Undefeated (Unexpected Book 5) (38 page)

P
orter’s family is a force to be reckoned with. One moment they storm into my house and the next, they’re dragging me out with my stuff and taking me to some secret house in Malibu. When we arrived, the house was silent. Thea showed me to my room. The kids are sharing a room, but Harper doesn’t mind because there’s a pool in the house. Porter’s parents treated me like their daughter from the moment I stepped in here. Everyone has been wonderful to us, as if we are part of the family. After settling down, and Porter telling me he’d take care of the bedtime story, I decided to walk down to the beach.

“How are you feeling?” AJ sits on the sand next to me.

“Better,” I respond, staring at the ocean. “Maybe I should’ve stayed at home, instead of coming here to relax.”

She shakes her head. “This is much better than murky Oregon. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I grew up and where I live. But coming here to enjoy the sun, the sand, and the sea helps a lot.”

I nod because I do enjoy the ocean. The two times I’ve visited my parents, going to the beach is one of the things I did first. “Thank you, for opening your home and helping me.”

“The house is Thea’s, and we’re happy to help,” she responds. “I heard Finn. He said Porter’s name several times. That’s a huge step. I’d love to introduce you to my team; I think they can do a lot of great things to help your kiddo.”

“Thank you,” I tell her, not wanting to discuss the subject. At least not after the day I had.

“Found them,” I hear a voice, looking over my shoulder I see Thea walking toward us with another woman. “Mac, how are you feeling?”

“Better, still shaky. Finn’s disappearance is the scariest moment of my life by far.”

“I’m glad you’re better.” She gives my shoulder a slight squeeze. “Mac, this is Pria Decker, our other sister. Jacob’s wife. Pria, meet Mac. She has a couple of adorable kids.”

“Hi, Pria.” I shake her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, Mackenzie.” She takes a seat and looks around. “Finally some peace.”

“Where’s everyone,” AJ asks.

“Let see, Mason is taking care of your kids. Jacob is with his twins. Though Gabe and Chris are helping him. Piper is asleep.” Thea lifts the baby monitor in her hand. “Matt and Tristan went to check on a couple of our bars.” Thea releases a laugh. “Tristan has a thing for having sex at his bars. They invited me but I’m exhausted.”

I look around, making sure I’m not the only one hearing that she’s talking about her husband Matt planning to have sex with another man

“TMI, Thea,” AJ complains. “Matt is my brother. Knowing when, how and where he’s having sex is disgusting.”

“I’ll remind you of the same the next time you mention sex with
my
brother.”

By now, I’m so confused I have to ask them to stop. “Is your brother Tristan or Mason?” I ask Thea.

“Mason is my brother, Tristan is my husband,” she explains. And then adds to it. “Tristan and Matt . . . and I together. A couple—triad.”

My mind goes into shock. The behavior of the other guy, Tristan, now makes sense. He held onto Matthew and Thea when they arrived. Then the three of them disappeared for a little while.

“But that’s impossible,” I say out loud. “You can’t love two men at the same time.”

She smiles at me and bobs her head. “Yes, I can and I do. Just as they love each other. It’s beautiful to see them together. The two of them love me so much I feel cherished every second of my life. It’s all about love, not rules.”

I shake my head wondering if that’s true. Could something like that apply to someone like me?

“I don’t think I could love anyone other than Leo,” I spit, but the words don’t feel accurate. “We made promises, plans. How can I move on? I’m not sure if it’s fair for him. Or if I can be whole again.”

“Losing your loved one isn’t something you get over with,” Pria says. “More like you learn to live with their absence and move into a place where you can find happiness. It’s a process; finding the new place is difficult. But once you reach it, you find you survived. There are cuts and a few bruises, but you made it—undefeated.”

I’m not sure if I’ve learned to live without him, but I have survived. So far I’m still standing. Maybe she’s right. Things might not be as bad as I think they are. Certainly they aren’t as bad as they were when Leo died.

“It’s getting late,” Pria says, squeezing my hand. “Tomorrow is a long day, try to get some rest.”

