Until Then (Cornerstone Book 2) (8 page)

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been with some real losers, but Sean is so great. I like him so much. I feel like I should be celebrating or something, but his reaction was not what I expected.”

“What did he do?”

“After we …” She paused, not wanting to say it again, and Maggie motioned for her to continue. “He looked at me, like really looked into my eyes. He looked so sad.” The sadness in his eyes had penetrated all the way to her bones. She had never experienced anything like it. Another tear formed and slipped down her cheek. She flicked it away. “I feel like I did something really, really terrible here.”

“Maybe Sean feels the same way. Maybe he feels bad that he let it happen.”

“Maybe. But he knew I wasn’t a virgin. He knew he wasn’t forcing me into anything.”

“Well, you are both at a Christian college. Maybe he feels guilty about that.”

“I don’t know.” Michelle stared blankly at the poster taped to the wall above Emma’s bunk. The text was in the shape of a cross and read “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.

“Maybe he’s worried about getting kicked out,” Maggie speculated.

Michelle’s heart wrenched. “His scholarship! If anyone found out, he could lose his basketball scholarship.” She felt awful. Maybe that was the reason he hadn’t called her. Maybe that’s why he was so upset.

Maggie put an arm around her and did her best to give comfort.

Michelle found herself leaning her head on Maggie’s shoulder. They sat for a while not saying anything. It was nice, like what she imagined having a sister would be like.

Maggie stood and went to her desk. After rifling through some of her things, she returned with a book. “This is kind of old and worn out, and it’s written all over inside with my own notes, but maybe it will help you.”

Michelle stared at the cover of a book about dating.

“We studied this book in my youth group a couple years ago. It explains what God says in the Bible about sex. I know the stuff about waiting ’til marriage … well, it might not apply to you anymore, but there’s a lot of good stuff in there about the different kinds of love and the emotional stuff people deal with when they have sex at a young age.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.” She had barely touched a Bible before stepping foot on Cornerstone’s campus. Her Old Testament class was the most in depth she’d ever gotten into it in her life. And all the Christian words and phrases she kept hearing at church confused her even more.

Maggie laid it on Michelle’s pillow. “Well, I’ll just leave it here for you. You can read it or not. It’s up to you.”

Michelle looked up at her. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Emma and I love you, Michelle. And God loves you, too. You’re gonna be OK.”

“I don’t know about Emma.”

“I think she’s been pretty sheltered growing up as a pastor’s kid. She was just a little shocked.”

“Yeah, I seem to have that reaction on people.”

As October came to a close, the air turned colder, much like Sean’s attitude toward her since their date. She had attempted to contact him on multiple occasions, leaving messages with Simon or Wes, but her calls were never returned. Whenever she got anywhere near him, he would take off in the opposite direction without a word. And it stung. She couldn’t seem to fight off the steady ache in her heart or the memory of the look in Sean’s eyes that haunted her thoughts and dreams.

“What is wrong with him?” Michelle asked Simon as they walked to Quincer dorm on Halloween night dressed as a couple of Harlem Globetrotters.

He dribbled the basketball he was carrying. “I don’t know, Chelle. He just mopes around. He won’t talk about it.”

She hoped this party would give her an opportunity to corner Sean and get to the bottom of things.

Simon stopped dribbling and draped his arm across her shoulders, giving her a squeeze.

She smiled up at him.

“Hey, I met your roommate today,” Simon declared.

Her nose crinkled up in confusion. “You’ve already met my roommates.”

“Not Maggie.” He removed his arm and started dribbling the basketball again. “Not officially.”

“She’s nice, huh?”

“Ha!” He shook his head.

Michelle looked at him curiously. “She’s not nice?”

“Maybe to you, but she does
not
like me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“We had to take pictures of each other for photography class today. She wanted
nothing
to do with me.”

Michelle snickered. “Well, were you rude to her or something?”

“Hey!” he elbowed her. “Am I ever rude?”

He wasn’t. He was fun and outgoing and friends with everyone. She didn’t know anyone who didn’t like Simon. Well, until now.

“I invited her to the party tonight.” He stilled the ball and tucked it under his arm.

She raised an eyebrow. “What about Emma?”

He was quiet for a moment before responding. “I was just being nice.”

Michelle thought this was strange. Was something going wrong between them?

“Is Maggie coming then?” she asked. “I thought she already had plans.”

He shook his head no. “She told me I should go to the party and hit on you instead.”

She could totally picture Maggie saying it, and she laughed. “I love that girl.”

Simon rolled his eyes.

She suddenly lunged and stole the ball, dribbling it away from him.

