Trust Me (25 page)

“We leave in two days though sis.” Noah informs me and though I am still happy I can’t help but feel my smile falter a little. Chad senses my stiffness and grips my chin in his palm seeing me and knowing that I fear them leaving.

“How long?” I ask and try to make myself seem less phased when inside I’m so freaked the fuck out.

“Eight days, it’s just the Washington tour.” Noah says with a shrug of his shoulders and makes his way to the kitchen and starts taking down shot glasses from the top shelf of what we dubbed the liquor shelf. He pulls down the Skyy Vodka and starts pouring five shots. He wants to celebrate and I understand why, I want to celebrate too. Noah is on a high right now and I can’t be a jerk, he deserves this dammit!

“Baby what’s got you freaked out?” Chad asks and I know he wants to celebrate with the boys and is holding back because of my obvious lack of excitement.

I shake my head no and bite my lower lip saying nothing I walk in the kitchen and slap on my smile and shoot the vodka before Noah has a chance to make a toast. “Damn girl!” Cal says and slams his shot back, Shame and Noah laughing and following suit. The doorbell rings right after the shot, “that’s Sassy, I called her and told her to meet me here.” Shamus said with a sneaky smile. “I haven’t told her yet.”

Chad walks in and watches me close, his earlier excitement now shelved as he eyes me. I wished like hell he would stop staring at me. He knew this was eating me alive, Noah would know too if he was paying attention. I hated this! Hated knowing that the fact they were leaving, for a tour they fucking earned a shot at, was dampened in my eyes because of my fucking insecurities. Well I wasn’t doing this! I wasn’t going to give Chad a reason to blow their dream just because I was scared of what a tour would do to us. My baby was a good looking man and he knew it. I understood that these women would never have the Chad that I have but it didn’t mean they wouldn’t try their hardest.

“I would like to make a toast!” I cheer and smile my mega watt smile and I see Chad watch me closely. “To my big brother, my man and my other two favorite boys!” I look at each of them individually, “Chad,” I say as I lean my arm out in reference for him to come to me. “You guys
deserve
this!” I speak with conviction because they do deserve this. Their music is amazing, vocally Chad is raspy and sexy and beautiful and his ability to sing and play guitar goes beyond the word talent. Chad was born to be a rockstar, he owned it that well. The rest of the guys and their instruments are perfect and in tune and they come together so well. The lyrics are deep and emotional without being ballads and every song tells a story and together it equals perfection.

We all cheer together and I pull Chad to me and kiss him hard, Cassa grabbing Shamus the same way. I put everything in that kiss. My fear, my desire, my love for him, I said it all in that kiss and I kept him close not wanting it to end. He was leaving me in two days and even though it wasn’t for long, this little tour would be enough to get them the recognition they deserved. All they needed was a break, they were that good. This was the break.

After catching a buzz and laughing in celebration with the guys Noah and Cal decided to make it a party, to spread the word that TAT was hitting the road with Sinners of the Slipstream. I didn’t know if Noah called Candy so I made sure I did. After the party got started I tried my best to avoid Chad knowing that within a few seconds of conversation with me he would see my apprehension and I wasn’t going to risk him walking away from an opportunity of this magnitude because I was scared.

I stepped outside and called Candy, waiting for her to answer I let my gaze fall on the bay. This was home and my dad couldn’t take from us what was rightfully ours. Noah fought hard for this life, blood, sweat and tears got us here and no way would I let Noah see my fear, not when he was so close to getting what he wanted most out of life.

I feared our dad knowing I would be staying behind and that terrified me. I had a gun though and my aim was spot on. I wouldn’t hesitate to kill our dad if he came looking for me and that thought only heightened my fear. No way would I let Brad Beckett have my fear. I almost didn’t hear Candy answer because of the rage my thoughts were in.

“Carrie you there?”

“Have you heard the big news?” I ask feeling like I’m walking on eggshells my nerves are that rickety right now.

She sniffed and I could tell she was crying. “Candy what’s the matter Chica?” I feel my heart squeeze when I see her face in my mind’s eye, crying over Noah and I just want to tell her it’s all going to be okay.

