Unsound: A Horizons Book (25 page)

I hadn't seen Jon for a majority of the day. Jeff found him early, they talked and Jeff told him what he was thinking. Jon said that it took a lot of convincing, but Jeff got through to him and called in Mike who was already on his way to the school. When Mike walked into Jeff's office, Jon knew something was wrong. He said that his dad was a mess.

The night before, Mike got to the hotel room to find Claire packing. There were mini-bar bottles empty all over the room. She had been freaking out as she waited for him. The longer she waited, the drunker and more paranoid she got. She said that she couldn't do it anymore. She didn't want to be married to Mike. Things were different without Jon around. The longer they fought and the more she drank, the more the story unraveled.

Mike started to piece things together.

He appeased her until she went to bed, saying she just wanted to close her eyes before she head to the airport. At that point, it was already early in the morning. Mike cleaned up the room, packed his things and waited for Claire to wake up again.

That's when shit finally hit the fan. She woke up worse than when she went to sleep. She was angry, she was spiteful. Mike asked her flat out if there was something he needed to know about his son. She denied… for a while. But eventually she broke.

Jon said that the moment he saw his father, he knew that he was broken. Mike came to talk to Jon, to Jeff. To figure everything out. To find out what was right, what to do.

Jon had stopped talking long before. We sat outside on a picnic bench, letting the dark envelop us. Jon leaned his elbows on the table in front of him, while I straddled the bench to look at him better. I had one arm around his back, my other hand on his thigh. Eventually he dropped an arm and took my hand in his. I couldn't tell exactly how he felt, but I hoped there was relief mixed in.

JON

I sat alone in the loft working on a paper. Julie was at a therapy session and I was hoping she would be back soon. It had been a week since the truth about Claire came out and while I was working through the damage, I liked being around Julie so I could avoid the constant thoughts. She knew I needed a distraction right now and she was definitely a good distraction for me.

I had just spoken to my father. He hit a new level of acceptance. He felt anger. He wanted someone to blame. He felt guilt. Guilt for not seeing the signs. Anger at himself. He was a wreck, but he didn't blame me. He wanted to make sure our relationship didn't suffer. He wanted to fix it all.

He asked me again if I wanted to come home. He asked me the same thing before he left for the airport. I never told Julie that part when I recapped what happened that day. I didn't want her to know that it was a possibility. I didn't want her to think that's what I wanted. My dad was getting more persistent with his request. Now that Claire was out of the picture, Mike thought that I had a chance at a normal life again. He even offered Boston as a possibility. He said he would move back there to be closer to mom. High school, football, parents. My old life, before Claire, before the divorce.

It surprised me when I realized: I didn't want that. I wanted things fixed with my father, sure, but I wanted to do it on my own. Plus, neither place was home anymore. My group members were just as much a part of my family and although Claire was gone, the memories could be a stimulus. I didn't want to risk that.

Of course, Julie played a vital role as well. I couldn't leave her, bottom line. I wouldn't.

Movement caught the corner of my eye and I looked up to see Jeff.

"Hey," I greeted Jeff with a smile, "what's up?"

"Jon, you have a visitor," Jeff said with a smile of his own, "she's waiting in the cafeteria for you."

I followed Jeff, slightly confused but stopped in my tracks when I saw Julie sitting in the cafeteria smiling and chatting with my mother.

"Ma?" I asked, hurrying over and scooping the tiny woman up for a hug, "what are you doing here?"

"Hey, baby," my mom said, pulling back and placing her hand on my cheek, "you look incredible, sweetie."

"It's so good to see you mom," I said, puling my mom in again for another hug. I looked over her shoulder and made eye contact with Julie. I raised my eyebrows in question and pulled back from my mom again.

"Your mom recognized me and called me over…" Julie answered my unspoken question, "It seems to be my understanding that you sent her a picture of us..." Julie commented with a smirk. Her smirk widened when she saw the blush run up my neck.
What picture?

"Oh honey, I couldn't miss you from a mile away. She's a stunner, baby," my mom said with a smile.

"Hear that? I'm a stunner," Julie said with a wink and a poke to my chest as she backed away from the table, "it was so nice to meet you Ms.-"

"Diane! You better call me Diane, young lady," my mom joked with Julie and pulled her into a quick embrace.

"Okay," Julie conceded with a giggle, "it was great to meet you, Diane. I'll let you two catch up!" Julie ruffled my hair and walked with Jeff back to the main common room.

"Ma, don't get me wrong, it's so good to see you. But what are you doing here?" I repeated my question.

