Two Steps Back (18 page)

A dull ache throbbed in her
core, and Jaylah arched her back as Faraj slid a bra strap over her shoulder, pressing his lips against the indentation it left in her skin. She ran her fingers through his hair and slung her arms around his neck, content to let him do all the work. After all, she needed pleasing and Faraj seemed more than willing to oblige.

Fireworks exploded in Jaylah’s body when
he slipped a hand inside her bra and began squeezing one of her nipples.

“I never stopped thinking of you, Jaylah. Not once, love,” he
murmured between heavy breaths into her hair.

She
exhaled a moan and he took her sighs as confirmation she was ready for more. Faraj reached for her waistband and unbuckled her jeans. He slid his hand inside, brushing against her stomach to get to the space between her thighs. Jaylah flinched like she’d been burned by his touch and quickly pushed him away.

He
gaped at her, confused. “What is it?”

“I…I have to go,” she stut
tered, standing too quickly, her head swimming and dizzy. “I can’t do this.”

“I don’t understand
. Did I do something wrong?”

“No you d
idn’t.” She grabbed her blouse and picked up her bag. “It’s me. I…I’m…I can’t do this to him, Faraj.”

“Is this about the article?” he asked, watching her shimmy into her tunic. “
Fuck the article. I want you more than being in a magazine, Jaylah.”

Faraj tried to grab her hand, but she fled to the other room.

Jaylah bounced around the parlor like pinball, searching for her coat and apologizing for her hasty exodus. Faraj was sexy and available and sweet, but he wasn’t Johnny. And when his hand touched her belly she was reminded of where she needed to be—sorting out her relationship, not running blindly into Faraj’s arms looking for an escape.

She mumbled to herself as she put on her boots, wondering how she almost let it all slip through her hands.

“I was so close to…I can’t believe I almost…my God.”

Faraj trailed behind her trying to figure out what was going on. Jaylah
told herself she would explain it all later. She would send him an email or a letter, or maybe when she and Johnny were on solid footing, she would see him again. But at that moment all Jaylah knew was she needed to get out of there—fast.

She
found her coat and threw it over her shoulders, moving toward the stairs.

“Jaylah, p
lease don’t leave like this. I don’t know what happened, but we can—“

She cut him off. “Faraj, I’m so sorry. My head is all over the place and
I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry, I really am, but I need to go now.” Jaylah turned to head toward the exit. “I’ve got enough information for the article, so I’ll just write it up and send it to my editor. Please don’t call me, okay Faraj? I just need some ti—“

Jaylah missed the top step, too busy explaining and
hurrying and apologizing to notice how close she was to Faraj’s staircase.

When she realized she was going to fall, Jay
lah tried to grab the banister and steady herself, but it was too late. She tumbled to the floor, landing facedown with an audible thud.

Faraj rushed
to her side, alarmed by the trickle of blood coming from her head.

“Jaylah?” he
called gently while she lay on the ground. “Jaylah can you hear me? Jaylah?” When Faraj noticed she wasn’t moving he raced upstairs to call an ambulance.

Jaylah could hear
him pacing in the living room above, voice raised and frantic giving the dispatcher his address.

Okay Jay, get up.
We need to get home. C’mon, get up…

Jaylah’s
head pounded, her wrists were sore from trying to break her fall, and her back felt like she was lying on a bed of scalding nails, every nerve burning and raw. Jaylah gathered her strength and struggled to her feet, still intent on and heading home. But after taking a step, she collapsed on the steps, overcome by an excruciating spasm.

“Jaylah?”
Faraj ran down and sat next to her. “Don’t move. The ambulance service is on the way, okay? Don’t try to move. Everything will be fine, yeah?”

Faraj
used his shirt to wipe blood off her forehead just as another stabbing pain reverberated from her back and across her belly. She doubled over, instinctively cradling her stomach hoping to protect her baby.

“Oh my God….oh my God…my baby…” Jaylah
mouthed over and over again, afraid of what the fall might have done to her child. “Please God. Please, please, please.”

Jaylah tried not to
get hysterical, but as she sat hunched against the wall in anguish, she could no longer hold back her tears. She cried for the pain winding its way through her body; she cried because she was terrified of losing the baby; and she cried because the one person she wanted and needed most was not the man sitting next to her.

Twenty-Three

Jaylah drifted in and out of consciousness while she lay in bed at King’s College Hospital, catching bits and pieces of the conversation going on around her. The last thing she remembered was being strapped to a gurney and zipping through the halls on the way to an observation room. The pain shooting through her body had caused her to pass out, and when she came to, they were loading her into a MRI machine.

Snatches of memori
es floated through her head. Running out of Johnny’s office, kissing Faraj, the fall, the ambulance ride, the look on his face when she told him not to accompany her to the hospital.

