Undefeated (Unexpected Book 5) (40 page)

A
fter eight weeks, life has settled for the kids and for me. A couple of weeks after we arrived, we moved into a cute three-bedroom apartment. We live close to the Academy and within the city. Counseling has been beneficial for the three of us. Harper and I have learned to cope with the loss and start building a new relationship without her father being the center of it. We love Leo and understand that he’s no longer among us. His ashes are inside a black box and his soul is in heaven. As long as we carry his memories with us, he’ll be in our hearts.

Finn is making progress. He says the basic words and asks for Porter more often than I’d like to hear from him. Not because I have a problem with Porter, but because we all want him to express himself further. Porter misses the kids, and though he’s seen them while they are at the academy, he has kept himself away from them. My lunch during the week is a trip to the record company with food that one of us prepares the night before.

“You outdid yourself today, Mr. Kendrick,” I close the container of food and set it on top of his desk. “I’m thinking that tomorrow should be your turn again.”

“Fell for that once already, Mackenzie Brooke.” He opens his drawer and takes out a Snickers bar. “Catch. We’ll have to call this dessert, the weather is too shitty to go for ice cream, and I have a recording session soon.”

“So are the rumors about your return to the music biz true?” My heart drops, because of the uncertainty. Porter the singer wasn’t a great person back in the day. I fear how it’ll affect him.

He shakes his head. “We’re releasing an album in a couple of weeks,” he explains, setting his arms on his desk and leaning forward. “It’ll benefit the foundation. The Decker girls are planning some big summer camp and it should offset the cost.”

A slight knock on the door makes me jolt. Porter walks to open it.

“Five minutes,” a woman dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and a see-through camisole announces. She stares at me and then moves her attention back to Porter. “That’s your lunch date?” She turns around, leaving a bad taste inside my mouth.

“You’re singing with her?” I rise from my seat.

“No, she’s an intern,” he explains, going to his desk and shutting his laptop. His eyes travel up and down my body and he smiles. “Careful, with that attitude I might think you’re jealous.” He winks at me, taking my hand.

“No, I . . .” His brow arches, his dark eyes stare at me and I huff. “Maybe a little.”

“You shouldn’t. I’ll walk you across the street.” Not waiting for me to say anything, he pulls me toward him, putting his arm around me. “So about Saturday—”

“Porter!” I hear the squeak, before we’re tackled by a four-foot tall tornado.

Porter releases me, bends down to Harper’s height, and hugs her tightly. “How are you, beautiful?”

“Chris, I didn’t know you were here,” I greet him.

“I have a song to record and she insisted on coming along with me,” he explains.

“Mom, can I go to California for date night?” I narrow my gaze looking at both Porter and Chris, then stare at Harper who is expecting an answer. Who the hell told her about that? “Please, pretty please. It’s going to be fun.”

“Who told her?” I lift my palms shake my head and leave. “Never mind, I have to go back to work.” Stepping closer to her, I kiss her cheek. “Love you, baby. I’ll see you at home.”

“Hey wait,” Porter calls behind. “Harp, I’ll be right back. Pops, tell them I’ll be there in a few. Mac, wait.”

“I can’t go to Malibu for date night.” I turn around to look at him. “Can we just keep things the way they are?”

“One date?” He takes me in his arms, kissing my forehead.

“Porter . . .” I rest my head on his chest.

Each night, I go to bed with a heavy heart and a lot of conflict inside of it. Would Leo accept that I have another man in my life? Porter wants us to move forward and I want the same. The next obvious step is a date. For the past week, he’s been asking me to go out with him on a simple date. Then, he invited me to California along with the entire Decker family. He doesn’t understand that I’m not there yet. Or am I?

The transition from the woman I was after Leo died, to the woman I am today is impressive. I no longer have trouble opening my eyes, facing the day, or making my own decisions. I’ve registered for online classes to earn my teaching degree. Between this one and my other degree, I can become a science teacher at a high school and still do what I want. Finding my passion is one of my goals.

Harper didn’t mention the trip to California with the Decker family. But I know she’s disappointed about tomorrow. Should I go? The manual of widow-mothers has nothing on when, how, and what to do when you’re falling for an amazing guy. Am I betraying someone? All the questions I have sound stupid. Mom insists that I start to date.

My phone rings, and hoping it’s Porter, I run toward my purse. Unfortunately, the caller ID reads Virginia Brooke. We haven’t spoken since last December when she accused me of being unfaithful to my late husband. My thumb hovers over the bar that reads
slide to answer
. I didn’t inform her that I moved to Seattle, unlike the last time when I moved from Colorado to Oregon.

“Virginia?”

“Mackenzie, how are you?”

“Fine,” I respond, clearing my throat. “Great. The kids are also doing well. How about yourself?”

“Better, I—I’m calling because things between us ended up ugly the last time I visited you,” she speaks with a soft voice. “You were trying to move on with your life. That’s something I can’t do, Mackenzie. Find a new or different life. In this new life you’re creating, I no longer have an active role. It crushed me and the sadness became anger. In my mind, telling you those hideous things would keep you close to me, but it didn’t. Did it?”

My heart hurts for her because I understand her fears. Her child died and no one or anything can replace a kid. That’s the biggest loss someone can endure. We all lost an important piece of our lives when Leo died and we dealt with it in different ways.

