Unsound: A Horizons Book (20 page)

I wished I could stay outside long enough that when I head back in, the kitchen would be clean and chores would be over.

“What, you think you’re better than us?” Chris’s voice taunted me from behind. I turned around to see him smirking, “you know… you’re starting to pick up some bad habits, my dear.”

I laughed to myself but handed Chris a cigarette, assuming that’s why he followed me outside. 

As he handed the book of matches back to me, he asked, “How long do you think this heat’s going to last?”

“This rain will probably break it. Thank God, I can’t handle it anymore. It’s making everyone so… weird,” I responded, thoughts drifting back to Jon’s words.

“What do you mean? Who’s acting weird,” Chris asked.

“I don’t know…” I shrugged as I trailed off.

“Jules, Jon’s an asshole. Don’t feel bad for what he said. You know he’s an angry prick some–”

“What?” I interrupted. My heart stopped for a beat.

“I said you know he’s a prick—kid must have grown up with girls throwing themselves at him. He’s an asshole. Forget it.”

“You heard that back there?” I asked, feeling panic creep up my spine. I was beyond embarrassed.

“Yeah, Julie, I mean. Only an idiot would turn you down. Look at you. Kid’s selfish saying no to you. It’s just not fair.” Chris was trying to lighten the mood, but it masked a tone of pity. I wouldn’t be pitied by anyone.

“What do I need to do to shut you up?”

“Alright, I’ll stop. But really, don’t feel bad, I saw the look on your face–” I put my hand up to Chris’s lips to shut him up.

“Listen Christopher. There was no look on my face. And if there were, it merely had to do with the thought of not getting any tonight. This heat really has sent me over the edge,” I hoped Chris’s growing excitement masked the urgency in my voice. I was humiliated that he heard Jon turn me down like that, that he heard him call me a slut. I wanted him to forget it as badly as I wanted to forget it.

“Julie, stop. You don’t need to….” Chris said quietly, not being able to read me. 

“No, really, I do,” I said, coming closer to him, kissing him, slipping my hand down the front of his pants.

Chris stopped trying to read me. It didn’t take long to get him hard. Before I knew it, he had me pressed against the side of the building, my shorts were off, legs wrapped around his waist and he was inside me. All thoughts of our conversation were thrown to the wayside.

It didn’t take long. After all, as Chris will say until his last breath, it had been a few months since he’d had sex.

Before Chris finished buttoning his pants I was back inside.

Chris stood outside and looked after me for a moment running a hand through his hair, “Was it something I said?” I heard him ask no one in particular.

“Long smoke break there, Jules,” Marie commented the second she spotted me trying to sneak back into the kitchen.

“You’ve been staring at the door waiting to say that, haven’t you?” I spit back and rejoined my team in cleanup. I couldn’t imagine what they saw. I was wet, disheveled and probably had dirt on the back of my white t-shirt from being pressed against the wall.

When Chris came through the door a few seconds later, my theory was confirmed since he was soaking wet and disheveled as well. No one said a word. Jon’s back was to the door. He didn’t turn when I entered and I wasn’t sure if he saw Chris appear next. If he did, he pretended not to notice. The rest of the group, however, couldn’t decide whom to stare at first.

Then it went black.

A glass shattered. Marie screamed. I rolled my eyes and felt around for one of the flashlights that lived in the kitchen.

I turned it on and found the remnants of a plate on the floor.

Lena walked into the kitchen, frantic, “is everyone okay?” she asked, flashing her light on everyone before finding the broken plate. She looked at Jon who was standing closest to her, “Jon, its not raining that badly yet, can you help me get the rest of the lanterns and flashlights from the shed?”

“Yeah sure,” Jon felt for the towel over his shoulder.

He dried his hands and walked out of the kitchen. The rest of the group started to head out also. There wasn’t much that we could do in the dark, so we took it as a night off from chores. Mindy caught up to me as I scurried over to our section to get my overnight bag.

“What’s the hurry, blondie?” she asked as she caught up to me.

“Oh, uh. Just… wanna change. I got caught in the rain for a minute,” I said, not looking at her face.

“You didn’t,” she asked. She was too perceptive; it was annoying.

I didn’t feel the need to explain myself to her, so I grabbed my change of clothes and a flashlight and walked off to the bathrooms.

Jonathan

The barn door was still open from Lena’s first trip in there. We ran in, and started to shake ourselves off from the rain.

We went over to the table where the flashlights and lanterns were waiting for retrieval.

“This should be easy enough for us to manage back to the main cabin in one trip,” Lena said.

“Yeah, there’s not a lot left in here,” I agreed. Then there was a huge boom of thunder as the lightning flashed, filling the barn with light.

Lena screamed and dropped the lantern in her hand, glass shattering around her feet.

“Are you okay?” I asked, startled by her reaction.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Jon. I didn’t mean–” a scream escaped her mouth again as another flash of lightning illuminated the shed. This time, she jumped into my arms.

I wrapped my arms around her, mostly out of habit—a natural reaction. It was another reaction of mine to slide my hand into her hair, pulling her head safely against my chest. It felt natural to me, like I had done this before, and it felt good to have this woman in my arms again. I kissed the top of her head. I wanted her to lift her head and kiss me. I wanted to kiss Claire one more time. I didn’t remember that this was Lena in my arms; I thought it was Claire.

Lena immediately tensed. She knew she made a mistake jumping into my arms, even if she was frightened. She didn’t know what to do, didn’t know the correct way to handle the situation.

Lena slowly pulled back from me and glanced up at my face. That was a mistake. I took that as an invite for a kiss. I leaned down and pressed my mouth against hers. She was resisting, but I took no notice. Somehow Lena managed to squirm out of my grip and stepped away.