“I can’t let you go alone,”
Faraj had said, stroking her hand. He’d jumped in the back of the coach before they were about to pull off, but Jaylah stopped them from whisking him along for the ride.

“I won’t be alone,” she struggled to say, as
they hooked her up to the monitors. “They’ll call Johnny…my fiancé. He’ll take care of me. It’s going to be fine, okay, Faraj? I’m sorry…about everything.”

Faraj had slunk away like a rejected puppy, but Jaylah knew it was best.
Though she didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, she and Johnny had enough drama to resolve without adding her afternoon in his flat to the mix.

Jaylah opened her eyes and saw Johnny sitting in a chair next to her bed, praying. His clothes were disheveled, his eyes were shut tight, and she could hear him begging God for her safety. She watched him wipe away a few escaped tears
from his cheeks, and her heart broke.

Jaylah
wanted their relationship to survive both their indiscretions, but his seemed far too big to ignore.

After searching for every possible reason not to have the baby, not to remain tied to
the man she feared would be her undoing because she loved him just that much, Jaylah would’ve been gutted if she lost him or their little one now.

She gasped.

The baby…

Jaylah’s
hands flew to her tiny bump, hoping it provided enough cushion during her tumble down the stairs. Because she was obsessed with surfing baby blogs and forums, Jaylah had read countless stories of women tripping on patches of ice or getting into minor car accidents and losing their babies. So, she was terrified that her belly flop down more than a dozen stairs spelled utter disaster for little Nemo.

She began
bargaining with God to let her baby arrive safely.

“God, I know I don’t talk to you enough, but this isn’t about me,” she said quietly. “This child
deserves
to be loved the way we can love it. And I know I’ve been stubborn…about all of it…but please, God, please, let my baby make it into the world.” Her voice cracked, “Please…”

Johnny’s eyes
shot open and he sprang to his feet at the sound of her sobbing.

“Jaylah? What is it? Need me to get the doctor?”

He was halfway to the door when she stopped him, yelling his name. He returned to her side and gently caressed her hand.

“Are you alright, Jay?”

She nodded. “I’m okay.” Jaylah tried to sit up, to prove she was fine, but a sharp pain pierced her back, causing her to yelp.

“Don’t move, bab
es. You bruised your tailbone in the fall. You have to stay still.”

She grimace
d until the sharp jab subsided.

“When can I get up and move around?”

“Later today if you’re feeling up to it, but you’ll have to take it very slow. The doctor said for the next two days we’ve got to ice you down and keep you as comfortable as possible.” 

Later today?

Jaylah glanced out the window and saw the sun peeking through the clouds. She had been rushed to the hospital in the late afternoon, how could it possibly still be daylight?

“What time is it?”
she asked, trying to get her bearings straight.

“Just after seven.”

“In the morning?”

“Yes. You’ve been here since yesterday.”

Jaylah looked at Johnny’s wrinkled shirt, its sleeves were rolled up past his elbows and it was open at the neck.

“So have you?”

“I came as soon as they called and I’m not leaving here without you.”

Tears
flooded her eyes; Johnny’s commitment was astounding, and for the first time Jaylah wondered if she deserved it. She was so close to throwing away everything they had because seeing Fiona made her doubt herself, and them.

But there was no denying Johnny loved her and w
as hell bent on staying by Jaylah’s side, even when she tried her hardest to run away.

Jaylah
noticed her left wrist was bandaged and she held it up to Johnny.

“Sprained.” He released a thick sigh and rubbed his eyes. “Thankfully nothing
is broken.”

“And…
” Jaylah was afraid to ask about Nemo, too scared Johnny would tell her they’d lost their child because she had been so careless. “…the baby?”

Johnny smiled for the first time. “He’s perfectly fine.”

“He?” Jaylah asked, the news of their baby’s gender catching her by surprise.

“
Yeah, we’re having a boy!”

He kissed her forehead and she beamed. “More Pokus to carry on the bloodline, eh?”

Johnny laughed, the tension seeming to melt from his shoulders, which were back to being proud and upright just like Jaylah liked them.

He pounded his chest.
“Damn straight.”

They we
re quiet for several minutes, the news of their baby’s safety giving them both something to be thankful for. Jaylah put her hand to her belly and Johnny covered it with his.

He met her eyes. “You didn’t
try to…”

“No, it was an accident. I wouldn’t dare do something like this on purpose.
I may be a little crazy and hormonal, but I haven’t lost my mind.”

Johnny
exhaled. “I’m sorry, babes. When you ran out the office and wouldn’t answer your phone I didn’t know what to think.”

“I should be the one apologizing. After I saw Fiona
, and her belly, I was thrown for a loop. Look, whatever happened—“

“It’
s not my child, Jaylah.”

“What?”

