Two Steps Back (15 page)

Nineteen

Johnny’s alarm went off at seven a.m. and Jaylah instinctively rolled over and sat on the
edge of the bed. Although she worked from home, Jaylah didn’t want to fall into the seductive trap of lazing around the house for house before researching, writing, or brainstorming for her column. Because of this, when Johnny rose each morning to begin getting ready for work, she did as well.

“Come back to bed,” he mumbled. Still half-asleep, Johnny switched off the alarm and rolled over, pulling her back into his arms.

“You’re not feeling well?” she asked, confused that he wasn’t already in the bathroom turning on the shower. Johnny was meticulous about being on time. Every morning he was out the door by 7:45 so he could catch the 8:07 train and get to the office before nine.

In the mont
hs they’d been cohabiting he’d
never
slept in during the week, even on bank holidays. “
The rest of the world is at work, Jaylah, so I need to be too,”
he’d said the last time she thought he’d skip his alarm and stay in bed.

But today was different. Johnny
wrapped his arms around Jaylah and nuzzled her neck.

“I feel wonderful.”

She stretched out her hand and put it to his head to see if it was warm, just in case.

He
chuckled. “I’m fine, Jaylah. Seriously.”

“But you never sleep through the alarm, what’s up?”

“Taking the day off.”

“Taking the day off?”
It must have been the sleepiness talking, she figured. “You’ve never taken the day off.”

“I know. But between wrapping up that deal with the
Barbedos Group, and Fiona agreeing to our terms, I think I deserve a long weekend, innit.”

“Great!” S
he clapped, excited to have an extra pair of hands. “You can help me run a few errands. Let’s see, I have to go to the dry cleaners, pick up a few things from Boots, run to the…”

“No errands.” He kissed
her neck. “Let’s do something fun.”

“Fun?
On a workday?”

“I’m off
today, remember? No work.”

He moved a hand to her stomach, resting it there.

“Okay…let’s go to see that movie that just came out, what’s the name of it again…”

“No movies. Let’s do something we wouldn’t normally do. Like
you said, I rarely take the day off, so let’s make the most of it.”

“
What do you have in mind?” she asked, tracing his knuckles as his hand caressed her belly.

“
Well…” he hummed into her neck. “We can go away for the weekend.”

“
Away? Where?”

“Ever been to
Bordeaux?”

She turned to face him, eyes widening. “France?”

“Umm hmm,” he sang, stroking the side of her face.

“
I was supposed to go to Paris last year, but the trip fell through. I haven’t been to France yet, but I’ve been dreaming about it since forever.”

“Then we’re definitely going.”

Johnny kissed her nose, then got up and grabbed his MacBook. He flipped it open and began searching for flights to Bordeaux.

“We can’t go to France just like that.”

He gave her a quick glance and continued Googling flights. “Why not? Do you have to work this weekend?”

“No…
” Jaylah ran her calendar through her head, and then checked her phone just to be sure. “I don’t have to cover an event until Tuesday, but I was gonna to catch up on things around the house. My laundry is piling up, I haven’t done it in forever.”

“
Forget the laundry. We’re going away for the weekend.”

She looked at him in disbelief. “To France?”

“Umm hmm.”

While
Johnny scrolled through flight options on the British Airways website, Jaylah went into the bathroom to wash her face. By the time she started brushing her teeth, Johnny had booked their tickets.

“We leave at 10
, babes,” he said, grabbing his toothbrush and getting to work on his pearly whites.

“Tonight?”

He spit out the mint paste. “No, this morning.”

She looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “That’s in less than three hours. There’s no way we can pack and get to Heathrow by then.
You know it’s always a madhouse.”

“We’re leaving from
Gatwick. It’s only a half hour away, and we can certainlly make it if you just throw a few things in a bag.”

“
What if I forget something?”

Johnny
grabbed her around the waist and smacked his lips against her cheek.

“
We’ll buy it there, babes. They have stores, you know.”

Johnny turned on the shower, stripped off his clothes, and stepped inside. They were going to France.
Just like that
. Jaylah marveled at how quickly he’d made up his mind and bought the tickets. She and Johnny had always explored the city together, but their outings were usually confined to weekends, and big things—like going to the theater or taking in a concert—were always planned. Johnny was a lot of things, but spontaneous wasn’t typically one of them.

I can get used to this
, she thought.

Jaylah
pulled her t-shirt over her head and tossed it in the hamper before joining Johnny in the shower. His eyes doubled in size when he saw her.

Johnny
shook his head, a smirk inching across his lips.

“You’re going to make us late.”

She found his lips and pressed her breasts into his firm chest. “Not if you hurry up.”

* * *

Jaylah and Johnny strolled along the banks of the Garonne heading across the Pont de Pierre at dusk. They had taken the tram across the ancient stone bridge earlier in the afternoon, but as the sun streaked across the sky, retreating for the evening, she insisted they walk.

“Isn’t this just….” Jaylah’s voice trailed off, unable to articulate
exactly what she was experiencing. The dark river lapped at the foot of the bridge’s seventeen arches, one for each letter in Napoléon Bonaparte’s name, and antique lamps illuminated their path. The entire scene made Jaylah feel like she’d been transposed into the lines of a Victor Hugo poem.
Romantic
. The tableau was simply romantic.

They had arrived in the city just before noon and checked into the
Grand Hotel de Bordeaux, which reminded Jaylah of a palace with its ornate ceilings and luxurious décor.  A bottle of Château Les Ormes de Pez greeted them as they entered the junior suite.