“Jon, that’s not okay. You can’t do that,” Lena scolded me.

“You wanted this! You kissed me first! You don’t get to tell me when this ends!” I shouted at Lena. She slowly backed up, but bumped into the table. She was trapped.

All of a sudden, like a flash, I came back. I saw Lena. I saw that she wasn’t Claire. I backed away from Lena, I was confused. I was angry. I needed to hit something to get this feeling out. There was a stool to my left that I picked up and threw against the wall. I watched it snap into pieces and I ignored Lena’s scream. Then I really snapped back to reality—all anger gone.

I knew this was bad. I fucked up. I took one last glance at Lena, turned and ran back to the main hall.

I walked quickly into the main cabin, too many thoughts swimming in my head to pay attention to where I was going. I turned a corner too fast and ran directly into Julie, “Ouch! Watch it!” she exclaimed and turned to walk away from me. Before she could take another step however, I stopped her.

One thing was clear in my mind; I didn’t want her walking away from me.

Julie

I turned back towards Jon as he gently grabbed my arm and slipped his hand into mine. He interlocked our fingers and pulled me around the corner, gently pushing me against the wall.

He placed his left hand on my waist and rested the other on the wall next to my head. I reached my hand up and gently touched his neck, running my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck as his head moved in closer to mine. We paused for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes. My eyelids drifted close as Jon leaned in closer to me, lips almost touching, bodies now brushing against each other, uncertain of the next step. I breathed deep, taking in Jon’s masculine scent, mixed with a light, sweet sweat. I pulled his head closer and our lips finally met.

I opened my mouth, inviting Jon to deepen the kiss. Our tongue’s brushed and we both tensed, the kiss building in intensity. Jon pressed his body against mine, wanting more of me, his hand slid up my side under my shirt.

I felt each one of the butterflies in my stomach explode with exhilaration. And then I heard Jeff’s voice down the hall, answered by Lena’s voice.

“Come with me,” Jon whispered in my ear, taking my hand and pulling me behind him.

jeff

“Jeff. It was weird. He didn’t kiss me. I mean, he kissed me. But I swear, he didn’t know it was
me
. And then he shoved me. Then the stool. I don’t know…. There is something going on in that kids head that we had no idea about.”

“Let’s talk about this in my office,” I suggested, it wasn’t appropriate to talk about a student while we walked around. Lena nodded in agreement and followed me.

I knew that Jon was just a kid going through something, but the thought of someone else kissing Lena made me insanely jealous. That mixed with the heady feeling of this heat, I needed to get Lena alone and claim her mouth again.

As we entered my office, I slipped out of my shoes and moved towards her. Her back was to me and she was talking with her hands—talking about Jon. I felt the jealousy soar again.

“Baby, I’ll call him into my office tomorrow to apologize. We can only speculate so much before talking to him to find out what’s really going on.”

Lena spun around as I reached out to her, pulling her flush against my body. Her heart rate picked up; I could feel it, could sense it. I needed Lena, needed her to be mine.

Lena kissed me back, but her body was still tense. Her altercation with Jon definitely had her shaken up. I should have been more sensitive to that, knowing about her violence-filled past. I pulled back but kept my arms wrapped around her tiny waist, “you want a drink?”

“Umm,” I noticed her hesitation.

“You can drink around me, Lena. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a relapse and yes, I do have some rough days where all I want is a bottle of whiskey, but I can assure you that you having a glass of wine around me isn’t a problem. I know you’re frazzled, I want you to feel better, to relax,” I explained.

lena

“You’re sure?” I asked, trying to keep the uncertainty out of my tone. I didn’t know personally about addictions but grew up around an alcoholic father.

“Trust me. My triggers are more stress related. Seeing you relaxed and happy… or any way I see you,” he added with a wink, “could never stress me. Seeing you happy is only going to make me happy. That’s not a trigger.”

You’re definitely a trigger for me
, I thought to myself. Jeff went into a closet and came out a few minutes later with a bottle of white wine.

“Sorry it’s not chilled, but I’ll get a glass of ice for you,” he said as he walked to the other end of the room to ready my drink. Watching him prepare a drink for me triggered some domestic questions that had been floating in my brain for a couple of weeks.

When we settled in, me with an iced glass of wine, Jeff with an ice water, I decided to go for it.

“I hate to ask, but… would you tell me a little more about this ex-wife?” I asked quietly into my wine glass.

“I was wondering when you’d bring it up,” Jeff said with a smirk, “there’s really nothing to tell. It wasn’t serious. I know that sounds strange but basically what you need to know about me is….

“Well, I grew up in high society. I was a trust-fund-baby with addiction issues. I was careless and wreckless in all aspects of my life despite my rehab stints throughout my high school and college years. It only got worse as I got older and cockier that I was actually in control of my life and my money and I could run circles around my parents.

“I met a girl at my second to last rehab visit. We left early, had a lot of fun, did a lot of drugs and she was just as messed up as me. When I say we were married, I mean quick and drunk in Vegas. Lasted less than three months.

“I barely knew her but I knew she was worse off than I was. My life was out of control but she was a downward spiral to a point where I finally wanted out. When I went to rehab the final time, that was also the final time I received help from my parents. They helped to get the marriage ended and then I was cut off. Financially and every other way possible.

“I haven’t talked to my parents since then. I actually never spoke to my ex-wife again if you can believe it. I never knew where she was from and during rehab I found the closure to let her go. Word has it that my parents paid her quite a bit to stay away, and clearly that was her priority since she never sought me out again either.

“It really was nothing more than a blip in my life. Another road bump in the hazy years of my twenties and I really just need you to know that I don’t really know… how to do all of this.  I mean, sure, I know the right moves, I have manners, I seem put together on the outside, but….”