Under the Open Sky (Montana Heritage Series) (57 page)

              I am writing to apologize for not approaching you properly to ask permission to see Amanda. I know that I broke your trust and that trust once broken is not easily mended. I am also aware that I have nothing to offer your daughter and that I am not the kind of man you likely want for Amanda. What I do have is a deep love for her. I also have a good work ethic; you taught me that, sir. I want to date Amanda, with the intention of marrying her when I can provide a proper home. I have already set aside a fair amount of money toward buying my own spread and believe that I can earn the remainder quickly. I want your permission to see her; your blessing. I want to do this right as I should have in the first place. Please, sir, I ask you to consider my request.

                                                                                                                              Sincerely,

             
                                                                                                                   Cade Winston

              Amanda felt like screaming, railing at someone even; she had believed that he had disappeared, uncaring of her feelings and her father had let her! Amanda wiped at her tears and reached for the next.

             
Mr. Jennings,

             
     I understand and respect your concern for your daughter’s welfare and happiness; they are close to my heart as well. I love her deeply, Mr. Jennings; I have for years. I am more than willing to continue to write to you at the address you gave me and to give you updates. I already have a lead on a job and travel tomorrow to speak with the ranch owner. I will also respect your wishes that I not contact Amanda at this time and your belief that we both need time to think clearly and not make a rash decision based on emotions and hormones. Will you at least tell her I love her?

             
                                                                                                  Respectfully,             

             
                                                                                        Cade Winston

            
 
Mr. Jennings,

             
    I am now working for a man named Lewis Carter at the Lazy Lou Ranch and am enclosing my new address. I will continue to respect your wishes that I not contact Amanda and get her hopes up until I know I can make something work. Is she doing okay? I know she must be upset that I haven’t contacted her; will you please let her know I care?

             
                                                                                                  Respectfully,

             
                                                                                                                Cade Winston

            
 
Amanda felt her anger rising; how could her father have watched her cry while he wrote to Cade and asked him not to contact her? She skimmed several more letters; all updates that his work was going well, could he please, write, call, or see Amanda? At times all but begging for Sterling’s forgiveness and blessing. She skimmed several from the time just after she moved home and announced she was pregnant. Not a single mention of her pregnancy; she suspected her father had not told him. Everything she was reading on these pages suggested that had he, Cade would have come regardless of her father’s wishes. She kept skimming coming up to her father’s stroke.

             
Mr. Jennings,

             
   I have not heard from you in a few weeks and hope that you are all okay there. My work continues to go well. I have taken a second job and am putting away as much of each check as I can. I respectfully ask, yet again, that you grant me permission to call or write Amanda. I cannot tell you how much I miss her or how deeply I love her. I am trying hard to prove to you my sincerity and the depth of my respect for your family. Enclosed is another payment for my schooling. I know you dismissed my offer to repay you but I feel it is a matter of principal as I did not fulfill my term of employment following school. 

             
                                                                                                  Respectfully,

             
                                                                                                       Cade Winston

              Trent,

                 I am so sorry to hear of your father had a stroke; I hope he recovers soon. I’m glad to hear from you. I would like to apologize for hurting you and for any feelings of having disregarded our friendship in pursuing your sister. I love her, Trent. I love Amanda very deeply and it was never my intent to cause anyone any pain. Is she doing okay? Please tell me? Will you tell her I love her and I miss her? I’m trying to save enough money to support her and a family. How are you, Trent? Please, Trent, yours and your father’s respect mean so much to me and I am trying to earn that again. Respecting your father’s wishes where Amanda is concerned is nearly killing me but I want to do this right.

             
                                                        Your old friend,

             
                                                                                                                                                    Cade Winston

              Amanda laid her head on her arms and sobbed. She felt as though her heart had been ripped from her chest and tortured with a cattle prod. Her brother had been in on it; he had known! He had watched her cry and mourn and had known that Cade was writing their father. They had both watched her hurt, both knowing that Cade loved her. Amanda skimmed several more until she came to one dated just after Cadey-Lynn’s first birthday.

