Unavoidable (24 page)
Authors: Yara Greathouse
I have so many emotions coursing through my body and way too many thoughts in my head.
“Brianna, I need a little time to process this. I am conflicted inside. I don’t know
what to think anymore.”
“Colton, I am sorry I didn’t tell you about Jesse sooner, but I really was trying
to protect you. The less you knew, the better. I was right about one thing – that
you would look at me differently, I no longer see the pride in your eyes that used
to be there before tonight. I see doubt. Maybe I see rejection, too. But I understand
that a tainted woman will give you no pride. No joy.”
I want to go to her and hug her, kiss her but she keeps moving away from me. I can
see her putting walls between us. Fuck! What can I do?
“I am not rejecting you Brianna, I have feelings for you, dammit!
I love you
! I have been waiting for the perfect time to tell you… Can’t you see that the reason
that I am looking at you this way is because I am hurting so badly for you, that I
just don’t know what to do? I love you Brianna. I loved you yesterday, I love you
today and I will still love you tomorrow! I-love-you.”
“It does not make sense. You say you love me but yet you tell me you need time to
process. You are contradicting yourself and it is so frustrating. My question to you,
Colton, is this:
Do you love me enough
? Do you? Do you love me enough to let this knowledge go so that we can move past
it? I
need
you to love me enough, Colton, please. Because I love you, Colton. I have never felt
like this before. It is overwhelming. It is consuming. It is crazy because now you
are my priority. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I will protect you. I will
make sure to end this with Jesse as soon as possible so that we can get back to where
we were. I want to go back to the days when we didn’t have a black cloud following
us. So I am asking you, do you love me enough to allow me to take care of this? Is
it enough?
“Don’t you see that is part of the problem? You should not be taking care of me!
I should be taking care of you or at the very least we should be taking care of the
situation together. But it is impossible. My girlfriend is fucking Wonder Woman, and
she kicks ass while I just hide behind a truck and feel completely inadequate – like
a fucking coward. Then, after weeks and weeks of me ignoring your past – at your request
because you could not confide in me – it explodes right in front of my face! The woman
I love was forced into prostitution! She was abused numerous times by a bunch of sick
fucks! That shit is not supposed to happen. And now every time I think about us being
intimate, I can’t help but wonder if you were the same with one of those guys! And
the lap dance you gave me – is that part of your repertoire?”
I didn’t even see the slap coming. I deserve it. I am an asshole, but I am hurting.
I love this woman and I may lose her. I need her to get the cops involved and to let
those men be. Do I love her enough to let her do what she feels she needs to do?
“You are acting like such a dickhead, Colton!”
“I am trying to stop you from doing something stupid! What makes you think that you
can take care of a bunch of mobsters all by yourself? I think the better question
here is do you love yourself enough to step away from the situation?”
“I can’t step away. They will always come after me. Always.”
“I cannot just sit here and let you lead yourself into a death sentence. I don’t…
I can’t be a part of that. Stop the insanity, Brianna, call the cops and let them
handle it.”
“No. Not going do it. I am putting an end to this war waged against me. I may not
love
me
enough, but I am doing this for you. I am doing this for our friends. I do love you
enough to do what is necessary.”
“Brianna, I need air. I need to think. We just keep going round and round and we are
so into our own heads that we are not listening to one another.”
I get close to her and grab her hands. “Let it go, please.” I cup her face and search
her features, wishing I could see the dimple that I love so much. There is no dimple.
Looking into her eyes, I try to convey the love I feel for her. I believe it is enough.
I am afraid for her. I am afraid that those sick bastards are going to take her away
from me. I move closer and our lips touch. It is a sweet, tender kiss. I love the
way she tastes, her passion and conviction. My mouth and body crave her all the time.
I want more, but it is not the time or the place. I have to figure all this out. I
slowly force myself pull away and it is so painful I can actually feel it everywhere.
“I love you, Brianna, but I need an answer. Do you love me enough to let this quest
go?” I bite my bottom lip because the pain keeps me in the reality of this moment.
This is not a movie, this is not a dream.
Her silence was piercing my ears. It was the loudest nothing I had ever heard. It
went on for what it felt like centuries, but I am sure it was only seconds. Then I
let go of her hands and I did the one thing I had promised her I would never do –
I walked away.
Brianna
I cannot answer his question. Now that he has thrown the question back to me, I understand
why he cannot answer it as well. We are both too conflicted, in different ways, but
conflicted nonetheless.
I close my eyes and stay still. Maybe it is all a bad dream. Maybe when I open my
eyes he will still be here, and the steps that I hear – strong at first, but slowly
fading away – are just a product of my imagination.
The moment I hear the door slam behind me, I am aware of my current reality. He is
gone. Please love me enough, Colton, enough to come back to me.
