Unmistakable (39 page)

Standing on the porch, waiting to be called, wearing my white lace tank dress and the ‘thong’ sandals, Cody gives me grief about, I’m happy surrounded by the majestic mountains, bright lights and people I love and loves me. I can say that right here…right now, I’ve achieved total fulfillment in my life. My heart isn’t sad. I’m not craving the love I once did when I was a child. I’m enjoying this time without missing anyone, or hoping that someone is here to complete me.

Remembering him saying he wants me to make him a daddy puts a smile on my face. I’m not surprised, not at all. Having the quads seems to have everyone in a baby fever, including myself. I can’t wait to have my own little one to love and dote over. I scan the dance floor, looking for my husband. Right when I’m about to go search for him, the DJ announces that I’m needed on the dance floor.

I walk toward the dance floor and stand there nervously, looking at everybody, waiting for my husband to jump out of nowhere. Then, I hear his voice from somewhere telling me….

“Roxy, you used to be a girl counting how many people loved you. Tonight, I want you to know, and I want you to feel there’s a lot of us loving you, because of you. I cover my face as soon as I hear Michael Buble’s Crazy Love. Then, his warm voice sings to me, and my heart flies like a dove, searching for its mate.

Uncle Jack walks toward me, and envelopes me with his strong able arms as I cry, not because of pain, but because I’m loved. He passes me to my brother, whose eyes tell me everything I need to know. My mother then, takes me in her arms as she tells me how much she loves me. A couple of minutes later, Brian steals me away, telling me how beautiful I am. Jake swings me and dips me as we did when we were much younger, laughing as he pulls me up. Then, my two best friends sandwich me in their arms, repeating once again, how they’re both happy for me. Next in line, Aunt Patti sway me from side to side, much like how she used to calm me when I was younger. A couple more people dance with me, but I can’t wait to land in the arms of my husband.

I feel him walking toward me as the last person dancing with me, spins me to face him, wearing the smile that drives my heart crazy, as he sings to me….

“Yes, I need you in the daytime. Oh, but I need you in the night. Yes, I want to throw my arms around you. Kiss and hug, kiss and hug you tight. And when I’m returning from so far away. You give me some sweet lovin’, brighten up my day. Yes, it makes me righteous, it makes me feel whole. And it makes me mellow, down to my soul. You give me love, love, love, love, crazy love…..”

At this point, I’m clinging to him, happily drowning in a sea of love given by him to me, yet again. My first experience of love at such a young age burned me…it broke me, but being loved by Cody makes it all worth it. I know how it feels to lose it, but now, more than ever, I know how it feels to finally have it….to be loved in an unmistakable way; my soul feels it.

God turned all the ugly into something so beautiful, no words can describe it. I silently thank Him for making me feel pain and allowing me to walk through the fire, so I can truly appreciate the love I have right now. The kind of love I’m sure He has for everyone who believes.

After our dance of love, as my husband puts it, I take a breather. Trish sits next to me with no baby attached to her, as Tami walks toward us holding two champagne glasses; Aunt Patti walking behind her.

“Where are the quads?”

“Jake’s with them in the room, Tami. Finally, they’re sleeping.”

Tami laughs, then takes a sip of her champagne. “Can I borrow Jilly for the night?”

Trish looks at her as if she’s lost her mind. “You’d have to kill Jake first.”

My aunt taps Trish’s shoulder. “Where’s Jake?”

“Putting the kids to sleep. I think, my mom’s with him.”

“Good, I can kick him out since Jack wants to talk to the boys. Tami, can you tell your dad to hold them longer, please.”

We laugh at her as we watch her try to walk as fast as she can to be with her grandkids. Tami stands to find where the boys are hiding. Last I saw, they were taking tequila shots while playing a game of horseshoes.

My eyes land on my mother dancing with a man Uncle Jack’s age, and my heart jumps for joy, knowing she’ll forever be with me to enjoy moments such as this. Jake’s nurse, Ms. Betsy is talking with Summer, who Marco is currently attached to. I wonder if that’s another budding relationship that will give Gunny even more white hair.

I look at my wedding ring, remembering again, the promise we made to each other, the feelings I felt when saying those vows, and seeing the emotions flow in Cody’s eyes. I’m thankful I finally have the love I’ve always wanted. God willing, our love can survive the challenges of life, armed with our
unmistakable
love, a heart full of hope, and an unwavering faith that will stand the test of time.

As I turn the corner, I hear my dad’s voice saying what we’ve been waiting for these past six months. However, it’s not the result we all have been praying for. I’m sure this news will not settle the nerves of Damien and Cody.

“I didn’t want to tell Roxy today, because I don’t want to ruin her day. Anyway, my contact in the FBI just called me this morning, and he said they’re still looking for Tessa,” my dad says.

“It’s been six damn months. Someone is protecting her ass, Gunny,” Cody exclaims.

