Until Then (Cornerstone Book 2) (9 page)

Maggie tried to get her to open up, but she couldn’t.

She was too ashamed.

Michelle opted to stay at the dorm for the long Thanksgiving weekend rather than going home to Chicago. She would be heading there in a few weeks for winter break, and she didn’t see the point. Both Simon and Maggie invited her home with them for the holiday, but she declined.

“I’ll be fine,” she assured them. “I could use the peace and quiet. Don’t worry about me. Really.”

They were hesitant to leave her alone after her recent funk, but they didn’t push.

Michelle wandered campus, shot hoops in the gym, watched television in the lounge, and listened to music in her room. There were a handful of students still on campus, but for the most part, she was alone with her thoughts.

The dorm was extremely quiet with most everyone gone. It was eerie at times.

Michelle liked being alone in her room for once. She leaned back against her pillow and stared up at the ceiling. These were the first solitary moments she’d had since the day she arrived.

She glanced over at the bookshelf and noticed the dating book Maggie had given her collecting dust. Curiosity got the better of her, and she walked over and grabbed it. Flopping down on her stomach on the bed, she cracked the cover. Maggie wasn’t kidding when she’d said it was full of notes. There was barely an empty space left on any of the pages. She had used all of the lines provided for notes and written all over in the margins.

“God made sex to be between a husband and wife. He wants me to experience this kind of love only within marriage.”
Only
was underlined a bunch of times.

“There’s a big difference between love and lust.”

“Agape love is unconditional.”

“Even if Ben never loves me back, God is enough.”

Oh, Maggie.

She lay there and read the book from cover to cover. There were a lot of things on those pages she wished someone had told her a long time ago. If only she could go back in time and take this book along.

The ache in her heart that had been nagging at her for months hurt worse now. There was nothing left of her to give to a husband someday. She’d already given it all away.

She wished she knew more about what the Bible said. Not only about this, but about … everything.

The King James Bible her grandparents had given her to take to college was under some textbooks on her desk. She grabbed it and thumbed through a few pages. The only passages she had read so far were those required for her Old Testament class. She approached it as she would any other history class — complete the assigned reading, take notes, pass the tests.

She reached for the dating book again and turned to the back to read more of Maggie’s notes. A bookmark slipped from within the pages and fell onto her pillow. It listed several verses from the book of Romans, so Michelle decided to venture into the New Testament.

The first verse she looked up read “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Yeah, according to everything in the dating book and every rule at this college, she was a sinner. A big one!

She flipped back a few chapters and read “But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” She knew the basics of the story from a couple Easter services with her grandparents as a child and from things she had picked up during chapel. Jesus was God’s son. He was hung on a cross, though he was an innocent man, then three days later he miraculously rose from the dead.

She turned a couple pages. “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

What does that mean?

She eagerly flipped to the next verse on the bookmark. “If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”

This was all news to her. She believed there was a God. She was pretty sure she believed in Heaven and Hell. But the rest of it, the part about being saved and having eternal life by believing in Jesus, she had never heard before. She had too many questions and this little bookmark was not enough. She tried to find more verses, but she had no idea where to look.

Feeling lost and confused, Michelle shuffled down the hallway in search of a little guidance. Clinging to her Bible, she knocked on the door that read “Resident Director”.

“Come in,” Janice called from within.

Michelle walked in not quite sure where to start.

“Hi, Michelle. How are you?” Janice greeted her cheerfully. She was dressed in a sweatshirt and sweatpants with her thick, brown hair in a loose ponytail atop her head.

“I was wondering if I could ask you some questions.”

“Sure. About what?”

Michelle swallowed hard. “About Jesus.”

Janice looked pleased. “Of course. What would you like to know?”

They sat together for a long time, maybe hours. Janice had kind eyes and a sweet temperament. She patiently listened and answered all of Michelle’s questions, then shared more Bible verses and her own story of coming to know Jesus when she was a teenager.

“I always thought it was enough to just say I believed in God,” Janice shared. “I thought you had to live a good life to get to Heaven.”

Michelle nodded. “That’s what I thought, too. Good people go to Heaven. Bad people go to Hell.” She never actually thought she would be going to Heaven anyway with all the bad things she had done in her life so far.

“Being good is important,” Janice replied, “but it means nothing if you don’t ask Jesus to forgive you of all of your sins and come into your heart and save you. Jesus said, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’”

“I haven’t lived like I should,” Michelle admitted. “I don’t …”
She was too afraid to say the words aloud.
I don’t wanna go to Hell.

“I’m sorry. I have to ask,” Janice interjected. “What made you choose a Christian college if you aren’t a Christian?”

“My grandparents are paying for it.” She wore a sheepish expression. “My parents couldn’t afford college, and they sort of made me choose this place.”

Janice nodded sympathetically.

