory. I had to be brave. And the sooner we talked this out, the better. If he was really giving me the opportunity to ask for what I wanted, I was going to be honest.