"Baby, I wanted to come last weekend so badly, but I knew Claire was coming. I thought it was best to stay put. But your father called me… explained to me what happened. I wish you talked to us about this sooner. I understand why you didn't! But I do wish you did. You don't deserve to be stuck with this by yourself for so long.

"I thought everything happened because of where you were. I blamed the lifestyle in California. I thought it was inevitable. I had no idea what was really going on."

"Ma, I just… I really don't think I'm comfortable talking about this with you. It's really awkward," I brushed my hand through my hair. It had taken me a long time to open up about Claire at all, and my mother was the last person I wanted to discuss my illicit sex affair with. It was even worse than talking to my father about it.

"I know that honey, I just… your father is worried about you," she admitted finally.

"Ma, I know he is. And I'm probably more worried about him. I already tried to destroy my life… I didn't mean to destroy his," I ran my hand through my hair again and over my face.

"Baby, you didn't destroy anyone's lives. That woman… well she is the one who fucked up."

"Mom!" I said, surprised at my mother's place of blame and choice of language. She just shrugged and smiled.

"She was an adult. She should have known better. Maybe your father should have picked a mature adult and not a young adult… but that's his own issue," she sighed, "I don't want you to take blame. I can't even begin to explain how proud of you I am. You've turned things around this past year.

"You know… your father mentioned asking you to come home," she added quietly. I didn't respond, "I was very upset with him for asking you to do that."

I looked up at my mom, confused.

"This just came out, Jonathan… you haven't been dealing with the real issues because you couldn't. Now you have the chance to really work through all of this so you can move on, forget about that monster and be happy with yourself. I am so proud of you," she emphasized each word as two tears spilled out on each side of her face, "you were offered a chance to go home, pick up where you were before all of this happened to you. But Jon, you said no. You said you weren't ready to go home. I have never been more proud of my son. I'm so happy you made that decision and you made it on your own."

"Thank you, Mom. I love you," I croaked, hugging my mom again. I felt my throat tighten with emotion.

"So I brought you a little care package," my mom stood up, changing the subject. As she dropped the box in front of me, I looked at her, incredulous.

"What is all this, Ma?"

"Oh you know… a few things. Some books, a new football, some of those hand-wrap thingys since your father said you've taken up boxing?" at that, she raised an eyebrow. She wasn't sure if she approved of me fighting as a hobby. She always hated the violence of football and boxing was definitely more. I raised my eyebrow back at her. I wasn't sure how she knew what to pick up for boxing.

"I asked the guy at the store what my baby boy needed to box," she answered my unspoken question, pinching my cheek.

"Well he obviously thought I was a child, Ma. This won't fit me," I said, holding up a small grey hoodie, with Boston written on the front, "They sold you the wrong size."

"No, I picked that one out on my own. I just thought you may want to give your little girlfriend something… you know the holidays are around the corner," she said with a shrug and a wink.

I hugged my mom again. She was always surprising me.

"I thought she would like this too," she said pulling out a picture frame with a picture of Julie and me inside. This must be the picture Julie had been talking about.

"When is this from?" I asked. Julie's face was turned towards the camera, laughing, and I was looking at her. I don't remember the moment, but it could have been one of many. It was strange looking at a picture of myself where I looked so happy.

"Your father sent it to me. We do still talk occasionally you know. I made a copy for myself too. She really is breathtaking Jonathan. Hopefully you two can't get into too much trouble up here."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said with a smirk.

"And well, I know you don't wanna hear this from your Mom… but just in case… one of those books has some… protection. I'm sure a 17-year-old will find a way to get into trouble anyway, even in rehab," she added with an eye roll and a smile.

I felt my cheeks get red again, knowing what kind of protection my mom supplied me. She loved making me uncomfortable. And she was good at it.

"So how long you staying?" I learned how to change the subject from the best.

Jason

Jon's mom was definitely a trip. She wasn't exactly who I pictured raising Jon. I guess Mike was more of the serious man-with-a-plan, while Diane definitely had more of a hippy-carefree-California vibe.

She ate dinner with us in the cafeteria, which was a trip. The woman definitely had a way of getting under Jon's skin and embarrassing the crap out of him. The amount of times he interrupted her stories by angrily saying her name, well, it had me in hysterics.

After dinner, I saw Davies getting up to head back to her cabin. She had been distant the last couple of weeks since that stupid baby project. Since she finally opened up to me and since we almost kissed.