I take a few steps back and suddenly stop when I hit the wall. My body slides down
slowly to the cold floor. I feel a huge knot in my throat, so tight that I can barely
breathe.
What have I done!?
I feel I am suffocating and I know a breakdown is coming. I take a deep breath. In
through the nose, hold it a few seconds, out through the mouth. Again and again. I
was calming myself when one lonely tear brimmed and fought to come loose. I allow
that lonely tear to fall. One lonely tear that indicates exactly the state of my life
at the moment – alone. Just like the tear falling, it only takes a second for me to
fall into the abyss of despair and like a domino effect, I let the rain fall down
on me.
It could have been seconds, minutes, or it could have been hours. I am not sure. Still
on the floor, frozen like a concrete statue, I hear steps coming closer. Ciara has
found me.
“Brianna! Oh my God! What is wrong? What happened?” She turns me around and checks
my pulse. I am sure it is very slow now. The storm has passed. I take a deep breath
and make myself move, only to speak when I am finally sitting up.
“Colton is gone.” I say, it’s matter of fact.
“What do you mean gone? I’m sure he is coming back. He adores you! You are being silly,
Brianna. Come on, get up and tell me what happened.”
I don’t move. I stay there closer to the floor, leaning my back on the wall, allowing
myself to be trapped in the moment. “He found me, Ciara.”
Her hand shoots up to cover the gasp that escapes her mouth. “The videos!”
She sits down on her knees right in front of me. I nod gently. We were actually eye
to eye, which is funny, if you think about it, because I am so much taller than her,
although right now I feel as small as a mouse.
“Yes. He sent a couple of men after me.”
“When? We were just out to dinner a few hours ago!” Ciara’s face is angry now.
“I saw them at the bar. I knew I was the one they were after. I am marked, forever
stained by my past.”
“What!? Why didn’t you tell me? What the hell is wrong with you? What happened?”
“I waited. My main priority was to protect you guys, so I didn’t say anything. I figured
I would have to face them, and I hoped that it would be after Colton was safe. I was
wrong. They came after me as soon as we left the restaurant. They did.”
“Are you hurt?” Her concern is obvious. Am I hurt? Fuck yes, but not the way she is
referring to. Physically, I am fine and dandy. Emotionally I am a wreck. I have got
to pull myself together and I’d better do it quickly.
“I am fine. I was able to disarm them and took care of them so they would not follow
me. I went to the storage unit and made a withdrawal. Colton was not happy about anything.
He was so mad at me Ciara! He was right to feel that way… I put everyone in danger
and I should not have. I should have stayed by myself – always – why was I so stupid
to think I could have a ‘normal’ life? My life has never been normal and it will never
be… So stupid…”
“You are most certainly not stupid. Stop saying that, I don’t want to hear it anymore!
What happened with Colton?”
“He came here with me and demanded to know everything, so I told him. I told him everything,
Ciara! I was feeling so guilty because I had put him in danger. I felt vulnerable.
It was hard for him to hear it. I guess it would be hard for anyone. He was in shock,
then he told me he loves me.”
“He loves you! Brianna, that is wonderful…”
“No, it is not. I asked him if he loved me enough to let me fight for my freedom,
for us. Then he asked me if I loved him enough to let this go and call the police.
Neither one of us could answer, so he left. He left me and when he crossed over the
threshold he took my heart with him.” Ciara looks at me with such sadness…
“Brianna, I don’t know what to say.”
“There is nothing to be said. It’s over. It was too much for him to handle. He said
he needed time to process. Unfortunately, I don’t have time. My time is up. I took
one of those men’s phone, and as soon as I look at the plan again, I will be calling
Jesse and we can put an end to all this. I will win or die trying. That fucking asshole
has taken everything away from me and now he is indirectly taking Colton, too. No
more. I need to handle this.”
The desire for vengeance, used wisely, can be a great motivator. I get up off the
floor, then extend my hand and help Ciara up.
“Now you need to go back to bed, I have some plans to review.”
“I need to review those as well, let me make some coffee and…”
“You are no longer my backup. I will not be needing you out there. If something happens
to you, I will never be able to forgive myself.” Ciara turns around and she is livid.
“Bullshit! I am going out there with you. There is no fucking way that I am going
to leave you alone with those men. All the plans we devise involve the two of us.
You are not leaving me behind! As a matter of fact, give me your keys, because I am
going to go get our gym bags so we can get ready when the time comes! Keys. Right.
Now.”
I don’t have the energy for another argument. There are better ways to handle this
situation. We go and get the gym bags, then Ciara makes coffee and we sit at the table
with all our papers and diagrams. It’s almost noon when we both decide we will rest
for a couple of hours, after that, it will be time to make a very important phone
call in order to set the plan in motion. Ciara sets the alarm on my phone and we go
to our rooms to rest.
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