“Let’s have a toast,”
she’d said, grabbing the bottle and searching for an opener.

Johnny cocked an eyebrow, but remained silent.

“What? We’re on vacation, remember? Besides, pregnant women have wine all the…”

He took the bottle and kissed her on the lips. “I know, babes.”

Johnny found the uncorker, popped the bottle, and then poured two glasses, before handing one to Jaylah. “Cheers.”

“You know, I could seriously get used to New Johnny.” She chuckled before taking a sip.

He grinned. “Me too.”

They had spent the balance of the afternoon r
oaming around the Golden Triangle, seeing the old city, buying macaroons, and popping into the crowded boutiques along Rue Sainte-Catherine so Jaylah could look for earrings. Even though it was winter Bordeaux was bright and mesmerizing, and Jaylah loved every minute of its old world charm.

“Think we should head back to the hotel?” Johnny asked, wrapping his arms around
Jaylah as the wind whooshed around the Pont de Pierre. She’d been gazing into the blackened river for several minutes, hypnotized by its ebb and flow. She hadn’t even noticed the sudden rush of cold air.

“In a minute.”

“Okay, I just don’t want you to get sick. It’s pretty nippy out here, yeah?”

She
relaxed into his embrace and leaned her head against his chest. “I’m fine, Johnny.”

“I know, b
abes.” He snuggled her further as they watched a group of boats chugging across the water. “Sometimes…” he spoke quietly as if he was thinking out loud, “I wonder if you need me at all.”

Jaylah turned to face him.
Did she hear him correctly? Was he joking? Had this new, spontaneous creature caused her lover to lose his mind?

“What did you say?”

She eyed him trying to find a reason for his words, but she came up empty. Even though Jaylah thought herself as somewhat of a feminist, she had never thrown her independence in Johnny’s face. She adored his chivalrous ways and would often wait while he opened doors for her and let him pick up the tab whenever they went out. But she refused to cave on the big stuff like quitting her job, or being a stay at home mom.

Truthfully,
though, Jaylah didn’t
need
Johnny in the practical sense of the word. She could take care of herself, and if their relationship went to shit, she would provide for the baby too. But even though she didn’t
need
him to survive she wanted him. Badly.

“Where did that come from?”

“Sometimes…” he shrugged, “I just wonder.”

Jaylah
stared up at Johnny for a long while trying to organize her words. She stroked his face, hoping her tenderness would temper what she was about to say.

“I don’t need your money, if t
hat’s what you mean. And yes, if you left me tomorrow I would be gutted. Like, completely and utterly devastated…”

“But…
”

“I wouldn’t die. Somehow, I would pick myself up and keep living. It would hurt, but I’d keep
going.”

He turned to
peer at the river.

“I would
n’t,” Johnny said just above a whisper.

“
Yes, you would.”

Jaylah laced her fingers through his and kissed the back of Johnny’s hand.

“Just because I don’t
need
you in that way doesn’t mean I don’t love you, and don’t want you with every fiber of my being.” She brought his face back to hers. “Because I do.”

Johnny studied her eyes and she hoped he came up with the right answers.

“You remind me of my mum, you know. Beautiful, smart, and
very
spirited.” He offered Jaylah a brief smile. “I just hope I’m not like my father.”

“What do you mean?”

Johnny took in a deep breath through his nose and blew it out of his mouth slowly.

“My father…
is a difficult man. Growing up my mum wanted to work. She went to uni to be a nurse, but when she married my father and had my older sister, he wanted her to stay home. And then my other sister and I were born, and my mum never had a chance to be a nurse.”

“What about when you guys got older? She could have worked then
, right?”

“You would think so, but my dad wouldn’t allow it. He was completely inflexible and she gave up her dream. I
kind of hated him for it.”

“Those were just the times
, Johnny. Back then, women stayed home while their husbands worked. Hell, my mother did the same thing. It was a different generation.”

Johnny nodded, bobbing his head quickly.

“I understand that, but I know my mum wanted more. I asked her once, ‘Mum what do you do all day when you’re alone and we’re at school?’ Do you know what she said?”

He waited for an answer;
Jaylah shook her head.

“Talk to the walls. Can you believe that?” he asked. “
She was so bored and lonely she’d talk to the walls. I hated my father after that. I hated him because he wouldn’t let her live her life, and because she loved him, like totally fucking loved him, she wouldn’t even dare.”

Johnny
glanced at her and Jaylah’s heart broke open at the site of his damp eyes. Before she could speak he continued talking.

“
I don’t want to be like him, Jaylah. He was so hard on me, you know. I’m his only son and nothing was ever good enough for him. When I got a B in university he’d ask why I hadn’t gotten an A. When I started my firm he asked why I wanted to jeopardize my career on such a frivolous dream. I made a million pounds and he told me it could have been more had I stayed with HSBC. Nothing was ever good enough for him.
Nothing
.”

Johnny gripped the railing of the
bridge and for a split second Jaylah thought he might just leap off, the look etched in his face seemed so full of pain. She circled her arms around his waist, pressed her head to his back, and listened.

“
I bought him that house in Ghana, you know. I hired the architect, had it built, and gave it to my parents as a gift. And now I’m not welcome?” Johnny threw his hands in the air and his voice soared. “Everything I’ve done in my life I did to please him. Go to uni, study finance, marry Fiona—it’s all been for
him
. And now that I’ve finally done something for me and he can’t handle it and
I’m
the one cut out?” Johnny turned to Jaylah and caressed her face. “No,
he’s
the one missing out, Jaylah. Him, not me. I have my own family now.”