I wasn't used to this side of Mindy. She was shutting down and not letting anyone in. I needed to stop that. If I learned anything about this place, it was that shutting out all your feelings was detrimental. I didn't know what kind of outlet Mindy would seek, but the idea of her hurting herself ever again wasn't one I liked. I would do anything to stop that from happening.

"Davies, where you sneaking off to?" I asked as I ran after her. Mindy jumped and I heard a curse slip under her breath, "let's hang?" I asked, choosing to ignore the glare she shot me.

"I don't know," she started to say, "I'm kinda tired, I was going to—"

"Lie down, read a book, listen to some music," I finished her excuses for her, "some other introverted activity that you wanna use to pretend you're not forcing yourself to be alone."

Mindy stopped walking and glared at me again. Maybe I had gone too far.

"Come on Min, don't make me use the orphan card," I said with a smirk, "maybe I'm a little down myself after meeting both of Jon's amazing parental units. Maybe I'm a little confused how he still managed up in here after seeing how great both his parents are. Divorced or not."

Mindy's glare softened. I turned away before I could glimpse anything else in her eyes. I didn't want pity. I was truthfully confused. I know that Mindy had shit parents. I didn't have any. Neither did Michelle. I know that Julie was all sorts of messed up. But Jon had two really strong, amazing pillars who wanted to help him. Who were proud of him. Who loved him.

I accepted a long time ago that I was an orphan, but it still confused me seeing a healthy family unit.

"What do you wanna do?" Mindy said with a forced tone of annoyance. I smiled and hooked my arm around her neck, playfully dragging her back to the main cabin.

"Why don't we find some gambling addicts to hustle in a game of poker just like old times?" I suggested.

"We never did that, Jason," Mindy said, confusion dripping in her voice.

"I know. But won't it be great if we can say that seriously one day?"

Mindy groaned and I laughed, pulling her over to the Mountain Climbers section and finding a deck of cards to start card-shark-practice.

Chapter Seven

“
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,

                                      but with somebody else
.”

Mindy

I could hear Julie stirring in bed, tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. It was 5:23am, but it seemed really bright outside. I reached over to take a sip of water. It was freezing, much colder than usual even considering the cold dorm.

I heard the window shade move. I heard her gasp but my eyes were still closed.

“What’s wrong,” I muttered, I wasn’t even sure if I asked the question out loud.

“Snow!” Julie whispered, her voice full of excitement.

“What?” I asked. I heard her get up, and finally looked over at her, cracking one eye. She was getting dressed, “What are you doing?”

“Didn’t you hear me? There’s snow!” Julie whispered again, her voice muffled by the sweatshirt she was pulling over her head.

I turned to look out my own window. There was snow alright, a lot of snow, blanketing the ground. It must have snowed all night; I had no idea it was even supposed to.

“Yeah, so what? Why are you getting up?” I asked, turning back and snuggling under my covers once again.

“Come outside with me! Come play.”

“Are you crazy?” I asked Julie.

“Isn’t it safe to say we all have a little bit of crazy in us… come on, please?” Julie’s pleading turned into her jumping into bed with me, trying to coax me out.

Five minutes later, I was out of bed, pulling layers on and grumbling my hatred for my friend.

I plodded out after Julie who had already run over to the boys’ cabin and knocked on the window above Jon’s bed.

We only waited a moment until we saw the shade pull back and Jon’s groggy face appear in the window. His eyes were only for Julie as a grin broke out across his face, so she stepped aside, allowing him to glimpse the snow around us.

The shade dropped and a moment later, Jason’s face appeared in his window. He pressed his face against the glass; tongue out, making a face at us. I hopped up and down to get warm and a minute later both boys ran through the front door over to us.

I saw the glint in Jason’s eye and ran to avoid him, but Jon quickly tackled Julie into the snow before running off and taking cover with Jason behind a picnic table. Julie screamed, but recovered quickly, pulling me with her to take our own cover and start building snowballs.

It wasn’t long before Marie, Tony and Chris heard the commotion and came outside to join in. It was safe to say boys vs. girls was hardly an even fight, so eventually Sara and Jay traded places.

JONATHAN

I ran around the group and snuck up behind Julie, wrapping my arms around her waist. “Are you cold? Wanna come inside and cuddle with me?” I asked quietly into her ear as I felt her body relax back into mine. Since everyone was out playing, I wanted to take advantage of my bed in an empty cabin.

“Yeah,” Julie answered and we walked over to my cabin. As I closed the door, Julie shook herself off and took off her wet coat and shoes in the entryway before walking over to my bed. She was shivering.

