Unraveled (5 page)

“I care. I
don't want Tate to know.”

“You're a
legal adult now. It's not like they can make you do anything you don't want to
do,” he points out as he takes another drink of the tequila. Then he holds it
out to me. “Want some?”

I glance
toward the clock on his nightstand. It's going on ten. “I'd better not. I have
to be home by eleven and I need to be able to drive.”

“Your brother
is a dick for giving an eighteen-year-old a curfew.”

I shoot him
a look. “That dick is giving me a place to live.”

“Whatever.”

“Why are you
so crabby all of a sudden?” An hour ago he'd been laughing and trying to tickle
me to death while copping a feel wherever he could.

He sighs and
his expression turns brooding. “It doesn't seem real that Blake is gone.”

I feel bad
for snapping at him. We'd both gotten high today for pretty much the same
reason. To escape reality for a bit. I drop the sheet and move towards him,
wrapping my arms around him as I rest my cheek on his bare shoulder. “I'm
sorry.”

“I can't
believe Paige up and left, either. Not that I care, but I know you two were
kind of tight,” he says as his free arm slides around my waist.

“She needs
to get away and I understand that. Cole?” I ask, my head lifting as I look at
him.

He turns his
head and peers at me. “Hmm?”

“Paige knew
something was wrong with Blake. Did he come to you at all about what we did?”

Cole's body
slowly tenses and his eyes search mine. “Did he tell Paige?”

“No. She has
no clue. She just knew that something was wrong with him. I didn't realize he
was taking what happened so hard. Did he try to talk to you about it?”

Cole is
silent for a moment. “I knew he felt guilty but he didn't really talk to me.
Guys don't do that emotional shit you girls tend to do.”

“Do you
think he tried to take his own life?”

“I don't
know. I wish I wouldn't have gone out of town.”

I reach up with
a hand and turn his face back to me so I can kiss him gently on the lips. “It
wasn't your fault. I'll tell you the same thing I told her. If he wanted to
die, he would have found a way if he was that determined.”

He slowly
nods. “Yeah, I get that.”

I make it
home on time and immediately head to the bathroom where I run the comb through
my hair and brush my teeth. After spending the evening with Cole, I feel
better—more relaxed. This is why Cole was still a huge part of my life. He
understands me like no one else could and I don't feel the need to hide parts
of who I am from him. There are no other secrets hiding in my closet, he's seen
it all. He sees who I am and he still wants me.

A huge yawn
practically cracks my jaw as I leave the bathroom and walk into my
bedroom.  After shutting the door, I strip off my shirt in the darkness as
I once again become aware of the fact that I'm not wearing panties under my
skirt. We'd searched the living room three times before I'd left but my panties
were gone. Cole told me Ethan more likely had them and he'd find a way to get
them back.

A shiver
sweeps through my body as I toss my shirt towards a dirty pile of clothes near
my closet door before turning to switch on the light. I was still upset that
Ethan had watched us but tonight had been a good distraction. Tomorrow it'll
probably haunt me though.

I turn to
head towards my dresser and that's when I see him.

Noah is
sitting on the edge of my bed, elbows resting on his knees with his fingers
lazily twined together. His body posture is casual but his eyes are anything
but. His gaze rests on a spot near the base of my neck and his eyes are blazing
with anger.

My hand
instinctively reaches up to touch the spot he's glaring at. The skin there
feels normal.

Noah must see
my bewilderment because his lips tighten as he says, “You have a damn hickey.
It's pretty obvious what you were up to tonight.”

It takes a
lot to make me flush with embarrassment but tonight I feel my face going beat
red. I'm not shy about sex, but for Noah to know I've been with Cole tonight...

Not good.

It also
dawns on me that I am standing in front of him in my skirt and just my bra. I
turn around and stalk towards my dresser where I grab a fresh shirt and yank it
on before facing him again. “What are you doing in my room?”

“Waiting for
you.”

“I said
everything I had to say last night.”

“I got
kicked out before I had the rest of my say,” he says with a pointed look.

“Let's get one
thing straight here. Cole is my boyfriend, not you. You have no rights to me
whatsoever.”

Noah sighs
and runs a hand through his hair. He looks away for a second before he glances
back at me again, his eyes grim. “Okay, fine. Let's just temporarily forget we
almost slept together. I'm your friend right now and I am worried about you,”
he says simply.

I don't like
the direction this conversation is taking and my arms fold across my chest.
“Noah, there's nothing to talk about. I'm fine.”

“Bull.” He
rises to his feet and motions for the bed. “Sit. I'll stand since you're
obviously still determined to keep me at arm’s length.”