“Mackenzie, you’re not alone,” Thea reassures me. “You have this family to give you a hand. We’re noisy and nosy, but loving.”

“One call and we’ll come to the rescue,” AJ adds.

“Our house is always open, and we can do so much for you in Seattle,” Pria concludes. The three nod, while smiling. “Are you coming with us?”

“I’d like to stay a little longer.” I touch my temple. “Thank you, for everything.”

They make their way away from the beach, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

“Hey,” I hear his voice before he sits next to me.

“Are they asleep?”

“Yes, they finally settled down,” Porter confirms. Earlier, Harper begged him to help her with her nightly routine. Finn didn’t ask for much. However, he wouldn’t let go of Porter at all. “Harper mentioned a father-daughter dance.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Nothing,” Porter responds. “There’s not much I can say until you and I can move forward, Mac. I want to offer so many things, but not until you’re ready. I wish I could offer you more than my patience and love. I have this dream where you let me into your life and we build one of our own. I love you and your children and you mean everything to me.”

I gulp, because as he speaks, I can imagine his dream. “Part of my dream died years ago. Replacing him sounds wrong; the guilt stops me from enjoying life.” I tilt my head and our eyes connect. “It’s hard, but. . . .”
I want to work on it.
The words don’t make it out, because even when my heart feels them, I don’t feel they are strong enough to voice them out—yet.

“I understand, and I’m not asking you to replace him,” he adds. “I love the three of you so much. And there’s no way I’ll love you the way Leo did. But I’ll love you the best way I can if you give us a chance. You have a big heart and I know there’s enough space for me.”

“I’ve missed you,” I say, looking at the ocean. “Thank you for coming so fast, for finding Finn.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for. I love Finn. As I searched for him, I kept thinking about James, I never met him, yet I still love him. That love I have for him is similar to the one I have for Finn and Harp. Even though I know they have their own father, I’d work hard to be a father figure to them. Not to replace him, but more like make sure they grow up with someone who loves them.”

“Porter,” I sigh because tonight he’s saying the right things, but I’m not ready to say much back.

“I love you, Mac, and you can’t change that,” he explains. “Your smile that comes out so naturally no matter how shitty the circumstances. Your inquisitive mind, the love you have for your children. You don’t give yourself enough credit for all you do.” He sighs touching my hand. “I wish you’d give yourself a chance to feel again, to live instead of guarding your heart. Will I leave you?” He shrugs. “I can’t promise that I won’t, because I don’t know how long I’ll live, but no one has a crystal ball and knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, or in five minutes. I’m asking you to give me those five minutes.”

H
ow many times can a person hit the restart button?

Is there a limit?

I don’t know, but after the almost week I spent with the Decker family, I want to do that. Give myself another chance. Find a happy place; make sure my children feel like we’re a family. Not just three people sharing a last name with the only goal of survival. Families share everything, the good, the bad, the happy, and the sad.

Moving to Seattle offers more than a team of therapists for Finn. It includes friends. Friends, who in a week, taught me that life is better when you have someone to lean on. That if I let myself share some of the weight I carry, it’s easier to manage. My children fell in love with the entire family. By the end of our time together, they were calling the grandparents by their nicknames. Even Thea’s father welcomed them both and let them call him Papa Arthur.

For those many reasons and more that I may not have thought about yet, I want to try living in Seattle. This won’t be an easy move, but it’ll be worth it. I’ve been weighing the pros and cons for the past month. Harper worries me, as she’ll have to start a new school. She’s going to be the new girl again, but we can face that together. We’ll find a good support for the two of us. My goal is to find some common ground and find a way for us to relate. When I ran my idea by her, she was ecstatic. Seeing Papa Gabe and Chris was her second thought, her first was Porter. She’d be closer to him. We’ll be closer to him. Only I have no idea what the best area is to search for an apartment in Seattle. Schools . . . taking a nice sip of coffee and a deep breath, I decide to call AJ. She lives there and has an academy too.

Asking for a little help is a good way to start.

“Hi, you reached the voicemail of AJ Bradley-Decker. You know what to do.”