“It’s still really early,” she noticed, glancing at the clock.

“Yeah,” I said with a laugh, “5:30 is a little brutal. You wanna change, baby?”

“No, I’m fine. Are you mad at me for waking you up so early?” Julie looked up at me from where she was perched on my bed. I didn’t answer her. I wanted her. I stood in front of her, leaned down, pulled her head towards me and kissed her. I ran my tongue across her lips, urging them apart, quickly deepening our kiss.

We couldn’t get enough of each other. Julie quickly warmed up as I ran my hands under her damp sweatshirt, which was actually one of mine. I loved that she’d kept it since that night in her cabin. Now, I lifted it off of her, revealing a small tank top underneath. I sat next to her and pulled her over so she straddled my lap. My hands reached up her back and intertwined in her hair as she moved on top of me.

Julie

I broke the kiss to look into Jon’s eyes. I reached down and pulled his damp t-shirt over his head. I glanced at Jon’s body; I loved his body. Big and muscular, it made me feel safe, especially when he wrapped his arms around me. Next I removed my tank top and sports bra. I wanted to feel my bare skin against Jon’s.

We stared at each other for another moment. We knew what was going to happen, it was the natural next progression in our physical relationship. I felt butterflies in my stomach. I wasn’t scared because I trusted Jon, but I had never had sober sex with someone I cared about. I had never allowed myself to feel anything during sex. I never wanted to think about what I was doing during sex or who I was doing.

I had a lot of feelings coursing through my body that I solely attributed to Jon. I didn’t know what they were. I couldn’t explain them, couldn’t relate them to anything else I experienced. But I did know that this was right. I was meant to be there, with Jon. We were meant to be in each other’s lives.

I ran my fingers lightly down his arm, then across his bare chest, watching Jon’s eyes darken in lust the longer I touched his bare skin.

Suddenly, Jon kissed me deeply as he stood. One hand was still in my hair while the other supported me under my ass. My legs automatically wrapped tightly around him as I kissed him back. He removed his hand from my hair to pull the covers down, still holding me with ease before placing me gently on his mattress. He moved his hands down my body, from my face down my chest, kissing along the way to the waist of my pajama pants. He untied the drawstring and pulled them off my body, revealing my underwear, and the top of tiny blue heart on my hip.

“You have a tattoo?” Jon asked, surprised.

“Ugh,” I said with a little laugh, “yeah, I mean it’s so cheesy.”

“No… that’s so… sexy,” Jon said, tracing the heart with his fingertip.

I slid my hands down his chest and over his abs to the elastic of his sweatpants, but Jon pulled back and reached over to his nightstand, pulling out a book.

“Whoa, you’re going to read?” I asked confused, propping up on my elbows.

“No,” Jon laughed and opened to a certain page to pull out a condom. Looking me in the eyes, “my mom kind of smuggled these in for me when she came… is this okay with you?”

I bit my lip and nodded my head; the butterflies in my stomach were going wild. Jon looked back at me and I smiled as he slipped into bed next to me.

Mindy

I didn’t know where Julie went, but considering that Jon was mysteriously gone too, I had an idea.

Julie had a decent amount of muscle, but now I was stuck with only Marie as a girl counterpart in the snowball fight and hers barely made it halfway to the guys. Mine didn’t either, but it was an unfair fight with only Jason on our team.

I didn’t notice it happening, but next thing I knew, I was rushed onto the soft, snow-covered ground underneath Jason. I looked over in time to see snow fall heavily from a tree onto the spot I had been standing.

I looked up at Jason on top of me and found it hard to breathe. At first, I thought I just had the wind knocked out of me, but then I realized that definitely wasn’t the reason when I gazed at Jason’s ice blue eyes and felt his warm body pressed against mine. His eyes darkened as he looked at me, making me lightheaded.

Jason’s head moved down towards mine and though I closed my eyes, I felt his on me for another moment. And then I felt his lips on mine. I didn’t think as I kissed him back. It was as though this were the most natural act between us. Something that happened all the time.

Then I realized what the hell I was doing and pushed him off. Marie and Anthony made their way over to us, and I slowly got to my feet, brushing off the snow and the moment along with it.

I held out my hand to help Jason up, and I made the mistake of looking him in the eyes. He looked, hurt? Whatever it was, it made me pause for a moment. And I dropped him back to the ground.

Of course Anthony and Marie laughed, thinking it was all part of the game, so I ran away. Inviting the charade to continue.