“Let the feds handle it, Cody. Their guess is she fled to Mexico, and if that’s the case, that’s where she’ll probably stay. She knows once she steps into US soil she’ll get arrested. I’m sure my contact will ring me as soon as the situation changes.”

“Anything else, dad? My kids need me, like right now.”

“God, Jake, your mom’s there and your mother-in-law. Give me five minutes.”

“Dad, I don’t care. Jaelin needs me, Jillian wants me, and Trevor and Tyler know when I’m not there. My angels weren’t feeling too well when I left.” I shake my head, listening to what my brother’s saying, because it sounds absurd….he’s absurd.

“Since when? Your mom didn’t tell me. I told her to text me as soon as she sees my lovebugs. Er, boys, if you don’t have any questions that’s all I wanted to say. Jake and I are heading out, now.”

I roll my eyes after that, because my dad is just as crazy about the girls as Jake is. God help my nieces; I don’t think any boy will ever get near them.

“That’s why I’m not ready for this. My life is so structured, having kids is out of the question,” Damien states, leaving me with my mouth hanging open. Men!

What shocks me straight to the core of my soul is hearing him say things I never thought he’d be capable of even saying.

“Me either. I’m not ready for that. I know T’s mentioned babies a couple of times, but…”

Cody asks, “But what, Brian?”

I can hear the frustration in Brian’s voice. “But, nothing. I’m not ready, yet, and you know why, Cody. I….I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”

“Brian, I’m right there with you, man. I understand the apprehension, but you need to tell Tami how you feel. You can’t, not discuss this with her.”

“I don’t think she’ll understand. Every time she looks at the quads, it’s as though she’s captivated by them. So, no. That conversation won’t happen anytime soon.”

That’s all it took for my feet to move. I don’t cry though, my head takes over, and I repeat the mantra ‘it doesn’t matter’ over and over again. I can’t believe I’ve been a willing victim of his false promises and meaningless declarations of love. I clutch my stomach as I walk, accepting the information I just heard with finality. Saying a prayer of thanks that I never again mentioned having kids with him, after being shut down one too many times.

With the cruel truth engulfing my brain, any ounce of happiness leaves my body. All I want is to crawl under a rock and be alone since that’s what I’ll be from here on out. With my eyes suffering from the tunnel vision of pain, I don’t see Summer approaching me until she pulls my hand.

“Hey, who should we beat up?”

“What?” I say coming out of my stupor.

“You have the look on your face that says you want to pummel someone.”

I give her a small smile, trying to mask the truth that wants to come out and rat the stupid idiot out. As always, I stay quiet, choosing to deal with my problems on my own…by myself. Alone. I’ve learned to cope and overcome in most situations by myself. Obviously, depending on someone isn’t working out; either that, or it’s not in the stars for me.

“Nah, I…I just want to call it a night. Get my beauty rest, ya know?”

“I need a ride to the hotel; stupid Marco left me. Can you give me a lift?”

Using Summer as an excuse to avoid running into Brian, I quickly agree. After dropping her off, I drive back to the farmhouse, travelling in the dark, much as how my heart feels. With only the moon guiding me, a feeling of melancholy hits me hard. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, an SUV rams my side, causing my car to spin as I try my hardest to establish control of it. Instantly, I step on the brakes, which only intensifies the spinning, until the right side of my car hits a tree at full force as my head hits the window; then, the car comes to a complete stop. Holding my head, blinking twice, I see two men wearing black, holding flash lights as they open both doors of my mom’s Mercedes CLS.

Before I pass out, I clearly hear one person saying, “Ma’am, I’m Secret Service, Special Agent Taylor. Stay still, help is on the way.”

To my God, thank you for teaching me to be more of you and less of myself. Forgive me for failing and may you bless me with your strength to do your will.

To My babe, thank you for your unfailing support. I forgive you for always asking “when are you going to bed?” and I hope you forgive me too for being short most of the time.

To Andrea, thank you for the things you do for me, your dad and your sister. I forgive you when you roll your eyes at me and I hope you forgive me too for doing it behind your back.

To Allysa, thank you for listening to my ideas no matter how crazy they are. I forgive you for not putting your clothes where they’re supposed to be and complaining after that they’re not washed. I hope you forgive me too because sometimes I purposely hide your favorite ‘jeans’ to teach you a lesson.

To Angie, thank you for being my shock absorber, my therapist, my spiritual advisor, my sounding board and my friend. I can’t say I ‘forgive you’ but I hope you’ll forgive me for driving you insane sometimes….okay….most days….Fine! All the time.

To Leslie, thank you for lifting me up, for pushing me when I doubt myself.

To Heather McNeal, my Gandalf, Wonder Twin, and now my Awesome Cover Designer, thank you for being patient with me but more than anything thank you for understanding how my crazy brain works.

To my wonderful Betas thank you for being honest. I value everyone’s input and ideas. Thank you for making me work hard for it. I really can’t thank you enough.

To EVERYONE else who has supported this crazy lady from the bottom of my heart, I THANK YOU. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people who not only enjoy reading the books I write but getting the meaning behind it.