            
 
Mr. Jennings,

             
              I may be able to support a wife soon. Mr. Carter is thinking of selling his ranch and wants to see it in good hands; he feels that I fit that bill. I understand that Amanda asked Kevin Johnson home for dinner with the family and that she has agreed to date him. I mean no disrespect, sir, but I sincerely doubt that it will go any better now than it did in high school. Amanda always enjoyed talking and hanging out with Kevin; he was a good friend to her then and will be now. I’ll be shocked if she proves me wrong. Sir, I love your daughter. We wrote each other for years, we shared our hopes and our dreams, and felt something very real. I very much want your respect and your blessing and even more I want something more than love to offer your daughter or I would have contacted her already. Please sir, do not keep putting me off. May I write Amanda?

             
                                                                                                  Respectfully,

                                                                                                                   Cade Winston

            
 
One dated several months later read:

            
 
Mr. Jennings,

             
   My ranch is now running smoothly, I am hoping to see a profit in the next few months. Please sir, allow me to write Amanda. I do not feel it would be premature or get her hopes up only to disappoint her. I am working hard, still working part time in town as well as running the ranch. Surely, you believe me when I say I love Amanda. I would not continue to write and accept your terms if this did not matter to me; if she did not matter to me.

             
                                                                                                  Respectfully,

             
                                                                                                                Cade Winston

              Amanda skimmed several more pausing on a later letter.

             
Mr. Jennings,

      
Enclosed in my final payment on my school tuition. This man Amanda is seeing does seem nice and I am sure he has more to offer than I do. I am sure too that he cares for her very deeply; it easy to love Amanda. Sir, I fear that you are intentionally putting me off in the hopes that Amanda will move on. I have respected your every wish; I have written and kept you updated. Tell me honestly, do you have any intention of granting your permission for me to see your daughter? I love her more than I can express.

             
                                                                                                  Respectfully,

             
                                                                                                                Cade Winston

There was a several week gap in the letters the next explaining why.

             
Mr. Jennings,

           Excuse my silence. I had an accident a few weeks ago and have been recovering rather slowly. For a while I didn’t have use of my right arm. I am better now and am writing to tell you that I respect you greatly but have come to the conclusion that I am wasting my time writing to you. It is my intent to see your daughter as soon as I
can make the trip. I love her too deeply to continue playing games and let her get away without a fight. The time I spent lying flat on back in bed reminded me of how short life is and how love should be grabbed onto and held tightly.

             
                                                                                                  Respectfully,

             
                                                                                                                Cade Winston

              Mr. Jennings,

             
              I received your letter today and for a moment I almost came anyway. If Amanda is staying over at this man’s home, I am sure you are right: an engagement announcement is coming soon. I know Amanda would not take such a thing lightly. You’re right that I don’t want to cause her further pain and confusion. I blame myself for not making my move sooner. I hope that she is insanely happy; she deserves to be. This will be my last letter since there is nothing more to say. I love Amanda too much to stand in the way of her happiness. I wish you all well.

             
                                                                                                  Respectfully,

             
                                                                                                                              Cade Winston

              It was the last letter, post marked nearly a year earlier.

             
“No, no!” Amanda stood and threw one of the pillows from her couch with all the force she could muster. It sailed through the air before slamming into her desk and sending her lamp crashing to the floor.

             
“How dare he?!” Amanda grabbed another pillow and sent it hurtling into the dining room, knocking a picture from the wall. Amanda shook from head to toe with fury. Her father had no right! Another pillow skidded across the table and sent her centerpiece into the floor. Amanda stepped onto her porch and paced as she tried to calm down enough to think straight. Cade believed that she was married! He had written her father for years begging for the man’s respect and permission to see her and her father had toyed with him. He had intentionally misled Cade.

             
Amanda returned inside and rushed up the stairs. She yanked a suitcase from her closet and started tossing clothes in. She had to see him; if for no other reason than he had the right to know about his daughter. Amanda moved across the hall, flipped on a lamp to pack Cadey-Lynn’s suitcase as well and loaded the car before returning inside. She remembered at the last moment that she wasn’t wearing a bra and hurried into her room, yanking her arms into the shirt she wore to pull on her bra before shoving her arms back into the sleeves.

             
“Come on, Cadey-Lynn,” Amanda pulled her daughter into a sitting position and pulled her pajama top over her head before replacing it with a shirt.

             
“Is it morning, Mommy?”

             
“No.”

             
“Then why are we getting up?” Cadey-Lynn demanded to know. Amanda paused; what did she tell her daughter? Her gaze landed on the catalogue with the boots Cadey-Lynn wanted.

             
“We’re going to buy you boots,” Amanda explained.