“I don't
want to have this conversation with you.”

“If you care
about me at all, Blayre, let me talk.”

He's mad and
the tone of his voice has me feeling guilty for being so mean to him lately.
Without a word, I walk over to my bed and sit down in the spot he'd just
vacated. I've made such a miserable mess out of our relationship. I hate that
this is what we've been left with.

Noah crosses
his arms and studies me as he stands before me. “Does Cole know? He must if you
two are having sex.” His expression is calm but I can see the tightness around
his eyes and mouth.

My mouth
opens to tell him it's none of his business but I already know that'll be the
equivalent of beating my head against a brick wall. Noah is determined to have
this out and I have a feeling he'd be haunting my every move until I began to
answer his questions. “Yes,” I say.

“And what
does he think of what you do?”

I glower at
him. “It's my life, not his.”

“I asked
what he
thinks
,” he says with irritation.

“He accepts
me as I am.”

“In other
words, he doesn't care because it doesn't get in the way of what he wants,” he
says with barely concealed disgust.

“Maybe he
just knows when to step back instead of pushing.”

“If he's
okay with you mutilating yourself, then clearly he's using you. Nobody in their
right mind would stand back and allow someone they care about to do that to
themself.”

I flinch at
the word “mutilating.”  It sounds so ugly and my hands clench into fists.
I have a strong desire to walk out on this conversation but I know it's
pointless. If we didn't have it out now, we'd have it out later.

“Blayre, I
know you don't want to hear this but you need help. I've been doing research on
this and it's obviously turned into an addiction. You can't stop it on your
own, not with as long as you've been at it. And guessing by all your scars,
it's been years at least. You need professional help.”

The color
drains from my face as I stare at him. The idea of seeing a shrink and allowing
them to poke around in my head frightens me more than prison. “I'm fine. I can
stop any time I want, I just choose not to,” I argue as I struggle to stay
calm. Panicking in front of Noah would get me absolutely nowhere.

Noah shakes
his head, not looking the slightest bit convinced. “I don't buy that. Answer me
this. Do you do it because in some weird way it helps you deal with whatever
has you upset enough to cut, or is it more of a punishment of some sort?”

I look away.

“Or is it
both?” he asks softly.

I refuse to
answer him.

He squats
down in front of me. “Look at me, please.”

Slowly, my
eyes shift to him.

“Somehow, I
am going to find a way to help you.”

“Don't
bother.”

His eyes hold
mine for a minute and then he rises to his feet. “Good night, Blayre,” he says
before he turns and leaves my room.

I stare
after him for a long time as I try to calm my frantic thoughts. What would
happen now? Would he eventually tell Tate?

Strangely
enough, Noah eased up on his crusade to save me from myself that week and I
remember it passing by in a blur. I have no idea why he backed off, but it was
easy to fall back into old habits. My days were filled with school, drugs and
sex. Being with Cole was the only distraction I had and I clung to it almost
desperately. In the back of my mind I'd known I was beyond any kind of
salvation.

Even Noah
with all his determination couldn't save me at that point.

I
couldn't even work up the courage to save myself.

After school
on Monday, Cole takes me by surprise and asks if we can hang at my house after
school. I'm a little uneasy with the idea but Tate will be gone by four and
Noah is normally at the college until five or later. Once we grab a bite to eat
at a fast food joint, we head back to the house. It's about quarter after four
when I pull up in the driveway and Cole parks his motorcycle at the curb.

As we head
up the little rock path that leads to the front door, I warn him that when Noah
comes home, we need to leave.

“What's the
big deal? You can't have your boyfriend over or something when he's around?”
Cole asks as we head inside.

I sigh
inwardly. It seems like Cole's becoming suspicious of Noah. I don't think Cole
had cared one bit until he had seen Noah in all his shirtless glory. I figure
he's jealous. Fortunately, he has absolutely no idea how much he really should
be jealous.

I wasn't
about to clue him in, either. I feel bad keeping what happened with Noah a secret
but I know Cole well enough to know he'll flip out. Our relationship has been
problem free and I have a feeling shit would hit the fan if Cole learned of my
indiscretion.

“It's not
like that. It's just my brother has a bad opinion of you and it's rubbed off on
Noah,” I explain, in reference to his question as we head for the kitchen.

“Who the
fuck cares what this Noah guy thinks anyway. You don't, do you?” he asks almost
casually as he starts rummaging through the cupboards.

“The only
thing I'm trying to avoid are confrontations.”

He pauses
and glances at me. “He shouldn't have any reason to confront me.”

“Don't take
this the wrong way, Cole, but you tend to rub
everyone
the wrong way.”