“
You ran out before I could explain. Fiona’s baby isn’t mine, Jay.”

She searched his
eyes for a flinch, or an averted gaze, or a tell, but found none. Even if Johnny wasn’t lying, there could still be a chance, right? Jaylah was afraid to get her hopes up.

“How can you be sure? The timing—“

“Doesn’t fit. At all,” he assured her.

“But you guys were still—“

He cut her off again. “We weren’t.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.“ He kissed her lips, but Jaylah couldn’t just let it go.

“But does she think you are? Is that why she was at your office?” Jaylah wanted
, no needed,
all
the answers; she couldn’t abide any more secrets between them. “I can’t have her popping up again, Johnny. We’ve been through so much already, I don’t want anything else coming between us.”

“I know, babes. But no
, that’s not why she was there. She doesn’t want to keep the house. She wants to sell it and move to another flat. She just wanted to be sure she could keep the profits from the transaction.”

“And you don’t mind?”

“Why should I? We don’t need it.” He kissed the back of Jaylah’s hand. “But as far as the baby goes, turns out she met some Scottish bloke during holiday and well, ” he shrugged, “before we even consummated our relationship they were already having a fling.”

Jaylah gasped. “You mean…
she cheated on
you?
I’m not a home wrecker?”

“
You were
never
a home wrecker, Jaylah, I told you that.”

“I’
ve been wracking my brain and blaming myself for breaking up your marriage and getting pregnant and all this time…” her voice trailed off.

Jaylah thought back over all
the months she wasted feeling guilty about loving Johnny and trying to purposely push him away in the hopes he’d go careening back to his wife and her karma wouldn’t be fucked up forever. It was true, she loved him fiercely, but Jaylah hated herself for ruining Fiona’s happy home.

“Wow, all this time…”

Jaylah couldn’t believe she’d ever considered walking away from Johnny, from being loved so completely she barely knew how to handle it. He made her feel safe and cared for and beautiful. And Jaylah knew he would stand by her through good times and bad, slaying any dragon that dared to rear its ugly head.

The way Johnny loved her felt overwhelming and magnificent all at once, and sometimes, Jayla
h wondered if he could say the same.

“
Babe? I went to your office because I wanted to tell you something.”

He pushed the hair away from her face and sat on the
edge of her bed.

“What’s that?”

“These past few weeks things have been...not so good.”

He kissed her forehead. “I know, my ego got the better of me, babes. But I understand
why you want to wait to get married, and after yesterday, that’s not even the most important thing anymore. I just want to make sure you and our son are fine.”

“Me too, w
hich is why I think we should start looking for a house.”

Johnny’s eyes lit up and a huge smile crossed his face. “Are you sure?”

“We’re a family, right?”

He
nodded.

“So,
our family needs a home. And another thing…” Jaylah kissed his chin, loving the feel of stubble against her lips. “Every decision that needs to be made from now on, we’ll make it together, okay?”

“
Looks like you should’ve bumped your head sooner,” he said, chuckling. “But seriously, where is this coming from?”

“
You were right, Johnny. I
was
holding all the cards. But if things are going to work between us, I can’t make all the rules. We have to create them together.”

Johnny nuzzled her nose, then planted a
tender kiss on her lips. Jaylah was tired of fighting what felt natural; she loved Johnny and she was sick of trying to justify how, or why, it all happened so quickly. From this moment on, she promised herself she was just going to enjoy it.

Jaylah
pulled Johnny closer, parting his mouth with her tongue before planting warm kisses all over face and neck.

“Oh this is just bloody sick!” a voice said from the doorway. Jaylah and Johnny looked up to find Jourdan standing in the threshold
pretending to gag. “Glad to see you’re alive, sissy.”

Jourdan
walked to Jaylah’s bedside, kissed her friend on the cheek, and then waved at Johnny.

“So I’m guessing Nemo’
s fine? When Johnny told me what happened, I was so worried…” Jourdan’s eyes welled up.

Jaylah patted her
best friend’s hand. “Your nephew is perfectly fine, J. Swimming along as usual.”

“Nephew?
!” Jourdan shouted. “Ohmygod, Jay! We’re having a boy!”

Jourdan hugged her sister, and although she was still in pain, Jaylah was happy to be surrounded by two of her favorite people in the world. It had taken more than 28 years, but she
had finally found her tribe.

Flanked by her fiancé and her sister, Jaylah knew whatever happened next, whatever crazy twist that came her way, Johnny and Jourdan would be right there by her side.

Jaylah said a silent prayer of thanks for her family, because without them, she would have never discovered how wonderful her life could be.

“Oh bloody hell, Jay, you know what I realized?”

“What’s that?”

“
Nemo’s a boy!” Jourdan shook her head and chortled. “Just what the world needs, another dick!”