“Hey!” He chased her the rest of the way to the dorm.

The party was alive with disco lights, karaoke, and plenty of pop and snacks to go around. It was tame compared to the parties she’d been to in high school, but everyone was having a great time, and she was beginning to like tame.

The guys’ hallways were open and some of the rooms had been decorated like mini haunted houses. Simon led Michelle to their room, which had some streamers hanging in the doorway and fake cobwebs hanging throughout.

“
Oooh
.” She faked a shiver. “I’m
sooo
scared.”

Sudden movement across the room caught her eye, and she jumped.

Simon laughed at her. “See. Scary.”

Sean turned from where he was seated at his desk. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you guys were coming down here.”

“Sean.” His name was her plea.

He avoided eye contact with her.

“Will you please talk to me?”

“I can’t right now.” He stood, grabbed his keys, and started walking toward the door.

Simon shifted to the side and blocked the doorway.

“Get out of my way, Simon,” Sean demanded.

Simon stood his ground. “She’s right. You two have got to talk. I can’t stand this brooding thing you’ve got going on. I want my roommate back.”

Sean hung his head and exhaled loudly. “Fine.”

When Sean locked eyes with her, she was overcome with relief. A little smile crossed her face. Finally, she had his attention.

“We can’t talk here,” he stated.

“OK,” she eagerly replied. “Anywhere you wanna go. Lead the way.” She followed him along the hallway and past the party people in the lounge. He held the exterior door for her, and their arms brushed as she walked past him. The cool night air hit her, but she felt only warmth from his nearness.

He led her to the same bench where they had made plans for their date. She was anxious. They were going to talk. She would finally have the answers she had longed for and, hopefully, get rid of the uncertainty she’d been feeling since their night together.

“I don’t really know what you want me to say.” His tone was colder than ice.

“I want to know what happened.”

“What do you mean?” His attention was fixed on the sidewalk in front of them.

“After our date. What changed? I mean, I thought things went so well. I had a great time with you, and I thought you did, too. But something happened, and I think I deserve to know why you’re giving me the silent treatment.”

He shook his head, clearly struggling to speak.

“Just tell me, Sean,” she begged.

“I don’t think we should have done what we did in my car.”

Her heart sank. “But I thought you wanted to.”

“Well, I didn’t.” He was short with her.

“You should have said something.”

“Well, there wasn’t a lot of talking going on before you threw yourself at me.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Well, I didn’t see you fighting me off.”

He shot her a look.

“What? It’s true. And
you
asked
me
out, remember?”

His expression changed, and she suddenly saw the sadness in his eyes again. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. That was totally uncalled for.”

“Sean, what is going on? I know there’s more to it. Is this about your scholarship?”

His eyes darted to hers. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

“Just my roommates.”

His eyes widened. “Great!”

“They won’t say anything. I promise.”

He wrung his hands. “They better not.”

“
You
didn’t tell anyone?” she asked.

He shook his head.

This was a shock to her system. She had never done stuff with a guy and not had him brag about it to every other guy in the Chicagoland area.

Neither of them spoke for several eternally long minutes. The silence was almost too much to take.

When Sean spoke again, she thought she saw his chin quiver a little. “Michelle, I lied to you.”

“About what? About liking me? Don’t worry about it.” It wasn’t like she hadn’t been in that situation before.

“No.” He looked her straight in the eye. “About not being a virgin.”

5

Sean was a virgin. Well, he had been. His admission had successfully shifted her thinking about everything. She had never been on the other side of the situation before. The guys she had been with had all been more experienced. She had never been the one to take someone’s virginity.

She wasn’t sure how to feel. Her emotions were a jumbled mess. A huge blanket of regret smothered her, and she didn’t fight it. She hid under it, wallowing in her misery, with no clue what to do next. If she thought about the situation for too long, she felt physically ill, like she might actually toss her cookie dough ice cream.

There was also a part of her that was upset with Sean for lying to her. Had she known the truth, she never would have gone through with it. No matter how great their date had been. But there was no going back now.

Their words played in a loop in her mind for days.

“I’m so sorry, Sean. I don’t know what else to say.”

“There’s nothing left to say. It’s my fault, and I can’t take it back, no matter how much I want to.”

Whenever she remembered his words, she felt a gnawing in the pit of her stomach and a tightness in her chest. She had taken something from him that night, something she could never return.

It was clear to everyone that something was wrong. Michelle’s mood was dismal. She barely left her room aside from meals, chapel, and classes. Her roommates continuously invited her to this event or that, but she wasn’t in the mood. Not even basketball could entice her to leave the dorm.

Simon tried to cheer her daily with no luck.