Undefeated (Unexpected Book 5) (41 page)

“You’re talking about an ‘us?’” Porter says, pausing way too long. “Mackenzie, be clear about it because you’re killing me here.”

“Yes, it seems that even when I didn’t want to make any room for you, you had already made your way into my heart,” I answer. “Porter, I do love you and every day our love grows.”

There’s laughter on the other end of the phone, a hysterical laugh, nervous laugh that is contagious because I find myself doing the same.

“I love you,” he whispers. “I’ll be there tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll be here, waiting for you.”

I
park in front of the building where Mac lives, which is only a couple of blocks from my place. My stomach is in knots. The adrenaline flowing through my veins has kept me on a high since the moment she called me. After the late recording session, I went back home, but instead of going to bed, I went for a run. Afterward, I showered, picked up some coffee, and came to look for her. I learned from Chris that Harper and Finn were thrilled about going to California with the family. The kids fit perfectly with the Deckers and knowing that the children are accepted by them is important.

Climbing out of the truck, I spot her shutting the main door of the building.

“New truck?” Mac asks as I open the passenger door for her and help her climb inside.

“You’re already out.” I touch the bags under her eyes.

“I haven’t been able to sleep all night. Well, not after . . .”

“The dream?” I finish; she nods. I shut the door, walk around to the driver’s side, and get in. “Want to tell me about it?” She bites her lip, and before she says a word, she looks around. “I bought a new SUV a few weeks ago as I heard Jacob and Matthew talking about all of the security features their wives’ cars had to prevent accidents. Fancy shit for the kid’s car seats.”

“Why don’t we talk about the dream? No. Fast-forward and repeat those three words you said to me over the phone.”

Her looking around comes to a halt and she redirects her eyes toward me. “We should talk?” I growl, shaking my head. She laughs. “I had a dream?”

“No. Those are four.” I cup her chin with both hands. “Something about liking me, caring about me . . . loving me?”

She scrunches her nose and I’m starting to lose my bravado. The courage is leaving along with the excitement of her call. “Don’t leave me hanging here. I’m in fucking love with you. And every day I fall more and more for you. It’s the smile on that beautiful face, your beautiful eyes, your bravery, everything. I adore you. So do you . . . love me?”

“I do.” She gives me a peck. “I love you, Porter Kendrick. Because of the way you care for others, the music in your heart, your honesty, the way you love my kids, your ability to listen, and the way you make me feel safe.”

Leaning closer, my hands move to the side of her neck. Our mouths are centimeters apart. I brush her lips once. “This.” I do it one more time. “Is official.” I give her a peck, but pull apart far enough to meet her lustful eyes. “Our first.” I kiss her softly, my teeth toying with her lower lip. “Kiss.” Her breath hitches as my mouth crashes against hers. My hands drift down her back. My lips taste hers before they part and my tongue pushes into her mouth.

Her arms are now around my neck, letting herself go. This kiss is different from all the others. Everything about this moment is different. There’s no hesitation. The crazy internal fight she carried is gone. She’s mine. Each breath, each touch, each heartbeat. They belong to me. Most of all, I am hers. I move my lips down her neck, wanting to kiss her all over. But I stop because we have the weekend and hopefully a lifetime. Today is about giving her a proper date and helping her make those decisions that woke her up in the middle of the night.

I sigh and kiss her forehead, using all my strength to separate my body from hers. “Fuck, I never thought I’d say this, but we have to talk.”

“About?” Her eyes glisten and I’m close to forgetting about my plans and trying the reclining feature of the passenger seat.

“You mentioned the ashes,” I say, opening the glove compartment and handing her the letter that Steven left me.

Dear Porter,

If you’re reading this letter, it means I left this world. That you found a way to change the life you had created for yourself. Hopefully, you forgave me for all the wrongs I did. The few lines I now write you are to wish you happiness, hoping that you’re ready to start a family of your own. When you are, keep it safe, guard it with your life, and enjoy every laugh, every tear, and every fight because they are what makes life worth living.

Love,

Steven Kendrick.

P. S. If you haven’t, spread my ashes around some green pastures, let them be part of the circle of life.

“I don’t want to do that with Leo.” She straightens her back. “The kids might want to visit him. He’ll always be a part of me—of us.”

I brush the hair around her face, kissing her flushed cheeks. “Of course, he will always be a part of you, Mac. I wouldn’t expect it to be any other way. He’s Harp and Finn’s father. I love them and I’ll take care of them as if I am their father, but I know that I’m not. It’ll be different for the twins.” I add to lighten the mood, her eyes widen and the wrinkle on her forehead appears. “You mentioned Harper wanted twin sisters.”

She gasps, shaking her head.

“We’ll talk about that later, don’t worry,” I offer, smoothing her forehead and nibbling on her chin. Reaching for her seatbelt, I help settle her in the car and we leave for the next destination. Finding a place to bury Leo’s ashes. Steven’s will have to wait until I find a place to call home.

A month ago, I went to pick up Steven’s letter. It wasn’t much what he had written, but it means a lot that he wished me happiness. I wish him peace; I hope he found it once he made it to his final destination, wherever it might be. Maybe with my mother and my siblings. I don’t know much about the afterlife, but I want to believe that our loved ones can listen to us. That every night when I say goodnight to James, he’s listening and wishing me a goodnight too. That mom has been caring for him since the moment he made it to heaven and that maybe he’s with our family.

As I drive along I-5, I take Mac’s hand, kissing it a couple of times. She’s been battling a load of grief for the past three years. I want to promise her many things, but for today, I will be by her side, being the emotional support she needs to finish this journey.

I read Steven’s letter, and even when Porter and I agreed to follow his request, where we’ll do it is yet to be decided. It became part of the “to be discussed” list. The list includes our future and when we’re telling the kids that we’re together. The decisions we made yesterday included our residence in Seattle is permanent. The kids have taken so well to the city and they love being a part of a big family. I’m going back to school and will continue working at the Academy. Porter, well, he wants to continue doing what he’s doing. Teaching music, producing music and writing it.

The most important decision that we made was about Leo’s ashes. For Harper and Finn’s sake, we found a place to deposit them here in Seattle. The same place where Pria’s parents were buried a few years back. As we already had a funeral for Leo, we decided that today it was only Porter and I. The kids remain in California with Gabe and Chris. They won’t be back until tomorrow. I notified Virginia and extended an invitation to join us. Porter offered to pay for her plane ticket, but she chose not to be present. Maybe in a few weeks she’ll come by to visit her grandchildren and Leo.

Doing this alone is fitting. Well, not alone. Porter is next to me, supporting me. The same way he has done since the moment we met. Today I’m finally letting go of a part of Leo that I had been holding onto for too long. The anger that he left me, along with the wanting to join him and stop living. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, however long that is. Lucky me, I have two beautiful children by my side and a man who loves me and has been patient with me since the day he met me.

I kiss my fingers, touching the temporary stone. “I’m ready,” I whisper. “Thank you for everything, for every moment, every smile, and every second you shared with me.”

Being prepared doesn’t make this any easier, or less painful. Tears stream down my cheeks, as I’m closing the chapter. Porter hugs me tightly, taking away the pain. His arms always soothe the hurt, replacing it with love. I think that’s what I love most about him. Porter Kendrick makes me feel safe, and when he’s close, I’m strong enough to face the world. Because I know that if I fall, he’ll be there to soothe me and help me get back up again.