“Am I a lost cause?” Michelle felt distraught over that possibility.

Janice touched her hand. “Why would you say that?”

“I’ve done some awful things in my life. I haven’t been a good person at all. I’ve hurt people.”
Sean.

“No one is a lost cause, Michelle. God brought you here to this college for a reason, and right now, I truly believe this conversation is part of that reason.”

Michelle’s throat tightened. “I believe that, too.”

Janice squeezed her hand. “I think you already know why you’re here, Michelle.”

“Yeah, I need to go to confession or whatever.”

Janice giggled a little. “Oh, that’s Catholics, sweetie. They confess to a priest.”

“No, it said in this verse I read that if you confess and believe that God raised Jesus from the dead, then you will be saved.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right.” Janice proceeded to quote the verses in Romans from memory, only a slightly different version. “ If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

Janice looked at her seriously then. “Do you believe that, Michelle?”

Michelle nodded without hesitation.

“God loves you so much, and He wants to have a relationship with you. Are you ready to accept Him?”

Tears pooled in her eyes. “Yes.”

A smile spread across Janice’s face. “I’ll help you pray if you want.”

Michelle nodded again, and the tears slipped down her cheeks.

Janice took her hands, bowed her head, and began to pray. “Dear Lord, I know I am a sinner, and I need your forgiveness.”

Michelle eagerly repeated every word Janice spoke.

“I believe Jesus died on the cross and took the ultimate penalty for all of my sins.”

When she first stepped foot on campus, she never thought she would one day be bowing her head in the R.D.’s room praying for God’s forgiveness. Choosing Cornerstone seemed like such a massive decision at the time, but this was bigger. This felt like the most important decision she had ever made in her entire life.

She could barely contain her excitement for the next two days waiting for everyone to return. Some of the students were already getting back to campus, but Michelle’s friends wouldn’t be there until Sunday evening. She really wished at least one of them would show up early. She missed them all so much. More so now that she had such important news to share.

On Sunday, she made the short walk with Janice to nearby Calvary Church. It was the first time she actually paid attention to what the pastor was saying. Everything he said seemed to be directed at her, and she soaked it all in, even taking notes throughout, which was so not like her.

“All things work together for good to them that love God,” Pastor Dobson said. “To them who are called according to His purpose.”

She felt different. She had a newfound confidence that everything was going to work out, like God actually cared about her, about where she was, and where she was going. For the first time in her life, she felt truly alive.

That afternoon, a light rapping on the door interrupted her Bible reading, and a girl from a few doors down stuck her head in the room.

“Michelle, there’s a guy named Sean here to see you.”

Her stomach flipped at the mention of his name. She quickly checked her reflection in the mirror, threw on a little blush and lip gloss, then tried to walk slowly to the lounge so not to seem too eager.

She came through the door to see Sean staring out the big window by the entrance.
Oh, man, he looks good.

“Hi,” she greeted him.

He gave her a weak wave.

“How was your Thanksgiving?” she asked.

“Tense,” he replied.

“Oh no. Why?”

He glanced around the room nervously. “Are you hungry?”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I could eat.”

Sean took her hand as they walked to the parking lot.

She looked over at him, and when he smiled sweetly at her for the first time in two months, she had a feeling everything was going to be just fine. She had a feeling God was going to work it all out.

He drove onto the highway and headed west, babbling on about the weather and traffic.

She could tell he was nervous, because he was doing that thing where he spoke in a bunch of broken sentences, like he couldn’t figure out exactly what it was he wanted to say. It was adorable.

He drove and drove, switching highways, and took the Holland exit.

She noticed a sign for Holland State Park. “I thought we were gonna eat.”

“We are.”

“Are we gonna have to catch our dinner?”

He laughed at that. It was the best sound in the world.

They had their pick of parking spots when they reached Lake Michigan. There were a handful of die-hard beach lovers out, but it was mostly empty. The weather was a little warmer than average for the end of November — not a full blown Indian summer, but warm enough for a light jacket.

Sean popped the trunk and grabbed a picnic basket and a couple blankets.

“Wow! You came prepared. How did you know I would come with you?”

He shrugged. “I hoped you would.”

He took her hand again, and they found a spot on the beach to lay out their blanket. He wrapped the extra blanket around her shoulders and took a seat next to her, digging into the basket of food. He had gone all out with Subway subs and giant chocolate chip cookies for dessert. They ate in comfortable silence.

When they finished, he scooted closer to her and leaned back onto his arms. His chest lifted as he took a deep breath in. “There are some things I need to say to you, Michelle.”

She turned to face him and gave him her full attention.

“I’m really sorry for what I did.” The words came out as he exhaled. “It was wrong. I didn’t … I mean … you deserved more respect than that. I took what I wanted, even though I knew better and—”