“Yeah it’s just been a ton to process you know?” I did know. I was constantly processing something or other when it came to Chad. I had yet to deal with heartache of this magnitude. The fact that I felt like I
would
deal with this level of heartache…it was alarming.

“Have you tried talking to Noah Candy?” I asked trying my best to stop thinking of all the bad shit that could go wrong between Chad and I, and focus on the bad shit that was going on between my big brother and the sister of my heart.

“Not since I left him the painting. He texts me but I can’t respond.” She is still sniffling and I hate knowing the strongest woman I know is this shattered inside.

“What do his texts say?” I sit on the bench and look out over the water thinking about the painting and the PS note she left at the bottom.

“Uh…shit really. ‘I miss you,’ or ‘please just meet me so we can talk.’ He told me he meant what he said about loving me and that he needed a second chance.” Her voice broke as she described the pleas and I could hear the confusion and desperation in her cry.

“Have you thought about talking to him?” I ask and I try to be careful and chose my words wisely because I can’t pit myself against either one. I love them both and I hurt for them both.

“How can you ask me that Carrie?” She wails but keeps going. “You and Chad might just be starting out and things aren’t physical yet but imagine giving all of yourself over to him, having him seduce you with promises and touches before destroying it all
after
he confessed his love.”

I realize that I haven’t spoken to Candy other than through text since she left the party after catching Noah. She had no clue how far I had fallen in this relationship with Chad. I had wanted to see her and tell her all of it in person, but the time seemed to be now and over the phone.

“Well…” I say biting my lip not sure how to say it and decided that blurting it out is best. Why I decide that is beyond me but I do it anyway. “Chad and I have been having sex. A lot of sex. That doesn’t mean that I know where you’re coming from as far as the betrayal but I know what it means to feel the man you love inside of you doing things that you could only ever let him do.”

“You guys had sex?” She asks me, the shock in her voice wasn’t unnoticed.

“Yes.”

“When?”

I told her about going to the Pier and his confession and my freak-out after we had sex. I then quickly told her about coming home to Noah and seeing the painting and the talk we had. “He told me he loved you that night. He said he knew it was a shit move what he did and he is terrified that you will never talk to him again.”

“I can’t believe you have been having sex and haven’t told me.” She was obviously still hung up on the fact of Chad and I doing the deed and completely bypassed my telling her about Noah loving her. She sounded hurt by my confession and I wanted to explain.

“I had talked to Noah and I knew that you were dealing with some heavy stuff and I didn’t want to unleash my news and my happiness and my fears on you while you were trying to cope with all the Noah bullshit.”

“Carrie I need to know these things no matter what. Just because I have some shit going on it doesn’t mean I don’t care about your stuff, especially when it involves Chad Blake. This drama with Noah has been brewing for two years now and I knew it would end one of two ways: good or bad. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be there for you when big life altering moments happen. You can’t always be the one in the background smiling and being polite. You had sex Carrie. With Chad fucking Blake, the guy you have been crushing on since the day you met him and that is worthy of some serious girl time and chit chat.”

I loved this girl so much. It was times like these that shined through showing me why Candy was such a good person. “I know I should have called you and I’m sorry if I hurt you by not coming clean sooner. I honestly just wanted to be there for you Candy.”

“You are always there for me Carrie and I am always here for you no matter what the situation calls for we are always there for each other. Was that why you called? You asked if I had heard yet?”

My thoughts came rushing back, the fear momentarily forgotten, was back once again and pressing down on me. “No that wasn’t it. I was however going to beg you to wave a white flag for the night and come over to celebrate. Thick as Thieves were picked to do a Washington state tour for eight days with Sinners of the Slipstream and we are throwing an impromptu party. I know this thing with you and Noah is twisted and painful, but I need you here celebrating Chad’s success with me.” I was totally laying it on thick with my use of the word need but after her speech on ‘Besties 101’ I figured I had it in the bag.