Jeff

I realized no one was in bed next to me. I looked for Lena and saw her standing at the window. I got out of bed and stood behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, and kissing the top of her head.

“They’re playing,” Lena said, “they’re happy.” She felt accomplished, I could tell.

I knew that feeling. Helping these kids was unlike anything else in her life. After years of abuse from her father, hearing that she was useless and couldn’t amount to anything, knowing that she was making a difference made her ecstatic.

The kids’ laughter and Leslie’s happiness affected me. It was infectious and I was actually, truly excited for the Christmas Season for the first time in years. This moment was a high I had never felt before in all my years of using.

“We can play our own game,” I suggested to Lena as I pulled her back towards the bed. Lena laughed but willingly followed me.

JON

I collapsed on top of Julie, high from her. I felt her chest moving up and down below me as if she were...

“Are you crying?” I asked as I lifted myself off of her. But once I looked down at her face, I saw that she was giggling uncontrollably. I wasn’t sure if that was worse than her crying. My eyes narrowed, “What’s… so funny?” I didn’t think I wanted to know.

“Ah, nothing, that was... amazing. Absolutely amazing. I’m sorry,” Julie trailed off, “I just feel great right now....” Julie sighed, blushing deeply. I was definitely relieved to hear that the sex was amazing. I knew it would be for me, but I liked knowing it was amazing for her too. I thought about her blush and didn’t know what she had to be embarrassed about.

“What’s wrong, baby? Tell me.” I rolled onto my back and pulled Julie to my chest.

Julie

I hid my face in Jon’s hard chest as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn’t know how to admit this to him, “that was the first time I had... ever had… hadanorgasm,” my voice was muffled in his chest as the words rushed out in a jumble.

“I can’t hear you when you mumble into my chest, baby” Jon teased me. I didn’t doubt that Jon knew what I said. I could almost hear the genuine smugness in his voice. And relief. There was definitely relief mixed into that smug tone of his.

I didn’t repeat myself though. I was embarrassed to tell him that was my first orgasm. Before this, sex was scary to me. It was strange men, mean men, men who could and would and had hurt me if they wanted to.

But it wasn’t like that with Jon. I had never felt so cared for, so safe, so worshipped. I was overwhelmed by how much Jon cared about me and how much I cared about him. There was a nagging dread in the back of my mind. That nagging thought was that it would all go away. If Jon knew the truth, he would go away.

“Seriously, look at me, baby.” I begrudgingly looked up and met Jon’s gaze, pushing my bad thoughts away. Jon cupped my face and kissed me lightly on the forehead before looking into my eyes deeply, “I just want to make you happy.”

It was so simple, his words, yet nothing like that had ever been said to me before.

“I’m really bad at talking about my feelings,” I whispered, willing myself not to look away. Jon gazed at me but remained silent. He knew. He didn’t need me to say anymore. I smiled at him and he groaned.

“You have no idea what you do to me when you smile,” he said. His eyes darkened again and I could tell he was ready for round two, “it’s seriously killing me to say this. But you should put your clothes back on. I can’t guarantee I won’t punch Chris or Jason if they walk in here and see you naked.”

I laughed and snuggled into his chest again for a few more moments. Safe in Jon’s arms. Safe from all my demons. Before I could drift to sleep, I slipped my clothes back on. Jon gave me a dry sweatshirt and walked me back to the door.

“I change my mind. Just stay,” he coaxed me with a pout. For how large and strong he was, he could still look like a little boy trying to get his way.

              “No chance buddy,” I said with a wink, “Jeff’s gonna be up soon if he isn’t already. I don’t want to get solitary confinement if he sees us in here in bed together. I’ll see you in a bit for breakfast.”

              “Fine, goody-two-shoes,” Jon said with a grin. He kissed me and patted my butt as I turned to leave the cabin.

Mindy

At 9:30am we went to breakfast. Jason was already seated, looking at me to sit next to him; instead I sat next to Julie, as far from him as possible. He got up and came around the table and sat next to me anyway.

“Um, hey,” I said, trying to be casual.

“We need to talk, Min,” he informed me.

“Really, about what?” I asked, feigning innocence. I didn’t know how to handle this. This was Jason… my oldest friend; my
only
friend for a long time. I always knew that Jason was dangerous for me. It wasn’t because of his past. It wasn’t the stealing or the drugs or the fights he used to get into. It was because Jason could read me with a look. He could penetrate through my walls and see me and that was scary. That was dangerous.