“No,” I respond. “It only made me want to stay away from you. Look, Virginia, I want my children to know their grandmother. I love you because you’re a part of Leo. If I ever decide to start a relationship with someone, that’ll never change. Unless you continue to treat me the way you did that day.”

“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “For everything I said. It was hard to see the picture in front of me. You had a family. A handsome man who adores you and the children love him. I had become an outsider.”

“You only assumed, Virginia. Porter’s a friend. Nothing happened between us.”
Before that night.
The memory of that horrible night makes me shiver. Porter trying to make everything better, while I treated him like he meant nothing to me. “He’s a friend.”

“My biggest fear is losing you and the kids. You’re finding a new way to live. I know it because I’ve known you since you were young, Mackenzie. You’re the one who pushed my son to find the perfect college where he could study his career of choice. He ignored my pleas to stay in North Carolina. You’re always moving forward, looking for the next big thing, making things work for both of you.”

Virginia goes from how we moved out of Charlotte, to Leo’s childhood. She talks about his love for physics, cars, and computers. Stories that I never knew. Him breaking an arm at the age of seven trying to use a remote control car to power his skateboard. She wants to give my kids his spelling bee trophies and some of his old toys.

“Maybe over the summer,” I propose, clearing the tears caused from talking about Leo, and his life. “We can try to visit you over the summer and then I can drive to Florida to see my parents, too.”

“Will you bring your boyfriend?”

“He’s only . . . I don’t know,” I stutter trying to explain that Porter isn’t anything more than a friend, but having trouble, because lately, I want him to be my everything.

“I hope you do. I’d like to erase the bad impression I made on him.”

“Thank you for calling, Virginia.” I swallow the tears because the little trip through Leo’s childhood and my doubts about Porter are about to make me wallow. “Maybe next time I’ll call you while the children are awake, so they can say hello.”

“Looking forward to it, Mackenzie.”

The conversation with Virginia exhausts me. I haven’t cried this much about the good moments in a long time. Everything has been related to Leo’s loss, but I’ve never celebrated his life. He had a short, but happy life. After letting the tears wash away from the conversation with Virginia, I decide to finally shut my eyes in hopes that I can rest. But in a blink of an eye it’s day and when I open my eyes he’s there, sitting down by my side observing me, smiling down at me.

“You’re back?” He shakes his head. “But you’re here.”

He taps my temple gently. “I’m here.” Then he touches my heart. “And here. No matter where you think I’m at, I will always be in your heart.”

“It’s hard, Leo,” I complain. “Nothing has been easy since you left. We promised to confront every obstacle we’ve faced together.”

“Now you know that you’re strong enough to face them without waiting for me or anyone,” He says it with conviction, believing in me, even when I have failed so much in the past years. “But life is easier if you share it with someone. That guy, Porter, isn’t half-bad and the kids love him. What’s stopping you from falling for him?”

“You,” I say simply.

He laughs. A rich laugh reminding me of Leo the prankster. It’s been so long that I forgot how much I enjoyed it and how it filled my entire body with happiness.

“I’m not expecting you to forget me, I hope that you’ll always remember me and the good times we shared, baby,” he whispers, laying down next to me. “I expect you to find a new happy that brings back your smile. He does it—Porter. He brings back the smile, but in a different way from how I used to do it.”

His hand caresses my cheek, our eyes meet, and they shine with a light that’s almost blinding. “I’ve seen you cry too many tears since I left. Remember me with joy; hold on to those happy moments we shared. When it’s time to celebrate, know that I’m right beside you celebrating. Don’t be sad because you don’t see me; be happy because the life you gave me was perfect. What we shared no one will take it away. I’m in a good place, enjoying a different kind of life filled with our memories. Be happy; let the light back inside your heart. Give yourself the chance to believe in love again.”

As he leaves my side, the heaviness is gone with him. The moments that we shared together swirl inside my head. Our science labs, our first kiss, our first time, our first home, and so many more that bring tears to my eyes, but they’re happy tears. Tears of pure joy. It’s time for me to come to terms and accept that my life will never be the same without him, but I can find a new way to live. It’s been three years since he left and I’ve been holding onto his memory so tightly that I’ve suffocated my children and myself to the point of almost dying of sadness.

“It’s time,” I say out loud.

“Mac?”

“How are you?” I ask trying to sound casual but it doesn’t work, not one bit. One o’clock in the morning is a little late for house calls, but I can’t help it. I have to do this now. “Where are you?”

“Working, can this wait until later?”

“Yes, no . . .” I sigh.

“Give me five,” I hear him say, and as I’m about to hang up he speaks again. “I’m all ears, are you okay?”

I bite my lip and nod, but then remember he can’t see me and that I have to talk. “Can we spend the next two days together, but without going to California? Gabe and Chris agreed to take Harp and Finn with them. There’s so much I want us to talk about. To decide. Like where to bury Leo’s ashes, your father’s too.”

“Can I call you after my session?” he asks. “My father’s ashes can wait a couple of more hours. But I swear to get them out of your hair soon. Any particular reason why you’re calling this late at night with these crazy requests?”

“A few months back I had a dream, where you were part of our family. Part of me. And I was part of you,” I confess. “Tonight it was so real. Maybe it is time to allow myself to reach for it, to allow myself things I thought . . .”