“Even you?”
he asks as he gives me a roguish look.

“Funny. What
are you looking for?”

“Liquor,” he
says as he turns back to opening cupboards and inspecting their contents.

“Liquor? Are
you insane?”

“Loosen up a
little, Blayre. It'll be a rush doing this shit in a cop's house. Maybe we
should go have sex out in the pool while we're at it. Or better yet, his room.”

My arms
cross over my chest as I stand near the island counter. Cole and respect
definitely do not go hand in hand. “Not funny. And that cop is my brother.”

“So? Ah...there's
some Jack,” Cole says as he grabs a bottle out of the cupboard and holds it up
with a triumphant smirk.

“No,” I say
firmly.

“How's he
going to know? He's in his little car right now pulling over stupid people as
we speak,” he says as he unscrews the cap and takes a long drink.

“Why do you
have to push the limits all the time?”

“Why are you
always so scared to live a little?” he counters.

“I've been
doing a lot of
living
lately and you know it.”

He walks
over to me and holds out the bottle, his eyes glinting with challenge. “You
worried your other house mate is going to catch you drinking?”

Back to that
again.

“Why would I
be worried about, Noah?” I ask with exasperation.

“You tell
me,” he says, his eyes focused intently on mine.

A slight
chill creeps up my spine. I could almost swear he knows something and I have no
clue how he'd know. I try to hide my concern as I reach for the bottle and take
it from him. Part of me wants to smack him on the head with it but obviously
I'm not going to do that. I need him to lay off of Noah, so I take a long drink
before handing it back to Cole. “Happy now?”

He studies
me for a long second before he takes another drink from the bottle. “Where's
his bedroom?”

This is
going downhill really fast and I don't know how to stop it. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah, it
does.”

“Upstairs,”
I say reluctantly.

“Near
yours?” Cole asks in a deceptively soft voice.

“This house
only has three bedrooms, Cole. Tate has the one on this floor. There wasn't any
other option for me.”

“So you run
into him all the time,” he says slowly.

I'm trying
really hard not to look nervous. “Why are you asking all these questions?”

“Why do you
look so worried?” he asks as his eyes narrow on me.

“I'm not.”

Cole's green
eyes deliberately scan me from head to toe, taking in my bare tanned legs that
are shown off by the khaki skirt. The cute sleeveless shirt I happen to be
wearing did nothing to hide my full breasts and my long dark hair falls down my
back today. “You're hot as hell. I bet he's noticed.”

“I wouldn't
know.”

He sets the
bottle of liquor on the island counter and walks over to stand before me. “I
saw the way he looked at you that night I was over here. He had “ownership”
written all over his face. Why is that?” he asks in a carefully controlled
tone.

“I don't
know what you're talking about,” I say as I brush past him and walk over to the
refrigerator, trying to find a way to stall. How the hell am I going to get out
of this conversation? I open the fridge and grab a can of soda before I shut
it.

When I turn
around, I find Cole standing right in front of me, his eyes suspicious. “Has he
made any moves on you?”

“Of course
not.”

“I don't
believe you.”

“Why would I
lie?”

“You tell
me.”

“Cole, you're
being ridiculous,” I say as I search for a way to end the conversation.

He steps
closer to me and I instinctively step backwards slightly. “The way he looks at
you is the way I look at you. And I've had you. Your eyes are guilty as sin,
Blayre,” he growls.

“He kissed
me once. I didn't initiate it and I told him I'm taken,” I say in a quick rush.

Fury flashes
in Cole's gaze before he grabs my shoulders and shoves me backwards into the
refrigerator, the can of soda dropping from my hand. Pain lances my back
briefly and then Cole's right hand wraps around my throat as he slams the back
of my head against the freezer door. “You've been fucking lying to me,” he
hisses.

One second I
am scrambling for a way to get out of this mess and then within the next—Cole
is suddenly yanked off of me. I'm shocked to see Noah standing there, his
forearm pressed tight against Cole's neck, while his eyes are nearly black with
anger. He glances at me briefly before he concentrates on Cole, who is fighting
and struggling for all he's worth but Noah has his arms easily pinned.

Cole swears
violently, a vein popping out of his temple with anger as his face turns red.
Noah calmly begins to force Cole out of the kitchen as he says, “You're not
welcome here anymore,” as they disappear out of the kitchen.

I'd had no
idea Noah was even home and I hadn't bothered checking the garage. You'd think
Cole and I would have learned our lesson yesterday.

I stay
frozen against the refrigerator for a second before I move into action and
chase after them. I come to a skidding halt in the living room just in time to
see Noah literally toss Cole out the front door before he slams the door shut
and locks it. Through the large window I see Cole rise to his feet and turn
back, a deadly glint in his eye as he stares at the shut door. Then he turns
and calmly walks across the yard to his motorcycle.