“They got invited to play with Sinners?” She asked, her voice full of awe and wonderment. Sinners of the Slipstream were the biggest alternative rock band to come out since
Nickleback
,
Three Doors Down
,
Buckcherry
or
Rise Against
came on the scene. The Sinners asking our boys to join the tour in their hometown was a huge break.

“Yeah they leave in two days.” I think to try my luck at pulling her heart strings. “I think that you should talk to Noah and say your piece, tell him how much he hurt you and make him gravel and worry while he’s off being semi-famous for those eight days.”

“Carrie, we both know Noah and he doesn’t gravel or pine for girls. They fall at his feet when he does nothing more than smile at them. I’m positive that he will be well taken care of on the tour.”

“So then come and settle on old fashioned jealousy. Make him pant and keep him on his toes. I really think that if he thought he had an ice cubes shot in hell at getting you back to him he would pass up every chick that looked his way. He’s messed up emotionally for sure but he’s not a pig.”

She scoffs, “Carrie I’m not a random girl that won’t leave so stop playing the ‘it’s not you it’s him’ card to me. I know your job as his wingman and frankly I’m insulted you would try it on me.”

I
had
been his wingman for so long that it was easy to say the words without thought or consequence, the difference was, this time, I meant them. “I’m not, and I would never play on your emotions for Noah’s sake. Anyone
but
you Candy so frankly I’m offended by your assumption. I won’t make excuses for him Candy. What he did was wrong on a million different levels but it doesn’t mean he’s not sorry and fully aware of how bad he fucked up. That is worth something Candy, he knows what he’s in jeopardy of losing if he hasn’t lost it already.”

She is silent for so long I fear she hung up on me. “Cans?”

“I’m here.”

“You okay chica?”

“I’m scared to see him Carrie. I want to see him so bad and that terrifies me because I know I’ll let him back in.”

I felt the weight of her admission and wanted to sigh in relief. “Then maybe that’s what you need to do.”

“Would you be so forgiving?” She asks me coldly and the question stops my heart.

I don’t want to think of Chad touching another woman, the thought makes me literally ill and I know that I would never be able to forgive him if he did that, especially if I witnessed it. Chad says he loves me and Noah told Candy the same thing… I feel as though love should have made the decision to walk away all the more easy. I can’t lie to her and I know I’m about to assist in breaking my brothers very fragile heart.

“No Candy, I don’t think I would.”

I hear her gasp at my answer and I know she was wishing that I would have lied to her because the truth is so ugly. “I’ll come to the party Cares but just to congratulate the band and to visit with you.”

That was her telling me to keep her away from Noah at all costs without involving me directly. “Okay. We can go out to the boathouse and have some girl time. By the time you get here I’ll be beyond annoyed by all the drunks.”

We hung up and I stood, making my way to the bay. Candy knew so much about Noah and she knew so little too. She didn’t know about the drugs, or the darkness inside of him. She didn’t know about our dad showing up at the tattoo shop. All of those things played intricate parts in his betraying her with another woman.

I couldn’t get her question from my mind though. Had it been Chad and I in this situation, would I truly be able to let him go…would I be able to forgive him? Fuck me, but I didn’t ever want to know. All of the talk of tours and cheating had only raised my insecurities and managed to make me even more self conscious.

I believed Chad when he spoke about loving me silently for so long, but like Noah, his heart was with me but yet he was sleeping his way through Washington’s supply of easy women. I had even found it sweet in my own fucked up way that he had been with women thinking of me and wishing for me. Looking at it from this new angle had me feeling less than because of it.

I felt arms encircle my waist and smelled his cologne
Acqua de Gio
mixed with the rockstar wearing it and my stomach fluttered into knots. His affect on me was almost deafening the way he became my focus. “What ya doin’ baby?” He asked me, his voice a soft whisper compared to the sound of the bay.

I placed my hands over his arms and leaned back against his chest feeling small in the best way. I leaned my head to the side, a silent offer of my neck. His lips were on me almost instantly and I loved how well Chad could read me. I groaned as his lips scorched a pattern to just below my ear. I couldn’t contain the groan of pleasure as I shivered loving how he effected me. “I just got off the phone with Candy.”