Once again
my life is being turned upside down. Nothing stays calm for long and I want to
hit something with frustration.

Without a
word or a glance, Noah walks past me, his jaw clenched.

I find in
that moment that I don't know what to do. Going after Cole was not an option
right now but confronting Noah was just as bad. He'd just watched Cole
manhandle me, which proves his suspicions correct all along.

Glass shatters
in the kitchen.

My head
jerks up and I race to the kitchen to see Noah standing near the island
counter, his expression torn as he turns his head to stare at me. I look around
to find that he'd thrown the bottle of Jack at the dining room wall and liquor
was splattered all over, while the shattered bottle lay on the kitchen floor.

 Without
a word to him, I turn and head for the closet near the garage door and pull out
a broom and dustpan. I'm walking towards the mess when Noah's voice stops me.

“Leave it,”
he says sharply.

I'm not sure
what to do, so I wearily prop the broom against the counter and set the dust
pan down before I look at him.

He walks
over to me and his hands gently run along the back of my head. His fingertips
brush against the knot that is swelling and I wince. Without a word, his hands
leave me as he moves away to pull the ice box out of the freezer.

The fact
that he's not speaking to me has me worried.

I watch as
he calmly puts together an ice pack for me and then hands it to me. My eyes
search his and he doesn't say a word before he turns around and heads for the
patio door. My eyes follow him as he goes outside and sits down with his back
to me on a lounge chair, his broad shoulders still tense. I realize he's trying
to control his temper, something that Cole rarely ever did.

My eyes shut
briefly and I know my life is falling apart. Noah knows that Cole is abusive
and Tate's going to kill Cole when he finds out. I have no idea how to fix
this. The only thing I can think of at that moment is to clean up the only mess
that is currently fixable.

I set the
ice pack down on the counter and grab the broom and dust pan. I brush all the
glass I can find into the dust pan and then I go to work wiping the wall down
and cleaning the kitchen tiles. I'm just finishing cleaning the floor when I
hear the sliding glass door open behind me. My body tenses from where I'm at on
my knees.

“Can we
talk?” Noah asks quietly from behind me.

I have the
urge to turn and ask him if my answer really matters because I know he's going
to have his say whether I want him to or not. But after watching him struggle
with his temper, I didn't dare push him more than he's already been pushed
today.

My head
lifts and I look up to meet his dark eyes. “I'm sorry.”

His eyebrows
furrow. “Why are you sorry?”

I bite my
lip and look away.

“Come here.”

With a sigh,
I slowly rise to my feet and much to my surprise, he pulls me into his arms and
holds me against his chest as if I am the most important person on earth. It
feels so good that I can't help but press my cheek against his chest where I
can hear his heart beating steadily. Comfort sweeps through me.

One of his
hands reaches up and gently searches for the knot on the back of my head. “Did
you ice it?” 

My head is still
against his chest so I shake it in reference to his question.

He eases me
away from him and nods at the dining room table. “Sit. Please,” he adds when I
hesitate. When I slide into one of the chairs, he walks over to grab the ice
pack before he comes back and hands it to me. Once I carefully press it against
the back of my head, Noah pulls out the other chair and studies me as he sits
down. “Your neck is red.”

“It'll
fade.”

“There was
no fight with a girl, was there? I want the truth,” he says as he watches my
lips intently.

There's no
point in lying. “No. Cole got mad when I danced with another guy.”

“Why? Why
are you staying with someone who hurts you, Blayre?”

“You
wouldn't understand.”

“Try me,” he
says softly.

“Please don't
tell, Tate,” I plead. “Tate's temper is really bad. He'll kill him.”

“We'll talk
about Tate later. I want to know why you feel it is okay to stay with someone
who physically abuses you.”

“It's only
happened a few times. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.”

Noah stares
at me as if I've suddenly grown two heads. “
Once
is a big deal.”

I'm not sure
what to say to that, so I decide not to comment at all.

“Are you
going to break up with him?”

This has me
avoiding his eyes.

“Bloody
hell, Blayre, are you trying to kill yourself between the cutting and getting
knocked around?” he asks as he glowers at me.

“Of course
not!”

“Then
explain
it!”

“He gets me,
okay! He makes me feel normal and I feel like I can be myself!” I shout back.

“You feel
you can't be yourself around me? What the hell else is going on with you?”

“You
wouldn't understand!” I say as I jump to my feet.

Noah rises
to his feet as well. “That's because you won't give me a chance,” he says
angrily.